My husband is watching porn and its ruining me emotionally

[Stillsosola]

Ive caught my husband watching porn again on his phone he makes lame excuses denying hes doing it when its right there! I am devastated emotionally i feel like hes been unfaithful by looking at it i know thats ridiculous but im very very hurt if a man watches porn does that mean he wants those types of women or is it just the watching im so upset im kind of going obsessive with this i cant bear to look at him and his denial is really making it all more hurtful i need to know from a mans perspective is porn the road to cheating or am i being neurotic?

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

It can be a road to cheating but not necessarily. It arouses men and it is hard enough to keep certain temptations un-indulged in without viewing porn. Fact of the matter is, I have not looked at pornography since I was Baptized. I wish I could say porn is so despicable to me that I have no desire at all to view it but that is not the case. The temptation is there. I just choose not to give in to those temptations. Its too bad he wont admit he is doing this because I would ask him why he is watching porn but it wont work if he is just going to continue to deny it. It does not bother him that it hurts you so much? You are his wife. Have you made it clear that it bothers you a lot?

Though his viewing porn is not necessarily a road to cheating, you are not being neurotic. You have a valid reason to be hurt and concerned. Also for his soul. Watching people engage in sex or even just posing naked does great damage to the dignity of the person watching and engaging in those acts. It is a grave sin. Is he aware of this?

 

[Boatswain2PA]

Just because he watches porn does NOT mean he doesn’t love you, nor does it mean he “wants” those types of women (which usually don’t exist, or if they do, they are absolute train wrecks!), nor does watching porn mean that he’s going to cheat on you (by “cheat” in this context I mean pursue another woman).

We are all sinners, myself more than most. I don’t know, but I’m guessing you have sinned a time or two in your life, and likely in your marriage.

About his constant denial - it has to be difficult for him to see you “emotionally ruined” by this, so denial may be his easiest way to deflect responsibility for that.

I am in no way suggesting this is your “fault” that he viewed porn.

 

[Stillsosola]

No hes not at all bothered by my insecurities with this its so bad ive considered having plastic surgery to fit the image on his screen i allow him to use contraceptives because we were abstaining from sex for months due to health reasons i have but not even more frecuent intimacy helps him he goes defensive and accusatory even violent when i confront him or have a crying spell over all this hell break things or punch walls its almost like porn is making him a change from normal to hateful and shady

 

[Allegra]

No hes not at all bothered by my insecurities with this its so bad ive considered having plastic surgery to fit the image on his screen i allow him to use contraceptives because we were abstaining from sex for months due to health reasons i have but not even more frecuent intimacy helps him he goes defensive and accusatory even violent when i confront him or have a crying spell over all this hell break things or punch walls its almost like porn is making him a change from normal to hateful and shady

You are not being rediculous and it sounds like you are in an abusive relationship. Porn is addictive and when one confronts an addiction, you get the same kinds of reactions no matter if the addiction is to drugs or something else. Your husband needs proffessional asssitance immediately, and you may have to walk away until he is willing to accept that. I strongly disagree with the other poster that porn use is just any little sin. Yes, forgiveness is important, but when you are dealing with an addiction, you must set boundaries to protect yourself.

 

[christofirst]

No hes not at all bothered by my insecurities with this its so bad ive considered having plastic surgery to fit the image on his screen i allow him to use contraceptives because we were abstaining from sex for months due to health reasons i have but not even more frecuent intimacy helps him he goes defensive and accusatory even violent when i confront him or have a crying spell over all this hell break things or punch walls its almost like porn is making him a change from normal to hateful and shady

Please do not get plastic surgery! You are NOT the cause of your husband’s porn addiction. He needs to change, not you! Is your husband Catholic? He must know that this porn will eventually kill his soul and your relationship if he does not try to change. I hope he would be open to therapy or counseling, but I also know how stubborn and stupid men can be (being a man myself). I am praying for both of you!

 

[Allegra]

Please do get plastic surgery! You are NOT the cause of your husband’s porn addiction. He needs to change, not you! Is your husband Catholic? He must know that this porn will eventually kill his soul and your relationship if he does not try to change. I hope he would be open to therapy or counseling, but I also know how stubborn and stupid men can be (being a man myself). I am praying for both of you!

I’m pretty sure this poster meant to write, “Please do NOT get plastic surgery!”

 

[christofirst]

I’m pretty sure this poster meant to write, “Please do NOT get plastic surgery!”

Yes! Yes! Yes! I caught my mistake too late, but corrected it now. Please do NOT get plastic surgery (thanks)

 

[JesusEstelle]

What if an atheist watches it and dosent think its a sin…would he still be damned?

and im really sorry for your husband…but my dad told me that if u watch porn u keep wanting to watch it…and if he dosent have the self will to stop himself…then his a goer cause they will still do that when their married…like its a bad habit…i reallyyyy think that all the men and women in the industry should burnnnnn for ruining so many lives…if they dont repent

 

[tawny]

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give your husband guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom to overcome his temptation.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

What if an atheist watches it and dosent think its a sin…would he still be damned?

and im really sorry for your husband…but my dad told me that if u watch porn u keep wanting to watch it…and if he dosent have the self will to stop himself…then his a goer cause they will still do that when their married…like its a bad habit…i reallyyyy think that all the men and women in the industry should burnnnnn for ruining so many lives…if they dont repent

Remember though, we are all sinners. We all deserve to “Burn” for our sins.

As for your question about if a Atheist views porn, I would imagine that it depends on a lot of circumstances. God does not punish us for what we do not know is a sin. At the same time, God placed his laws in our hearts. Does anyone really actually think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with watching others have sex? Does anyone actually think that there is nothing wrong with murder? I think even if I was never taught The Gospel, I would still think there was something wrong about those things, even if I did not believe in sin at all. But I could be wrong. I am no theologian. Any theologians in the forum wanna tackle that question?

