J
jazzy0710
Guest
it was for his grandson!
- Status
J
jazzy0710
Guest
I agree with the statement about the marriage. I agree somewhat with your statement about the victim being my father in law but you are wrong about my son. My son IS a victim as well. He’s an innocent little 3 month old boy. He doesn’t get to see his grandfather all because his wife is an unbalanced controlling witch just like you said.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
It doesn’t matter who it is for. No one is obligated to attend an event. I understand that you’re a new mom and you are very excited to have the family gather around for special events and milestones. But other people are not obligated to cause problems in their own lives to do so.
This seems to be more about you. Your 3 month old son was not disappointed or hurt in any way that his grandfather missed his baptism. And the outcome of that baptism is exactly the same.
As for your second response: No. Your son is a victim because ALL of the adults in his life are acting selfishly. Your FIL’s wife is miserable to be around, that’s for sure. But she is not forcing you to cut your FIL off or hurt your relationship with him. She’s making his time with you more limited, but she is not keeping your son from having a relationship with his grandfather. YOU are the one doing that.
H
Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
I think if you step back and read some of this you can see that you are acting emotionally which can be adding to the problem and since you cannot control for husband’s stepmother you can control yourself and your actions.
Honestly there need not be so much drama. And a 3 month old is not a victim yet. But he will be if he sees his mom acting upset and retaliatory in a drama filled family.
B
BlueEyedLady
Guest
E
EasterJoy
Guest
From my personal experience, I would not get all mama bear and make your son out to be the victim of your FIL’s lack of courage, here. Why do I say that? We had some invitees boycott our sons’ First Holy Communion over some tiff, I held a grudge about it for months, they held a grudge about it for even longer, and then it turns out that our sons did not even remember that anyone was missing at the party. They were eight years old and they tend to have excellent memories! I dropped the charitable ball, and how I would love to have that one to do over. I tell you about this in way of reparation. Don’t do what I did.
Make this about freeing your FIL from a situation that is making him suffer. He’s not standing by and letting someone else be abused while he looks on. He’s suffering abuse himself and doesn’t know how to get himself out of it. By not going to your event, he was following social convention, not to mention avoiding an emotional beating. Is that what you expect, that he put himself in harm’s way for you? Take it from me: Expect from yourself, show mercy towards him, and do everything you can to support him in moving from where he is to where he can have the dignity, peace and freedom from attack he deserves. You won’t regret it.
J
jazzy0710
Guest
.
THE FOLLOWING IS MY LAST RESPONSE TO BLUE EYED LADY:
I seriously cannot believe that I am being accused of making things up on here. That totally boggles my mind. If I were making things up, I’d be wasting my time and everyone else’s.
I never said that I thought or that my husband thought that her re-decorating my FIL’s home was a problem for us. It did however cause a lot of tension between her and my sister in law. For a few reasons. First of all this relationship he jumped right into. Then he lied to my sister in law about getting married. Said he wasn’t going to and then when he came back from Las Vegas they were.My sister in law knew it was going to happen eventually but felt hurt that she was lied to. She then demanded to my sister in law that she either expect it or else.
Before my FIL’s new wife came along he had been divorced for roughly 6 years. During his second marriage he was married to a woman who was similar to this current one, but not as bad. The second wife had 2 sons from her previous marriage. Just like this current one, during the 2nd marriage he did everything for this woman so that she was happy. He even neglected his own 2 children to make her 2 little brats happy. The result? Her eldest son beat up my sister in law on a regular basis. Would shove her, throw stuff at her, and even slammed her head into a wall at one point. Her youngest son? Well he sexually abused her. Why did she never say anything about it? Well she was afraid of telling my husband for fear of what he might to do him. She was afraid to tell his mother for fear that she wouldn’t believe her and that she would hit her. She didn’t tell my FIL because she feared that he wouldn’t believe her or that he would but then quickly change his mind once his wife would convince him that he wouldn’t do something like that.
