My husband is watching porn and its ruining me emotionally

[whm]

How do you find the group “Women Suffering Because of Unchastity”? I can’t find it anywhere.

You’re not alone with a porn addicted husband. Sigh…it makes me really depressed.

Kat

Here is a link.

forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=380

CAF removed “Groups” from the tool bar at the top of the forum pages a year or two ago. They have no plans to bring the links back. You can bookmark it or once you are a member, you can click on the a link under your ‘my groups’ section.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

He is enslaved to lust. This is an addiction. His denial of the addiction is because he does not want to be weak. There is very little reflection of you in his enslavement. In fact he is probably using you to divert his family and friends from knowing he is so small and weak.

Now your insecurities are keeping you from saving your husband and getting him to heaven. You have to find a way to stop “coveting thy neighbors goods” aka compairing yourself to every female (person/pictures). You are NOT competing with anyone. I know super hard when husband is hiding his weakness (porno) And you feel insecure. Once you come to peace that you are created in Gods image … You are beautiful just the way you are … The. You can help heal that sick little puppy husband of yours. Granted, its not a quick fix. Yes, you will biff it many times before you get it right for you both … But remember yôur goal in marriage is to get your spouce to heaven. Jesus came to free us from bondage. Use Jesus to free yourself and husband.

 

[white_sheep]

Ive caught my husband watching porn again on his phone he makes lame excuses denying hes doing it when its right there! I am devastated emotionally i feel like hes been unfaithful by looking at it i know thats ridiculous but im very very hurt if a man watches porn does that mean he wants those types of women or is it just the watching im so upset im kind of going obsessive with this i cant bear to look at him and his denial is really making it all more hurtful i need to know from a mans perspective is porn the road to cheating or am i being neurotic?

You’re being neurotic. While porn can cause problems in a marriage, you’re making it worse. Women always feel threatened by the porn and by the women in the porn, but I have found this to be unfounded. The fact that he gets upset when you confront him about it is a good thing, it means he feels guilty about it.

I would drop it. Our place as spouses is not to go micromanage the other spouse’s sins. Leave that to the priest in the confessional. What you should do if he is watching porn on his phone near you is to tell him to stop watching that nasty stuff in front of you and that he should go hide and do it somewhere else where you don’t know about it.

Invite him to go to confession with you and pray for him and with him. That is the best thing to do.

 

[camerong]

You’re being neurotic. While porn can cause problems in a marriage, you’re making it worse. Women always feel threatened by the porn and by the women in the porn, but I have found this to be unfounded. The fact that he gets upset when you confront him about it is a good thing, it means he feels guilty about it.

I would drop it. Our place as spouses is not to go micromanage the other spouse’s sins. Leave that to the priest in the confessional. What you should do if he is watching porn on his phone near you is to tell him to stop watching that nasty stuff in front of you and that he should go hide and do it somewhere else where you don’t know about it.

Invite him to go to confession with you and pray for him and with him. That is the best thing to do.

Pornography is a grave offense against chastity and against marriage. Objecting to it is absolutely the OP’s place, for her husband’s soul and for her marriage.

 

[katpants]

Here is a link.

forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=380

CAF removed “Groups” from the tool bar at the top of the forum pages a year or two ago. They have no plans to bring the links back. You can bookmark it or once you are a member, you can click on the a link under your ‘my groups’ section.

I REALLY appreciate this, thanks!

Kat

 

[bmaj]

Pornography is a grave offense against chastity and against marriage. Objecting to it is absolutely the OP’s place, for her husband’s soul and for her marriage.

Fully agree with the above. Excellent points, camerong. It’s extremely sad and disturbing that anyone would recommend telling their husband to go watch the porn somewhere where the wife can’t see or know about it. Porn has absolutely no place in a marriage.

 

[Elena321]

You’re being neurotic. While porn can cause problems in a marriage, you’re making it worse. Women always feel threatened by the porn and by the women in the porn, but I have found this to be unfounded. The fact that he gets upset when you confront him about it is a good thing, it means he feels guilty about it.

I would drop it. Our place as spouses is not to go micromanage the other spouse’s sins. Leave that to the priest in the confessional. What you should do if he is watching porn on his phone near you is to tell him to stop watching that nasty stuff in front of you and that he should go hide and do it somewhere else where you don’t know about it.

