My husband of 26 years left

[mommy_k]

To the OP. I am sorry you are going through this. Right now you need both spiritual and practical advice–so please see a priest and a very good lawyer to guide you.

This will protect you and your son. I would not hide this from the priest, yet I would not tell people outside the family until you see a lawyer-- follow the lawyers advice. Do not give your husband any ammunition to use. You also don’t want this to affect your son by gossip of outsiders. If you have extended family to support you emotionally and spiritually, then these are the people to go to for support now. I am not condoing hiding his behavior or divorce, I am condoning providing yourself and son a safety net.

If your husband is not living at home-I think this is supposed to be a good thing for you legally. I would not let him move back in, and I would limit contact with him. I would stop trying to reason with him now. Don’t give the appearance to him that you need him at all on any level.

As for reconciling–when the newness and excitement of this affair wears off-your husband may start thinking rationally again, but you should have all these things in place. He has made his decision to put his own needs before his family.the woman he is with knows he is married, so she had questionable staying power too.

This is not your fault at all, and do not blame yourself for it, or let him twist things to make you feel guilty. Be strong, be smart, and pray for him.

 

[pianistclare]

I don’t know what anything “sounds like” to you. Just try to read whatever someone writes for what it is. Avoid speculative leaps to conclusions, especially uncharitable ones. The Irish can’t read minds and we shouldn’t try.

And
the Irish can’t read minds" is your type of charitable comment?

Wow. What a sport.

 

[1990Domer]

OH Thank you, thank you so much! So many uplifting words of wisdom and serious things for me to think over. I will read and re read in the morning when my head is not so cloudy from this day of despair. Thank you for your prayers!!!

Julia, I said a rosary for you today. I feel for you. I am so sorry.

 

[julia1234]

Thank you all so much for your kindness and prayers. Thank you for the Rosary!! My husband texted me on Tuesday that he would like to talk on Friday. I have no idea what he wants to talk about. My son saw him drive by us on our way home from school yesterday later than normal, he was all excited we saw him. What he did not know though is that my husband was on his way to her apt., he has no other reason to drive the way he was. It just hit me like a brick even though I knew he is seeing her, seeing him actually driving there was hard. Anyway, in response to him going to AA, he would never do it because he does not think he drinks too much. I did go to see a Catholic counselor, an older male thinking my husband would be more open to that, in the weeks between me forgiving him and us ‘working it out’, but after he was pushing me away again and saying he wanted to go to the boat. When I asked if he would go to the counselor with me he flat out refused. An earlier response to this thread brought up why we did not see a counselor in our past before all of this. The reason is I thought I was fine with our marriage and learned to live with him the way he was, just not happy with his financial decisions etc. but never thinking it would harm our marriage or that I would ever consider leaving him over it. He never indicated to me our marriage was in that much trouble so it never came up. Also, as I said before, he believes counselors messed up his sisters and the one’s he has met he claims are all nuts. So now I’m starting to feel better about his story of me rejecting him not adding up. Thank you for all of the insight. It has occurred to me, why did he never have his big serious talk with me until he met her? I thought of this before but it didn’t really sink it and I still doubted myself. When he became obviously dark and depressed over ‘us’ and I jumped into gear to fix the things about me he complained of, all with a renewed love and appreciation for him, (before I knew of the affair) yet he still stayed with her. This doesn’t make sense if the complaint was rejection. He is now rejecting me even after I asked for forgiveness for any wrong doings and there was no more ‘rejection’ and a lot more me initiating. What I can see as a possibility is if he has fallen out of love/attraction with me and is just into her so much more, this could make sense. Although he was very into me and her at the same time I realize now, so his attraction for me didn’t go away until the second go around with her. It hurts horribly when I think of it this way, that he simply doesn’t want me anymore, but it seems more real than his story, and maybe he’s to ‘nice’ to tell me flat out that he isn’t attracted to me anymore maybe. I guess I really don’t know. Leaving a marriage where two people get along in all other ways is not logical to begin with. Leaving your son only to see him once or twice a week is not logical. Leaving your wife alone to care for that son day in day out, is not logical. (I am grateful he is not playing games with that though). I still have not seen the Priest but I plan to set it up. I just feel so drained I’m not ready. I did see a lawyer as suggested. She gave me papers to fill out and file on my own, but I feel to weak at this point to start. I can’t really afford her and don’t even know what I would want from him. He has no steady income so how can I count on child support of alimony. It is so sad just looking at the asset list and thinking of filling in everything we have and then splitting it. So sad, I just can’t do it yet. Thank you for listening.