As for my husband he became very depressed. He dropped out of high school and began drinking and doing drugs. He would be on the streets at all hours.His Father didn’t even notice. He hated being in that house especially since everytime he ate he would have to sneak it and eat it fast before that woman caught him because any time that she did she would scream at him and say that whatever he had was for HER boys.
My FIL, husband, and SIL all suffered but my SIL did the most. Then this 3rd woman comes along. Just like my Husband, my SIL was also made to feel bad about eating. Each time she’d make a sandwich this woman would scream at her that it was the last of the meat, etc. Then finally one day my SIL stood up to her telling her “I may not be working as I am disabled and can barely walk however at least I have income coming in and help my Dad in any way I can financially. What do you do besides laying in bed 24/7 and playing on facebook and whinning that you can’t do anything because your shoulder hurts?”
Atcually the wife IS the one with the control issues. The poor man isn’t even allowed to go visit his Mother in the nursing home because she doesn’t like his wife and the only reason she doesn’t like her is because of how she controls him.
Is this how I would treat an abused woman? Well let’s see.
I have an aunt who is 59 years old. She is with a man who is 44 years old. She has been with him for 12 years. He is an alcoholic. Everyone in my family knew this but decided to try him out and give him a chance. When I was 16, he tried to lick my neck and grab my breasts. I punched him in the face. He then yelled at me and made very discusting comments about my other body parts. My Aunt stayed with him. He apologized to me, I forgave him but only for the sake of my aunt. I was trying to make life easier for her. He has smacked her around, pulled her hair and has spit in her face. He has also blocked the door and prevented her from coming to visit any of the family.
His mother is an alcoholic too. The both of them have gotten on the telephone at 7 am and have called my 85 year old grandmother telling her nasty things about my aunt and have had my poor grandmother balling her eyes out. My aunt stayed with him. Some of us have managed to get her away from him a few times. We have tried to help her get her life straightened out and to get off of welfare, and to get an apartment, and to get a job. She always goes back. Very recently she was living with my parents for 8 months after he kicked her out an Xmas Eve. My Mom and I went through a lot trying to get her out of there and her stuff out of there. She ended up going back to him. We’ve done what we could and we’ve cut her off.
We’ve tried to support my FIL. We’ve offered him money, counselling, pretty much anything he wanted. He declined everything and always has an excuse.
So to answer your question, yes if I had to depending on the circumstances.
We would very much like to have a relationship with my husband’s father as well as for him to have one with his grandson. However, that has proven to be difficult because of this woman. My poor FIL doesn’t have much of a social life. This woman has an issue with being alone. If she doesn’t feel like going out, he’s not allowed. There have also been times where he has had to use up his sick leave to stay home with her because she didn’t want to be alone. That is NOT fair. She’s not working so one of them has to.
Yes it bothers my husband and I that he takes so much abuse from this woman about everything. However my husband and I DO NOT need to take any abuse from her.
THE FOLLOWING IS MY LAST RESPONSE TO BLUE EYED LADY:
I seriously cannot believe that I am being accused of making things up on here. That totally boggles my mind. If I were making things up, I’d be wasting my time and everyone else’s.
I never said that I thought or that my husband thought that her re-decorating my FIL’s home was a problem for us. It did however cause a lot of tension between her and my sister in law. For a few reasons. First of all this relationship he jumped right into. Then he lied to my sister in law about getting married. Said he wasn’t going to and then when he came back from Las Vegas they were.My sister in law knew it was going to happen eventually but felt hurt that she was lied to. She then demanded to my sister in law that she either expect it or else.