Invite him to go to confession with you and pray for him and with him. That is the best thing to do.

I’m not sure this is the best advice sorry.
Micromanage sins,no,but he still is married to her,he’s not single.
I don’t think it’s healthy for her or the marriage to refer to it as that “nasty stuff” and tell him to just do it secretly & put her head under a rug.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Ive caught my husband watching porn again on his phone he makes lame excuses denying hes doing it when its right there! I am devastated emotionally i feel like hes been unfaithful by looking at it i know thats ridiculous but im very very hurt if a man watches porn does that mean he wants those types of women or is it just the watching im so upset im kind of going obsessive with this i cant bear to look at him and his denial is really making it all more hurtful i need to know from a mans perspective is porn the road to cheating or am i being neurotic?

I’m just curious, thinking about this thread , and wondering about the value of answers here,
How about we have a social experiment, could the OP or anyone else, rate answers for straightforwardness , etc , from 1 to 5 ,how you think about each answer, 1 for best 5 for worst, I’m sure this excesise has maybe not been done before , could be interesting,

 

[eonporter]

i allow him to use contraceptives because we were abstaining from sex for months

Perhaps you should focus more on this apparently innocent statement in which you rationalize the use of contraceptives in your relationship. This is an important clue on what is wrong in the whole situation.

You see, the Church teaches that there are no “private” sins, in a sense that every sin that a person commits affects the sanctity of the whole church. It also teaches that when someone transgresses against any of God commandments, it is as if the person were transgressing against all of the commandments. Therefore, even when you commit a sin that somehow might be considered “less” grave (ex: using contraception versus watching porn) you can rest assured that to the eyes of God you are a sinner no matter how serious you think a sin is.

Why I am saying all that?

Well, let me give you a different perspective on your situation: your husband watching porn and you allowing him to use contraceptives are both equal violations of the law of God. Same commandment, same intention, same grave matter.

Can you see it now? By allowing him to use contraceptives you are actually pushing him towards sin!

There is no way you are going to lead out your husband to sanctity if you don’t approach the problem of your own sanctity. How can you show him that sex is to be sanctified as any other thing in your life, if you yourself is not treating sex it as if it were holy?

The first step here is realizing what this situation is really about: it is about getting the help of God to overcome your marriage issues, and His grace has to come into your relationship through a door… and that door is your faith, your repentance, and your true conversion to the Lord.

Look for a priest and confess your sins first. Take the first step and clean your soul, then get your husband to do the same. There is no other way out of this situation. You both have to straighten your relationship with God before you even try to straighten your own relationship.

God is the only true source of love in the universe. You cannot love your husband properly unless you love God first. If you love God first, then He will give you all the grace you need to overcome any situation in your marriage. Trust, and you will see.

God bless you, your husband, and all your family.

 

[kittyplant]

porn is wrong wrong wrong! even if he never physically cheats it is still like cheating because he is looking at OTHER women inappropriately… he is disrespecting them and you. You are his wife he is supposed to love and honor you. he is not respecting you or valuing you the way you deserve and the way he promised to when he married you. no matter what society says pornography is wrong. so if he fights with you about it he is wrong and you are right to be upset. you deserve better and do not let it make you feel less than. if he cant appreciate your beauty that is his failing.

 

[Birdpreacher]

erotica is healthy and natural. As long as he is engaged in viewing consensual adults, whats the problem?

 

[pensmama87]

erotica is healthy and natural. As long as he is engaged in viewing consensual adults, whats the problem?

The fact that it hurts his wife is reason enough.

Any married person should take it very, very seriously when they engage in a behavior that seriously hurts their spouse, whether or not they agree that it should hurt.

 

[Stephen_says]

erotica is healthy and natural. As long as he is engaged in viewing consensual adults, whats the problem?

This is a load of **** that society has fed you.

Pornography promotes violence against women and causes sexual dysfunction in men, there is a whole generation of men that are incapable or unwilling to engage in real loving relationships because of pornography.

The proliferation of the idea that oh, pornography isn’t a problem is the reason why 11 is the average age of a child who first views pornography.

11!!!

Oh, but don’t worry, it’s natural.

Bull.

It is abhorrent.

That being said, OP’s husband should be approached with Love. He is an addict and needs help.

 

[kittyplant]

This is a load of **** that society has fed you.

