My life sucks

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lucylove1

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I’ve been told that we all are born with this certain gift from God and that we need to share it with our brothers and sisters. The problem is, I don’t know what my gift is. I get really depressed because I don’t know how to do anything. I am 29 years old and haven’t really done anything. I have no idea how I got to the place I am right now. I have been married for two years almost three. My husband is really smart and good at music. So he sometimes teaches children and he plays at a choir in our church. I, on the other hand, don’t know how to do anything. I sing at that same choir but I know I don’t know how to sing but I do it because they asked me to help and couldn’t say no.
Sometimes I see people suffering but I don’t know how to help because, well, how would I do that? I have no money to give to the poor. I have no house to offer a room to somebody. I have no brains to come up with a plan for helping out. I don’t even have the ability to talk to people so at least I can brighten their day.
I think about my life and see that I am not doing anything. I was talking to a guy at work and he said that he was going to start going to school to get a degree and do something with his life. My husband asks me why don’t I apply to other jobs. I have a BA in Liberal Studies which doesn’t really help much. I was going to become a teacher but I don’t think I like that anymore. I got a Pharmacy Technology certificate thinking that would be it but it didn’t work. Now, I’m a library aide. It is not bad but people around me expect me to have done something better. And I think they’re kind of right because I went to a 4yr university and I still have a job for which doesn’t even need that.
 
I’m sorry you feel that way right now.

If this is too personal feel free to tell me to go away, but is there any reason at 29 years of age and married almost three years that you haven’t had any children yet? If you’re looking for ways to honor God in your life, your vocation of marriage would be the first place to consider. It may bring you the purpose you feel lacking.

Otherwise, there are always ways you can help. Prayer is of course one way. You could explored getting involved in local charities. There are always ways you can help, even if you feel that your particular gifts are not being utilised fully.
 
underacloud said:
I’m sorry you feel that way right now.

If this is too personal feel free to tell me to go away, but is there any reason at 29 years of age and married almost three years that you haven’t had any children yet? If you’re looking for ways to honor God in your life, your vocation of marriage would be the first place to consider. It may bring you the purpose you feel lacking.

Otherwise, there are always ways you can help. Prayer is of course one way. You could explored getting involved in local charities. There are always ways you can help, even if you feel that your particular gifts are not being utilised fully.
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Well, my husband and I don’t really get along. I’ve asked him many times to go to a counselor or to a married couple to talk to them but he doesn’t want to. That’s part of it. Well, maybe 99% of the reason why we haven’t had children yet. The other 1% is because he hurt his back, he can’t really do any physical activity and he’s taking a lot of medications. We don’t really have a relationship despite being married. He does his thing, I do mine. I used to cry a lot about this but after posting here (I think it’s been about a month or two), I felt a lot better. My marriage still isn’t working but I’m not that sad anymore (now I’m sad about something else).

A friend from the church invited me to go with her to the prisons but I don’t think I would know how to help there. I’m not good at talking or making conversation with people. I also called this organization that help people in their last days of life but I decided not to go on with it because I am a very sensitive and I don’t think I could have taken it. That’s why I say I’m not good at anything. And I am really saying this. I don’t say it so people would say, “yes you’re so good at [this] or [that]” I actually believe I can’t do anything.
 
Well, you’re not going to find what you’re good at if you don’t try. Next time your friend invites you along, just give it a go. Many people in prison, hospital, etc are simply lonely and need someone to talk to. The key skill required is being able to listen, and that’s something we can all do. Don’t underestimate how important just turning up for someone can be.

Sorry to hear about your husband/marriage issues. I’d be dealing with that as a matter of priority, but I take it that’s been discussed on other threads.
 
Do you have enough money to go to a life coach? You said you want to go into marriage counseling and that takes money. I would say to go alone but maybe a life coach would be better for you since you seem not to have any direction.

You have more backround than most but if those things just didn’t interest you when you got into them, then you need to go in a different direction, probably one you haven’t though of yet.

I don’t know why you and your husband don’t get along but keeping the romance in marriage is important. You really need a date night each week. Just do things you enjoy even if it is walks or going to a movie.
 