 

[pianistclare]

Wow.
Several things.
“nice” men don’t cheat. He’s not nice. Stop thinking that you just misunderstand him.
He is playing games. There’s no other way to her apt? So your son " got to see him whiz by?
You don’t know what to get from him if you divorce? The judge will have plenty to say about that. Start listing all assets and things that you have acquired.
The papers need to be filled out. You’re in denial
If nothing goes any further great, but protect yourself.
If he has no job, no income, who is paying your bills, your son’s support now?
What do you think he wants to talk about?
What, exactly /
Are you mentally prepared for that conversation?
See the priest asap.
You need support, help, guidance, in real life.

In real life.

 

[julia1234]

Pianist Clair: It is a very busy street and my son is an Eagle eye for cars, especially his Dad’s. The way he drove is actually only one of two main streets to take there and I know he was at our home just before to drop some stuff off so that is the route he would take. I’m guessing he either forgot, or thought we wouldn’t see him, or he may have assumed we would home the other way. It is odd that he wasn’t more careful. As far as money, he does OK, just earns it unevenly. We go from waiting for a big check to come to pay that months bills, to sometimes having a few of months expenses in the bank, but never more than that. If there is he will purchase something big. It’s just freelance work so the clients change and the amount per month can drastically change. He does have three or four regular clients. I don’t think I’m mentally prepared to speak with him because I go from feeling complete anger to complete neediness still. I thought I was settling down but it all came back again. I’m thinking I’ll keep it to a phone conversation, not face to face. He has the advantage because he knows what he plans to say. I think when he tries to set our talk up I can ask first by text what he wants to talk about. OK, I’ll call and see if I can the Priest tomorrow. Maybe before talking to my husband if he is free. I’ll probably feel calmer if I do that first. Thanks.

 

[EasterJoy]

Yes, Julia1234, your post was Too Much Information. Calumny, maybe. There’s a lot that you spilled that the Internet does not need to see. By doing that you may even have created another obstacle to the healing of your marriage.

To all the other commenters in this thread (and too many other threads in the Catholic Answers Forum that are similar), please keep in mind that you have only heard one side of this story. Try to keep from throwing stones.

From what you have revealed, Julia1234, I suppose you and your man had a long period of childlessness in your marriage. If so, this was heartbreaking for each of the two of you–a cross you both bore. Any marriage strains under such a burden. You also mention money problems, that too is another strain on a marriage and women are the ones most often tempted to disrespect their spouse when the marital household faces money problems.

I don’t know your man’s side of the story, but you say he spoke of your “sexual rejections over the years”. (I am disappointed that at least one other correspondent here blew that off.) All the women here, hear this: when you sexually reject your man with whom you are consecrated as one flesh, you have deeply wounded him and broken with him. It is a woman’s way of being unfaithful to her man. All of us must teach our daughters this as they grow into their womanhood and we prepare them for the glorious vocation of marriage. Whether your man takes it quietly and stoically or loudly rebels, know this: your unfaithful rejection wounds his heart and tears at your marriage bond. And your man is bewildered if you do not know this.

