My husband hates me

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Ejgt

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I have been married for 12 years. My husband is a nice man. I have never seen him act un-Kind to anyone. He hates me. He stares straight ahead when I try to have serious conversations with him, rolls his eyes when I try to relate or appeal, and gets angry if I cry. He doesn’t invite me to family work events, and distances himself from me, when we attend things together. I have lots of faults, but I have tried everything I can think of to connect to him, and he seems to gain disdain for me with each attempt. Please, help!
 
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I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. Relationship strife can be one of the worst pains.

I would suggest you seek professional counselling. Nobody on an internet forum is going to be able to properly advise you on this subject. We aren’t privy to the situation or all the facets of it. A family or marriage therapist will be very valuable into you.
 
He isn’t a nice man at all. The behaviours you’ve described are abusive. I’m so sorry he treats you this way.

I really recommend you getting some individual counselling (not with your husband). Look after yourself ❤️
 
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Extreme distancing, dislike and “hate” are the breaking of all the vows he made to you.

He, all by himself, is nullifying your marriage.

That is where you must start with him.
 
Retsel said:
Extreme distancing, dislike and “hate” are the breaking of all the vows he made to you.

He, all by himself, is nullifying your marriage.

That is where you must start with him.
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Not cool! You should not be making this judgment.
 
I’m sorry for your struggle! I would encourage you to ask him to go to couple’s counseling. Tell him it is extremely important, and necessary.

I recommend Catholic Charities.
 
How long has your husband acted this way toward you?

Why did you two marry?

Did he suddenly start disregarding you, or was this a gradual development?

Are there any stressful or precipitating incidents that worsened relations between you?

Does he show you love in other ways?

Do you have kids?

What sorts of faults are we talking about? “I’m sometimes forgetful” is a bit different than “I have a major substance abuse problem and I hit my kids.”
 
No substance, or child abuse here! I have anxiety, which I know can be exhausting to be around. I stayed home with our children until they were in school full-time, and was pretty isolated from other social interactions, so I depended on him too much in that aspect. I also lack confidence.
 
None of that makes his behaviour acceptable. I’m not surprised you have anxiety and you lack confidence - to me, you sound as though you’re constantly walking on eggshells trying to please someone who refuses to ever be pleased.

If you’re not already, I highly recommend counselling for your anxiety. Try to build up a friendship group, if you haven’t already. And look after yourself - don’t let yourself think you deserve his treatment because of your anxiety, or anything else. You deserve so much better.
 
This sounds an awful lot like a variant of the silent treatment. If so, you definitely need a counselor and a group of friends or a support network. The internet, for all its strengths, can’t cut it here.
 
I also am very sorry to hear this is happening to you. As others have said try Catholic counseling. Do not go to just any counselor, probably a good priest, your own priest, would be best to start with.

But the most important thing, before even counseling ask your husband if something is bothering him or if there is something you have said or done to upset him or if there is something you are doing that bothers him and what could you do to correct it. Also explain to him in a kind and loving way, how you are feeling.
I will say, though that men do tend at times do not really listen well when their wives are speaking, are not the best with eye contact and I don’t know any man that likes it when their wife cries. I usually give my husband a notice when I am about to tear up and cry.

That is probably about the best advice I can give, except to caution you as the first reply did to take very very lightly and with a grain of salt any advice you will get here at CAF. Not everyone is Catholic and will not see marriage as the Church sees it and give you very wrong advice and some advice will be strong and feministic in nature and pit you against your husband, only making the situation worse, sometimes horribly worse.

I will pray for you. 📿

God bless
 
OP, how well is your anxiety managed? Are you being treated, and have you developed some healthy coping mechanisms?

Could some of your perception that your husband hates you be related to your anxiety?
 
Examine sex life.

Are you working now that kids are in school/ is concerned about money or financial security?

You mentioned depending on him socially-we have had a similar issue-does he want just personal quiet time after work? Maybe his a bit jealous you get to be home and you wish you had work-level socialization?

first and third thing would be mostly resolved by going to bed early and turning off the TV/tablet.
middle thing by talking about how you are looking into money saving opportunities.

sounds like internal conflict that he partially blames on you.
 
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That’s why we should not play doctor, therapist, pastor, or tribunal.

I think in all cases of marriage problems, both spouses should be instructed to meet with a counsellor. It’s not about a blame game, but working together to heal any bad behavior.

If one spouse is innocent, then they should still want to attend together for support. At least initially.
 
And most people do refer people to their priest or counseling. At the same time, this site has many questions from people that say “I know I should see my priest, but in the meantime can someone help?”
 
People on this site have a tendancy to jump to conclusions.

OP: "I am having a problem with him…

Us: “You should divorce him, like yesterday.”

OP: Yeah! It is the dog house for him!"

Granted I am giving some opinionated advice but, if I am perceiving the situation correctly then this could be mostly resolved by this afternoon/evening.
 
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