Hi there,

It sounds like you are really disappointed with many aspects in your life. Hang on because it does get better. If you are able, talking to a therapist may really help. If your husband is not interested then go alone…it does make a huge difference! Also if you think about what makes you happy and try to fit a few of those activities into your life you will realizing how beautiful life can be. Just a simple walk in the park or baking cookies or going to a great movie can really help lift the spirit. I also recommend the Rosary and lots of prayer and meditation on the mysteries. When I have gone through really tough times I ask the Blessed Virgin to show me, teach me and help me achieve what God has planned. She will always help! Take care and God Bless!
 
Talking to people is not easy but with practise you do get better at it. when I was young and got my first job i didn’t even know hoe to talk to customers at all now look at be its just seconds nature now.

and about your marrage be their for him, be surpportive and always have a smile around him. show that yoou are their for him and your relationship might become better becuase he will see that you are putting in the effort to make him feel special. NEVER NEVER GIVE UP.
 
lucylove1 said:
I am 29 years old and haven’t really done anything.
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If it is any comfort, I am almost 29, an introvert, I mow grass for a living and I’ve been cleaning horse stalls since I was 12. I have no higher education, no romantic relationship, 1 friend (maybe 2), and my parents haven’t kicked me out yet. Do you feel any better about yourself yet? :rotfl:

But seriously, you are probably worth something to people in ways you don’t even realize. I go out every day and I just act like myself, and people come up to me to say how much I have helped them in some way; I seem to cheer people up and make them laugh, even though I don’t think I’m that funny. They feel like someone cares about them. You don’t have to have special talents or abilities to have a “certain gift” from God; it isn’t like some people are granted amazing spiritual powers and you were denied, as though God forgot you.

It might help to talk to another person, maybe a counselor or just someone who knows about you. Or try to be silent inside; when bitter and hopeless feelings come up, mock them or just let them pass rather than dwelling on them if possible. It can be a dark experience when the only voices that you are listening to are your own dismal thoughts.
 
You have achieved a lot: you hold two degrees, got married, building a life with your husband, and you are trying everyday to be a better person. God gave you a brain and you used it by going to college and getting a degree. You acknowledged ONE of God’s gifts to you. Many people don’t. Some end up in prison. Maybe you were suppose to go there to see those who have squandered their gifts. Maybe you were being sent there for you not for them. Just a thought.

Get rid of that negativity. Sounds like the devil is holding you back by telling you what you can’t do. Of course you can talk to people. Like everything else it needs practice.

Do what you can. Be the best you can be at this point by getting up, groom yourself, get your home in order, show up to work on time, practice saying “hello” to all you meet and try to remember their names. For your husband: work on one thing he has asked you to do, and make a date with him today. Go out to dinner and a movie. Take care of your extended family.

Develop some new habits and practice them for one solid month and see if you don’t see a change in yourself. Every time that voice says “I can’t”, tell the devil to get behind you, pray, and carry on.
 
Dacinom said:
First, I don’t know who told you that you were born with a “certain gift” from God but in my opinion we are all born with multiple gifts dear one! Some gifts seem larger then life such as the gift of musical talent or a beautiful voice. Other gifts may seem small such as when the Holy Spirit inspires you to smile at someone! Do you know I have heard stories where someone felt so depressed they were suicidal, and when they went to church to pray just someone smiling at them and saying “hello” was enough to brighten their day and inspire them to give life a second chance?

It is good that you want to evaluate your life! It is good that you want to serve others and to use your talents well! It is good that you want to explore ways to use your life in the way that God wants you to use it!

However, I think it is harmful to get depressed, and to compare yourself with others. You seem to be sad and to be searching for some magical hidden talent that you have but the greatest gift you can give to this world is yourself. Simply by being yourself, simply by smiling and caring, simply by praying and being a genuine friend to others you can change the world!

Your post is titled “My Life Sucks” and that is a very sad title. I would urge you to seek the advice of a priest or deacon or spiritual director. You have gone to school and changed directions a few times, and yet you have learned that the things of this world do not satisfy the soul. Your satisfaction with your life can only come from Jesus Christ. Seek Him, turn to Him. No job in this world will make you happy, ever. Even if you find your “certain gift” you are on a quest for it will be meaningless unless you first find peace with yourself in Jesus. I will pray for you, God bless.
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My Eureka Vacuum Cleaner sucks!🙂
 
First, I would say talking to a priest (or a counselor or a life coach as others have recommended) would be a good idea. Just having someone in real life to really hash things out with over a longer stretch is going to yield the most fruit for you.

