My husband not interested in NFP

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Jocelyn

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Quick question,

My dh is Catholic and attends mass with me. However, he does not get into the nitty gritty of religion.

I am interested in NFP. I had a discussion about it with my dh and he said he doesn’t want to take a chance. (He is on a different level spiritually than me.)

What do I do if he absolutely doesn’t want want to.

Can I still go to Communion.

I am off of the pill after learning that 10% of the time it causes abortions. THANK GOD for that revelation to me.
 
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Jocelyn:
Quick question,

My dh is Catholic and attends mass with me. However, he does not get into the nitty gritty of religion.

I am interested in NFP. I had a discussion about it with my dh and he said he doesn’t want to take a chance. (He is on a different level spiritually than me.)

What do I do if he absolutely doesn’t want want to.

Can I still go to Communion.

I am off of the pill after learning that 10% of the time it causes abortions. THANK GOD for that revelation to me.
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You cannot sin by contracepting, however if your husband contracepts the marriage act (condom) then you are not sinning as long as you make sure he knows you disapprove and continue to try to get him to cease.

I would point out to your husband that he is already “taking a chance” as anything other than 100% abstinence has a method defect rate. And, wow, condoms have one of the higher rates. So, he should really learn more about NFP! 🙂

Visit www.omsoul.com for more info on contraception and NFP. Many men come around to NFP when they learn more about it.
 
Refuse to have sex with him. Your soul is more important than his misgivings.
 
I’m not so sure that’s the right advise. I think 1ke has a better handle on the situation.

It is a serious sin to refuse the marital act and is only allowed in the case of adultery. As 1ke said, pray for him, make it known to him and protest, but don’t refuse the marital act. It’s not uncommon to have differences in the levels of spirituality.

Jocelyn, search this site and others. Go to www.askfather.net and search. Plenty there, too. Hang in there and get him to heaven. You can do it. Your soul is not in danger because of his sin. His is. It’s up to you to get him out of trouble. Refusing him the marital act will only get him in deeper.
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bapcathluth:
Refuse to have sex with him. Your soul is more important than his misgivings.
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bapcathluth:
Refuse to have sex with him. Your soul is more important than his misgivings.
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Oh yes, this will do wonders for the communication and closeness needed to practice NFP…(that would be sarcasm)

I would try speaking to your priest and seeing if he can recommend a couple he knows to be knowledgeable or a teaching couple so he could get to know another married couple who uses it successfully, kwim? My DH was leery too…but he went to the classes with me and learned a bit for himself, and saw how much MORE we were ahem joining together in the marital act…it’s easier to be intimate more often during the “safe” periods b/c you feel so much more connected and desireable and desiring…at least that’s how it was for us. So he ended up being pleasantly surprised…and now he is as big a testifier as any woman on the benefits and bonuses of NFP

Praying for the Holy Spirit to speak to him from inside never hurts either…😉
 
Not being married, how does one go about enjoying the “marriage act” when you are doing it in a sense against your will? Why does the person with the morals always have to cave?

Partner X says “I can’t have intercourse because of XXXXX”

Partner Y says “I can’t have intercourse because of YYYYY”

And the answer always seems to be, the person who has God on their side relents…

For me, I would constantly have in the back of my mind, “this person is violating God’s will.” And KNOWS I am not happy with this. How would a person do that?

I’d feel the same way mandating intercourse when my wife was ill. Sure, we’d accomplish it, but would it be worth anything?

Not saying I have a better solution, hopefully your husband will grow with you…
 
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HappyCatholic01:
Not being married, how does one go about enjoying the “marriage act” when you are doing it in a sense against your will? Why does the person with the morals always have to cave?
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The issue isn’t who is caving. The issue is how to come to an agreement.

Saying “no sex until we do it my way - end of discussion” is not the way to grow in a marriage. This is a tough issue and I don’t claim to have the solution. I do know that approach will not work and will only create resentment between a husband and wife. That is not the goal of NFP.
 
Yes, I agree with you, believe me. A gauntlet is not an answer.

I just don’t think I would enjoy it much if I didn’t respect the person (not to put words in your mouth Jocelyn!)

