My husband is unreasonable

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Prayingidoright

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We have been married over 43 yrs. have a daughter with 2 grandsons, 14 and 11. My husband gets very angry and unreasonable when our daughter talks about her views on anything. She does not want her boys to see/view anything about abortion. They know about it and agree it is wrong. However, my husband wants the boys to “see” the results of abortion, actual pictures or videos. I agree with her that this is a very sensitive area and when she thinks they are ready to see/view these movies then she will allow it. He thinks she should show them the truth of destroying life by death. He gets so angry and yells and is so stubborn. We are devout and also secular franciscans. He doesn’t think he is wrong. I need (name removed by moderator)ut please. Thank you.:gopray2:
 
I think your husband should be thankful your daughter is raising her boys to know abortion is wrong and is overreacting. Your daughter is the best to know what the boys are prepared to handle, and grandpa should not undermine her parenting. They will learn soon enough of the horrors of this world. I don’t think I saw pictures of aborted babies until I was in my late teens, but I always understood abortion was wrong.

Why is he so angry about this? Something seems a bit off that he is so angry about this.
 
Prayingidoright said:
We have been married over 43 yrs. have a daughter with 2 grandsons, 14 and 11. My husband gets very angry and unreasonable when our daughter talks about her views on anything. She does not want her boys to see/view anything about abortion. They know about it and agree it is wrong. However, my husband wants the boys to “see” the results of abortion, actual pictures or videos. I agree with her that this is a very sensitive area and when she thinks they are ready to see/view these movies then she will allow it. He thinks she should show them the truth of destroying life by death. He gets so angry and yells and is so stubborn. We are devout and also secular franciscans. He doesn’t think he is wrong. I need (name removed by moderator)ut please. Thank you.:gopray2:
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Ask a franciscan brother that your husband respects to help you explain to him why this isn’t appropiate. One doesn’t need to see the gorey aftermath of murder to know it is wrong, same goes for abortion.
 
What if you told him you want to show the 11-year-old and the 14-year-old some graphic, explicit pictures of sodomy, bestiality, child pornography, male and female rape, sado-masochistic sexual fetishes, drug-cartel executions, suicide-bombers, and so on?
 
Prayingidoright said:
We have been married over 43 yrs. have a daughter with 2 grandsons, 14 and 11. My husband gets very angry and unreasonable when our daughter talks about her views on anything. She does not want her boys to see/view anything about abortion. They know about it and agree it is wrong. However, my husband wants the boys to “see” the results of abortion, actual pictures or videos. I agree with her that this is a very sensitive area and when she thinks they are ready to see/view these movies then she will allow it. He thinks she should show them the truth of destroying life by death. He gets so angry and yells and is so stubborn. We are devout and also secular franciscans. He doesn’t think he is wrong. I need (name removed by moderator)ut please. Thank you.:gopray2:
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Your husband needs to do a bit of soul-searching. Your daughter is teaching her sons correctly, and if she and her husband decide to not show them gory pictures of abortions that is their right.

I will say a prayer that he get over his stubborness.
 
I think it’s up to your daughter. She knows her sons best.
I also wonder why he gets so angry.
I’m praying…
 
starryheart said:
I think it’s up to your daughter. She knows her sons best.
I also wonder why he gets so angry.
I’m praying…
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Further, it’s not unheard of that parents cut ties with grandparents (i.e. their parents) if interference gets too severe. Many married couples know their priorities lie with each other and their children, not with the grandparents. I’m sure it saddens them to do so and I hope and pray it doesn’t come to this but the grandfather should realize that his daughter might have to resort to this extreme if he doesn’t let her raise her children as she sees fit.

I would say the same thing if the situation were reversed; i.e. the mother wants to show the gory pictures and the grandfather becomes angry for doing so and prefers to take the gentler route. Same principles apply; the mother has the right to teach her kids as she sees fit, not the grandfather.
 
Prayingidoright said:
We have been married over 43 yrs. have a daughter with 2 grandsons, 14 and 11. My husband gets very angry and unreasonable when our daughter talks about her views on anything. She does not want her boys to see/view anything about abortion. They know about it and agree it is wrong. However, my husband wants the boys to “see” the results of abortion, actual pictures or videos. I agree with her that this is a very sensitive area and when she thinks they are ready to see/view these movies then she will allow it. He thinks she should show them the truth of destroying life by death. He gets so angry and yells and is so stubborn. We are devout and also secular franciscans. He doesn’t think he is wrong. I need (name removed by moderator)ut please. Thank you.:gopray2:
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Is your son-in-law no longer in the picture? Has your husband been very involved with the boys’ upbringing up to now?

At 14, your grandson does need to know the facts of life, and way more than abortion. I am personally not for showing graphic pictures of the results of abortion–I am much more for showing the beautiful pictures of children still in the womb.

But this is the time that it may be necessary, depending on your grandson’s situation, to have a serious talk with him about the potential ramifications of actions he may take. People don’t talk too much about the boy’s side of things when teens get involved sexually, and when a boy suddenly find his entire future mortgaged because of child-support, or when the mother makes a decision in which he has no (name removed by moderator)ut at all but by which he will still be greatly affected.

Naturally, all this is *entirely *up to his parents, rather than to you and your husband, the grandparents. However, your husband may be expressing in a veiled way some concerns that he has for your grandson. It may be that some of the private conversations the two of them have had have shown your husband that the boy needs more information or help in that area, or it may be that your husband is just very concerned as your grandson enters adolescence.

