My life is a mess and I have a hard time trusting in God

[JCats1]

Hello everyone. I’m just going to start with the beginning. My mother had a fling with a man about 3.5 years ago. During this period of time, she spent a lot of money on him, and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. She even spent my whole college savings on him and so much more. It was a hard time, and now my family is in debt because of it. We have a tax problem and I didn’t realize that the problem was huge until recently. Ever since my freshman year of high school, I’ve been wanting to go to a Med School in the UK after high school. It’s very competitive and I need to show that I had experience through summer schools. (such as summer programs). Ever since November of 2013 I’ve been wanting to go to a particular one in the UK, and it costs a lot of money. I applied for a scholarship in January because of the debt problem and I unfortunately could not receive the scholarship. It was at this point that I began to go into denial about the whole thing and I’m searching for any scholarship that can help me out. I’m now looking into another summer program but it’s very competitive to get in and I think it’s my only chance. If I don’t go to this one, then I have nothing to talk about in my personal statement for the UK thing, which equals no entrance to med school in the Uk and I have to take an alternative route which will take 8-10 years with a bachelors degree and all. Honestly just thinking about not accomplishing my dreams just makes me depressed and it makes me resent my mother and I have a hard time trusting God with my future. I’m so scared that He’s going to give me a hard life. Every time I get my hopes up and trust God, everything falls away. All this because of something that happened 3.5 years ago. I don’t know what to do. Please pray for me. I cry every day because of this. I may sound so materialistic and selfish, but this is my dream and I want this bad.

 

[Xantippe]

Hello everyone. I’m just going to start with the beginning. My mother had a fling with a man about 3.5 years ago. During this period of time, she spent a lot of money on him, and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. She even spent my whole college savings on him and so much more. It was a hard time, and now my family is in debt because of it. We have a tax problem and I didn’t realize that the problem was huge until recently. Ever since my freshman year of high school, I’ve been wanting to go to a Med School in the UK after high school. It’s very competitive and I need to show that I had experience through summer schools. (such as summer programs). Ever since November of 2013 I’ve been wanting to go to a particular one in the UK, and it costs a lot of money. I applied for a scholarship in January because of the debt problem and I unfortunately could not receive the scholarship. It was at this point that I began to go into denial about the whole thing and I’m searching for any scholarship that can help me out. I’m now looking into another summer program but it’s very competitive to get in and I think it’s my only chance. If I don’t go to this one, then I have nothing to talk about in my personal statement for the UK thing, which equals no entrance to med school in the Uk and I have to take an alternative route which will take 8-10 years with a bachelors degree and all. Honestly just thinking about not accomplishing my dreams just makes me depressed and it makes me resent my mother and I have a hard time trusting God with my future. I’m so scared that He’s going to give me a hard life. Every time I get my hopes up and trust God, everything falls away. All this because of something that happened 3.5 years ago. I don’t know what to do. Please pray for me. I cry every day because of this. I may sound so materialistic and selfish, but this is my dream and I want this bad.

1. “We” don’t have a tax problem. Your parents have a tax problem. That’s unfortunate, but it’s not a problem that you personally have.
2. Are you in the UK or elsewhere? If elsewhere, why the focus on medical school in the UK?
3. Almost nobody comes from a family capable of paying cash for medical school. Your mom’s foolishness just puts you in the same position as normal people.
4. At least in the US, it is normal to borrow for medical school. I am probably the most hostile to student loans on CAF, but even I think that borrowing a reasonable amount of money for medical school is just fine. People that are doctors are able to pay off medical school debt.
5. In the US, there are combined MD/PhD programs.
6. In the US, some people get their medical school paid for by the military. They owe the military a number of years of work, but it’s not a bad way to go.
7. There are lots of things you can do that would provide material for a personal statement.
8. I don’t know how far you are into college, but you don’t even know that medical school is a good fit for you yet or that your academics are going to be good enough.