I’d just be sitting there the whole time thinking “you are so wrong, you are so naive”; doesn’t seem like I’d have much heart for it.
 
It is simply my suspicion that a husband who disagrees with NFP might very well take her refusal to dtd with him as a poke in the eye, instead of a moral decision she has made for the good of her soul. If he’s not as “deep” into the religion, how is he going to understand why she’s doing this? He’s likely to take it as an act of aggression rather than her own self-denial as well. I think “refusing” to have sex with your husband is the wrong way to approach it. Kind of like, I get this image of her with her arms folded across her chest, back turned…“THAT’LL teach him!”:mad:

Just doesn’t seem to me the way I’d approach it… you can’t force him to change his tune by withholding one of the most sacred parts of the catholic marriage, it’s not fair to either. I don’t know…I just don’t think staunch refusal is the best way to nourish a relationship that needs spiritual enrichment as well…
 
My husband is just like the original posters, he is Lutheran and not very spiritual at that. 13 years ago when we met I was fallen away from the Catholic church and from God so I married a man who had the spiritual level of a child and since at that time I was not myself putting God first, gosh, oh, I could write a book 🙂
Anyways, long story short, I did find my way back to God fairly quickly, as I was brought up in a very strong Catholic family and I firmly believe that when you are brought up knowing right from wrong, it is very hard to stay away from God when he is calling you back, when I had my first child 12 years ago, I fell to my knees and confessed all my sins and thanked God for this awesome blessing, my daughter saved me 😃
Well, my husband is a great guy, hard worker, good dad, great husband and he does frequently go to mass with me and our four kids but he still does not “get it” and he may never “get it”
If I was to do it all over again, I would have married a man with my same values and a Catholic who lived his Catholic faith, but I didn’t and 13 years ago I was not living my faith.
So, each day, I take lemons and make lemonade, I pray many times a day for my husband and have asked my family to hold him up in prayer that one day in this life he may become Catholic and accept all the Catholic teachings. I don’t know when that will be and because he would not consider NFP at all and it was a severe danger for me to have any more children, I had my tubes tied 2 years ago, for awhile, I actually blamed my husband in my mind for not loving me enough to practice NFP or abstince but he would not and the doctor said NO MORE KIDS, if my husband would have said NFP all the way and followed it with me to a T, I never ever would have tied my tubes but he refused and I felt very cornered and scared. I have let go of my anger though, I’ve confessed my sins and I just keep praying each and every day for my husband, we have four kids and they need both of us and if by the grace of God my husband would ever change his heart, I would gladly have a tubal reversal so we could practice NFP.
It is a daily struggle, Daily!!! But, I have to give it to God each and every day, I know that God knows my heart and my struggle, I feel very much that God wants me to stay with my husband and I just feel very deeply that my husband is going to change someday, I don’t know when, but I will never give up.
Peace to you.
 
Thank you guys!! Love you guys for your info!

HappyCatholic- my dh is the most wonderful husband in the world. He LOVES me so much. His only goal in life is to make me happy. There is so much good I could say about this man. He is the most unselfish man I know. Right now we practice withdrawl (hope that’s not to much info). When I told him about NFP, do you know what his response was to me. It was,“It would be selfish of me to ejaculate inside of you every time we make love.” Of course it would feel better for him to ejaculate inside of me, but he refuses to do so, because he feels it is selfish on his part. (again, I hope I am not being to graphic. I just don’t know how else to put it) He is a sweet, sweet man and deserves to go to heaven. Now I am all stressed out about his soul.

God works in mysterious ways, you know. I am a cradle Catholic who goes to mass every week, did cursillo, marriage prep. Always knew the Church was against BC, but did not know HOW GRAVE the sin was until recently.

Anyways…After my beautiful daughter was born I went on the minipill (the only pill one can use when nursing) My wonderful husband saved me from the death pill, you know. One day he said, “Honey, I don’t want you putting all those hormones into your body. Don’t take that pill anymore. If we bring life into this world, it’s because of our love.” So off the pill I went. 2 years later, I discover it can cause abortions. IKES!! I went to confession after 13 years of not going to the sacrament. The thought that I may have killed some of my little babies was hard to deal with. However, I can’t beat myself up for it. I am forgiven.