Pornography promotes violence against women and causes sexual dysfunction in men, there is a whole generation of men that are incapable or unwilling to engage in real loving relationships because of pornography.

The proliferation of the idea that oh, pornography isn’t a problem is the reason why 11 is the average age of a child who first views pornography.

11!!!

Oh, but don’t worry, it’s natural.

Bull.

It is abhorrent.

That being said, OP’s husband should be approached with Love. He is an addict and needs help.

word. i totally agree porn is a distortion of sexuality and is exactly NOT healthy. even the TED talks people agree.

 

[whm]

erotica is healthy and natural. As long as he is engaged in viewing consensual adults, whats the problem?

Porn is not natural. Our bodies are not designed to be bombarded with an unlimited stream of sexual stimulation. This is one of the reasons why it can be so addictive.

 

[kittyplant]

The fact that it hurts his wife is reason enough.

Any married person should take it very, very seriously when they engage in a behavior that seriously hurts their spouse, whether or not they agree that it should hurt.

yes and the only thing that is natural is the wife feeling upset, hurt betrayed…

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

fightthenewdrug.org/oh-the-irony-this-is-the-most-used-word-in-porn-comments/#sthash.2yF5eqZT.dpbs

This is a site fighting against porno. With articals like, “The most common word used on Porn sites is…”, an “How porn ruined our sex life”, and “men are choosing porn over marriage”.

Let us pray that our men be freed from these false idols.

 

[sagimore]

Obviously I can not say for sure, but if I had to guess I would say the priest probably deals with more porn confessions from men than anything else

 

[RACJ]

Ive caught my husband watching porn again on his phone he makes lame excuses denying hes doing it when its right there! I am devastated emotionally i feel like hes been unfaithful by looking at it i know thats ridiculous but im very very hurt if a man watches porn does that mean he wants those types of women or is it just the watching im so upset im kind of going obsessive with this i cant bear to look at him and his denial is really making it all more hurtful i need to know from a mans perspective is porn the road to cheating or am i being neurotic?

Very interesting tagline you have. “The fairy tale is true.” In the case of porn addiction, though, the fairy tale is false and destructive. Is it any wonder that so many men use up women and spit them out nowadays? There is little advantage to committing himself to a woman who might reject him, when there are literally thousands of images of women who never say NO to him, and never ask him to take out the garbage!

 

[Stillsosola]

Perhaps you should focus more on this apparently innocent statement in which you rationalize the use of contraceptives in your relationship. This is an important clue on what is wrong in the whole situation.

You see, the Church teaches that there are no “private” sins, in a sense that every sin that a person commits affects the sanctity of the whole church. It also teaches that when someone transgresses against any of God commandments, it is as if the person were transgressing against all of the commandments. Therefore, even when you commit a sin that somehow might be considered “less” grave (ex: using contraception versus watching porn) you can rest assured that to the eyes of God you are a sinner no matter how serious you think a sin is.

Why I am saying all that?

Well, let me give you a different perspective on your situation: your husband watching porn and you allowing him to use contraceptives are both equal violations of the law of God. Same commandment, same intention, same grave matter.

Can you see it now? By allowing him to use contraceptives you are actually pushing him towards sin!

There is no way you are going to lead out your husband to sanctity if you don’t approach the problem of your own sanctity. How can you show him that sex is to be sanctified as any other thing in your life, if you yourself is not treating sex it as if it were holy?

The first step here is realizing what this situation is really about: it is about getting the help of God to overcome your marriage issues, and His grace has to come into your relationship through a door… and that door is your faith, your repentance, and your true conversion to the Lord.

Look for a priest and confess your sins first. Take the first step and clean your soul, then get your husband to do the same. There is no other way out of this situation. You both have to straighten your relationship with God before you even try to straighten your own relationship.

God is the only true source of love in the universe. You cannot love your husband properly unless you love God first. If you love God first, then He will give you all the grace you need to overcome any situation in your marriage. Trust, and you will see.

God bless you, your husband, and all your family.

I chart and I just suffered a horrific ectopic pregnancy in October I’ll tell him a night is unsafe hell launch into a you don’t love me response then go to another room to see porn and I’m abstaining from communion till this all gets straightened out he says lack of intimacy is making him do this he could be lying my priest mentioned counseling but my husband says he’s too embarrassed