My Illness

[SamJ]

Hello Everyone,

First I thought I had OCD, but talking to many people they say my example isn’t it and some say to get tested for it… this is my story…

I met this girl many years ago when I was visiting my family and friends in another country. We were with each other but then had to separate cause I had to go back to my country. We kept in touch by emails, letters and phone. After awhile we lost contact for a few years. Later there was one year we got in touch again and expressed our love to each other said that we wanted to be with each other but somehow did not meet. Few years have passed and we have met. It seemed like all these years were a pause. We knew we were right for each other and that we wanted to be with each for the rest of our lives. We did something about it, moved together to one place and just recently got engaged. I couldn’t imagine being with someone else.

All these years since we met I haven’t been with anyone (I have before we met), there were girls that wanted to be with me, that I liked, went on few dates but never couldn’t go any further I always thought about this girl I met in another country and always had her in my mind. I do regret for not doing anything earlier, for not going there and doing something about it. The thing that bugs me is that she has been with someone else since we got together for good. Her first was somebody else I always thought that I was going to be her first. I know she regrets it and it was a very short period of time with that somebody, but she felt lonely and thought I stopped caring for her and not wanted to be with her which was untrue but thats how we miscommunicated with each other. So she was interested how it would be the first time and wanted to have someone, which I can’t blame her or anyone, we all want to be with someone special.

The thing is that it bugs me sometimes that it wasn’t me her first that it wasn’t how I always imagined, sometimes I even get weird thoughts in my mind about her and the other person that just come out of nowhere and I don’t know how to erase them. It was a bad experience for her she told me, sometimes I want to ask more questions about it but she doesn’t want to talk about it which is normal sometimes it bugs and from time to time I ask her questions about it which I shouldn’t. I have no idea why this affected me the way it did. I know I’m very lucky to have her and we are madly in love and I would’t trade anything for her.

I forgave her and don’t talk about it with her and ask questions anymore. Right now what is happening to me is getting those thoughts in my mind about her with that somebody else, thoughts about her losing her virginity, or just random scenes with them doing things of I have never seen of her doing or her telling me about it. I try to fight to those thoughts coming in my head, but they come to me almost everyday. I’m trying to get rid off that.
Sometimes those thoughts or images just enter my mind for few seconds, but I start to feel horrible and they start to control me which is bad, because till changes me to be a bad person, a bad partner, and where I regret more and more of not acting faster than getting to her sooner when we had chances.

I am trying to learn what I have if there is a mental illness involved and how to get better. I thank you for reading this and appreciate any info or advice on what I can do or what is this that is happening to me.

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi Sam;

Your thread title implies that you know for a fact that are ‘ill.’ Until you’re tested for OCD, please know that you might not have it at all.

Relating to your story…I don’t think that you have it–in this example. I’m not a doctor, or someone close to you, so not sure if you tend to react like this in all or many circumstances. That beings said, in this example, it seems like you just really like this girl, regret not moving things further–sooner, with her…and coming to find out she is no longer a virgin, has you feeling perhaps a bit jealous, that you were not ‘her first.’ (which could be why you are overthinking the details of her sexual moment with the other person)

I would suggest to not live your life, filled with regrets. There are always going to be times when you wish you shoulda/coulda/woulda done something–different. I’m sure this is not the only time, and trust me, if you are like the rest of us, you will make mistakes, and wonder why you didn’t choose ‘door number 1.’ (or something) lol

You can only deal with the here and now. Now, you have an opportunity to be with this girl, and make a life perhaps with her soon. Don’t let her past indiscretion get in the way of this, and don’t allow your regret of not ‘acting sooner,’ get in the way of your present day happiness. While you wish she hadn’t done that, you can’t undo it, and neither can she. Only live with the here and now, and the person she is – today. The person you are --today. Build a good Catholic relationship together…and see where God is leading you both.

Bottomline, don’t live in the past. And don’t live feeling regretful. The devil likes when we are living with regret, and angst–because he uses those as barriers to Christ. Don’t let anything get between you and Christ…Give your concerns to God, and allow Him to heal you of this angst you feel over this woman’s past.

God bless…and good luck to you both.

 

[Friend_forever]

You might or might not be ill. Only a doctor can tell. But for sure, you need pofessional help to overcome that situation.
Once you do, you will feel a lot better. But if you do nothing, it can grow and get out of control.

 

[Nordar]

You might or might not be ill. Only a doctor can tell. But for sure, you need pofessional help to overcome that situation.
Once you do, you will feel a lot better. But if you do nothing, it can grow and get out of control.

I agree, you should seek professional help, see if you can find a therapist. You really need to speak with someone about this because even if it is not OCD it is obsessive thoughts and you don’t want your future with this girl to be ruined by this.

 

[SamJ]

Hi Sam;

Your thread title implies that you know for a fact that are ‘ill.’ Until you’re tested for OCD, please know that you might not have it at all.

