My husband refuses to have our marriage blessed

[HopeFaithLove20]

My husband was raised baptist but now considers himself non-denominational. We were married by a non-denominational preacher.

I have been away from my Catholic faith since I was 12, when my parents divorced. I have now been married for 10 years and have three children, I am 36. Since my first child was born in 2007 I have had a desire to go back to the Catholic Church. I finally had the courage to go to confession this May and started going to Mass. It has been very healing for me but also stressful. This has caused many problems and arguments between my husband and I. He believes all the lies that are told about the Catholic Church. He tells me I am playing with fire and basically going to hell if I believe what the Catholic Church teaches. I want so much to be able to take communion. Is that selfish of me to want something that I don’t deserve? I am about to have thyroid surgery (to check for cancer) this Tuesday. Part of me feels God is preparing me to come home. Does that sound crazy?

I am considering not going to my husbands church anymore. He says I will confuse the children and ruin our family by not going. I feel like I am losing my peace when I go there. The sermons always seem to be anti-Catholic but my husband says I am being overly sensitive.

Thank you for reading this and for any advice.

 

[1ke]

I suggest you seek counsel from your Catholic pastor.

If the only thing your marriage is lacking is consent in the Catholic form (i.e. no prior marriages) then you may be able to convalidate your marriage through what is called a radical sanation. The marriage is made valid without new exchange of consent.

 

[Christy_Beth]

I don’t think you’re being over sensitive. I think he’s being a jerk. I grew up a protestant, and thought that Catholics had everything wrong. It took God along time to get through to me that He wanted me in the Catholic Church. Pray like crazy, and have other pray as well. My reaction would probably be to not go back to that church. But don’t do that without proper advice from a priest or other Catholic counselor. The last thing you need is for your marriage to break up over this. But you can’t go against your conscience either.

 

[Jon_S_1]

My husband was raised baptist but now considers himself non-denominational. We were married by a non-denominational preacher.

I have been away from my Catholic faith since I was 12, when my parents divorced. I have now been married for 10 years and have three children, I am 36. Since my first child was born in 2007 I have had a desire to go back to the Catholic Church. I finally had the courage to go to confession this May and started going to Mass. It has been very healing for me but also stressful. This has caused many problems and arguments between my husband and I. He believes all the lies that are told about the Catholic Church. He tells me I am playing with fire and basically going to hell if I believe what the Catholic Church teaches. I want so much to be able to take communion. Is that selfish of me to want something that I don’t deserve? I am about to have thyroid surgery (to check for cancer) this Tuesday. Part of me feels God is preparing me to come home. Does that sound crazy?

I am considering not going to my husbands church anymore. He says I will confuse the children and ruin our family by not going. I feel like I am losing my peace when I go there. The sermons always seem to be anti-Catholic but my husband says I am being overly sensitive.

Thank you for reading this and for any advice.

Is your husband always so arrogant and demeaning?

If he truly loved you and your spiritual well being he would walk this path with you even if he thought it was all wrong. Walking it alongside you (not necessarily converting) but learning with you is the only way he can really learn and know if it’s good for you or not.

I’m picturing this is your husband when you told him you wanted to go back to mass.

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[LittleRose]

Welcome home!

Being in a denominationally divided household is not easy, but the graces you will receive in the Sacraments will help you.

I want so much to be able to take communion. Is that selfish of me to want something that I don’t deserve?

We are all sinners. Nobody “deserves” to receive the eucharist, but God’s grace and mercy heals us and makes us able to receive it. You wouldn’t even have the desire to receive it if God were not calling you to Him in the sacraments. Plus, you will need it even more, since you are in a difficult situation at home. Whatever you need to do to be able to receive the Sacraments, do it.

I am about to have thyroid surgery (to check for cancer) this Tuesday. Part of me feels God is preparing me to come home. Does that sound crazy?

Nope, sounds completely sane to me. Better than sane, even.

I am considering not going to my husbands church anymore. He says I will confuse the children and ruin our family by not going.

It may confuse them. Or, it may lead them to the Church with you. The beginning of my husband’s journey to Catholicism began when he was exposed to practicing Catholics and realized the anti-catholic drivel he had heard before was untrue. Keep in mind, your kids are more likely to grow up believing lies about the Faith if they never hear anything else. While it is true that spiritual disunity in a family can be confusing for kids, it is also true that you and your husband could be completely on the same spiritual page, and the kids could still decide to become atheists later (it happens). There are no guarantees. In the end, you must do what is right, pray hard, and leave the rest to God.

If you have the stomach for it, you could go to church with him for the sake of family unity, and then go to mass at another time of day. (When I was a teenager and my parents were away from the Catholic Church I attended their non-denominational service in the morning to keep the peace and then–blessed relief!-- mass in the evening.) But, it depends on the situation. If your DH and other church members are going to bully and pressure you either way, going to his church to preserve the peace may not actually improve anything. That is a decision you will have to make with prayer.

I feel like I am losing my peace when I go there. The sermons always seem to be anti-Catholic but my husband says I am being overly sensitive.

You are not being overly sensitive. Plenty of Protestant preachers are perfectly able to give sermons without being disrespectful of Catholics . You can’t be expected to feel peaceful while listening to religious bigotry (let us call it what it is) directed at your faith. You will have to decide how much of this you are willing to be subjected to.

I’m sure everyone on this thread will be praying for you, and your husband as well.

 

[robwar]

Is your husband always so arrogant and demeaning?

If he truly loved you and your spiritual well being he would walk this path with you even if he thought it was all wrong. Walking it alongside you (not necessarily converting) but learning with you is the only way he can really learn and know if it’s good for you or not.

