My heart is struggling with this and I need perspective; can you help?

[stcecilia711]

Hello,

I have been living with my boyfriend for what will be 1 year next month. We have been together 3 years and have been friends and in eachothers lives on a daily basis since I was 16. I am now 23 and he is 26. When we first moved in together I really didn't believe that we were doing anything wrong. It was before I officially became Catholic or was even attending church regularly. However, the longer I am in the faith the more I am wanting to marry him...and yes marry HIM, not just get married, I love him with all my heart. 

However, I have told him this and he says he just isn't ready yet...he has told me that he thinks everything will change when we get married (this is not my belief) and tells me horror stories about his friends and co workers getting divorced to which I say well that's not us. We do argue a lot but it is usually over 2 things, not spending enough time together and the marriage issue, because of that he says he needs more stability. However, I am not one to not fight for what I believe in. So it is very hard for me to keep quiet about issues that mean so much to me.

He got me a promise ring which he said shows that he loves me and is committed to our relationship, but that's what an engagement ring is in my opinion. When we made the decision to live together he had told me it was getting to be about that time for marriage. Now, it is over a year later and he says he sees marriage in 2-3 years. I however, don't want to wait 2 years for him to push it back another 2 if what he is really trying to tell me is i'm not who he wants. 

I am not sure what to do anymore. I love him and from the day I met him had that "this is it" feeling, even dating other ppl in college he was just it for me. He is also Catholic but apparently sees no problem in how we are living. He is actually the one responsible for me returning to the Church. I just really don't know what to do. We have made a beautiful home together and what is the beginning of a beautiful life, but I do not want to live in the wrong if it will never be made right. I want kids and a family of my own...the right way.

What do I do?

thank you, and sorry this was so long!

 

[Fr.Vincent_Serpa]

Hi,
It is time for you to wake up. So many young women are quite naïve about what young men want when they say that they love the women but want to live together before getting married. They are getting the sex they want without committing. The women assume that the men are looking for the same emotional bonding that they are looking for. Not so. If you are living in the state of mortal sin, you do NOT have a beautiful home together! This guy is bad news!. I know this—not by what he says, but by what he is choosing to do. It’s time for you to wake up and put God first in your life. If he really loved you, you would be married already. Read the following and then decide what you are going to do:

Reflection on the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ +

The agony in the garden was really the agony in His mind which resulted in His sweating blood. He suffered the passion in His mind and in His body. Such mental and physical suffering actually intensified each other.

At the base of all His suffering was the one thing that human beings dread the most: rejection. He was betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter and abandoned by all the rest of His Apostles; those He had hand picked as His closest intimates. He was most rejected by those who put Him to death. They not only wanted Him dead, they wanted Him to suffer. They not only considered Him to be worth nothing, they considered Him to be worth minus nothing! This significance was not lost on Him. He felt fully the rejection as each physical agony reminded Him.

So we thank Him for joining us on our human journey and actually choosing to experience what we fear the most.

We thank Him for enduring the arrest and the cruelty of the guards and the Sanhedrin. We thank Him for enduring the cruelty of Pilate who allowed Him to be executed rather than risk his own political ruin—and for the cruelty of Herod who wanted to be entertained by having Him work a miracle. We thank Him for all the time He spent satisfying their preoccupation with themselves, just delaying His ultimate death. We thank Him for the anxiety of that night in a cell.

The next morning He was brutally scourged with such intensity and violence that He became as an aged man in a matter of minutes. His multiple wounds bloodied His entire body. The loss of so much blood not only severely weakened Him; it also caused a severe, throbbing headache that remained with Him for the duration.

We thank Him for this and for the mockery He received when they put a purple cloth on His shoulders and pushed a crown of thorns down into His head which intensified His headache. They blindfolded Him and slapped Him, insisting that He ‘prophesy’ who had hit Him. They spat on Him and beat Him.

He stood at the praetorium in utter disgrace according to the attitude of the crowd—while in reality, He stood in utter glory: almighty God, being present to every person who has ever suffered rejection, joining them in their moment of pain. It was there that He was sentenced to death by crucifixion. Physically, He was utterly miserable. He revealed to St. Bernard that carrying the cross was His most painful agony. He was so weak, He could hardly walk. Nauseous and thirsty, He found the weight of the cross on His shoulder almost unbearable. It most likely dislocated His shoulder. It is not surprising that He fell down on the stone streets that were filthy with animal dung—with the cross on top of Him. And He got up each time.

It was only with the help of Simon of Cyrene that He made it to the top of Calvary. There they drove the nails into the carpal tunnels of His hands, causing pain throughout His upper body. The nail in His feet registered great pain through all the sensitive nerves there. When the cross was righted, His up-stretched arms squeezed His lungs and He began to pant for lack of oxygen. So He had to push down on His crucified feet to push His body up in order to fill His lungs with air. This took great effort because He was so weak. Yet He managed to maintain such effort for three hours of agony which increased gradually as He became weaker moment by moment.

By the end of the third hour, His agony was at its peak. He had come to the point where His strength simply gave out and He suffocated. In this eternal moment as He died, He gave us His life. Transcending time, this moment of divine love is present to us in the tabernacles of the world.

Thank you, Lord. We adore you O Christ and we praise you. By your holy cross, you have redeemed the world.

We were created to respond to this kind of love–not for what you have settled for. Write me privately if you need to. Just click on my name. You are in my prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.