My husband has joined the Unitarian Universalist Society

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nowlivinglife

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I am at an absolute loss. I feel like the ground has been pulled out from under me. We have been married for 21 years and have 5 children. I teach at the Catholic School where are 3 youngest attend and am a Eucharistic Minister. This just seemed to appear. I have done research and it just seems anything goes there. I am wondering was has gone. I feel like the children and I are no longer good enough, that our God is not good enough. I’m not sure I even feel comfortable with him being around.
He tells me he is just searching. I am scared.

Thanks for listening. Any advice would be welcomed.:confused:
 
Would your husband be willing to talk with you to your Priest about this?

in Christ
Steph
 
Steph,
Thanks. Been there done that! I just feel so lost and alone. My faith is so important to me. I met with our priest and then my husband even went on an ACTS retreat. That in my opinion was a big mistake. I guess I have to decide to accept or not.
Thanks
 
nowlivinglife said:
I am at an absolute loss. I feel like the ground has been pulled out from under me. We have been married for 21 years and have 5 children. I teach at the Catholic School where are 3 youngest attend and am a Eucharistic Minister. This just seemed to appear. I have done research and it just seems anything goes there. I am wondering was has gone. I feel like the children and I are no longer good enough, that our God is not good enough. I’m not sure I even feel comfortable with him being around.
He tells me he is just searching. I am scared.

Thanks for listening. Any advice would be welcomed.:confused:
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Hi, I went to a UU church for a while. I am going to be accepted into the Church at the Easter Vigil. You are correct, in that anything goes with the UUs, within defined boundaries that are humanist in nature.

So, I’ve done this, but sort of reverse of you. My husband and I were atheists together, for many years, and now I am “going Christian”. When I told him this he cried, literally, because he worried that my religious beliefs were going to cause me to reject him. While I have worried that he is going to reject me because of my new found Faith.

Don’t make any hasty decisions, or demands, on yourself, your husband, or your marriage. Listen to what he has to say. Tell him your fears, that you posted here. Talk it through. You HAVE to communicate, which it sounds like neither of you are doing. Not if this came out of nowhere for you, and you aren’t telling him what you are posting here.
 
nowlivinglife said:
I am at an absolute loss. I feel like the ground has been pulled out from under me. We have been married for 21 years and have 5 children. I teach at the Catholic School where are 3 youngest attend and am a Eucharistic Minister. This just seemed to appear. I have done research and it just seems anything goes there. I am wondering was has gone. I feel like the children and I are no longer good enough, that our God is not good enough. I’m not sure I even feel comfortable with him being around.
He tells me he is just searching. I am scared.

Thanks for listening. Any advice would be welcomed.:confused:
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Why exactly are you scared? Are you afraid your marriage may come apart?
 
nowlivinglife said:
I am at an absolute loss. I feel like the ground has been pulled out from under me. We have been married for 21 years and have 5 children. I teach at the Catholic School where are 3 youngest attend and am a Eucharistic Minister. This just seemed to appear. I have done research and it just seems anything goes there. I am wondering was has gone. I feel like the children and I are no longer good enough, that our God is not good enough. I’m not sure I even feel comfortable with him being around.
He tells me he is just searching. I am scared.

Thanks for listening. Any advice would be welcomed.:confused:
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Do not push him away.
Listen to him…a lot.
Do not criticize it.

I must also add that sudden changes in behavior CAN mean lots of things. Please politely ask him if you can attend with him and gauge his reaction. If he seems happy, don’t worry about him keeping secrets. If he does not want you to, you have something to look in to.
 
nowlivinglife said:
I am at an absolute loss. I feel like the ground has been pulled out from under me. We have been married for 21 years and have 5 children.:
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I am so sorry. There are many good resources here. The Bible says that “the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife.”
1 Corinthians 7:14

:gopray:
 
Thank you all so much for your advice. I am trying not to judge or be too hasty. He has invited me, but I did tell him this was his choice, not mine. I am comfotable with my faith and choose to have and follow the doctine of the Catholic Church. The strange thing is, I don’t begrudge anyone their faith. It just seems so different when it is under my roof and around my children. Oh, is Dad going to his service? I just tell them yes!
 
nowlivinglife said:
Thank you all so much for your advice. I am trying not to judge or be too hasty. He has invited me, but I did tell him this was his choice, not mine. I am comfotable with my faith and choose to have and follow the doctine of the Catholic Church. The strange thing is, I don’t begrudge anyone their faith. It just seems so different when it is under my roof and around my children. Oh, is Dad going to his service? I just tell them yes!
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Super!