Regrettably, Julia1234, your story does not include either of you seeking marriage counseling when your husband felt repeated hurtful sexual rejections nor when the earlier affair you claim to have discovered came to light. Of course, the typical man is reluctant to go to a marriage counselor but don’t dismiss his reluctance as irrational or wrong. It’s not. Still, if either spouse feels the marriage is struggling and believes that marriage counseling could help then I recommend going–even if one spouse goes and the other does not. But be sure to verify that the counselor understands, fully understands, your Catholic view that marriage is indissoluble in this life and that you want to heal your marriage. Too many who put up Marriage Counselor on their shingle are ok with guiding clients into divorce–most of them, probably. So be careful. Ask your priest if he knows of a marriage counselor who helps Catholics heal their marriages, if he doesn’t know one personally he should be able to direct you to another priest who does. (A good priest will help anyone who asks for such help, even someone who is not Catholic.) Ask your Catholic relatives and friends. Call the diocesan office and ask there for a referral too.

You mentioned that drinking has been a problem in your marriage. Consider contacting AA or Al-Anon and asking if there is a mostly-Catholic group in your area. Then go to the one that is appropriate for your situation.

Oh, Julia1234, do not give up on your marriage. You are wedded to your man for as long as you both shall live, for better or worse. Now is a portion of that “worse”. I hear despair in your post, reach out for help to those around you. But do not let them poor-mouth your marriage–you require them to help strengthen you through this trial, not to tear you and your marriage down. Pray to God to give you, your man, your son, and all the guardian angels the graces to strengthen you all in this struggle. Pray to Mary and her most chaste spouse Joseph that they too will petition God with you as you pray for the healing of your marriage, your man, your boy, and yourself. Be sure to include in your prayer requests the grace to be receptive to your man and welcome him back home when he turns again to his one true wife with whom he is one flesh. Keep your home ready to receive him and let him know that even if you do not contact him every day, you are ready to welcome him back every day, that you have tied the proverbial yellow ribbon 'round your heart for him. From time to time, let him know without being prideful of what you are doing toward your goal of reuniting with him and healing your marriage–keeping up attendance at Sunday Mass, seeking/attending counseling and/or support group(s), fasting (don’t pick a grueling fast, see a priest for advice first!), financial planning, completing a novena of prayers, personal fitness, and such like.

In your post you acknowledge some of your own shortcomings in how you treated your man. Introspecting and admitting ones own wrongs is hard to do in such a crisis as you now face, Julia1234. It is humbling. I believe that by doing so you will be able to make a good confession of your own offenses, be more understanding of your man’s faults, and by doing so gain graces that will help you bear this cross and when you reconcile with your man.

Finally, remember that you are through your baptism an adopted daughter of God and a sister of Our Lord Jesus. You know what to do to be made clean and walk in grace with Jesus and His human family again. I pray for you, your man, and the son of your marriage.

Canon law excuses the innocent spouse from the duties of the common conjugal life. There isn’t an “excuse due to shortcomings” clause unless the innocent spouse tacitly condoned the adultery.

If her husband felt she was failing her conjugal duties, his option was to go to her with that complaint directly. It is a grave insult to chastity to make excuses for what he did, instead.

While they may both have a lot of work to do in order to save their marriage, it is totally out of place to expect anything but full repentance and full renunciation of his adultery. Period.

 

[pianistclare]

Julia, do speak with the priest.get individual counseling. The Chancery office has resources where pay only what you can afford.I fear you’re not going to look out for yourself. So what if its a busy road? He flaunting his affair and the child is caught in the middle.
Get help. You’re still in shock/denial. Protect yourself.

 

[Irishmom2]

I don’t think I’m mentally prepared to speak with him because I go from feeling complete anger to complete neediness still. I thought I was settling down but it all came back again. I’m thinking I’ll keep it to a phone conversation, not face to face. He has the advantage because he knows what he plans to say.

This is the time for you to be strong and to have a voice, not to be needy or emotional. Remember that your son needs you to be strong.

