My husband hates my faith - not sure what to do now

[daisybee]

Some consider that there are many forms of subtle brainwashing, I guess.
And it’s an interesting topic.
For example, the brainwashing females get reading fashion magazines as a teen and then think they must look a certain way…or the brainwashing a person feels in a group (“peer pressure”) to act a certain way to be accepted.
Those are not as extreme as isolating someone away from family and friends and formally programming them, but the mechanics and persuasion of “training” a person to think a certain way–to align their feelings in a specific direction–is still there in those examples…and it happens in many different areas in many different forms, to many different degrees along the way in life.

What you describe is not brainwashing. That’s not the definition of brainwashing. You’ve just coined a new concept and term: “subtle brainwashing.” That term has a much more negative connotation than what is actually happening in the magazine scenario, which is that someone is potentially being influenced by a publication.

How else to explain why in this world of many religions, so many people believe their religion is the right one? They have been brought up on it, to think and feel this way.

That doesn’t mean that truth does not exist. Catholics believe the Catholic Church was founded by Jesus Christ, whose living, dying, and resurrection are historical facts. I can’t speak for others whose beliefs are not based in historical fact. Pliny the Younger, a Roman historian, and Josephus, a Jewish historian, among others non-Christians, note that Jesus performed miracles.

I think the leaving-the-church bit would also fall under the “brainwashing” category to an atheist. They’d feel a person would rarely feel the freedom to do so because they are trained to fear the consequences and told that once a Catholic, always a Catholic, no matter what.

Well, again, the atheist you describe in the scenario above wouldn’t be using the term “brainwashing” correctly, because brainwashing involves such things as withholding food and sleep from a person who is not "cooperating, "and sometimes even physically torturing a person. I can assure you that such things do not happen to people who decide to stop attending Catholic Mass.

As for your other point, I can offer you what they have said about the “informative” part …the ones I know feel more that the Catholic is the one who is not properly informed about how the religion was created by not researching outside sources beyond the church’s teaching that would shed new light or information.

What sources of information are you referring to about how Catholicism was created?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

…the ones I know feel more that the Catholic is the one who is not properly informed about how the religion was created by not researching outside sources beyond the church’s teaching that would shed new light or information.

I think the main point is…in answer to what the OP expressed, many atheists truly believe this is the case with their Catholic/Christian spouses and that may be one reason why the husband is so frustrated and angry at her.

Just wanted to give her what his perspective might be so that she can maybe understand some of his behavior, if this applies to him.

You are right, this is what he thinks: that I have fallen for a well crafted lie. His words. He thinks that the coherence of our belief system is just another proof that it is all a lie. Despite all the historical evidence he does not believe that the western civilisation has turned out the way it has because of Christianity. He thinks it was all random, and not because of a very specific ethos. I really wish he would explore things a bit and find out some facts. Unfortunately, the educational system that has shaped him has been trying very hard to erase Christianity from its text books. I grew up in a communist country and even our regime did not go that far in terms of rewriting history. My husband is an educated guy and I am dissappointed that he has such bias towards the religion that is so closely connected to his culture. Even now, in the dark ages of secularism, Christian roots are there, it doesn’t take much to reveal them. But as many other people he chooses not to. It is simply something irrelevant, for people who need a crutch, for those who have not grown up yet. I find it all quite arrogant, and have told him so. Because he has no explanation for why intelligent people (and he includes me in this group) believe in God and are faithful Catholics. He has no explanation for things that are extraordinary and we call miracles. He can’t explain much to be honest. But he is so certain. Oh well. I’m sure God has dealt with such people before and knows what to do with him. I have decided to be quiet about all church stuff I do, to just get on with things, to pray hard and be a good witness. That is all I can do really.

