My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate

[Debora123]

Here is an exerpt from the awesome article below:

My marriage is not based on a set of choices over which I had no control. It is based on a daily choice to love this man, this husband that I chose out of many people that I could have chosen to love (in theory, don’t imagine that many others were lined up and knocking at the door). He is not some illusive soul mate, not some divine fullfulment, not some perfect step on the rigorously laid out but of so secret “Plan for My Life.”

Full Article: theartinlife.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/my-husband-is-not-my-soul-mate/

Hope you all enjoy!

 

[Lorelei12]

Great article, and I totally agree with it. Thanks for posting!

 

[BobDanners]

Eh that’s nice, but I do believe God has brought me to my future wife…so yes I believe my fiancee is my soul mate. However it is also a choice for me to love her or not…but I happily and easily choose to love her.

 

[Sarabande]

This is a great article. The conversation she had with her father was something similar that I shared with my father many times over. We never used biblical references, but he was always quick to nix the idea of the romanticism of romantic love… there are no actual “soul mates” and there are many other men you could potentially have a fulfilling, spiritual and loving marriage with, but once the choice is made, you work at that relationship and love. Sometimes it’s very easy and sometimes it can be really hard, but you make that choice to love the person you have been tied to every day.

 

[EasterJoy]

The thing to remember going in to marriage is that when the troubles come in to a marriage, your soul mate (at that moment) does not exactly seem like a soul mate. It is how you choose to act on the days when you unfortunately (which is to say perhaps very unfairly!) ask yourself what you were thinking when you married such a short-sighted or stubborn or unreasonable creature as you did. Your attitude about marriage has to be ready for that kind of change of attitude on your own part, because otherwise your marriage is prone to self-destruct as soon as one spouse goes through some temporary self-absorbed insanity such as the one known as a “mid-life crisis”. If you’re going to come out the other side of that kind of a thing, you do have to be in it for “better or worse”, where worse usually includes the realization that your idea of “soul mate” was not rooted in reality.

 

[SonCatcher]

awesome!

When I was single, I had a saying: “I would rather love the one I marry than marry the one I love.” The writer of that post has the same understanding.

 

[Allegra]

I think the article is good and true, though I still think my husband is as close to a soul mate as one can get.

 

[Della]

At one time I believed that the person God had in mind for me would meet all my criteria and we’d live in absolute harmony forever. I had a huge thing for this one fella who sang and played guitar and wrote Christian songs. Since I did all those things, too, it had to be a match made in heaven, didn’t it? Ah, no. I really invested myself in that guy so when it didn’t work out I was crushed. “Why did God let me love him so much if he and I weren’t meant to be together forever?” I wailed. When I think back on that time in my life I cringe. What a self-centered little thing I was! Not that I’ve improved much over the years, but it was definitely “not pretty.”

My dh does not play guitar, he sings off key, he hasn’t a poetic bone in his body and he doesn’t shower me with sweet nothings all day long, but I’m so lucky to have married him. He grounds me, loves me, even when I’m a witch, and he’s a good man. What more could I have asked for in my girlish desires of long ago? There are days when I don’t like him and there are days when he doesn’t like me, but we decided to love each other through such days no matter what comes. People always talk about “the good times” and it’s nice to have those, but the real proof is in the hard times. If you can make it through those, you have a good marriage.

 

[Bonnie]

The idea of soul mates was promoted by Plato. According to him, humans were originally male, female and androgynous. Each had 2 of everything, including faces and genitals. The humans were very powerful, but the gods did not want to destroy them as they had the Titans. Zeus had the nifty idea of splitting each human in half. That way, they would spend their existance looking for their soul mates, without which they could never find true happiness.

In reality, there are any number of people with whom one is compatible. The idea that God has just one person in mind for you is dangerous, because if you decide you have not married the person that God chose for you, you might feel justified in getting a divorce and marrying another.

 

[Marie1234]

I think the article is good and true, though I still think my husband is as close to a soul mate as one can get.

Aw that’s sweet

While love is a choice and marriage takes work, I do believe there is such a thing as a soul mate. Actually, just by marrying, does your spouse not become both your physical mate as well as your soul’s mate?

To me it doesn’t make sense to say that a married person does not have a soul mate…but to each his own I suppose…

 

[Sarabande]

Aw that’s sweet

While love is a choice and marriage takes work, I do believe there is such a thing as a soul mate. Actually, just by marrying, does your spouse not become both your physical mate as well as your soul’s mate?