We are all imploring you to speak to your priest before you speak to your husband. Your husband can wait. He is the one that is not doing what is right for your marriage, he can wait. You do not have to work on his schedule. You do not have to decide anything or have all of your answers prepared.

And no, do not speak to him over the phone. See him face to face, not with the possibility of someone else standing by his side to prop him up and coach him. See him on your terms, in your house even. Let him see all that he is missing at home.

Ask, but do not beg him, to go to counseling to save your marriage. Tell him it is the least he can do for your marriage. If he refuses, go to counseling for yourself.

Don’t let him go without trying. We are all praying for you.

 

[1990Domer]

I don’t know what anything “sounds like” to you. Just try to read whatever someone writes for what it is. Avoid speculative leaps to conclusions, especially uncharitable ones. The Irish can’t read minds and we shouldn’t try.

Michelin, I took great offense at you insinuating that the husband strayed because his wife was not more intimate with him. No offense, that is a beautiful part of marriage. Sadly, both women and men sometimes cannot fulfill this area of marriage due to one or the other spouse having medical issues of some sort.

My DH and I could not have relations for almost a year because of a rare gyn problem I had. I was in pain 24/7 and to many doctors. Finally a specialist had hear about my condition before and knew how to rectify it. I felt awful for my DH, as this happened early in our marriage. His reply, as I expressed my feeling I was hurting his was this, “I was chaste for 24 years, so several months won’t hurt me. I want you to be healthy.”

I’m sorry, but I don’t think women need to perform for their DH’s carte blanche. There is a give and take. Marital love respects that.

 

[EasterJoy]

This is the time for you to be strong and to have a voice, not to be needy or emotional. Remember that your son needs you to be strong.

We are all imploring you to speak to your priest before you speak to your husband. Your husband can wait. He is the one that is not doing what is right for your marriage, he can wait. You do not have to work on his schedule. You do not have to decide anything or have all of your answers prepared.

And no, do not speak to him over the phone. See him face to face, not with the possibility of someone else standing by his side to prop him up and coach him. See him on your terms, in your house even. Let him see all that he is missing at home.

Ask, but do not beg him, to go to counseling to save your marriage. Tell him it is the least he can do for your marriage. If he refuses, go to counseling for yourself.

Don’t let him go without trying. We are all praying for you.

“This is the time for you to be strong and to have a voice, not to be needy or emotional.”

Did you want to re-phrase that? Being “too needy” is when you confuse what you want with what you actually need. I have no reason to believe the OP is doing that.

It might be a good idea for her to have a go-between or to only agree to speak with him after she’s had some counselling, but good grief, of course she is going to be emotional!! Who wouldn’t?!? If she wants support, if she doesn’t want to talk to him face-to-face alone, then she should not have to do it.

Of course she is wounded and needs some healing before she can decide what she wants to do with a level head. When you **need **something, you need it. It isn’t a want. It isn’t a self-indulgence, and it isn’t a weakness.

It is praiseworthy to re-admit the wayward spouse to the common conjugal life, but it is wrong to do it before being ready. Why? Because it makes the offending spouse into a yo-yo. That is why canon law says this:

Can. 1152 §1. Although it is earnestly recommended that a spouse, moved by Christian charity and concerned for the good of the family, not refuse forgiveness to an adulterous partner and not disrupt conjugal life, nevertheless, if the spouse did not condone the fault of the other expressly or tacitly, the spouse has the right to sever conjugal living unless the spouse consented to the adultery, gave cause for it, or also committed adultery.

§2. Tacit condonation exists if the innocent spouse has had marital relations voluntarily with the other spouse after having become certain of the adultery. It is presumed, moreover, if the spouse observed conjugal living for six months and did not make recourse to the ecclesiastical or civil authority.

**Can. 1155 **The innocent spouse laudably can readmit the other spouse to conjugal life; in this case the innocent spouse renounces the right to separate.