 

[ElizabethBird]

Let me join the ranks here. When my husband and I married we were both lapsed Christians. I’m Catholic. He is Methodist. A few years into my marriage by the grace of God I decided to rejoin the Church. My husband was and is horrible about it. I get grief every time I go to church and am subject to constant vitriol about how horrible Christianity is and how can I be such a moron for returning to it. I have told him that if necessary I would choose my faith over him–and as we have no children I mean that. However, we have a wonderful relationship otherwise. Sometimes he’ll go for months without the hatred and then he’ll spit venom at me almost daily for a while. It hurts to see how much his heart is hardened, and I pray every day for him. I never try to convert him, but ironically his hatred inspires me to be a better Catholic so as to be a positive example to him. God Bless.

 

[Soren_Itenu]

The darkness hates the light. Your life has a daily beauty that makes him ugly.

 

[quiet52]

Dear St Monica, troubled wife and mother,
many sorrows pierced your heart during your lifetime.
Yet, you never despaired or lost faith.
With confidence, persistence, and profound faith,
you prayed daily for the conversion
of your beloved husband, Patricius,
and your beloved son, Augustine;
your prayers were answered.

Grant me that same fortitude, patience,
and trust in the Lord.
Intercede for me, dear St Monica,
that God may favorably hear my plea.
(mention your intention here)

Grant me the grace to accept His Will in all things,
through Jesus Christ, our Lord,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, forever and ever.
Amen

ewtn.com/library/mary/monica.htm
roca.org/OA/154/154e.htm
marypages.com/SaintMonica.htm

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

OP here.

I was surprised to see this thread reappear. A lot has happened since I started it. There have been no more attacks on my faith by my husband. He has not been back to mass with me and I don’t ask. I normally take one of the kids and am grateful that he is not picking fights with me over that. He is very kind actually. Things could be so much worse in that respect.

I discovered I was pregnant a couple of months ago, and I had a miscarriage a week ago. I’m in shock about everything and trying to understand what it all meant. This sad event brought my husband and me closer together, and we have both felt it. It was him who first thought of contacting the church in order to have a service - I was a mess and couldn’t hink straight. He arranged it all and told me afterwards that he found it very comforting and that he was glad we did it. It helped us say goodbye to our baby in a meaningful way. He even knelt beside me in the pew afterwards - maybe even said a prayer, who knows.

Something is happening - I don’t know what it is, but there is a different feel to our relationship. This tragedy has brought us closer together. I feel close to him again, after a very long time. I am so sad about our baby, but God is using this situation for something good. I think we have both realised how fragile life is and how our little family is truly precious. We have both been so much more patient with the kids in the last few days. I think we have both woken up to reality and feel blessed to have what we have.

Thank you all who have contributed on my thread. Please keep us in your prayers.

 

[eonporter]

I’m not one who sees demons under every bed, but your husband may be getting help. In my experience, when a person develops a strong dislike to the church or Christ it is often that they are being influenced by demons. Pray for him and ask God to shield him from the influence of the enemy (and for you too). Satan enjoys nothing more than corrupting the spiritually weak and making the faithful miserable.

a little history, a friend of mine went to see an Orthodox Saint (still living), and came away from the experience very moved with a newfound dedication to serve Our Lord, when he got home Satan was waiting for him. His wife, who is usually quite reasonable, chewed him out terribly and said quite a few very uncharitable things about the priest (whom she did not know). I found the whole episode quite odd and extraordinary.

So true!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

OP here.

I was surprised to see this thread reappear. A lot has happened since I started it. There have been no more attacks on my faith by my husband. He has not been back to mass with me and I don’t ask. I normally take one of the kids and am grateful that he is not picking fights with me over that. He is very kind actually. Things could be so much worse in that respect.

I discovered I was pregnant a couple of months ago, and I had a miscarriage a week ago. I’m in shock about everything and trying to understand what it all meant. This sad event brought my husband and me closer together, and we have both felt it. It was him who first thought of contacting the church in order to have a service - I was a mess and couldn’t hink straight. He arranged it all and told me afterwards that he found it very comforting and that he was glad we did it. It helped us say goodbye to our baby in a meaningful way. He even knelt beside me in the pew afterwards - maybe even said a prayer, who knows.