Before my FIL’s new wife came along he had been divorced for roughly 6 years. During his second marriage he was married to a woman who was similar to this current one, but not as bad. The second wife had 2 sons from her previous marriage. Just like this current one, during the 2nd marriage he did everything for this woman so that she was happy. He even neglected his own 2 children to make her 2 little brats happy. The result? Her eldest son beat up my sister in law on a regular basis. Would shove her, throw stuff at her, and even slammed her head into a wall at one point. Her youngest son? Well he sexually abused her. Why did she never say anything about it? Well she was afraid of telling my husband for fear of what he might to do him. She was afraid to tell his mother for fear that she wouldn’t believe her and that she would hit her. She didn’t tell my FIL because she feared that he wouldn’t believe her or that he would but then quickly change his mind once his wife would convince him that he wouldn’t do something like that.
As for my husband he became very depressed. He dropped out of high school and began drinking and doing drugs. He would be on the streets at all hours.His Father didn’t even notice. He hated being in that house especially since everytime he ate he would have to sneak it and eat it fast before that woman caught him because any time that she did she would scream at him and say that whatever he had was for HER boys.
My FIL, husband, and SIL all suffered but my SIL did the most. Then this 3rd woman comes along. Just like my Husband, my SIL was also made to feel bad about eating. Each time she’d make a sandwich this woman would scream at her that it was the last of the meat, etc. Then finally one day my SIL stood up to her telling her “I may not be working as I am disabled and can barely walk however at least I have income coming in and help my Dad in any way I can financially. What do you do besides laying in bed 24/7 and playing on facebook and whinning that you can’t do anything because your shoulder hurts?”
Atcually the wife IS the one with the control issues. The poor man isn’t even allowed to go visit his Mother in the nursing home because she doesn’t like his wife and the only reason she doesn’t like her is because of how she controls him.
Is this how I would treat an abused woman? Well let’s see.
I have an aunt who is 59 years old. She is with a man who is 44 years old. She has been with him for 12 years. He is an alcoholic. Everyone in my family knew this but decided to try him out and give him a chance. When I was 16, he tried to lick my neck and grab my breasts. I punched him in the face. He then yelled at me and made very discusting comments about my other body parts. My Aunt stayed with him. He apologized to me, I forgave him but only for the sake of my aunt. I was trying to make life easier for her. He has smacked her around, pulled her hair and has spit in her face. He has also blocked the door and prevented her from coming to visit any of the family.
His mother is an alcoholic too. The both of them have gotten on the telephone at 7 am and have called my 85 year old grandmother telling her nasty things about my aunt and have had my poor grandmother balling her eyes out. My aunt stayed with him. Some of us have managed to get her away from him a few times. We have tried to help her get her life straightened out and to get off of welfare, and to get an apartment, and to get a job. She always goes back. Very recently she was living with my parents for 8 months after he kicked her out an Xmas Eve. My Mom and I went through a lot trying to get her out of there and her stuff out of there. She ended up going back to him. We’ve done what we could and we’ve cut her off.
We’ve tried to support my FIL. We’ve offered him money, counselling, pretty much anything he wanted. He declined everything and always has an excuse.
So to answer your question, yes if I had to depending on the circumstances.
We would very much like to have a relationship with my husband’s father as well as for him to have one with his grandson. However, that has proven to be difficult because of this woman. My poor FIL doesn’t have much of a social life. This woman has an issue with being alone. If she doesn’t feel like going out, he’s not allowed. There have also been times where he has had to use up his sick leave to stay home with her because she didn’t want to be alone. That is NOT fair. She’s not working so one of them has to.
Yes it bothers my husband and I that he takes so much abuse from this woman about everything. However my husband and I DO NOT need to take any abuse from her.
J
jazzy0710
Guest
he has been told that he is more than welcome here anytime he wants to come by! He claims that he cannot. I have never ever nor will i ever keep my son from his grandfather! He knows where we live. He knows our phone number. Don’t you dare point your finger at me.
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
You need to really take to heart what Hoosier Daddy said. You can only control for your actions.
You have no control over your FIL, his wife, your SIL, or your FIL’s previous wives or their “brats”. Reacting with this kind of hysteria will only be bad for you, your husband, and your son. I know that when someone makes a mistake it’s tempting to think of every negative or painful thing that they’ve ever done and react with decades worth of anger. But that’s really counterproductive and it sets a bad example for your own son.
