My inlaws.....need advice!

[stayathomemom]

BlestOne:

Hi Guys! You must all be my SIL’s! Try growing up with a mom like that! My IL’s have never been the problem, it is my mom and 1 sister and 1 brother. I definitely can sympathize! I lost one of my twins and had to be induced 3.5 weeks early to save my life…mom didn’t even care(my dad cried…mom just said, these things happen, you just have to pick up and go on). Then with daughter, she didn’t see her until she was over 2 yrs old. So sad that when I needed her most, mom abandoned me, but…was there for the deliveries of my 1 sisters babies…and when she went on and on about how poor T. had it so bad because she got pregnant 4 months after the wedding and she didn’t have time to “enjoy” married life I just wanted to slap her! I have come to the conclusion that my kids are more important than dealing with mom’s **** so other sister and I don’t expose kids to them too often, only when my other brother is in town will we gather with them.

I am sorry to hear you get that treatment from your parents. Gosh – that must really hurt! You are right, it’s ashamed that your mother abandoned you when you needed her after your child’s death. Hopefully we can all learn some hard, valuable lessons from their mistakes. God Bless You

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

stayathomemom:

I am sorry to hear about your two darling granddaughters. If only your parents knew what they were missing out on!! I am only a mother of 3 small children, and I know how much my parents adore the children and love spending time with them. I guess that’s why I can’t understand his parent’s rationalization. Maybe one day your parents will wake up and realize the years they have wasted. I will pray for you too! God Bless

Thanks, but my parents’ loss, not the girls. They don’t need the abuse, and neither do your kids. I pray that some day it might, but don’t hold my breath waiting for it…And in the meantime, enjoy the peace and quiet.

 

[BlestOne]

OutinChgoburbs:

Thanks, but my parents’ loss, not the girls. They don’t need the abuse, and neither do your kids. I pray that some day it might, but don’t hold my breath waiting for it…And in the meantime, enjoy the peace and quiet.

Amen OutinChgoburbs! I had to come to the same conclusion. Thankfully my sister did too at the same time. I was lucky that we had such good frinds that “adopted” my kids as their grandchildren so they didn’t feel like they were missing out at all. (lots of Aunts and Uncles too)

 

[akorn]

I also have in-law issues and my own family of brothers and SILs. Through much prayer, discussions and research I’ve realised with my husband that our #1 priority is our children. When we continue to invite our abusive family members to our lives, we are actually enabling (sp?) them. We have put our foot down about certain behaviors around our children like smoking, swearing etc,they would look at us and do it anyway. Well we realised who the grown ups were and forbid them to come back till they knew we were serious. It has caused such sadness and tension but our family unit comes first. Some family members have understood but the ones it has hurt the most are the ones trying to be kind to all. I feel for them and they seem to understand our “side” but they don’t know how to help. I say to pray!!!

 

[stayathomemom]

akorn:

I also have in-law issues and my own family of brothers and SILs. Through much prayer, discussions and research I’ve realised with my husband that our #1 priority is our children. When we continue to invite our abusive family members to our lives, we are actually enabling (sp?) them. We have put our foot down about certain behaviors around our children like smoking, swearing etc,they would look at us and do it anyway. Well we realised who the grown ups were and forbid them to come back till they knew we were serious. It has caused such sadness and tension but our family unit comes first. Some family members have understood but the ones it has hurt the most are the ones trying to be kind to all. I feel for them and they seem to understand our “side” but they don’t know how to help. I say to pray!!!

We have also realized that our family unit comes first, but for some reason I feel guilty and worry that my children will resent us for telling MIL, FIL, BIL and his wife they can’t be around us if they continue with their abusive behavior. I know, it doesn’t make sense - and I guess I feel that way because my FIL, MIL and BIL have tried to brainwash us into believing that that could happen (the children resenting us). They also tell us that my husband is not honoring his parents by “demanding” they behave. I just hate all of this tension in the family. My biggest reason for asking if we should invite these people for the party was that I was worried if I should do it so our children wouldn’t resent us. Thank you for your advice. It helps to know that I don’t experience these types of family issues alone.