My husband's "pastor" friend

[Rose81]

My husband wasn’t brought up going to church Catholic or Protestant yet we married Catholic. Nothing Catholic interested him even if I wanted to talk “spirituality”. Now he has this Eveangelical pastor coworker he spends most of his time with (because of work) who “wows” him with his “way of talking”, yet also told him Catholics beleive in idols which when my husband told me, really offended me.I wouldn’t be surprised if this is not the only anti-Catholic thing said. Latley there’s been tension because of this between me and my husband and I would really like to confront this friend and ask him to have some respect for my beleifs and our marriage. What should I do and how?

 

[whatevergirl]

My husband wasn’t brought up going to church Catholic or Protestant yet we married Catholic. Nothing Catholic interested him even if I wanted to talk “spirituality”. Now he has this Eveangelical pastor coworker he spends most of his time with (because of work) who “wows” him with his “way of talking”, yet also told him Catholics beleive in idols which when my husband told me, really offended me.I wouldn’t be surprised if this is not the only anti-Catholic thing said. Latley there’s been tension because of this between me and my husband and I would really like to confront this friend and ask him to have some respect for my beleifs and our marriage. What should I do and how?

Your husband should be the one to tell his friend that he should respect you (his wife) and your beliefs, and that he really doesn’t want to hear anti Catholic rhetoric. He is also wrong (the coworker) in what he’s saying on top of it. I would ask my husband to kindly address this with this coworker…your husband shouldn’t allow another person to cause tension between the two of you. I hope he tells this to his coworker soon.

Does your husband attend mass with you? If not, that might be a good place to start with your husband, and maybe meet with a good spiritual adviser so you both can get on the same page. I hope that things get resolved.

 

[gardenswithkids]

My husband wasn’t brought up going to church Catholic or Protestant yet we married Catholic. Nothing Catholic interested him even if I wanted to talk “spirituality”. Now he has this Eveangelical pastor coworker he spends most of his time with (because of work) who “wows” him with his “way of talking”, yet also told him Catholics beleive in idols which when my husband told me, really offended me.I wouldn’t be surprised if this is not the only anti-Catholic thing said. Latley there’s been tension because of this between me and my husband and I would really like to confront this friend and ask him to have some respect for my beleifs and our marriage. What should I do and how?

This friend of your husband’s seems to have awakened your husband’s spirituality. That’s a good thing! Remember, it is a good thing if your husband desires to learn more about Christ.

That friend shares some things about Catholicism that is untrue. Don’t be offended, just correct any misperception and clarify what the Catholic church really teaches. It may be a great opportunity for you to grow in your faith too (and for an anti-Catholic pastor co-worker to learn more about Catholicism.) If you don’t know how to answer, ask people here on CAF to help explain it to you so you can explain it to your husband.

Avoid getting into arguements. When that starts to happen, take a step back, pray and keep your focus on Christ. Your non-spiritual husband is suddenly interested in Christianity and he’s asking questions about Catholicism. That’s not a bad thing–it’s an opportunity.

 

[whatevergirl]

This friend of your husband’s seems to have awakened your husband’s spirituality. That’s a good thing! Remember, it is a good thing if your husband desires to learn more about Christ.

That friend shares some things about Catholicism that is untrue. Don’t be offended, just correct any misperception and clarify what the Catholic church really teaches. It may be a great opportunity for you to grow in your faith too (and for an anti-Catholic pastor co-worker to learn more about Catholicism.) If you don’t know how to answer, ask people here on CAF to help explain it to you so you can explain it to your husband.

Avoid getting into arguements. When that starts to happen, take a step back, pray and keep your focus on Christ. Your non-spiritual husband is suddenly interested in Christianity and he’s asking questions about Catholicism. That’s not a bad thing–it’s an opportunity.

This is such an interesting perspective…I hadn’t necessarily thought of–good points here, gardens!

 

[Trishie]

Your husband should be the one to tell his friend that he should respect you (his wife) and your beliefs, and that he really doesn’t want to hear anti Catholic rhetoric. He is also wrong (the coworker) in what he’s saying on top of it. I would ask my husband to kindly address this with this coworker…your husband shouldn’t allow another person to cause tension between the two of you. I hope he tells this to his coworker soon.