I think you are having tunnel vision about this particular program. Talk to people and figure out what ALL your options are.

Best wishes!

 

[Xantippe]

By the way, here is one of my favorite blogs:

jeevankuruvilla.blogspot.com/

It’s written by a Christian Indian mission doctor working mostly with the poor.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

I understand your resentment, but God didn’t do it; your mother did. No one knows what drives parents to do foolish things, but perhaps you should have pity for her. It also sounds like someone took advantage of her and her money. Perhaps she was lonely and/or afraid. Pray for her and for yourself, as well. I will pray that everything works out well for you, but don’t blame God.

 

[Justicia_et_Pax]

Hi,

I am a bit confused as to why you think you need to go on a summer programme? Most medicine school applicants in the UK (I am from the UK and my sister is a qualified doctor, having been through the UK medical school system!) have what we call ‘work experience’, where you basically shadow a hospital doctor and/or GP for around 2 weeks or so, unpaid when you’re between 15-17 years old. On top of that people have unpaid voluntary work that they do, as well as all the regular extra-curriculars like sport, music, drama, etc but those are far less important. Then there’s stuff like reading scientific/medical student journals and keeping abreast with the latest changes/developments in biochemistry and medicine.

Yes medicine in the UK is extremely tough (even more so, perhaps, if you are coming to the UK as an international student, as it sounds like you might be?) but I am not 100% convinced that a summer programme is a hard-and-fast requirement. Or even a requirement at all. My sister was admitted to Nottingham University with two weeks shadowing doctors in a hospital (she was 15 so they wouldn’t even let her do much!), voluntary work with the elderly in her school holidays, a week or so spent shadowing a GP in a practice in South-West London, and her musical instruments. No special summer programmes, especially nothing she had to pay to do!

 

[JCats1]

Hello everyone. I’m just going to start with the beginning. My mother had a fling with a man about 3.5 years ago. During this period of time, she spent a lot of money on him, and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. She even spent my whole college savings on him and so much more. It was a hard time, and now my family is in debt because of it. We have a tax problem and I didn’t realize that the problem was huge until recently. Ever since my freshman year of high school, I’ve been wanting to go to a Med School in the UK after high school. It’s very competitive and I need to show that I had experience through summer schools. (such as summer programs). Ever since November of 2013 I’ve been wanting to go to a particular one in the UK, and it costs a lot of money. I applied for a scholarship in January because of the debt problem and I unfortunately could not receive the scholarship. It was at this point that I began to go into denial about the whole thing and I’m searching for any scholarship that can help me out. I’m now looking into another summer program but it’s very competitive to get in and I think it’s my only chance. If I don’t go to this one, then I have nothing to talk about in my personal statement for the UK thing, which equals no entrance to med school in the Uk and I have to take an alternative route which will take 8-10 years with a bachelors degree and all. Honestly just thinking about not accomplishing my dreams just makes me depressed and it makes me resent my mother and I have a hard time trusting God with my future. I’m so scared that He’s going to give me a hard life. Every time I get my hopes up and trust God, everything falls away. All this because of something that happened 3.5 years ago. I don’t know what to do. Please pray for me. I cry every day because of this. I may sound so materialistic and selfish, but this is my dream and I want this bad.

Hi,

I am a bit confused as to why you think you need to go on a summer programme? Most medicine school applicants in the UK (I am from the UK and my sister is a qualified doctor, having been through the UK medical school system!) have what we call ‘work experience’, where you basically shadow a hospital doctor and/or GP for around 2 weeks or so, unpaid when you’re between 15-17 years old. On top of that people have unpaid voluntary work that they do, as well as all the regular extra-curriculars like sport, music, drama, etc but those are far less important. Then there’s stuff like reading scientific/medical student journals and keeping abreast with the latest changes/developments in biochemistry and medicine.