I agree with the encouragement to let go of the negativity. I feel like there’s an implicit assumption in our culture that we have to be literally the best in the entire world at one thing. That’s simply not realistic, though. And there’s no shame in not being world-class at something.

But I tell you, you don’t get better at anything without putting time and work into it. To offer a mundane example, I’ve noticed this with myself, my family and video games. :o My daughter will sometimes get frustrated when she is playing a game and can’t do as well as I can on the very first try. But the only reason I’m any good is because I spent countless hours playing video games growing up. It’s not that I would expertly play through a level the first time. No, my character might fall into a pit and die 99 times before I finally got through a certain level. But by that time, playing that particular level was in my bones. And then I could play through that level and make it look easy. But only because I failed 99 times before and learned from each mistake.

Life is a lot like that. It’s not always (or even often) about your inherent ability. It’s about the effort you put into it. “Practice makes perfect” is an overused cliché for a reason. The more time and effort you put into something, the better you will get.

So make a decision and pursue it. And in time you will get better at whatever you pursue. You don’t have to decide immediately. This is where someone like a life coach (or even a book like “What Color is Your Parachute?”) comes in handy. They will help you better ascertain what you are really passionate about. Then you can pursue that.

Another book you might look into is StrengthsFinder 2.0. This book breaks things down into 34 areas. Each book comes with a code you can use to take the test online where it tells you your top five strengths from those 34. We aren’t all the best in the world at something, but we do all have our strengths. A book like this is helpful in that it gives you the vocabulary to articulate your strengths. It’s very handy in preparing for job interviews, if nothing else. :o

Above all – of course – turn to the Lord in prayer. He didn’t make you by mistake. He has a plan for you. That plan isn’t always to be a prodigy at something. But you can always impact those around you.

I will keep you in my prayers. Pray for me, too.
 
So you think your life sucks? My life sucks too. But you was able to write a very good post, it had nothing in it that was not needed. It was one of the best posts I have seen for a long time. So you can do one thing, namely, you can write. I am absolutely sure that you could write something in your local parish paper. Or if you live in a small town, maybe they would like to print what you write. And you can sing. If not, you would certainly not sing in the choir. And stop thinking you are nothing. You are a whole lot of things, mostly good. I could tell you my story, but I hate when people cry so I will not do that. You don’t need to help the poor if you can’t afford it. God will understand. And if you can’t give a room to someone, look up where there are rooms for people in need and direct them there. You do not give them a roof where you live, but you do help them to find one. And what about your brains? Do you feel stupid? If you do, welcome to the real world. I feel stupid most of the time, but I just don’t care. If I am not good enough for others then the others are not good enough for me so I say a short prayer for them and walk on. And praying? That is a good thing to do. Pray for those who do not deserve one. I do so, and I need company, then it would be two persons praying for all those people the world hate, and as Christ did say, “where two or three are gathered in my name there I will be”. (Free translation.) There are so much you can do, and if you think about it, you will see it also, and then, go for it!
 
My widowed sister is physically handicapped and in constant chronic pain. She will be that way for the rest of her life.

Because she lives on Disability, she has no money for the poor. She is the poor. Because she is disabled, she can barely get around town and is almost house-bound.

She is also one of the most joyful people I know.

That is because she spends her day offering up her suffering and praying for others.

You say you want a gift to share with your brothers and sisters. You already have it. You can dedicate your life to prayer. You can pray for the souls in Purgatory. You can pray for others who do not have as much as you have. You can pray for conversions to the faith.

In other words, you can make a far bigger difference in this world than those with college degrees and worldly talents.
 
Can I ask a personal question? My daughter just told me she feels sad ALL the time…and her husband is sad because he can’t do anything about it… That’s sad on both counts…

I’ve been researching birth control. Are you using birth control? Please READ this article about birth control and see if anything strikes a chord…

prolife.com/BIRTHCNT.html

I think every couple should read it together…
And don’t think you aren’t able to do anything. You can always pray for other people. Look at the people on this forum who are aching and pray for them…

God bless you.
 
petra22 said:
Can I ask a personal question? My daughter just told me she feels sad ALL the time…and her husband is sad because he can’t do anything about it… That’s sad on both counts…

I’ve been researching birth control. Are you using birth control? Please READ this article about birth control and see if anything strikes a chord…

prolife.com/BIRTHCNT.html

I think every couple should read it together…
And don’t think you aren’t able to do anything. You can always pray for other people. Look at the people on this forum who are aching and pray for them…

God bless you.
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There are probably many people who are “rich” in this world’s eyes but are miserable because no one prays for them or likes them for just who they are rather than their “stuff” Pray also for the leaders of the Church (bishops, cardinals, the pope) who carry huge responsibilities for souls.
 
