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Sheeniac
Guest
Your husband is definitely not acting like a normal person right now. Leaving - or even getting your dog out of the house - will disrupt the situation. This can go either way, so be prepared. You’re in my prayers…
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Celtic_FC
Guest
Kelly, you don’t deserve this, and I think you should get away from him. He sounds mentally unstable.
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ruslan
Guest
Kelly - get yourself and your dog out of there. You indicated your parents will take your dog - let them.
Get yourself to a shelter or a friend’s house .
Praying for you.
Get yourself to a shelter or a friend’s house .
Praying for you.
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Geremia
Guest
And this wasn’t a humongous red flag? Just because pornography is so prevalent in our society doesn’t mean that engaging in this activity isn’t adultery, likely in his case to be a mortal sin especially because he is a married man. His saying that it’ll take an act of God is pointless if he’s so completely shut himself off to His grace anyways. Please urge him to GO TO CONFESSION IMMEDIATELY; risking living with what is likely a mortal sin is very dangerous, not only to you but especially to his soul.
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Charlotte1776
Guest
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. 
You need to call that hotline ASAP and figure out what your options are. Ask them to give you a list of government programs you could be eligible for if you are afraid you can’t make enough money on your own to support youself. Even if you are making minimum wage, you can get through this! Don’t let money be a barrier to getting to safety.
Make a list of all the valuable property you two have (house, cars, bank acounts and how much is in each, retirement accounts, etc.) and contact a lawyer. If this ends in divorce, you are entitled to your property. None of it belongs solely to him.
I’ve also heard people suggest that abused women keep a stash of clothes, money, and other necesities in a backpack in case they need to leave suddenly. You need to get out of that house as soon as you can because he sounds dangerous. It sounds like he might be bipolar.
You need to call that hotline ASAP and figure out what your options are. Ask them to give you a list of government programs you could be eligible for if you are afraid you can’t make enough money on your own to support youself. Even if you are making minimum wage, you can get through this! Don’t let money be a barrier to getting to safety.
Make a list of all the valuable property you two have (house, cars, bank acounts and how much is in each, retirement accounts, etc.) and contact a lawyer. If this ends in divorce, you are entitled to your property. None of it belongs solely to him.
I’ve also heard people suggest that abused women keep a stash of clothes, money, and other necesities in a backpack in case they need to leave suddenly. You need to get out of that house as soon as you can because he sounds dangerous. It sounds like he might be bipolar.
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Ailina
Guest
Why are you bringing up this ancient post that hasn’t been active since 2008??
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delaford321
Guest
Do not treat this situation lightly. Seek help from a counselor or an attorney. It is good that you are reaching out on this forum, but more needs to be done. You are in my prayers. Please keep everyone posted.
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EasterJoy
Guest
No. Don’t confront him, OP, do not do anything to provoke him. Your husband is acting like a very dangerous loose cannon. Get yourself to safety. Do that immediately. The sin he may commit next could be a lot worse than looking at pornography. Someone could die. The quickest way to get him out of this burning building he’s in is to get yourself out first.
And no, as bad as it is for a husband to look at pornography, that does not imply that he’s about to act in a way that is remotely like this man is acting, let alone according to what he’s threatening. You may as well assume that a man who suddenly gets a hankering for cigarettes and fried pork rinds has brain cancer.
This man is in a very serious mental state, very possibly dangerous to both himself and his wife. He may be in the midst of a mental illness serious enough to mitigate is culpability or not, but not being culpable isn’t going to make his victim(s) any less injured if he snaps.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Apparently, Geremia thinks that if your husband starts looking at pornography and acting like an unhinged lunatic, he just needs to be told to go to confession? How, having read the 2008 posts, anyone could think the husband was remotely likely to repent and confess at the suggestion of his terrified wife is beyond me.
Nobody whose spouse starts acting like that should confront or provoke the person in any way. They need to get out, and only then look into whether there is a way to get the affected person some help.
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kildare
Guest
Kelly,
I think a lot of it might have to do with his LACK of belief. That is, his atheism is what is actually inducing his violent depression.
You see, as married men get older they often look back in their life in regret. It always happens, even for those of us who are by all accounts successfull in life.
Bombarded with images of perfect women from Hollywood and Pop Culture and exciting relationships from literature they gradually lose sight of the jewel of a being that they have there before them and begin to view marraige as a prison which is preventing them from leading their lives to the full.