Yes medicine in the UK is extremely tough (even more so, perhaps, if you are coming to the UK as an international student, as it sounds like you might be?) but I am not 100% convinced that a summer programme is a hard-and-fast requirement. Or even a requirement at all. My sister was admitted to Nottingham University with two weeks shadowing doctors in a hospital (she was 15 so they wouldn’t even let her do much!), voluntary work with the elderly in her school holidays, a week or so spent shadowing a GP in a practice in South-West London, and her musical instruments. No special summer programmes, especially nothing she had to pay to do!

Wow, really? People told me to do summer programs because you can talk about it in your personal statement.

 

[Justicia_et_Pax]

Wow, really? People told me to do summer programs because you can talk about it in your personal statement.

Granted you do need to have SOMETHING to talk about in your personal statement, but it doesn’t have to be a summer programme. I’m pretty sure of that. Like I demonstrated, most applicants in the UK (home applicants, let’s call them) have not been on any special programmes or done anything abroad. Talking about unpaid work experience and what you found interesting/what you learnt from it is fine

 

[UbiCaritas]

One quick point about your college fund and taxes: for the love of all that’s holy, please run a credit check on yourself with all the credit reporting agencies, and also check with your state tax agency to ensure you aren’t listed as owing them back taxes.

Very long story indeed, but my mother also cashed out my and my sisters’ college funds for non-college-related purposes. In her case, since the funds were in our names, she cashed them out in our names because she was our guardian, but then didn’t pay the associated penalties. One of my sisters didn’t find out she had a tax lien against her until she was applying for internships in finance firms while in college–and believe me, they do not like seeing tax liens on credit checks on potential employees. I found it out earlier, and it was a massive headache to resolve, one that took, IIRC, 5-7 years: tax liens don’t drop off your credit report for either 5 or 7 (can’t remember which) years after they’re filed, even if they’re paid off.

Also, even if a lien is paid off, the state tax agency may not have reported it as such to the credit agencies, and while a paid tax lien looks bad, an unpaid one looks far worse.

Hopefully, none of this is the case for you, but it would be wise to double-check before you find something like this out the hard way. We were told, incidentally, that to remove them entirely before that 5-7 year timeframe would require us to file a police report of identity theft against our mother and pursue that course of action. While we wouldn’t have minded doing so in principle, we were both college students who lived in other states, and we didn’t have money for attorneys’ fees or travel.

 

[Xantippe]

One quick point about your college fund and taxes: for the love of all that’s holy, please run a credit check on yourself with all the credit reporting agencies, and also check with your state tax agency to ensure you aren’t listed as owing them back taxes.

Very long story indeed, but my mother also cashed out my and my sisters’ college funds for non-college-related purposes. In her case, since the funds were in our names, she cashed them out in our names because she was our guardian, but then didn’t pay the associated penalties. One of my sisters didn’t find out she had a tax lien against her until she was applying for internships in finance firms while in college–and believe me, they do not like seeing tax liens on credit checks on potential employees. I found it out earlier, and it was a massive headache to resolve, one that took, IIRC, 5-7 years: tax liens don’t drop off your credit report for either 5 or 7 (can’t remember which) years after they’re filed, even if they’re paid off.

Also, even if a lien is paid off, the state tax agency may not have reported it as such to the credit agencies, and while a paid tax lien looks bad, an unpaid one looks far worse.

Hopefully, none of this is the case for you, but it would be wise to double-check before you find something like this out the hard way. We were told, incidentally, that to remove them entirely before that 5-7 year timeframe would require us to file a police report of identity theft against our mother and pursue that course of action. While we wouldn’t have minded doing so in principle, we were both college students who lived in other states, and we didn’t have money for attorneys’ fees or travel.

Very good advice (although who knows what the relevant local regulations are for the OP).

And now you mention it, the OP ought to check their credit to make sure nobody (coughmomcough) has opened up any accounts in their name. Unfortunately, parents that are having financial issues not infrequently open up accounts in children’s names.