My Life Feels Over...Help!

[Lupus_Romanus]

I would like to thank you all for keeping me in your prayers and intentions. I have on occasion returned to this thread and taken heart at what you all have written.

What really distresses me is that I truly seem to be stuck like this. I have dated women in the past, but if I were to speak truthfully (and very sadly) I would have to say that unfortunately something did not feel right with them. I am seeing a psychosexual therapist and as far as she can see, I do not show any of the classical symptoms of someone whose upbringing might falsely lead them to the conclusion that they are homosexuals.

I was brought up by a strong father who I got to see everyday and who always taught me to appreciate the gifts of life and whose ultimate advice was “If you find yourself uncertain, ask yourself what Jesus would do”.
My mother was not overbearing or overprotective, but at the same time was not emotionally distant.

I may not until recently have been good at team sports, but I always enjoyed them (and not in an ssa kind of way).

I seem to honestly find myself being innately like this, which makes me wonder what purpose I have, if any.

This may sound ridiculous to some of you, but I know of several girls who are attracted to me, one of which is all someone could ask for in a girlfriend and when I look at her picture, I am almost reduced to tears, because I feel nothing for her and know that I should.
I am REALLY struggling with purpose…

 

[nkelly]

After talking with them, I realised that part of me could not accept what they had said. I consider and always have considered homosexual activity to be wrong ( while I believed I was heterosexual and even now I do). This is not a road I wish to go down, because it seems to be a road to perdition.

Hello Lupus, I’m sorry to hear about your predicament and I sympathize with you. Thankfully your God- given conscience is alive and well. I would urge you not to consent to lustful thoughts. A lustful thought that is dwelt upon is like planting a bad seed that will later grown into a large weed. Don’t let it take root in the first place. Keep your garden well weeded

I am going to try living celibately, but I don’t know if I will last. I pray that I will. I pray that this is just a phase and that He will restore me back into “intrinsic order”.

Please try not to worry too much. God wants you to be at peace. Be aware that the enemy will try to confuse you - don’t listen. You also know that if you consent to sin, your anxiety will only increase further and endanger your soul. Keep praying that you don’t fall foul of temptation and that you find God’s purpose in life for you.

1. The greatest gift God ever gave me was the joy of being brought up in a loving, nuclear, catholic family. How could God deny me the joy and rewarding life of raising children and loving a wife?

Do you believe that you have a genetic disposition towards SSA or is it a product of your environment or confusion/insecurity?

1. I see my life as not having any purpose whatsoever. I am condemned to a useless existence. I am forced to without evidence believe that I am serving some Divine plan.

We all have a purpose. Please don’t think for a moment that you don’t! Please pray daily that God will reveal this to you. e.g. your purpose in life might be to bring homosexuals to the realization that their lifestyle is not part of God’s plan.

1. Even if I live my life in complete accordance with the catechism of the Church, I will still be the victim of stigma. Even on this forum I have heard ignorant catholics call homosexuals (i.e. the people, not the act) disgusting. This distresses me so much, as up until last year I would have defined myself as heterosexual, but now find myself in a group I have no desire to be associated with and I am labelled with the term “intrinsically disordered”.

There’s more to you than your sexuality. It’s only one part of who you are now. You are a man and a child of God. With the help of God, you can change if you want to. It doesn’t make any sense to me that God would create people with SSA when homosexual acts are sinful. That’s why I believe SSA is a product of environment and/or psychlogical in nature.

1. I am finding it very hard to view myself as a man. I am a 6ft, virile-looking, handsome Italian with sound and concrete moral values.I am politically and catholically conservative. I am in no way effeminate and yet this notion of ssa makes me feel like I am some shameful excuse for a human being, let alone worthy enough of the title: man.
2. Will I ever truthfully be able to live a happy and fulfilling life?

Of course your a man. You’re man enough to discuss this on a forum aren’t you!? Don’t give into despair. God will help you, you just need to trust in Him. Your can only be truly happy by doing God’s will and if you act on your SSA feelings, you’re not going to be happy.

I feel abandoned by God, yet He is the only person I have. Any feedback welcome.

Have faith! Trust in God no matter what happens to you. But don’t offend God by sin or you’ll drive His grace away. God loves your more than you can imagine. He loved you before you were born. The Sacred Heart of Jesus is burning with love for you!

Trust in God and don’t let the enemy destroy your peace

I’ll pray for you

To other posters, if I’ve given any bad advice on this sensitive subject, please let me know.

God bless,
Noel.

 

[Just_wondering]

Hi Lupus_Romanus,

I don’t have much to offer in the way of advice. I have had ssa on occasion, but for me it was fleeting, and I am 90% attracted to men (being a woman, that’s a good thing).

Don’t spend too much time dwelling on why this is happening to you. I don’t think that helps anybody, least of all you. As nkelly just wrote, God may have made you like this in order to show others how to live well.

Anyway, I just came on here to let you know that people on this forum haven’t forgotten you. You’re still in our prayers.

You are a valuable human being, with all your faults. Your cross may be heavier to bear than mine, but you don’t have to bear it alone. Good luck!

 

[Dempsey1919]

You have a terrible cross to bear and I pray that you don’t lose faith.

Thankfully, you have a well formed moral conscience and you know that to be an active homosexual is gravely sinful. Always remember that Jesus loves you and will never abandon you. He will always be with you. He will help you. The Blessed Mother will give you strength.

You can deal with this. You are strong enough. You can do all things through Christ. Place yourself in his loving hands.

Don’t accept the fact that you have SSA. Fight it with every ounce of your being. Don’t call yourself a homosexual. Don’t tell anyone that you struggle with this. The more you say it, the more you will accept it as a reality. Deal with this internally, and give yourself to Jesus. He will help you overcome this.

Don’t let your sexual orientation define you as a person. Your sexuality is such a small and unimportant aspect of your personality. You are a good person. Don’t let this small thing ruin your life. You DESERVE to have a good, happy life. Don’t let this thing beat you!

Don’t associate with any homosexuals. Don’t go to any of the gay bars or even talk to any gay people. This may lead you to sin. Stay away from any so-called gay culture. Don’t watch any television that promotes homosexuality and don’t read any gay literature. Being a practicing homosexual is not an option.

Most importantly, don’t buy into the rubbish that you were born this way. Don’t think that SSA is natural because God created you this way. I don’t believe God would be so cruel to give you these feelings and then tell you that it would be a sin to act on them. He wouldn’t do that. Homosexuality is entirely mental. Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy will help you to overcome this disorder.

Bury these inclinations deep down. Suppress them. Live a spiritual life. If Jesus is with you, nothing can beat you. Pray for purity and the strength to be chaste.