This problem is particularly acute for atheists, especially in todays world, where you are supposed to make the most of a short life as best as you can - the premise being that the eternal reward will never materialise.
Like a childless woman who panics over her bilogical clock as she approaches 40, so too does the married man panic about his vialbility as a mate. He see’s his younger colleagues, out enjoying themselves, taking advantage of new liberties and yearns with burning desire to be set free. In the meantime, he sees his wife and his family as his prison-guards, chains maliciously stopping him from self-fulfillment. (by contrast christainity helps is to focus our attention away from the ego and on to the other, as shown by the example of Christ in the Eucharist).
Anyway denying the existance of God, he relegates his duty to be devoted, caring and courageous for his family to a mere option when he is in the mood. Simulatenously all good thoughts desert him, and are replaced by evil ones - every thought turns into a suspicion, every action an afront. He worries also about his money, veiwng his family and especially his wife as blood-sucking leeches. And so the hatred swells as the devil, his new master can only provide hate and envy, but never love and warmth.
The resentment can break out in many ways, some of them violent, but the underlying cause is the same : mortality in the face of unbelief.
How do you deal with this? I would advise not to let go, even if he is abusive. He is your God-given husband and so you must fight evil with good as much as you can. Remember to pray, but also remeber that the great works of literature, such as the books of Tolstoy and Dostoyesky are on your side as well, because this is a story that has been played out a million times. Man is ever a fool, especially when he renounces love.
God Bless and good luck
I think a lot of it might have to do with his LACK of belief. That is, his atheism is what is actually inducing his violent depression.
You see, as married men get older they often look back in their life in regret. It always happens, even for those of us who are by all accounts successfull in life.
Bombarded with images of perfect women from Hollywood and Pop Culture and exciting relationships from literature they gradually lose sight of the jewel of a being that they have there before them and begin to view marraige as a prison which is preventing them from leading their lives to the full.
This problem is particularly acute for atheists, especially in todays world, where you are supposed to make the most of a short life as best as you can - the premise being that the eternal reward will never materialise.
Like a childless woman who panics over her bilogical clock as she approaches 40, so too does the married man panic about his vialbility as a mate. He see’s his younger colleagues, out enjoying themselves, taking advantage of new liberties and yearns with burning desire to be set free. In the meantime, he sees his wife and his family as his prison-guards, chains maliciously stopping him from self-fulfillment. (by contrast christainity helps is to focus our attention away from the ego and on to the other, as shown by the example of Christ in the Eucharist).
Anyway denying the existance of God, he relegates his duty to be devoted, caring and courageous for his family to a mere option when he is in the mood. Simulatenously all good thoughts desert him, and are replaced by evil ones - every thought turns into a suspicion, every action an afront. He worries also about his money, veiwng his family and especially his wife as blood-sucking leeches. And so the hatred swells as the devil, his new master can only provide hate and envy, but never love and warmth.
The resentment can break out in many ways, some of them violent, but the underlying cause is the same : mortality in the face of unbelief.
How do you deal with this? I would advise not to let go, even if he is abusive. He is your God-given husband and so you must fight evil with good as much as you can. Remember to pray, but also remeber that the great works of literature, such as the books of Tolstoy and Dostoyesky are on your side as well, because this is a story that has been played out a million times. Man is ever a fool, especially when he renounces love.
God Bless and good luck
A
Ailina
Guest
**Whoa! Stop this thread that was ORIGINALLY POSTED IN **2008!!!o
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kildare
Guest
Sorry I didnt read the date of the OP. Hopefully things have improved for Kelly.
Still the issue is something that is relevant as its a very common occurance.
Still the issue is something that is relevant as its a very common occurance.
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Geremia
Guest
Pornography is still sinful even in 2010.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Well, yes it is, but did you read the whole post, by any chance?
“…He calls me names, which hurt me, and he threatens to sell my dog or take her to the pound whenever she barks…I am just so afraid right now. He blows up at me for every little thing and blames me for everything that goes wrong. The other day, he was driving our car, and started pressing the accelerator really hard and driving like he was insane, weaving in and out of traffic, almost hitting vehicles. I screamed that he was going to kill us both, and he said he didn’t care. I am scared of what’s next…”
Did you really read that and come away thinking that this is a pornography problem? Are you serious?
Let’s hope that two years later the man is sane again or his wife is safely away from him. In the meantime, let’s let the subject drop, as it was addressed correctly the first time around.
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