So, my husband found out last night without any notice that he has to leave town for a month today. I wasn’t surprised or anything as being military this happens quite often. However, I could care less. All my girlfriends keep asking me how I always keep so calm about it, because they are usually freaking out all dramatic and complaining about military life. I tell them I dont think its fair to make your spouse feel bad about something that is out of his control when he is serving his country and providing for his family. I tell them I believe its important to be supportive and to leave my husband without any worries that his wife is upset or unhappy. All these things are true, I do believe this, but the truth is, I could care less. I dont feel anything at all. It makes no difference to me if he stays or if he goes. The only time I get sentimental is when I imagine he somehow dies and never comes back and that’s the only time I can evoke emotion over the situation. What does this mean? Is this the contents of my true heart? Does this truly mean I dont love my husband anymore? I hate that I feel this way…or rather dont feel. I dont think its true that I dont care at all otherwise I would not be in despair over saving my marriage and seeking a happy one. Its time like these that make me more confused about what it is I am doing anyways. Can anyone relate?
I can somewhat relate. My husband is a truck driver. Before he found a local job he was gone anywhere from 3-9 days at a time. Sometimes they would say he’d be back home on a certain day and something would come up that kept him away longer. Sometimes he would be home for a few days, he’d catch up on sleep the first day, we’d make plans for the remaining days, and then we’d get a call that they had a run for him no one else was available to take and he’d have to head back out.
Some truckers wives freak out, get very emotional, get angry, blame their husbands because they are left alone to take care of the house and kids, etc. The divorce rate is pretty high for truckers.
I used to get upset and miss my DH very much when he first started driving. I’ll cop to even telling him I felt like a single parent and that I was very lonely. But I got over it and got used to it. I don’t get upset anymore and haven’t for years. That’s just how it is when your husband is a truck driver.
A few weeks ago, even though he is now local, the company took an out of state load and he was the only one willing to drive it to the customer. I got his gear ready (blankets, clothes, snacks and tea for when he can’t stop, his shower stuff, etc), picked up the kids from school, met him at a truck stop nearish the house to give him his stuff, and kissed him goodbye. I felt nothing, too. Not because I don’t love him, but because this is his job and this is just how things are for us.
Bottom line is that I love my husband, but I’m also a grown person who is completely capable of functioning without him. I still have the kids, pets, house, cars, yard, and bills to take care of no matter where my husband happens to be, so that’s what I do. We’ve been married for over 10 years now. I know I love him, I know he loves me, I know we’re committed to each other and our family, and I know he’ll be home eventually. I don’t see any reason to lose my mind just because my DH is going to be gone for a bit.