 

[bmaj]

No hes not at all bothered by my insecurities with this its so bad ive considered having plastic surgery to fit the image on his screen i allow him to use contraceptives because we were abstaining from sex for months due to health reasons i have but not even more frecuent intimacy helps him he goes defensive and accusatory even violent when i confront him or have a crying spell over all this hell break things or punch walls its almost like porn is making him a change from normal to hateful and shady/QUOTE

Please know that it’s NOT your fault that your husband is viewing porn, and please don’t get plastic surgery… It’s a very serious sin, but it’s HIS sin. It sounds like he’s being abusive and violent, and the first priority is your safety and that of your children if you have any. Please be sure to consider that above all else. There is also a support group for women here at CAF titled, “Women Suffering Because of Unchastity,” that deals with this precise issue. You or any other woman going through this may wish to join (see top tool bar under “groups.”) It helped me in my marriage when I discovered my husband viewing porn and also totally denying it. You’re definitely not alone, but please stay safe.
You are in my prayers now and in the days ahead.

 

[Stillsosola]

I spoke to my priest about it today he said here in Mexico porn is a huge problem for men and boys due to it being sold in street markets he assured me that my fallen away husbands sins aren’t my fault but he said pornography can open doors to demons much like the occult can!!! He said just as I have anger issues my husband has lust issues he always says when I ask him to go to the counseling center I go to for my rage has an addiction group but he says its for crazies and he doesn’t have a problem I’m thinking of praying deliverance over him like I pray on myself if it works for rage maybe it could work for his problem?

 

[MamaJewel]

Ive caught my husband watching porn again on his phone he makes lame excuses denying hes doing it when its right there! I am devastated emotionally i feel like hes been unfaithful by looking at it i know thats ridiculous but im very very hurt if a man watches porn does that mean he wants those types of women or is it just the watching im so upset im kind of going obsessive with this i cant bear to look at him and his denial is really making it all more hurtful i need to know from a mans perspective is porn the road to cheating or am i being neurotic?

I’m praying for you and your husband.

 

[DannyBoy_7]

I am so very sorry for your pain. I agree with the Priest on the evil one. My understanding is that it is Adultry. A mortal sin. The gateways to the beast are many. That industry is making more money than drugs sold. Pornography is wicked, of the beast, and the addiction is very common today. It is a gateway to utter doom. I Pray for help and healing for both of you. You need not to change your appearance for anyone. God created you. Please try to find a good and Holy Spritual advisor who is a Priest that will help you and maybe him too. The Sacraments,Eucharistic Adoration, Prayer. No matter how hard. God Bless you and wil Pray for you both.

 

[Adamski]

Ive caught my husband watching porn again on his phone he makes lame excuses denying hes doing it when its right there! I am devastated emotionally i feel like hes been unfaithful by looking at it i know thats ridiculous but im very very hurt if a man watches porn does that mean he wants those types of women or is it just the watching im so upset im kind of going obsessive with this i cant bear to look at him and his denial is really making it all more hurtful i need to know from a mans perspective is porn the road to cheating or am i being neurotic?

I was addicted from 18-33 and what cured me of all desire was saying the rosary it took less than a week. The reason I did look is because it was an escape from reality because I was depressed I didn’t know the lord. After I knew jesus sometimes I am still depressed except now I pray and it healed me before I smoked pot, looked at porn or drank and i still felt empty
I never felt that I would cheat on my wife it was only an emotional escape

Buy him some takes by father Larry Richards and encourage him to know jesus he can be healed instantly like I was

 

[Elena321]

I’m not a man but I just wanted to mention,as upset as you are,try not to address it with your husband in a way that comes off to him as confrontational as this might cause him to be defensive,angry,denial,blame you,shame or any other similar reactions.
Plastic surgery has it’s place,but this would be a very wrong reason to do it because it’s your husbands issue.
Does your husband see that doing this is wrong or does he think it’s just what men do?
If he’s surrounded by other men like this then he might not see it as an issue and perhaps the first step is for him to be “introduced” to other men-whether in real life or through a book-that have a different,more respectful view on women and relationships.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

No your not being neurotic. !
Porn is like taking drugs, I’v never needed drugs, I’m already silly enough,
But porn becomes an obsession, after a while you just can’t get enough,
It takes over your every action, I suggest you ask him how you can help him stop,
He will of course be embarresed by your questions, and tell him you expect that he is embarresed, and because of that, ask him to write down on paper how he feels ,
What he thinks about, tell him write it all down as if he is telling an anonymous therapist,
And you will read it as if you had received it from an anonymous person, and you will try to help him

 

[Sugabee43]

Please go the the group forum that bmaj suggested. It’s a wonderful resource and also just a great place to vent.

I HEARTILY disagree with one of the posts that looking at porn isn’t sinful or adulterous. Lusting after someone other than your spouse, whether you “do” anything about it or not, is a sin. Masturbating while looking at someone other than your spouse is adultery. It is unacceptable and must stop. Men don’t realize the overwhelming hurt and feelings of betrayal and resentment and anger that their wives feel when they do this.

He needs to get himself to a CATHOLIC therapist as soon as possible. Many Christian therapists who aren’t Catholic don’t understand the spiritual implications of breaking the marriage covenant/Sacrament. If he is unwilling, pray for him!! If he gets violent, LEAVE.

Prayers to you…

 

[katpants]

How do you find the group “Women Suffering Because of Unchastity”? I can’t find it anywhere.

You’re not alone with a porn addicted husband. Sigh…it makes me really depressed.

Kat