All you can do is understand that your FIL is in an awful situation and graciously accept his attempts at maintaining a relationship. Telling him that no, you will not be going hunting with him because he won’t give you XYZ time will pretty much ensure that he will never give you XYZ time.
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EasterJoy
Guest
There is only so much you can do when someone else is enslaved to an evil and ruins their relationship with you as a result. Of course you try to encourage them to get out, but you do not stay in the same building that is crashing down in flames around them. If you get onto high ground, at least there might be a haven for them when they finally escape.
It is also entirely understandable to be frustrated and angry when someone you love is hurt by anyone. When that anyone is partly them, of course you feel frustrated and angry with them. I don’t know who would blame anyone in your family for feeling frustrated and angry with your FIL or with any of the other abused or co-dependent spouses in your family. The main thing is to stay out of the never-ending drama that is inside the circle of co-dependence yourself.
I hope your husband and his siblings have access to and are availing themselves of help for the adult children of alcoholics and for adult survivors of child abuse. Even being forced to watch someone else be abused or being forced to be silent about abuse about which one has knowledge abuse of the witness. The abuse your FIL’s wife heaps on your FIL also harms you who have to see it, but cannot stop it. That includes you.
Your husband can’t make your FIL get help. He can get all the help he can for himself, so he will be firm ground if an opportunity to help ever becomes available. I very much hope all of you in your husband’s generation can have that, in one form or another.
J
jazzy0710
Guest
What do you mean by XYZ time?
I mentioned to my husband that going hunting was entirely up to him. He claims he isn’t ready for it that ne needs more time to get his head sorted out.
Let’s say for example that a month from now my husband decides he’s ready to go. There is the possibility that my FIL’s could put up a stink about him going and then he will feel obligated to stay home with her or she will whine and whine about going along as well. Hunting has been a tradition in my husband’s family for years and years. It’s a guys only thing and always has been. My FIL might just agree to bring her along so she’ll keep quiet however I could see this irritating my husband seeing as how his bachelor party a while back was only supposed to be for himself, his dad and the groomsmen to get together and play pool and have some snacks and drinks but no she wouldn’t allow my FIL to go by himself so she had to go along as well.
Lastly, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for flipping out. I hope I didn’t offend you it was not my intention. This has just been an ongoing thing for the past 4 years and has been exhausting.
When we first announced our pregnancy we figured we’d give this woman an opportunity to be in our son’s life(even though she treated us like ****). She wanted absolutely nothing to do with it claiming she wasn’t a grandmother and she will not be called a grandmother. Then she did not talk to me or my husband for the whole 9 months I was pregnant and didn’t call us or anything to ask how we were doing and then when my son arrived all of a sudden she wants to be called Nana and starts telling me everything I HAVE to do any everything I am NOT supposed to do.
Sometimes we both feel like slamming our heads against the wall LOL!
E
EasterJoy
Guest
Let’s clarify, too: What she is feeling is not out of place and what she wants to do is largely praiseworthy. She wants to enforce justice, justice is a good thing, and she is right: this situation is not fair. The problem is that experience says that there are ways to try to enforce justice that do not work. It is like a firefighter rushing into a collapsing building. At some point, his captain will stop him, saying, “Don’t try to be a hero, because you are not going to save anyone by running in there. You won’t save anyone, and I don’t need one more victim. I need you in one piece, out here, doing what we can do out here.”
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EasterJoy
Guest
Sometimes, you have to laugh or else you’d just have to cry. Hang in there, and keep those feet on solid ground.
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90Domer
Guest
I can certainly see the predicament you were in, as I was in a similar one. Sadly, this poor woman reminds me of a very close relative. This is only my thought. Before sending out the invites, already have a heart-to-heart with your FIL to see if he felt he could steer her away from outbursts. If he felt he could not or needed to keep peace, then it is HIS loss.