Yes.
You and your husband will be in my prayers.

 

[MJE]

Yes, turn this lemon into lemonade! There are booklets, books, cd, dvd’s galore re: every misconception he may repeat to you. This could be a unifying moment as well as an educational moment for your husband as well as yourself.

 

[mlz]

This friend of your husband’s seems to have awakened your husband’s spirituality. That’s a good thing! Remember, it is a good thing if your husband desires to learn more about Christ.

That friend shares some things about Catholicism that is untrue. Don’t be offended, just correct any misperception and clarify what the Catholic church really teaches. It may be a great opportunity for you to grow in your faith too (and for an anti-Catholic pastor co-worker to learn more about Catholicism.) If you don’t know how to answer, ask people here on CAF to help explain it to you so you can explain it to your husband.

Avoid getting into arguements. When that starts to happen, take a step back, pray and keep your focus on Christ. Your non-spiritual husband is suddenly interested in Christianity and he’s asking questions about Catholicism. That’s not a bad thing–it’s an opportunity.

Such wisdom in this suggestion I agree! mlz

 

[Trishie]

Yes, turn this lemon into lemonade! There are booklets, books, cd, dvd’s galore re: every misconception he may repeat to you. This could be a unifying moment as well as an educational moment for your husband as well as yourself.

That’s a great thought! It does provide and opening for you, Rose! God works in mysterious ways!

 

[CoolRich59]

Yes, turn this lemon into lemonade! There are booklets, books, cd, dvd’s galore re: every misconception he may repeat to you. This could be a unifying moment as well as an educational moment for your husband as well as yourself.

It could even be a blessing for this pastor friend.

It’s been a while, but my recollection is that one of the speakers at a Catholic conference was converted in a very similar way.

The wife was Catholic and the husband was not. The husband started coming home with anti-Catholic tracts, tapes, etc. from his protestant pastor and giving them to the wife.

The wife responded by giving the husband Scott Hahn tapes responding to the specific topics for her husband to pass back along to the pastor.

The pastor listened to the tapes and, one thing led to another and he converted to the Church. Not long afterwards, he was giving a talk at a Catholic conference!

 

[manualman]

First you have to win over your husband.

Appeal to his sense of fairness to get a hearing on some of these issues. Once you have his attention, try reading Karl Keating’s “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” together. Instead of reading straight through, consider skipping some of the early chapters on examples of specific anti-catholic groups and get to the examination of the charges made against catholicism 98% of the time.

Betcha it covers all the stuff he’s heard.

 

[kage_ar]

The “Beginning Apologetics” series would be a great study to do together.

 

[Roy5]

THE PROBLEM IS…

The problem, in part, is that many teachings of the Church do seem 'pagan' to non-Catholics. Let me mention a few:

Transubstantiation, the idea that a blessing by a priest turns bread and wine into the actual body and blood of Christ. This doctrine seems positively primitive to most evangelicals and other Protestants.

 Place of relics. The reverence afforded relics in the Church offends many non-Catholics. They often are treated as though they actually have special powers.

  Mary and the Saints. Non-Catholics have a hard time with the adoration of Mary as well as prayers directed at the countless saints that have been canonized. 

  The Papacy. The idea that a Pope cannot speak erroneously in the areas of faith and morals tests the credibility of many. There have been various changes over the years (see Abelard's Sic et Non, for example). There was even an anti-Pope and such. The adulation given the Pope seems extremely undemocratic in this era of democracy - a reminder of monarchy with all of its vestments, splendor, perks and exaltation.

   Then, of course, you have such regulations as priestly celibacy and such forbidden practices as artifical birth control that alienate many non-Catholics. Many women, of course, feel that Catholicism is way behind many other denominations when it comes to their position in the Church.

 

[Rawb]

The problem, in part, is that many teachings of the Church do seem ‘pagan’ to non-Catholics. Let me mention a few:

Transubstantiation, the idea that a blessing by a priest turns bread and wine into the actual body and blood of Christ. This doctrine seems positively primitive to most evangelicals and other Protestants.

Place of relics. The reverence afforded relics in the Church offends many non-Catholics. They often are treated as though they actually have special powers.

Mary and the Saints. Non-Catholics have a hard time with the adoration of Mary as well as prayers directed at the countless saints that have been canonized.