I’m picturing this is your husband when you told him you wanted to go back to mass.

I’m not trying to justify bad behavior but we only have one side of the story in this marriage.
this is the downfall of the internet and only getting one person’s complaint or view of the smarriage. Sadly, Op had not been practicing her Catholic faith, she marriage someone who isn’t Catholic and now wants to go back (which is very good) but that is a big change to her spouse who isn’t Catholic and most likely wasn’t expecting this . There are several ways to go about going back to the church in a situation where one spouse is not Catholic. But coming on the internet and complaining about him doesn’t help the marriage or the cause. I would wager there are other issues in the marriage at play here. Digging in one’s heels over going to Mass might not be the best approach. Op should seek out help either with a priest or even a ministry like the Coming Home network with Marcus Grodi.
I think they can help her with going back to the Church with a spouse that is against it.

 

[LittleRose]

If he truly loved you and your spiritual well being he would walk this path with you even if he thought it was all wrong.

Jon S, while you are right that the OP’s husband should handle this with more intellectual openness, I think this assessment of his affection rather oversimplified. Would you walk with someone down what you sincerely believed to be the path to hell for the sake of true love?

While the OP’s husband’s response to her conversion process is less than sensitive, unless he has a history of arrogant and condescending behavior toward her, it’s really not charitable to assume that he doesn’t truly love her. It is certain that he is ignorant of what the Church really is. It does appear possible from his tone that the Op’s husband doesn’t trust her to find the right way, and that he may not even be interested in understanding how she feels. But, genuine concern for her soul is commendable at least, even if he is completely wrong both in his opinion and in his expression of it.

 

[Jon_S_1]

Jon S, while you are right that the OP’s husband should handle this with more intellectual openness, I think this assessment of his affection rather oversimplified. Would you walk with someone down what you sincerely believed to be the path to hell for the sake of true love?

While the OP’s husband’s response to her conversion process is less than sensitive, unless he has a history of arrogant and condescending behavior toward her, it’s really not charitable to assume that he doesn’t truly love her. It is certain that he is ignorant of what the Church really is. It does appear possible from his tone that the Op’s husband doesn’t trust her to find the right way, and that he may not even be interested in understanding how she feels. But, genuine concern for her soul is commendable at least, even if he is completely wrong both in his opinion and in his expression of it.

You cannot truly love someone if you do not will there good as an individual. I don’t see how the OP’s post indicates a truly loving attitude.

Hopefully I am wrong, and hopefully the OP gets this resolved with her husband. I have been in her shoes.

My apologies if I was uncharitable. I tried to answer the OP Honestly based on my experience.

 

[masondoggy]

My husband was raised baptist but now considers himself non-denominational. We were married by a non-denominational preacher.

I have been away from my Catholic faith since I was 12, when my parents divorced. I have now been married for 10 years and have three children, I am 36. Since my first child was born in 2007 I have had a desire to go back to the Catholic Church. I finally had the courage to go to confession this May and started going to Mass. It has been very healing for me but also stressful. This has caused many problems and arguments between my husband and I. He believes all the lies that are told about the Catholic Church. He tells me I am playing with fire and basically going to hell if I believe what the Catholic Church teaches. I want so much to be able to take communion. Is that selfish of me to want something that I don’t deserve? I am about to have thyroid surgery (to check for cancer) this Tuesday. Part of me feels God is preparing me to come home. Does that sound crazy?

I am considering not going to my husbands church anymore. He says I will confuse the children and ruin our family by not going. I feel like I am losing my peace when I go there. The sermons always seem to be anti-Catholic but my husband says I am being overly sensitive.

Thank you for reading this and for any advice.

I think that you have to follow your conscience. If God is calling you back into the Catholic Church, then you have to listen to Him. But that doesn’t mean there has to be war in your family over it. There’s nothing wrong with you continuing to attend church with your family. You are allowed to do that and still be in good standing as a Catholic as long as you attend Mass. BUT, if attending is harmful to your faith or you feel attacked, then that may be a good reason not to go.

I can only imagine how hard this is for your husband. It’s a huge curve ball for him and he has been taught his whole life that Catholics are going to Hell. You can’t fault him for being concerned for you. I think you need to ease into this conversion very carefully with him. The most important thing you can do is to pray for him so that God will soften his heart and maybe get to a point where you can have intelligent conversations with him where you can explain the “why’s” of Catholic doctrine. My husband had the same attitudes when I met him (he was raised Baptist as well) and over the 20 years I’ve known him, I’ve had various opportunities to explain things to him and I think that he at least realizes now that what he was taught about Catholics growing up was false. He may not agree with the teachings, but he at least got past the misconceptions. It takes TIME. and prayer!

I’ll be praying for you. I do think you should schedule an appointment with a priest to get the marriage issue sorted out and some guidance on the best way to convert without alienating your husband.

And also keep emphasizing to him that you still love Jesus and believe that He is your Lord and Savior but that you believe a different interpretation of the Bible…the Bible that Protestants insist is up for personal interpretation based on the reader praying for guidance from the Holy Spirit (unless they’re a Catholic, of course )

Also, study as much as you can so that when the topics come up, you are able to explain and defend the Church teaching and where they come from. This is a great resource here but there are also many tools out there to learn from. This is the most important thing when you are married to a non-Catholic, especially one who was taught the typical anti-Catholic beliefs/misconceptions.

I would highly recommend Scott Hahn’s book “Rome Sweet Home”. It’s about his conversion story. His wife had a horrible time with it but eventually converted also.