These are laws that are not “enforced” any more in a formal way, at least not in the US, but they reflect the wisdom of the Church on these matters, won by long experience.

If she’s going to forgive him and take him back, she needs to know that if he does not re-offend then he can count on really and truly being fully taken back. No yo-yo treatment, no second-class citizen treatment, no willful withholding of affection as a punishment, but only real mutual work to heal the wound that will take both time and mutual effort to heal. That requires that he can give her some assurance of a firm purpose of amendment. She can’t live as a yo-yo, either.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Yes, Julia1234, your post was Too Much Information. Calumny, maybe. There’s a lot that you spilled that the Internet does not need to see. By doing that you may even have created another obstacle to the healing of your marriage…

I disagree since we needed the information to help her. And this is anonymous so no one really knows who she is. Personally, I am grateful she shared since she is getting a lot of support from other posters

To all the other commenters in this thread (and too many other threads in the Catholic Answers Forum that are similar), please keep in mind that you have only heard one side of this story. Try to keep from throwing stones.

We are NOT throwing stones, we are telling her the truth, ie she deserves better than to have a husband who cheats

From what you have revealed, Julia1234, I suppose you and your man had a long period of childlessness in your marriage. If so, this was heartbreaking for each of the two of you–a cross you both bore. Any marriage strains under such a burden. ]

huh? you can’t be serious??? Where in her post was that an issue

You also mention money problems, that too is another strain on a marriage and women are the ones most often tempted to disrespect their spouse when the marital household faces money problems.

She is NOT disrespecting her husband for being a low earner, she is annoyed he spends more than they can afford on non-essentials such alcohol. It is only natural for a woman to want her husband to be a responsible spender

I don’t know your man’s side of the story, but you say he spoke of your “sexual rejections over the years”.

no, she said he wanted her to perform acts that were a bit too much for her and she was intimate with him an average of once a week. I am sure a lot of married men would love to have intimacy that often

All the women here, hear this: when you sexually reject your man with whom you are consecrated as one flesh, you have deeply wounded him and broken with him.

No Michelin YOU HEAR THIS: A wife has the right to say no. She is not suppose to be intimate just because her husband snaps his fingers

It is a woman’s way of being unfaithful to her man.

Nope, the OP did NOT cheat on her husband

All of us must teach our daughters this as they grow into their womanhood and we prepare them for the glorious vocation of marriage.

I sincerely hope you have no daughters. What mother teachers her daughter to be her husbands sex toy !!!

Whether your man takes it quietly and stoically or loudly rebels, know this: your unfaithful rejection wounds his heart and tears at your marriage bond. And your man is bewildered if you do not know this.

A selfish immature boy is bewildered. Good men understand their wives have limits

Regrettably, Julia1234, your story does not include either of you seeking marriage counseling when your husband felt repeated hurtful sexual rejections nor when the earlier affair you claim to have discovered came to light. .

Please don’t blame the victim

Of course, the typical man is reluctant to go to a marriage counselor but don’t dismiss his reluctance as irrational or wrong. It’s not. .

What a cruel double standard. She needs to understand and accept her husband won’t go to counscelling to save their marriage, yet her husband is allowed to be feel mistreated because she won’t have sex more than once a week !!!

I really need to ask ‘Michelin, are you a man trying to push a sexist agenda?’

I am too tired to give feedback to anything else you said. I am simply shocked at your post

 

[Irishmom2]

“This is the time for you to be strong and to have a voice, not to be needy or emotional.”

Did you want to re-phrase that? Being “too needy” is when you confuse what you want with what you actually need.

No, I do not want to re-phrase that. But since you seem to enjoy picking apart people’s words, I never said she was too needy.

You can also make your suggestions to the OP without involving my post in yours and she is free to pick and choose what she wants. This is not a competition.

 

[EasterJoy]

No, I do not want to re-phrase that. But since you seem to enjoy picking apart people’s words, I never said she was too needy.

