J
JessHav
Guest
First of all, I am a devout Catholic in step with the teachings of the Church 100%. I read scripture, teach at a Catholic school, go to mass, pray often, etc. I try so hard to follow God’s teachings and I hate to disappoint Him, but especially in this way.
But I really want to have a firm devotion to our Blessed Mother and seek her aid and protection. In my head, I rationalize why we pray to her. I get it. I know that we are not worshipping her, and I pray to her often. However, whenever I read a book describing her virtues and devotion to her, my gut instinct constantly doubts her true humility, assistance and necessity of prayer to her and I see it as a sign of spiritual sickness, like something is blocking my heart from being near to her.
For example, I am now reading “True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin” and often it will say that she truly hid herself so that the world would not worship her, but God has revealed her true beauty. Before I can help it, my mind goes, “oh yeah, right, they only don’t mention her because she didn’t do much worth mentioning.” I stop myself and rationalize in my head why that is not true, but it’s like my heart doesn’t get it. It makes me sick and I feel like I am denying my sweet mother, who truly deserves praise. It’s almost like a Protestant rhetoric, (meaning I am bypassing our Lord and Savior,) has lodged itself in my head and therefore I am unable to give Mary the praise she deserves.
I say the words, but it is so hard to “feel” that devotion, love, and gratitude, but in the end, it’s just so hard and deep down, I think my spirit has grown haughty that I have a good relationship with God now and so I don’t “need her.” I’m ashamed just writing this!
Any tips? Please pray for me that I may cultivate a deep devotion that I truly desire to have in order to grow closer to God. My spirit is willing, but truly my cultural bias refuses to step aside.
Help!
(BTW, I almost became Lutheran about 4 years ago and I truly feel that some of this animosity may have been because I let myself “let” Luther’s thoughts into my head.)
But I really want to have a firm devotion to our Blessed Mother and seek her aid and protection. In my head, I rationalize why we pray to her. I get it. I know that we are not worshipping her, and I pray to her often. However, whenever I read a book describing her virtues and devotion to her, my gut instinct constantly doubts her true humility, assistance and necessity of prayer to her and I see it as a sign of spiritual sickness, like something is blocking my heart from being near to her.
For example, I am now reading “True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin” and often it will say that she truly hid herself so that the world would not worship her, but God has revealed her true beauty. Before I can help it, my mind goes, “oh yeah, right, they only don’t mention her because she didn’t do much worth mentioning.” I stop myself and rationalize in my head why that is not true, but it’s like my heart doesn’t get it. It makes me sick and I feel like I am denying my sweet mother, who truly deserves praise. It’s almost like a Protestant rhetoric, (meaning I am bypassing our Lord and Savior,) has lodged itself in my head and therefore I am unable to give Mary the praise she deserves.
Any tips? Please pray for me that I may cultivate a deep devotion that I truly desire to have in order to grow closer to God. My spirit is willing, but truly my cultural bias refuses to step aside.
Help!
(BTW, I almost became Lutheran about 4 years ago and I truly feel that some of this animosity may have been because I let myself “let” Luther’s thoughts into my head.)