The most important thing in all this is obviously the welfare of your children and the family, and it sounds like all that is pretty solid.

Remind those kids about the Samaritan story. They’ll know what to do.
 
I will pray for you.

Surrender your marriage to Jesus.

Do you pray together?

The only thing that I would be extremely worried about is if he starts to attend meetings other then the scheduled worship service.
 
Dana
Thaks much for reply. I wish you luck on your journeyAs a motheer of 5 I know how rewardig and challenging motherhood can be. Yes, we do pray together. The 3 younger children and I are going away over spring break. I told him we may need to continue the separation until he discovers who he is. I am just not comfortable with him not being Christian. I have prayed and prayed. I know I am being heard and will be led in the right direction for myself and the children. He thinks I am giving him an ultimatum to change. That is why I think a separation will give him the time to see who he truly is.
Thanks
 
The UU church is not the church of the devil. It is a good church that seems to teach humanist values within some sort of religious framework. But it is not the church of the devil.

The problem is when a couple is used to going to church together and then suddenly one of the spouses decides to leave the faith and join another. However, this is also rather common these days according to the pew center. Many people leave their church and join other churches. It has become sort of like trading bubble gum cards for many. I think that it is unfortunate but such is the way of life in America.

This is why I am never shocked that people would choose to leave the catholic faith or the mormon faith or for that matter any faith. The trend seems to be in putting religion into a jellyfish mentality. Go with the current or whatever suits the person best.
 
Just look at the bright side, at least he did not become a muslim. You did all you could and he just wasnt convinced by Catholicism. The only thing you can do now is to steer him away from dangerous religions.
 
I don’t even think it can be considered a church. They call it a society. I just pray that he canl find his way to Christianity again. I am not even worried if it is not the Catholic faith, but Christianity. We all how powerful prayer can be, so I just keep on praying.

God Bless
 
The UU Church, and yes they do call it a church, is one of the safest places to explore spirituality I know of. They saved my life when I left JWs. I explored Catholicism from there! If he decides to leave the Catholic Church the problem does not lie with the UUs. Because I know for a fact that the UUs tolerate even Catholic in their ranks. The UUs are welcoming and open and highly intelligent people for the most part—college educated and generally well read and well traveled, perhaps he is feeling the need to expand his community or maybe he is just plain lonely. You need to look at the UU website because they are more Christian than other, just very liberal. If the services of the UU church and your Mass are at different times it may be possible to go to both together.
Personally I don’t think you have the right to speparate from your husband because of this. Maybe there is more going on than his search for spirituality. Maybe he needs a faith friend. That should be you. Sometimes the husband-wife relationship gets put on a back burner when there are 5 kids involved. Maybe you both need some alone time with God–together, without the kids and the parish.
uua.org/
 
nowlivinglife said:
Dana
Thaks much for reply. I wish you luck on your journeyAs a motheer of 5 I know how rewardig and challenging motherhood can be. Yes, we do pray together. The 3 younger children and I are going away over spring break. I told him we may need to continue the separation until he discovers who he is. I am just not comfortable with him not being Christian. I have prayed and prayed. I know I am being heard and will be led in the right direction for myself and the children. He thinks I am giving him an ultimatum to change. That is why I think a separation will give him the time to see who he truly is.
Thanks
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Remember, the Sacrament of Matrimony is a grace from God sent to the both of you for protection during this trying time…don’t give up on him or seperate from him just because he wants to attend UU meetings.

(And I"m not saying that’s the only reason, all I know is what you have posted and if you are in harms way, etc, get help…I had to make that disclaimer)

You can not get through all of this on your own, that’s the reason that I said you must surrender your marriage to Jesus, let Jesus’ love be your love.