I, too, have been in situations with a controlling mother who would rage at my dad if he came to an event she did not approve of. He needed to keep peace in his life, as he lived with her 24 hrs. And I know you’re thinking…don’t ruin this for me, MIL. I say to let it go, as the anger will eat you alive, and your baby will feel it.
Sadly, this reeks of a mental condition I know far too much about. I really feel for you.
God bless.
C
Contra_Mundum_1
Guest
I’m reading all of your posts (and have read the threads in the past about this issue), and the above sentences really struck me. What kind of a pathetic excuse of a father is this man?
People here have been very sympathetic about him being abused by the wife, but he obviously has a history of marrying nutters, and his kids always seem to pay for it. He makes excuses and always chooses the wife’s side, for his own peace. People seem to be quite understanding about this too.But I wonder if you want this kind of a person to be around at all. He doesn’t seem to have much of a spine, and I doubt he would be a good example for the children. I wonder if what has happened has been a wonderful gift for you and your husband, so you can live in peace and not have to deal with so much poison.
J
jazzy0710
Guest
Thanks very much for your feedback. I know you have replied to many of my other threads and I always look forward to hearing from youI’m reading all of your posts (and have read the threads in the past about this issue), and the above sentences really struck me. What kind of a pathetic excuse of a father is this man?
But I wonder if you want this kind of a person to be around at all. He doesn’t seem to have much of a spine, and I doubt he would be a good example for the children. I wonder if what has happened has been a wonderful gift for you and your husband, so you can live in peace and not have to deal with so much poison.
To answer your question, I honestly don’t know.
From what my husband tells me; what his father is like right now is exactly what he was like with his second wife only this time it’s much worse.
When I began dating my husband in the summer of 2003, his Father had been separated from his 2nd wife for roughly 2 yrs. I can honestly say that the man I knew then and the man I know now are 2 completely different people. It seems that when he is single or dating someone but not living together, he is in a much more clear state of mind.
When my Husband and Sister in law’s Mother divorced my FIL and moved to another city, it really took a toll of my SIL. My Husband was able to bounce back fairly quickly but not my SIL. She has always had a longing for that perfect fantasy mother daughter relationship. So my FIL I guess felt bad and was always trying to create that “picture perfect family”. When he married his 2nd wife he admitted that he began to have doubts the minute he saw her coming down the aisle. Then she was supposed to have really flipped out on him in front of everyone at their reception because he accidentally tripped on her train. However he figured she’d be a good mom for his kids because she had 2 sons of her own who lived with her because her 1st husband left her for a man
Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s going to happen. The thought of spousal abuse has crossed the minds of both my husband and myself.
I know one thing for sure and that’s the fact that we will never have anything to do with this woman ever again.
Both my husband and I have done everything possible to keep peace with this woman. We’ve showed her nothing but love and kindness and she always finds away to burn us but saying or doing something ridiculous.
Dealing with her has been mentally draining. There have been times in the past when things have happened and we would try and talk to her. If I tried talking to her she would either yell at me or totally ignore me. One evening when my husband tried talking to her she started screaming and swearing and him, cried that everyone hates her, stomped her feet like a little child, and went into the bedroom and locked herself in and wouldn’t come out. Then she eventually did, and walked out of the house. Then she sent my FIL a nasty text message.
She’s just too toxic, alienating, manipulative, and unstable. My husband and I have been through enough and we just can’t have that kind of negativity in our lives anymore. We need to be good, healthy parents to our soon so we can raise him well.
BlueEyedLady was right. Nobody is obligated to attend an event because of an invitation. It’s unfortunate that he missed it as it was for his grandson, but what’s done is done. We can’t go back and change time.
