My Husband's Emotional Affair

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dancingwithgod

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A couple of weeks ago, I came across some text messages on my husband’s phone, from a girl that my husband works with. The text messages stated that this girl was in love with my husband. Of course this floored me and I confronted my husband asking what this was all about. He told me that he has feelings for this girl and he was unsure of what he wanted to do. He had gone out with this girl a couple of times behind my back and lied about who he was going with. He said he was never intimate with this girl, that he didn’t want to cross that line, but that he connected with her on levels that he has never connected with me. He said he’s never felt this way about anyone, and he didn’t know now if marrying me was the right decision. My whole world has been turned upside down. My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We have an 8 year old daughter and another baby on the way. Our marriage has problems, but they are normal problems and they are all fixable with a little effort from both of us. In the recent weeks, he has decided that he doesn’t want to give his family up over something that he doesn’t know will work out or not. Of course, I am grateful and I’ve done nothing but pray and thank God. But now, I’m left with doubt, confusion, and most of all lack of trust. Please pray for me to be given the ability to forgive and trust my husband again. And most of all, pray for my husband, that he has faith and trusts in God that he is exactly where is supposed to be.
 
What is your husband doing to re-gain your trust? Is he willing to seek counseling together (and seperate)? Is he willing to find another job so he is no longer in contact with the other woman? Is he willing to give you an account for every single minute of his day until you feel safe again?

The two of you need to work together to improve your marriage and both of you need to be willing to go to the mattresses to make sure that nothing comes between the two of you again.

Just my thoughts. Hope they help.

Scout :tiphat:
 
Retrouville (I’m sure I misspelled that).

Second thing, so agree that he needs to get another job, a new cell phone number, new email - cut all ties.
 
kage_ar said:
Retrouville (I’m sure I misspelled that).

Second thing, so agree that he needs to get another job, a new cell phone number, new email - cut all ties.
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It doesn’t matter, if he wants to contact her, he will. Changing HIS information doesn’t do anything. He still has her information.

I can relate to the OP, and I speak from experience. This stuff sucks.
 
I’m sorry you are going through such problems.
May the Lord give you strength and to your husband wisdom!

Please seek for help, together with him!

Praying for your family!
 
RascalJones said:
It doesn’t matter, if he wants to contact her, he will. Changing HIS information doesn’t do anything. He still has her information.

I can relate to the OP, and I speak from experience. This stuff sucks.
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I agree that there is nothing that would guarantee anything, but if he was willing to change jobs, it would be a real indication that he is taking this seriously. It would also be a very real consequence. Even adults sometimes need to experience consequences if they are going to learn from their wrong choices.
 
dulcissima said:
I agree that there is nothing that would guarantee anything, but if he was willing to change jobs, it would be a real indication that he is taking this seriously. It would also be a very real consequence. Even adults sometimes need to experience consequences if they are going to learn from their wrong choices.
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I’m telling you, I know it to be true.

I just found proof here myself. I don’t know what my next step should be.
 
I second or third the Retrouvaille suggestion! www.retrouvaille.com

It’s a marriage saver. It’ll help you regain the trust and it’ll help him realize he can’t throw away his marriage and will open up his eyes about why he married you in the first place. It’ll save your marriage as long as the 2 of you are willing to work at it and give Retrouvaille a chance! I’m currently attending Retrovaille and it does work!
 
He SAYS he wasn’t intimate with her. But you can’t be sure. He went behind your back. He needs to be brought to task on this one. Let him know how you feel in no uncertain terms and what you expect from him. Set specific expectations and then don’t back down, If he can’t abide by that then you have a big problem indeed. I will keep you in my prayers.
Kathy
 
yessisan said:
I second or third the Retrouvaille suggestion! www.retrouvaille.com

It’s a marriage saver. It’ll help you regain the trust and it’ll help him realize he can’t throw away his marriage and will open up his eyes about why he married you in the first place. It’ll save your marriage as long as the 2 of you are willing to work at it and give Retrouvaille a chance! I’m currently attending Retrovaille and it does work!
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My darling sister OP, this is great advice. If your husband cannot commit to making certain drastic changes, then he has turned his back on your relationship.

At the very least, he should commit to changing the phone, job, etc., as a gesture to you. Then HE should sign you both up for Retrouvaille.

I wish I could give you a big fat hug, but I can pray for you and your family…so I will.
 
You poor dear, I’ll keep you in my prayers. Here is another decent website. I know there is another really good one that someone posted in this forum area before but I can’t remember the name.

Anyway:
marriagebuilders.com/
 
My reply may be different from others but I look at this from a new set of eyes. Making him change jobs would not be healthy and he may resent you and may not be financially appropriate. What is it that you think your husband connected with her on? Are you busy with your 8 year old and being pregnant that you have not made time for him? I have recently read the book Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, by Dr. Laura. It is an excellent book. Read it for you not your husband and have him look at it as well. Sometimes we go through life with blinders on and something wakes us up. This maybe is your wake-up, to hold him and treasure him for the man that he is. My husband has seperated from me and unfortunately this book may have been too late now. I also agree with Retrouville although I have not attended I think anytime 2 people want to make their marriage work it can with small efforts from both of you. Trust can be rebuilt with the power of your love for each other. God Bless you and I will pray for your marriage.
Kristen
 
kmc404 said:
My reply may be different from others but I look at this from a new set of eyes. Making him change jobs would not be healthy and he may resent you and may not be financially appropriate. What is it that you think your husband connected with her on? Are you busy with your 8 year old and being pregnant that you have not made time for him? I have recently read the book Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, by Dr. Laura. It is an excellent book. Read it for you not your husband and have him look at it as well. Sometimes we go through life with blinders on and something wakes us up. This maybe is your wake-up, to hold him and treasure him for the man that he is. My husband has seperated from me and unfortunately this book may have been too late now. I also agree with Retrouville although I have not attended I think anytime 2 people want to make their marriage work it can with small efforts from both of you. Trust can be rebuilt with the power of your love for each other. God Bless you and I will pray for your marriage.
Kristen
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This author is not Catholic, not Christian - I would be wary of stepping outside the Church for advice, marriage IS a Sacrament.
 
He would have been out the door the second I found out about him seeing another women without your knowledge (behind your back). I would insist he find a new job and cease all contact with her at once then attended counciling with you. This guy is a liar and I have no respect for liars. The stuff he told you about his feelings for her is ****. Tell him he needs to decide once and for all if he wants to be married to you and if so then he needs to act like it and give you the respect you deserve. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but I hear these stories all the time from Ladies who say “Maybe if I only tried harder or did this or that” You’ve kept your marriage vows he hasn’t. I’m not saying that you should take on a revenge mentallity but he should be called to account for his actions. If he’s not willing to stand up and be a man then maybe your better off without him. :rolleyes:
 
Thank you all so much for your prayers and advice. Most of you have stated that he needs to take another job, well the odd thing about this is, that he already excepted a job a month ago and we are relocating. We will actually be separated for awhile, he is moving first and then once our house sells and we find another home, I will move. I feel that this was God’s way of removing him from the situation and opening my eyes to what I have. I try to always look at the positive in every situation, and if this happened to help our marriage become stronger, then so be it. We have talked about going to a marriage retreat together once we move, but we are open for anything. Like I said before, the problems in our marriage where minor, but I’ve discovered that since they weren’t taken seriously, it caused more problems. So we both decided to do something on a spiritual level(a retreat or anything similar) to reconnect and to strengthen our marriage. Please continue to pray for us, that by moving and by working on our marriage together will only make us stronger spiritually as well as a married couple.
 
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