You can also make your suggestions to the OP without involving my post in yours and she is free to pick and choose what she wants. This is not a competition.

Madam, my issue was not with anything she said, but what you were saying to her.

You say that the day your husband of 26 years walks out on you is not the time to be needy? *Not *the time to be emotional? If you don’t want to re-phrase, I say to you: Bad Solace.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Whether they reconcile or split, there are going to be years and years of dealing with one another. They both need to learn to deal with it. Avoiding is only going to make that child’s life about choosing one or the other. It’s not the kid’s fault, and cannot be put in the middle. They have to deal with it.

I never said the son had to choose or limit his time with his father. A 12 year old is more than capable of walking down the street to be picked up by dad. Also, as much as their will be times in the future (ie son’s high school graduation etc) where she will need to be in the same room as her ex, I don’t thin now is the time to start getting use to it. First she needs to heal and be strong before dealing with that. After all, if a man is going to cheat, I see nothing wrong with him having to pick up his teenage son at a corner store

 

[pianistclare]

“This is the time for you to be strong and to have a voice, not to be needy or emotional.”

Did you want to re-phrase that? Being “too needy” is when you confuse what you want with what you actually need. I have no reason to believe the OP is doing that.

It might be a good idea for her to have a go-between or to only agree to speak with him after she’s had some counselling, but good grief, of course she is going to be emotional!! Who wouldn’t?!? If she wants support, if she doesn’t want to talk to him face-to-face alone, then she should not have to do it.

Of course she is wounded and needs some healing before she can decide what she wants to do with a level head. When you **need **something, you need it. It isn’t a want. It isn’t a self-indulgence, and it isn’t a weakness.

It is praiseworthy to re-admit the wayward spouse to the common conjugal life, but it is wrong to do it before being ready. Why? Because it makes the offending spouse into a yo-yo. That is why canon law says this:

Can. 1152 §1. Although it is earnestly recommended that a spouse, moved by Christian charity and concerned for the good of the family, not refuse forgiveness to an adulterous partner and not disrupt conjugal life, nevertheless, if the spouse did not condone the fault of the other expressly or tacitly, the spouse has the right to sever conjugal living unless the spouse consented to the adultery, gave cause for it, or also committed adultery.

§2. Tacit condonation exists if the innocent spouse has had marital relations voluntarily with the other spouse after having become certain of the adultery. It is presumed, moreover, if the spouse observed conjugal living for six months and did not make recourse to the ecclesiastical or civil authority.

**Can. 1155 **The innocent spouse laudably can readmit the other spouse to conjugal life; in this case the innocent spouse renounces the right to separate.

These are laws that are not “enforced” any more in a formal way, at least not in the US, but they reflect the wisdom of the Church on these matters, won by long experience.

If she’s going to forgive him and take him back, she needs to know that if he does not re-offend then he can count on really and truly being fully taken back. No yo-yo treatment, no second-class citizen treatment, no willful withholding of affection as a punishment, but only real mutual work to heal the wound that will take both time and mutual effort to heal. That requires that he can give her some assurance of a firm purpose of amendment. She can’t live as a yo-yo, either.

I think she has exhibited plenty of needy behavior.
She melts when she hears his cheating voice. She’s making excused for him not really earning. She doesn’t want to talk to him in person precisely because she knows she will get walked over.
She’s going to be strong NOW…but it’s been a long time coming.
Who said she was withholding affection or is going to?
They haven’t even met to talk yet.