My husband is deeply hurt. However, he knows that he has to eventually face his Father at some point. After having spoken to my husband last night; at first it seemed that the reason that he didn’t want to go hunting was because of the whole baptism. However now it seems that he just doesn’t want to chance saying something that he’ll regret later and just thought it would be safer if he didn’t. It’s going to take some time for my husband to get his head clear again because he’s had a hard time wrapping his head around this as it’s been going on for 3 years.
C
Contra_Mundum_1
Guest
Thanks for responding and I’m so happy you find my comments helpful.
I truly sympathise with your plight because of my own family drama and the experience of dealing with emotionally unbalanced people. I know what kind of damage that can cause.
My experience of dealing with family dysfunction is this: try to let it go, distance yourself and live your life, do your best to not hold a grudge and see what happens in the future. Set firm boundaries, be realistic about the situation but at the same time try to be open to the possibility of some kind of change with God’s help. Prayer is crucial.
You have lived with this dark shadow for a few years now and that has taken its toll. It is time that your family life - the life with your husband and children - is lived without this nonsense. What happens with your FIL is really up to him. As you say, you have tried everything to make things work with his wife but it hasn’t worked out. So stop trying all-together. It will take your husband some time to heal, because what has happened is truly awful, beginning with the first divorce and the break-up of his family, and all that followed. You don’t walk away from something like that untouched. But the good news is that God heals. He’ll get you all through this.
I truly sympathise with your plight because of my own family drama and the experience of dealing with emotionally unbalanced people. I know what kind of damage that can cause.
My experience of dealing with family dysfunction is this: try to let it go, distance yourself and live your life, do your best to not hold a grudge and see what happens in the future. Set firm boundaries, be realistic about the situation but at the same time try to be open to the possibility of some kind of change with God’s help. Prayer is crucial.
You have lived with this dark shadow for a few years now and that has taken its toll. It is time that your family life - the life with your husband and children - is lived without this nonsense. What happens with your FIL is really up to him. As you say, you have tried everything to make things work with his wife but it hasn’t worked out. So stop trying all-together. It will take your husband some time to heal, because what has happened is truly awful, beginning with the first divorce and the break-up of his family, and all that followed. You don’t walk away from something like that untouched. But the good news is that God heals. He’ll get you all through this.
R
rayne89
Guest
I highly recommend this book for both you and your husband to read. amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1411661136&sr=8-1&keywords=boundaries
Clearly the woman is not stable. You and your husband need to decide your boundaries (hence the book recommendation). Boundaries are not punishment and they are not to control others but to be clear on what you will and will not accept in your life. Also are good skill to learn especially in dealing with unstable people is to not JADE -justify, argue, defend or explain. Unstable people want what they want when they want it and you will just be having a circular argument that gets you no where.
As adults the days of thinking things will be fair should be long over. You and your husband decide where your boundaries are and then you enforce them. Step-mother is not invited to baptism, FIL chose not to attend either, they still respected your boundary and apparently they have their own -to attend together or not at all. That’s their choice. They respected yours, you respect theirs. It hurts that we can’t control others, God doesn’t even do that -its called free will. As long as your boundaries are respected I don’t feel punishing FIL is charitable thing to do. You really don’t want to get down to that level with a tit for tat type of exchange.Its not becoming.
I don’t believe you should have to get off facebook, she breaks the boundary -she gets blocked on facebook. You put up your fences and you enforce your boundaries. What others choose to do after falls on them.
I have unstable family members, trust me I do get it. It hurts I know.
Clearly the woman is not stable. You and your husband need to decide your boundaries (hence the book recommendation). Boundaries are not punishment and they are not to control others but to be clear on what you will and will not accept in your life. Also are good skill to learn especially in dealing with unstable people is to not JADE -justify, argue, defend or explain. Unstable people want what they want when they want it and you will just be having a circular argument that gets you no where.