Relating to your story…I don’t think that you have it–in this example. I’m not a doctor, or someone close to you, so not sure if you tend to react like this in all or many circumstances. That beings said, in this example, it seems like you just really like this girl, regret not moving things further–sooner, with her…and coming to find out she is no longer a virgin, has you feeling perhaps a bit jealous, that you were not ‘her first.’ (which could be why you are overthinking the details of her sexual moment with the other person)

I would suggest to not live your life, filled with regrets. There are always going to be times when you wish you shoulda/coulda/woulda done something–different. I’m sure this is not the only time, and trust me, if you are like the rest of us, you will make mistakes, and wonder why you didn’t choose ‘door number 1.’ (or something) lol

You can only deal with the here and now. Now, you have an opportunity to be with this girl, and make a life perhaps with her soon. Don’t let her past indiscretion get in the way of this, and don’t allow your regret of not ‘acting sooner,’ get in the way of your present day happiness. While you wish she hadn’t done that, you can’t undo it, and neither can she. Only live with the here and now, and the person she is – today. The person you are --today. Build a good Catholic relationship together…and see where God is leading you both.

Bottomline, don’t live in the past. And don’t live feeling regretful. The devil likes when we are living with regret, and angst–because he uses those as barriers to Christ. Don’t let anything get between you and Christ…Give your concerns to God, and allow Him to heal you of this angst you feel over this woman’s past.

God bless…and good luck to you both.

Thank you whatevergirl for your advice and support.
You are right its all about focusing on living in the present the here and now.

The thing is that this regret is stuck with me and when I think to myself that if I would have done something faster meaning doing something about it, I wouldn’t be dealing with these things now, she wouldn’t be with that person, we weren’t together when she was thinking I didn’t care for her or me thinking that she didn’t care about it. I just wished we communicated better but for some reason that did not happen then and also her being miles away. I did not think about this at all at the beginning of us being together but as we talked about our past this began to happen. When these thoughts or pictures (very bad) came to my head out of nowhere of seeing her with that somebody else it made me sad, angry and sometimes I was angry at my girl for no reason. I pray and pray and God helps me get through it, I have faith in Jesus. These thoughts and pictures come and go. Sometimes they don’t happen for along time and then out of the blue after awhile they come back, sometimes I’m strong and I let them disappear without any harm to me but sometimes I’m weak and just feel like crying but I know the Lord will give me the strength to get rid of this regret and these feelings. I know that she is a gift from God, it’s such a miracle how we ended up together and I thank the Lord for this treasure. I just need to take a better care of it and not have God be disappointed in me.
I know that this evil is doing these things to me, every time I become very close to God and everything is so great with my girl, evil one day out of the blue tries to attack me with these thoughts and pictures. I know faith in Jesus will overcome this evil with good. I have been weak at times and I do see how it destroys my relationship with God and my girl. I have become stronger and I am becoming stronger especially when I have great advice from you. I know praying will get me stronger and help me get through this.

 

[whatevergirl]

It will take time for you to get over some of these regretful feelings, but give it to God, He will bring healing to you. And remember also, your choices did NOT cause her to sleep with a man before marriage, or before catching up with you again. That was a choice SHE HERSELF MADE. Not you. So, to think that if you had done this or that, she might not have slept with that guy–well, maybe if you went to med school, you’d be a brain surgeon…or if you lived in Hollywood, you’d be a famous movie star. I mean…we can do the what if game forever…lol

Don’t play that game, though…it’s not worth it. She made a choice to sleep with a guy before marriage. And we shouldn’t judge, but at the same time, please don’t blame yourself. She thought for herself, and willingly did that. Now, you both should try to begin anew…and again, try to lead the best Catholic life together, without looking back, that you can. You also might have to work on forgiveness…deep down, maybe you are secretly angry with her as well for not ‘waiting’ for you…so, try to examine your thoughts about all of this, to see if in fact, you are harboring not only regret, but some resentment towards her that she didn’t wait for you. I hope this helps.

God bless.

 

[bcuster]

I don’t think you have OCD. I do think that you spend too much time living in your imagination. Life is never how you imagined it. If you are not ready to get to know a real woman, you need to take some time to figure out why you are expecting people and situations to be just like you imagined them. Trust me, I’ve been there. Loving real people can be messy, but its real. AND you have to let other people love the REAL you.

God bless you on your journey!

 

[SamJ]

Don’t play that game, though…it’s not worth it. She made a choice to sleep with a guy before marriage. And we shouldn’t judge, but at the same time, please don’t blame yourself. She thought for herself, and willingly did that. Now, you both should try to begin anew…and again, try to lead the best Catholic life together, without looking back, that you can. You also might have to work on forgiveness…deep down, maybe you are secretly angry with her as well for not ‘waiting’ for you…so, try to examine your thoughts about all of this, to see if in fact, you are harboring not only regret, but some resentment towards her that she didn’t wait for you. I hope this helps.

God bless.

Yes I definitely need to work on that forgiveness and stop thinking about “I should of done that” and try to live the best Catholic life together in the here and now. Thank you for the help.

 

[SamJ]

I don’t think you have OCD. I do think that you spend too much time living in your imagination. Life is never how you imagined it. If you are not ready to get to know a real woman, you need to take some time to figure out why you are expecting people and situations to be just like you imagined them. Trust me, I’ve been there. Loving real people can be messy, but its real. AND you have to let other people love the REAL you.

God bless you on your journey!

Nice to meet you bcuster, you are right I do spend way too much time in imagination, I imagine a lot, and don’t know why maybe because deep down inside I’m an artist, I do write screenplays, I do have to imagine a lot but in real life it can be dangerous and sometimes that gets you away from living in the present.