My husband won't shower regularly; I won't get close to him because of smell

[LucyK]

Here is something to think about. When I was married, my husband would tell me I had bad breath, he would tell me I was overweight and unattractive, he would tell me I didn’t know how to kiss, etc. He didn’t want to have sex with me. I was the one who always initiated sex. (I know I didn’t smell. One time I had just came from having a bath when he told me I smelled. Nobody else could smell anything bad about me.)

He finally told me that he didn’t like to kiss, and he rather masturbate than have sex. He said it was quick and easy gratification without all the work.

I would try to discover if this was your husband’s problem. He could be addicted to masturbation.

My husband is addicted to such as well. We go through long periods of celibacy. I mean looooooong.

 

[LongingForLight]

This could just be a cultural thing - showering is not a big thing for me or my husband, unless we’ve been exercising or doing dirty work outside. I’ll spare everyone here the details It could also be depression. The fact that his odor bothers you leaves it open for discussion.

If it is affecting your sex life, it probably would be good to talk to a priest or a good marriage couselor. Don’t forget to ask any counselors questions like, “Do you ever recommend divorce? Why?” to make sure they won’t discourage you both from working through this.

I also recommend the Love Dare from the Fireproof movie, or something similar, as the first step in getting your spouse to change. Basically, it helps you cultivate a more positive attitude towards your spouse and seek a deeper understanding of the role of God in your relationship. Afterwards, I think you will find yourself better equipped to ask your husband to change in a way that respects his freedom and makes him feel loved. I think this would be a very saintly way to approach the problem.

Praying for God to guide you and your husband to a resolution would also be saintly.

 

[Rascalking]

From the point of view of a man-

Get him counseling. Maybe it’s my OCD (trying to joke around a bit…sorry) but not showering , spending all this time on the net, lack of interest in sex, he might have some serious issues that he needs to see a shrink over.

Alot of guys (I’m 29, no children) feel like failures of their wife works or if their wife makes more money than them. I think that a man without a job, even in his subconcious, might ask questions like, “Will my wife still love me?” “Will she still respect me?” “Will she still be attracted to me?”

I think it might be best seen as a woman who has gained a huge amount of weight. She would ask the same questions.

He probably feels inadequate-like he doesn’t deserve you. For a normally healthy man to lost interest in normal hygine, sex with his wife, he might be very depressed, or perhaps have some sexual feelings he might not want to admit or bring out. He might have a slight same sex attraction (AI am NOT implying anything. It’s just that his behavior is very troubiling.

We’re praying for you. Keep us posted.

 

[LongingForLight]

Wanted to add . . . speculation about masturbation seems uncharitable, based off of what has been said here. Sometimes people just go through periods where their sexual appetite is lowered. DH and I have both been there, done that for months on end at different parts of our marriage without illicit behaviors being involved. And we’ve only been married for four years!

Since not showering and low interest in sex are both possible symptoms of depression, it wouldn’t hurt to ask your DH if he’s been feeling down. But I also wouldn’t assume depression based off of that - it just couldn’t hurt to ask.

 

[fghgj]

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[DiannaK]

**Am I the only mom who made it to 5 p.m. or 6 p.m. in a day and said to herself, “Oh geez, I didn’t even brush my teeth yet!”**I swear there were days I was so busy with the little ones that I didn’t even think about myself until the evening. Right or wrong, I made the decision to put my own personal hygene behind the needs and demands of my kiddos for a while. Even when they were napping, sometimes I chose to sit down and relax or otherwise take a moment to myself that didn’t include brushing, shaving, or washing. I realize he is only dealing with one baby, but I found the transition to one baby to be harder than the transition to two. I would give him time, encouragement, love, and sweet talk. He is still adjusting to his identity as a SAHD.

Nope … there are many days like that in my house. But I certainly don’t go around not showering for 5 days …
I think there are some underlying issues here.