I just call my mom and ask, but if it’s too personal and I don’t want her to know what I’m praying for…lol, I google it! I just put in “patron saint of lost souls” or “patron saint of the dreadfully tired mother” – ok, making light there, but you see the method…
You sound the way I sounded 4.5 years ago! As we prepared for the birth of our first child, I was moved to the desire of wanting to look into NFP. My husband just was not there yet. I prayed about it. And then, 4-5 months after her birth, it was coming up on the New Year and I took the opportunity to express to my husband that we owe it to ourselves to look at it as an option and I wanted a family New Year’s resolution to begin using NFP. And, boom! He was open to it. We started classes that January and have been successfully using NFP ever since! It was amazing the first month we “used” it (meaning we actually embraced after probably 2 months of abstaining to learn my cycles) and when my next cycle started, DH looked at me with a grin and said, “It really works!” That DH…so funny.
The only sure way to not get pregnant is to abstain or complete hysterectomy. NFP is as effective as ABC.
yes but why could he not get a vasectomy then? He is Lutheran so it would not go against his faith, but he would not, he is terrified of any pain, he about passes out if he has to have a shot or blood drawn, that really hurt that he could not do that for me, but, in the end, did I want to divorce him over it? No, of course not but deep down, it was a hard pill to swallow, but again, I have to give it go God and let go of it or it will eat me alive and destroy my marriage
What do I think? I have been there myself and disposed of the dissident advice/counsel that I was given for my specific situation in a matter of morals. There will always be priests who deviate from authoritative Church teaching to offer their personal “pastoral solution” or to craftily connect the dots for a parishoner to “find” a loophole and to then offer sympathy/affirmation for the “sin” choice. This is one of the Church’s dirty little secrets that from my knowledge occurs with variable regularity behind closed doors and in the byways of parish buisness.
Rememeber, not EVERYTHING we are obligated to do has to, or will ever, make sense in some cases.
This is a misunderstanding that infortunately too many Catholics believe. If there is truly a life threatening risk to future pregnancy, the only 100% guarantee to avoid the medical risks of another pregnancy is to: 1) continence (abstinence from the marital embrace), 2) hysterectomy, or 3) castration. Any other method of ABC, sterilization or NFP still leaves leaves a chance of pregnancy. The only truly loving, unselfish and morally acceptable option for a Catholic is marital continence until the menopause. This is a cross that God puts in the path of some Catholic couples. You and your DH may want to get a second opinion regarding how actually “life threatening” your medical condition associated with a future pregnancy is, and consider your options from there.
This is simply untrue.
I think the priest is doing you a disservice by giving such a flaky answer.
Jocelyn, Mortal sin requires full knowledge and consent. So, someone who contracepts but doesn’t know it’s wrong (or has been told by someone they trust like a priest that it’s OK) are not in mortal sin b/c they lack full knowledge about the subject. It’s still wrong, but not mortally sinful.
As I’ve stated, hindsight is 20/20, if I could have seen my life 13 years ago before I married my non Catholic husband and forseen my future, I would not have married him, I would have married a faithful Catholic who was willing to go with each and every church teaching, but I was very fallen away from the Church and was in fact living with my husband before marriage and we got pregnant with our daughter before being married, have I gone over it again and again in my head? You bet!! Do I wish I would have known then what I know now? All the time! But, I married this man, and we have four kids and he is not a Catholic and he does Not feelt he same about the Catholic faith and teachings as I do, so, what do I do?? Divorce him? I asked him to seek couseling with me and he said no, he does not see where we need it and he was not willing to practice NFP or abstince, he thought the abstince thing was Insane and we had some very not nice arguments, yes, in this area my husband drives me NUTS, he and I can’t agree in this area, but, he is my husband and he is a wonderful father and I can’t see how I can commit one sin to make another sin right, like, divorce my husband so I can not have sex etc.
My (former) priest said this to us, too. More than once. DH and I lived together before we were married; we were told that we had a conscience of morality and if we thought it was okay then it was. We lived together for almost four years before marriage and not once were we denied communion or told it was against Church teaching. Then we got married and had a baby (and, yes it was in that order
). After our baby we talked to the priest about contraception and he said we were not risking our souls if we did contracept. So, we did (barrier method).Kamz, don’t beat yourself up or even consider that you should have done something else. It may have been God’s plan all along that you marry this man and this is your cross. Or, even if you made a choice contrary to the Holy Spirit’s plan, trust that He is working within you now as you go forward. I sense the latter from what you said below.
You’ve gotten alot of advice in this tread. Some good and some in my opinion not so good. Most of the simplistic comments are probably the least valuable. You have a very complex situation. I think your efforts to talk to other couples is a great witness and making “lemonade”. I think that your commitment to pray for your husband is definitely a great sign of your understanding that it is only with God’s help this can all be reconciled.
“Withdrawl” is one of the least effective forms of birth control. Sperm can be found in the pre-ejaculation male fluids, which means it’s still possible to get pregnant even if the man “pulls out.” It’s ineffective as well as being morally wrong.
I’m biased. We use ABC for health reasons. It would be very dangerous for my wife and life threatening for any baby we have for us to get pregnant without thoroughly planning the conception.