The Papacy. The idea that a Pope cannot speak erroneously in the areas of faith and morals tests the credibility of many. There have been various changes over the years (see Abelard’s Sic et Non, for example). There was even an anti-Pope and such. The adulation given the Pope seems extremely undemocratic in this era of democracy - a reminder of monarchy with all of its vestments, splendor, perks and exaltation.

Then, of course, you have such regulations as priestly celibacy and such forbidden practices as artifical birth control that alienate many non-Catholics. Many women, of course, feel that Catholicism is way behind many other denominations when it comes to their position in the Church.

So you’re saying THE PROBLEM IS that non-Catholics don’t understand 1) Scripture and it’s proper place in Divine Revelation, 2) Sacred Tradition and it’s history 3) The fact that Christianity is properly a monarchy and not a democracy 4) Sometimes truth is harsh, but that doesn’t change the fact that’s it’s true, and 5) they don’t have enough faith in God to believe that He could keep a man from teaching something wrong - He could transform bread and wine into His body and blood - He could honor His Children by giving them a very real and solid part in His Kingdom…

I think you’re saying, and it’s true enough, that THE PROBLEM IS that non-Catholics don’t understand Catholicism, or historical/authentic Christianity! Good observation.

 

[Cat]

Invite him and his family (wife? kids? girlfriend? etc.) for dinner.

Then treat him and his family with utmost respect and love. Be charming, friendly, and interested in him and his life and family’s life.

At some point during the evening, ask him to share his personal testimony and to describe how he came to know the Lord as personal Savior. Use those exact words.

And if he asks you the same, BE PREPARED to share a short (2 minute) personal testimony emphasizing your faith and trust in Jesus as your Savior and Lord. **ASK AN EVANGELICAL CONVERT in your parish to help you **prepare the testimony. It doesn’t have to “compromise” your Catholic teachings at all–never!–but it should be in “evangelicalese” language so that he can understand it and come to realize that you are a Christian, not a cultist. There is plenty of Catholic teaching to back up the doctrine that we, too, know Jesus as our Personal Savior and Lord. No compromise there.

And there is no need to confuse the issue by talking about Mary, the saints, purgatory, and some of the other issues that confuse and terrify evangelicals. Kindly but firmly bring the conversation back to Jesus Christ. Again, ask an evangelical convert for help.

Read the Gospel of John chapter 4, and study how Jesus intrigued the woman at the well. He “lured” her into belief–it’s a fascinating study of evangelism. You can do it, too!

 

[noclevername]

You need to educate your husband and this pastor. A lot of folks actually think Catholics pray to Mary and Saints. The way I learned it is that Mary and Saints are just helpers. You ask them to help you pray but your prayers really go to God and Jesus. Mary and Saints cannot forgive your sins. Please correct me if I’m wrong but I hope I’m not wrong.

 

[Rose81]

Thank you for your kind replies. You know…my husband and I talked it out and it seems like all this is awakening his spirituality to Christianity. He did pray before but was never really familiar with Christianity…
Sometimes it’s not very easy to “really listen” to those we love, yet we listen to others. Maybe I am somewhat jealous of this friend of his for that. Either way I told him that if he wants to be spiritual to talk to me about it whether he agrees or not because as husband and wife we need to grow together in Christ and not apart. He agreed - Again thank you.

 

[NonCatholic]

My husband wasn’t brought up going to church Catholic or Protestant yet we married Catholic. Nothing Catholic interested him even if I wanted to talk “spirituality”. Now he has this Eveangelical pastor coworker he spends most of his time with (because of work) who “wows” him with his “way of talking”, yet also told him Catholics beleive in idols which when my husband told me, really offended me.I wouldn’t be surprised if this is not the only anti-Catholic thing said. Latley there’s been tension because of this between me and my husband and I would really like to confront this friend and ask him to have some respect for my beleifs and our marriage. What should I do and how?

Be patient; your husband is showing interest in spiritual things. It is your responsibility to communicate your feeling to your husband. If your husband doesn’t respect your feelings and concerns; ask your husband to ask his Pastor coworker what he thinks concerning your feelings. I have a feeling the Pastor will agree with you.

Just read the last post after replying…looks like some communication lines are opening.