 

[pianistclare]

I never said the son had to choose or limit his time with his father. A 12 year old is more than capable of walking down the street to be picked up by dad. Also, as much as their will be times in the future (ie son’s high school graduation etc) where she will need to be in the same room as her ex, I don’t thin now is the time to start getting use to it. First she needs to heal and be strong before dealing with that. After all, if a man is going to cheat, I see nothing wrong with him having to pick up his teenage son at a corner store

Your IMPLICATION is that it’s OK for the son to meet dad somewhere is the sign/work of a totally dysfunctional family.
They’re not even divorced, and the minor child has to walk on eggshells so as not to inconvenience anyone and they don’t have to act like grownups for the good of the child?
THAT’s what I’m talking about.
You just answered your own question.
They’re bound by this child for at least 18 years.
They need to put on a cordial front. The kid doesn’t have to try to juggle his parents’ feelings. That’s for THEM to be adult about.
Picking the son up at the corner store is really really sad, and unnecessary.
And could very well work against mom if they end up in court.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Your IMPLICATION is that it’s OK for the son to meet dad somewhere is the sign/work of a totally dysfunctional family .

umm… the dad cheating has made it such that it is already dysfunctional. Now mom’s job is to show the son the best way to set healthy boundaries once someone no longer wishes to participate in the dysfunction

They’re not even divorced, and the minor child has to walk on eggshells so as not to inconvenience anyone and they don’t have to act like grownups for the good of the child? .

IMO as a woman when a man cheats on his wife, kids need to be shown first hand that woman don’t need that disrespect and there are negative consequences to men who cheat. I know a girl whose father spent her whole childhood cheating on the mom. Mom stayed with him for ‘the good of the child’. The issues that woman has as an adult are shocking. Mom should have shown her, women are not to be treated that way

They need to put on a cordial front. The kid doesn’t have to try to juggle his parents’ feelings. That’s for THEM to be adult about. .

I NEVER said mom should bad mouth dad. Kids need to learn parents have feelings and that does not imply it is the kids wrong doing. And if a man is going to cheat, it is next to impossible to deal with him as an adult

Picking the son up at the corner store is really really sad, and unnecessary.
And could very well work against mom if they end up in court.

Well, the legal system is not always the best. But at 12 in nice weather, totally ok to pick up the son at the corner store.

but then again, you do like to criticize my posts

 

[pianistclare]

umm… the dad cheating has made it such that it is already dysfunctional. Now mom’s job is to show the son the best way to set healthy boundaries once someone no longer wishes to participate in the dysfunction

**One again, you’re jumping way ahead.
Raising a child doesn’t HAVE to be confrontational. In pandering to the convenience of dad, one put the child in the middle. **

IMO as a woman when a man cheats on his wife, kids need to be shown first hand that woman don’t need that disrespect and there are negative consequences to men who cheat. I know a girl whose father spent her whole childhood cheating on the mom. Mom stayed with him for ‘the good of the child’. The issues that woman has as an adult are shocking. Mom should have shown her, women are not to be treated that way

**It’s not about the woman in this instance of “meeting up with dad.”
That’s a separate issue. True, it’s the cause , but it should be the result. **

I NEVER said mom should bad mouth dad. Kids need to learn parents have feelings and that does not imply it is the kids wrong doing. And if a man is going to cheat, it is next to impossible to deal with him as an adult
**

Who said you did?**

Well, the legal system is not always the best. But at 12 in nice weather, totally ok to pick up the son at the corner store.
**I guess you don’t watch the news. The convenience store is not a safe place. **

but then again, you do like to criticize my posts

** Well, that’s real mature. Look. That’s the second time you’ve said that. if you simply cannot engage in conversation without it being about you and your feelings then just don’t read.
I don’t know what else to say. I’m permitted to post my opinion. Really. I shouldn’t have to avoid threads that you are on. Is that what you are asking?
It’s called posting. Not total 100% agreement.


**

 

[Irishmom2]

but then again, you do like to criticize my posts

Why are you taking a disagreement in advice so personally?

Can’t people on this thread just say what they want without someone feeling like they are being attacked? Not everyone agrees with everyone, that is for certain. But there is no need for anyone to have to defend what they say. If someone disagrees, they should be civil and charitable and move on. Everyone is entitled on a public forum to have their own opinion.

Lets all agree to disagree without making it personal.