I too think that there is something behind your husband’s insistence on this, and that maybe if you were able to talk with him about it more thoroughly, whatever is bothering him, which he may be unaware of right now, could come out.
 
Whether your husband is right or wrong about the pictures, it isn’t his business to argue the point or try to undermine the childrens’ mother. He said his piece and he should drop it at that. If he tries to push past your daughter’s parental boundary, it could be bad for their relationship and affect his relationships with the grandsons. He should back off the subject.
 
I agree with the other posters re: the issue with your grandsons…

I note that you have been married for 43 years and that you are lay Franciscans…

I can’t help but ask if this is normal behavior for your husband…Being this angry, adamant, hard headed aggressive etc…

Peace
James
 
My husband and I are adamantly opposed to abortion as well, but we both detest post-abortion pictures. They are gruesome and are used mostly for shock value. We both feel it is a way of “throwing it in the face of” pro-choice people. We know that murder is wrong, too, and don’t need crime scene photographs to convince us. We know that war is horrific and anything other than a just war is wrong, yet we do not seek out pictures of battlefields covered with fallen soldiers to prove our point. Most of the pro-life protesters who use this tactic, IMHO, appear so angry and hateful. I stay far away from those people.

To the OP, it does concern me that your husband is pushing this issue. If many grown people know that they cannot handle such gruesome images, then certainly most children cannot. Your daughter is right to exercise her parental authority to prevent someone, even and especially her father, from showing such images to her children. I have noticed, now that my fathers-in-law are grandfathers, that sometimes they do not exercise the best judgement when it comes to their grandchildren. Thank goodness their wives are wise enough to restrain them and correct them when they go off on a tirade or a tangent. You are wise, too, to support your daughter in protecting her children from seeing the harsh and horrible truth before they are ready to make that choice for themselves.
 
Prayingidoright said:
We have been married over 43 yrs. have a daughter with 2 grandsons, 14 and 11. My husband gets very angry and unreasonable when our daughter talks about her views on anything. She does not want her boys to see/view anything about abortion. They know about it and agree it is wrong. However, my husband wants the boys to “see” the results of abortion, actual pictures or videos. I agree with her that this is a very sensitive area and when she thinks they are ready to see/view these movies then she will allow it. He thinks she should show them the truth of destroying life by death. He gets so angry and yells and is so stubborn. We are devout and also secular franciscans. He doesn’t think he is wrong. I need (name removed by moderator)ut please. Thank you.:gopray2:
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Try to avoid the subject when the grandchildren are around. Tell your daughter not to bring the subject up when visiting. I think you are right but how to deal with a stubborn husband or anyone else who is unreasonably stubborn is a question we all would like to know how to do. Just pray and be quiet.

🤷🤷
 
oldcatholicguy said:
Ask a franciscan brother that your husband respects to help you explain to him why this isn’t appropiate.
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This. He might also be asked to ask himself if St. Francis would have taught by yelling, screaming, and trying to force others to bend to his will. He could be very explicit and very adamant, but he was not aggressive.
 
Rainaldo said:
What if you told him you want to show the 11-year-old and the 14-year-old some graphic, explicit pictures of sodomy, bestiality, child pornography, male and female rape, sado-masochistic sexual fetishes, drug-cartel executions, suicide-bombers, and so on?
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THAT is not what I would say, nor our daughter. That is conducive to more arguing. It brings up more issues.
 
Most of you are on target. My husband is very passionate about the Catholic faith and church. I am also, however, I am more quiet about it. Our grandsons both are bright and thoughtful. They have had their “talks about sex” with their parents. Our daughter is divorced from their father, he was unfaithful and has since remarried. He has them every weekend and both parents are cordial, so there is no tension. I just don’t like this separation between our daughter and my husband. He is very headstrong and so is she, rightly so when it comes to her children. I don’t say much…just pray a lot. My next step is to speak with our parish priest for guidance.
 
mommamaree said:
My husband and I are adamantly opposed to abortion as well, but we both detest post-abortion pictures. They are gruesome and are used mostly for shock value. We both feel it is a way of “throwing it in the face of” pro-choice people. We know that murder is wrong, too, and don’t need crime scene photographs to convince us. We know that war is horrific and anything other than a just war is wrong, yet we do not seek out pictures of battlefields covered with fallen soldiers to prove our point. Most of the pro-life protesters who use this tactic, IMHO, appear so angry and hateful. I stay far away from those people.

To the OP, it does concern me that your husband is pushing this issue. If many grown people know that they cannot handle such gruesome images, then certainly most children cannot. Your daughter is right to exercise her parental authority to prevent someone, even and especially her father, from showing such images to her children. I have noticed, now that my fathers-in-law are grandfathers, that sometimes they do not exercise the best judgement when it comes to their grandchildren. Thank goodness their wives are wise enough to restrain them and correct them when they go off on a tirade or a tangent. You are wise, too, to support your daughter in protecting her children from seeing the harsh and horrible truth before they are ready to make that choice for themselves.
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I feel it’s not so much the use of the images themselves; I would just be as adamant defending the mother’s right to show the gruesome pictures over the grandfather’s objections if that were the case. The right to parent still belongs to the mother and regardless, the grandparents should back off.
 
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