God bless.
 
here is the comment on Christianity from the UUA.org website (under Visitors>Beliefs Within Our Faith>Christianity)

Home > Visitors > Beliefs Within Our Faith > Christianity

Christianity
For many Unitarian Universalists, Jesus and Christian teachings provide insight into understanding how to live our lives. One of the shared sources (www.uua.org/visitors/6798.shtml) of our faith is “Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God’s love by loving our neighbors as ourselves.”

As one Unitarian Universalist (UU) wrote: “Jesus’ message remains strong in our efforts to create a beloved community here on earth, impelling us to witness to the injustices of this time.” (Bruce Southworth) And Rev. Anita Farber-Robertson says, “Jesus [gives us] the strength to fight, the courage to love, and hearts that do not give up on anyone.”

The Bible and its many interpretations have largely shaped our Unitarian Universalist history (www.uua.org/visitors/ourhistory/index.shtml) . Today, it is used in most Unitarian Universalist congregations as one of many sources of inspiration and reflection. To quote one member, “I claim the Bible as one more chapter, among several religious texts, in the Unitarian Universalist guide to living.” (Laura Spencer)

This is not the only view of Jesus, the Bible, and Christianity within our faith. Unitarian Universalists can be Christian, Humanist, Pagan, Buddhist, Jewish, atheist, and more. A portion of Unitarian Universalists today identify as Christians, but even some Unitarian Universalists who do not identify primarily as Christians find inspiration in Christian ideas. Because of the freedom within our faith, there are many differing views regarding the role of Christianity in our religious community.

Last updated on Monday, September 17, 2007.

Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations | 25 Beacon Street | Boston, MA 02108 | 617-742-2100 | info@uua.org

© Copyright 1996 - 2006 Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations. All Rights Reserved.

Created by Matrix Group International, Inc. ®
 
IMO let your husband figure himself out, we are all individuals and have to figure things out for ourselves. Everyone has doubts and he is entertaining his doubts and trying to figure out what it is he really believes.
 
nowlivinglife said:
I am at an absolute loss. I feel like the ground has been pulled out from under me. We have been married for 21 years and have 5 children. I teach at the Catholic School where are 3 youngest attend and am a Eucharistic Minister. This just seemed to appear. I have done research and it just seems anything goes there. I am wondering was has gone. I feel like the children and I are no longer good enough, that our God is not good enough. I’m not sure I even feel comfortable with him being around.
He tells me he is just searching. I am scared.

Thanks for listening. Any advice would be welcomed.:confused:
Click to expand...
ok I just looked up ACTS retreat and it seems to be focused alot on the PARISH level of social/community services and activities—maybe your husband needs a change of scenery? Maybe he is not feeling at home or welcomed in the parish? Maybe he does not feel there is a place for him there? Just because you have a place does not mean he does, and maybe you having a place in the parish and being so satisfied just shows up how much he is lacking?
You guys need to really talk and get to the root of his dissatisfaction. Something in his life is not enough for him right now and God is calling him to find a solution. This is not the time for spiritual arrogance and abandonment on your part. Perhaps this is a test for you too to see how seriously you take the Sacrament of Marriage? Maybe it is just a mid-life crisis?
 
nowlivinglife said:
I am at an absolute loss. I feel like the ground has been pulled out from under me. We have been married for 21 years and have 5 children. I teach at the Catholic School where are 3 youngest attend and am a Eucharistic Minister. This just seemed to appear. I have done research and it just seems anything goes there. I am wondering was has gone. I feel like the children and I are no longer good enough, that our God is not good enough. I’m not sure I even feel comfortable with him being around.
He tells me he is just searching. I am scared.

Thanks for listening. Any advice would be welcomed.:confused:
Click to expand...
I’m like your husband. I recently stopped going Mass and am now attending UU services. I really can’t offer insights into his thinking, but I can offer this:

Talk to him. Get a babysitter and go out to dinner. Have some coffee at a Starbucks and ask him what is going on. Listen. Do not argue. Do not blame. Do not nag. Listen. When he is finished, say something like, “I love you.” And that’s it.

It doesn’t matter how heretical you think he is or how wrong you think he is. Just listen and say “I love you.”
 
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