I need to do more research on NFP.

I believe it that we can be closer in the ahem marital act. I can’t wait to prove it to him.

That said, I enjoy the ahem marital act way to much to keep it from him. We communicate better when the ahem marital act is GOOD!! (I think that ahem thing is cute, in case you didn’t notice.)
 
Kamz,
Thank you for that beautiful post.

I think it’s ok that we are all at different spirtual levels. Life is a school. We are here to teach eachother. My dh has taught me lots of things about being thankful to God everyday.

I’m guilty. I was one who always asked God “Why” and prayed for more. My husband NEVER does that. He THANKS GOD everyday of his life for all that he has. His heart is so good. He has taught me to Thank God every day also.

Ever since my little one was born, my prayer is “Guide, bless, protect us Lord” With my fingers, I make a little cross on my baby’s and husband’s forehead. My dad did that to us growing up. My dh doesn’t know that I do it.

Don’t give up hope. Do you have a patron Saint. Maybe St. Joseph would be a good saint to intervene in this situation. The Blessed Mother has her ways to. HMMMM!! Looks like I gave myself some great advice too!!!
 
my wife and I are going through the same problem. read “good news about sex and marriage” by Christohper West. My wife and i are abstaining right now. I talked to a priest in my parish and he is praying for her. pray for your husband. i hate contraception. i hope everything works out for you! God Bless
 
Jocelyn,

Good for you for giving up the pill and looking into NFP! I just started NFP this month. I am not married but soon will be so I am trying to learn my cycle. Luckily I am abstinate so I don’t have to worry about getting prego…yet. Anyway I suggest getting Toni Weschler’s book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility.” I bought a thermometer and it had a free sample of the software that goes along with the book. The software allows you to enter in your cycle lengths, temperatures, cervical mucus and cervical position. By using these factors you can accurately predict your fertile times.
 
Thanks for the feedback Jocelyn, that’s great. I am was not presuming for you, I am glad your DH is the wonderful man he is. Good luck and continued prayers 🙂
 
I don’t know very much about “the saints” and which ones represented different things, where can I learn about the saints and what they stood for? I’ve often heard people say they ask this or that saint to pray for them but I must admit, I’ve never known much about which ones to ask to pray for me in specific.
thanks for any help.
 
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kamz:
I had my tubes tied 2 years ago, for awhile, I actually blamed my husband in my mind for not loving me enough to practice NFP or abstince but he would not and the doctor said NO MORE KIDS, if my husband would have said NFP all the way and followed it with me to a T.
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My goodness. Even as a catholic, I am sympathetic with your husband’s decision (I may have gone with the “V” though). NFP is not 100% effective. Statistically you will get pregnant using this method over a long period of time.

Had it been my wife, I also would not accept the risk to her for another pregnancy that NFP would surely result in at some point, whether it be months or years.

I’m sure you know the joke, what do you call newlyweds who practice NFP? Parents.

Your husband isn’t rejecting the church so much as wanting to keep his wife alive. Admirable in my view.
 
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mattrue:
my wife and I are going through the same problem. read “good news about sex and marriage” by Christohper West. My wife and i are abstaining right now. I talked to a priest in my parish and he is praying for her. pray for your husband. i hate contraception. i hope everything works out for you! God Bless
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I hope it is her agreement to abstain.
 
When speaking to my priest about BC he said that my dh and I have to pray about it and God will tell us in which direction to go. That said, I know lots of priests who have counseled people this way. What do you all think about that?
 
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Jocelyn:
When speaking to my priest about BC he said that my dh and I have to pray about it and God will tell us in which direction to go. That said, I know lots of priests who have counseled people this way. What do you all think about that?
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This might sound harsh, but it sounds like a wimpy priest who is afraid to lose parishoners by telling them “no” even if it is his job…or maybe he knows you have to come to this on your own, together. That if the Lord leads you to the decision, it will stick better (not sure how else to say it) than if he led you there…kwim?
 
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