Something is happening - I don’t know what it is, but there is a different feel to our relationship. This tragedy has brought us closer together. I feel close to him again, after a very long time. I am so sad about our baby, but God is using this situation for something good. I think we have both realised how fragile life is and how our little family is truly precious. We have both been so much more patient with the kids in the last few days. I think we have both woken up to reality and feel blessed to have what we have.

Thank you all who have contributed on my thread. Please keep us in your prayers.

:imsorry::bighanky: Contra Mundum, I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. There just aren’t words to express how sad that makes me.

But even out of that sadness and pain, comes the blessing that you and your husband have drawn closer together because of your baby’s death. I am glad to hear that he arranged for a service. It brings tears to my eyes because of what you were going through not very long ago, wondering if he were just going to leave you, or if you should take the children and leave him.

:grouphug:

Prayers being said for you!

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

:grouphug:

Prayers being said for you!

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

It really has been a crazy few months. I hope we have finished with craziness and that life will be back to normal. It seems that the shock of the loss was what really made us stop and reflect and reconnect. At the same time I feel really sad about the loss and happy because things are fine with the two of us. It is strange to feel such defferent things at the same time, but I’m trying not to overanalyse. It will take time for me to heal and recover from it all. I guess this is all a part of the process.

 

[PetiteFoi]

I just finished reading your story and I am so very sorry to hear about your miscarriage.
I will pray for you and your husband, and that you continue to grow closer together.

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I just finished reading your story and I am so very sorry to hear about your miscarriage.
I will pray for you and your husband, and that you continue to grow closer together.

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi

Thank you very much. It means a lot to me.

 

[HouseArrest]

I am sorry to hear about the miscarriage as well. I have never had to go through that. I am sure it is very painful. I will keep your family in my prayers.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

“… I feel like I need to crawl into a cave a lick my wounds. I can’t even express how much this hurts.”

Goto the Blessed Sacrement in the form of the Eucharist more!!! More Masses … More adoration time (it’s like a cave where your wounds can heal) … Find ways to uphold joy in your household.

I remember once when my ex-boyfriend verbally assaulted me bad. I went to church filled with rage, desire for vengence, and hate. I took the Eucharist in mass and then went to the adoration chapel after Mass. I was still enraged, but I opened the bible and was given the words of peace, mercy, forgivness. My anger diminished and I returned to him. My inner peace made it impossible for him to continue to fight. I do remember him specifically saying, “how dare you goto God for vengeance … Blah blah blah …” When I never said, or even hinted this happened. I still to this day think he had a demon near him.

Anyways, arm yourself more with the Blessed Sacrement — he knows what to do!!!

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I am sorry to hear about the miscarriage as well. I have never had to go through that. I am sure it is very painful. I will keep your family in my prayers.

Thank you.

I dread speaking to friends and family. People want to be helpful and want to say comforting things but that often ends up producing an opposite effect. It varies from the inevitable “It was God’s will” and “everything happens for a reason”, to the inevitable secular wisdom of “well, it wasn’t planned anyway”. I’m sick and tired of it all. That is why I really appreciate prayers and simple expression of sympathy.

QUOTE=Giggly Giraffe;10595292]
*Goto the Blessed Sacrement in the form of the Eucharist more!!! More Masses … More adoration time (it’s like a cave where your wounds can heal) … Find ways to uphold joy in your household.

…" When I never said, or even hinted this happened. I still to this day think he had a demon near him.*

Oh yes, adoration! I love going to the Blessed Sacrament. Unfortunately they only have it once a month where I live. I’d go every day if I could.

That is very strange about what happened with your bf, that he knew how you felt, etc. It is amazing you found strenght and peace at adoration. It really makes everything better.

 

[Gods_Servant1]

You should obviously pray for him and let god decide what will happen,
this incident will probably pass over he ahs probably had a bad time.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

You should obviously pray for him and let god decide what will happen,
this incident will probably pass over he ahs probably had a bad time.

Note to new forum member: Read the entire thread before commenting.

Welcome to CAF.

 

[Gods_Servant1]

I was actually a member long before this, that is before I was banned.