As adults the days of thinking things will be fair should be long over. You and your husband decide where your boundaries are and then you enforce them. Step-mother is not invited to baptism, FIL chose not to attend either, they still respected your boundary and apparently they have their own -to attend together or not at all. That’s their choice. They respected yours, you respect theirs. It hurts that we can’t control others, God doesn’t even do that -its called free will. As long as your boundaries are respected I don’t feel punishing FIL is charitable thing to do. You really don’t want to get down to that level with a tit for tat type of exchange.Its not becoming.
I don’t believe you should have to get off facebook, she breaks the boundary -she gets blocked on facebook. You put up your fences and you enforce your boundaries. What others choose to do after falls on them.
I have unstable family members, trust me I do get it. It hurts I know.
M
MarkInOregon
Guest
This man lives daily with a woman you describe us unstable and with whom you have cut off all contact. The posts are one large complaint or case against her. This man lives with her and he obviously knows what is going to set her off–heck you know this will set her off and make his life even more difficult than it already is–do you not think your cutting her off–made his life more difficult? It seems unreasonable, to me, that you should be this upset he missed the baptism. Disappointed yes but I would think, that knowing this woman–your family would understand. Lets not forget you cut off contact because you didn’t like getting yelled at, texted, called, facebooked, etc. If you won’t take it why do you expect him to come --alone (because you won’t deal with this woman)–and then go back home and take whatever unstable rantings she dishes out–when you won’t?
That someone else doesn’t do something you think they should–doesn’t make it right for you to not do something you should. You do things for people out of love–out of a desire for what is best for them–not because they did something for you. You do and give without expecting something in return.
I’m sorry if the above sounds harsh–that is not the tone it is written with or which is intended. I just think you need to think about what it is like to live with someone with whom you won’t any longer have contact, and should consider how your cutting her off probably made this mans home life even tougher. Do you not think that all this has probably taken a toll on this mans health also? Do you not think that your decision has hurt him and added to his stress–even if he understands the necessity of the decision? Perhaps he wonders if the son whom he adopted and loved really loves him? It sounds to me as if he is trying to make the best of a bad situation. It sounds to me as if you want him to give (by coming to things alone and returning home to the rantings)–while you are no longer willing to give (by putting up with this woman). I mean it sounds like you did the right thing but I don’t think you fully appreciate the situation you put this man in–so I am not sure your family should be so upset and hurt by this mans actions. I mean it is humorous in a sad sort of way that when it comes to this man you minimize this womans behavior by saying “all because he was afraid of getting yelled at” while your family cut off contact with her for this behavior.
Your family will be in my prayers.
The peace of Christ,
Mark
J
jazzy0710
Guest
Thanks very much for your feedback and willingness to pray. I greatly apprechiate it.
As I have previously stated in other posts, my husband and I have done everything we can to keep peace with this woman. Including taking her abuse. In the past we have had to cut her off, but still maintained a relationship with my husband’s father.
At times though, it was pure hell. We’d go over to visit and she’d stay in the bedroom while we stayed in the living room. It was hard to get two words in at times because she would continuously come out in the living room and interrupt or she’d yell from the bedroom or bathroom at my FIL, trying to pick some sort of fight with him making him feel bad for wanting to visit with us. We would take him out somewhere for example dinner; and she would text his phone the entire time. He once came to our house for 45 minutes. In those 45 minutes she texted his phone 7 times. He wanted to stay longer but had to go back home because she wouldn’t leave him alone.
Yes I realize that it’s probably taken a toll on his health. Do I like that? No of course not. However, as ContraMundum stated, he has a history of marrying nuts and his children have been the ones that have had to suffer. He didn’t have to get married a 3rd time. He could have said no. I know that probably makes me sound like a witch and it’s not my intention to sound that way, but it’s the truth. He was the one that put himself into the situation.
It’s not like we told him to go away and never talk to us ever again. After the last goings on right before the baptism we told him that he was more than welcome to call us or come by anytime(we live on a military base which he also works on as a civilian) so he could always drop by for a bit after work. He was the one that made the choice not too for fear of getting in trouble if she found out he was here visiting.
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