To me it doesn’t make sense to say that a married person does not have a soul mate…but to each his own I suppose…

That’s a good point. I suppose one could say that we choose the person to make our soul mate. Essentially, we do become “soul” mates once we intermingle our lives, our bodies and minds, even though we have chosen to love that person.

 

[stephe1987]

The “soul mate” mentality is not good. People assume whomever they’re with is their soul mate and then are shocked to find out that relationships actually take work. They become selfish and believe their significant other is not really their soul mate so they leave or divorce. I feel sorry for all the kids.

 

[aemcpa]

Glad to hear that I’m not alone in rejecting such foolishness. Thanks for posting.

 

[CarolNoel]

Thanks. Interesting article.

 

[tafan]

Aw that’s sweet

While love is a choice and marriage takes work, I do believe there is such a thing as a soul mate. Actually, just by marrying, does your spouse not become both your physical mate as well as your soul’s mate?

To me it doesn’t make sense to say that a married person does not have a soul mate…but to each his own I suppose…

Sarabande:

That’s a good point. I suppose one could say that we choose the person to make our soul mate. Essentially, we do become “soul” mates once we intermingle our lives, our bodies and minds, even though we have chosen to love that person.

Since the soul is eternal, a “soul-mate” implies an eternal union of the two, does it not? If so, it is clearly a heretical idea. Marriage ends at the time of death of one of the spouses. If the term soul-mate is not meant to imply eternity, why use it at all? Wife, husband, spouse, etc seem to be quite sufficient for a description of one’s spouse.

Furthermore, does someone really want their soul “mated” with another soul such that the two share the same eternal end? One might love one’s spouse a lot, but just because my spouse would happen to commit some horrible sin and end up in hell doesn’t mean I want to be mated with them in hell(please note: not an issue with my wife). I find the whole idea of a soul mate to be rather laughable. I will grant others that I am applying a specific definition to a rather vague term.

 

[EasterJoy]

Since the soul is eternal, a “soul-mate” implies an eternal union of the two, does it not? If so, it is clearly a heretical idea. Marriage ends at the time of death of one of the spouses. If the term soul-mate is not meant to imply eternity, why use it at all? Wife, husband, spouse, etc seem to be quite sufficient for a description of one’s spouse.

Furthermore, does someone really want their soul “mated” with another soul such that the two share the same eternal end? One might love one’s spouse a lot, but just because my spouse would happen to commit some horrible sin and end up in hell doesn’t mean I want to be mated with them in hell(please note: not an issue with my wife). I find the whole idea of a soul mate to be rather laughable. I will grant others that I am applying a specific definition to a rather vague term.

Yes, while I agree that the term implies the inferences you’re describing, I also agree that most people probably never get that deep about it when they throw the term around. They usually just mean somebody that “gets” them without too much in the way of explanation, someone who is naturally inclined in the same direction as they are, and therefore someone with whom they have an easy sense of mutual understanding and very few conflicts. When a marriage hits a rough spot, this is not the first description that leaps to mind to describe one’s inexplicably “difficult” spouse!

 

[Kelfa28]

For me, the idea of a soul mate implies a blissful, perfect relationship/courtship with a blissful, perfect marriage.

Why would there be any rough spots? He/she is my soul mate.

I agree with the article. Love is a choice. It’s a sacrifice. Love grows and evolves with age and wisdom. People grow and evolve with age and wisdom too. It’s up to the couple to work to keep this harmony playing. For some it’s easier then others. But it’s work for everyone.

 

[Sarabande]

For me, the idea of a soul mate implies a blissful, perfect relationship/courtship with a blissful, perfect marriage.

Why would there be any rough spots? He/she is my soul mate.

I agree with the article. Love is a choice. It’s a sacrifice. Love grows and evolves with age and wisdom. People grow and evolve with age and wisdom too. It’s up to the couple to work to keep this harmony playing. For some it’s easier then others. But it’s work for everyone.

Although I actually don’t ascribe to calling my husband my soul mate, I do know couples who refer to each other as such, but not in the description that it can often be understood as. They have a very healthy understanding of marriage, relationships and love, such as what you described. That said, I do think that people, especially young people, have this romanticised idea of marriage and love when they describe “soul mate” and that’s where there is a problem.