Kay_Cee said:
You say you want a gift to share with your brothers and sisters. You already have it. You can dedicate your life to prayer. You can pray for the souls in Purgatory. You can pray for others who do not have as much as you have. You can pray for conversions to the faith.
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This.

You can start right here on CAF. Just go to the Prayer Intentions section. You will find many, many people in need of prayer that are asking for, longing for prayers. If you do this for a while, I think your life will change. You will feel that you are helping, and it will help you. May God bless you and guide you.
 
Irishmom2 said:
This.

You can start right here on CAF. Just go to the Prayer Intentions section. You will find many, many people in need of prayer that are asking for, longing for prayers. If you do this for a while, I think your life will change. You will feel that you are helping, and it will help you. May God bless you and guide you.
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Anyone can pray, even people who are shut-ins!👍
 
lucylove1 said:
I’ve been told that we all are born with this certain gift from God and that we need to share it with our brothers and sisters. The problem is, I don’t know what my gift is. I get really depressed because I don’t know how to do anything. I am 29 years old and haven’t really done anything. I have no idea how I got to the place I am right now. I have been married for two years almost three. My husband is really smart and good at music. So he sometimes teaches children and he plays at a choir in our church. I, on the other hand, don’t know how to do anything. I sing at that same choir but I know I don’t know how to sing but I do it because they asked me to help and couldn’t say no.
Sometimes I see people suffering but I don’t know how to help because, well, how would I do that? I have no money to give to the poor. I have no house to offer a room to somebody. I have no brains to come up with a plan for helping out. I don’t even have the ability to talk to people so at least I can brighten their day.
I think about my life and see that I am not doing anything. I was talking to a guy at work and he said that he was going to start going to school to get a degree and do something with his life. My husband asks me why don’t I apply to other jobs. I have a BA in Liberal Studies which doesn’t really help much. I was going to become a teacher but I don’t think I like that anymore. I got a Pharmacy Technology certificate thinking that would be it but it didn’t work. Now, I’m a library aide. It is not bad but people around me expect me to have done something better. And I think they’re kind of right because I went to a 4yr university and I still have a job for which doesn’t even need that.
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You sound like me…only with better education and and Ive got you beat by almost 20 yrs.🙂
I ALWAYS wonder what my gift is. Im good with kids but Im not spectacular with kids. Im NOT a people person. I dont belong to any group at church. Ive tried some but they just didnt work for me. I dont know where I fit. BUT I keep trusting that God will eventually put me where Im needed or He already has and I just dont realize it 🙂 You never know how He is using you. All you may need to do is just live out your faith and that will inspire people. We all dont have to do grand things. Do what you enjoy, live your faith and trust in the Lord 🙂
 
Hi Lucy:

I think there is a saying by Charlie Jones that went something like: “Five years from today you will be exactly the same as you are now but for the books you read and the people you meet.”

The quote is about change.

So I suggest starting to read at least 10 pages a day of a good self help book. That is a change I want to make as well. The recommendation came out of a self help book I recently finished called the “Slight Edge” by Olson. Olson lists many other self help books in his book as well. I am about to start a book by CS Lewis (The four Loves) and another book recommended by Olson about the power of good collaboration.

If you read 10 pages a day, in a year you will have read 10-12 books. That can be life changing.

For example, I cannot recall the book (and it may have been a sermon) but I recall learning years ago lessons about the power of your words and to never say negative things about yourself (or anyone else, or about your situation).

Positive words have a positive effect. Learn to say positive things about yourself, about others, and about your situation. I am still learning to do this myself and it is important. I have seen it work very quickly many times, sometimes within minutes.

Also, remember that you believe in Jesus. Therefore you have tremendous righteousness and strength in Him that is better than any human talent and there are several passages in Isaiah that address this. So in addition to reading 10 pages a day of a self help book, spend time with Jesus every day in prayer and reading the Bible. Remember, Christ built His church on flawed people.

This reminds me that I just decided to be a part of a “September of change” from a vlogger that I like.

So lets change together.

Good luck.
 
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