My little experiment

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mikekle

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As some of you may know, I have been struggling with my faith for some time, pretty much since I was 12 yrs old. My parents forced me to attend church at a young age, so I rebelled against everything religious thru my teen years, early 20s, and to some degree right up to current times. I have always wondered why everyone else I know who is devout in their faith seems to really get something out of mass, confession, etc. but I have NEVER felt anything like this, at any time in my life. I have tried many many times asking God for help, dropping to my knees, literally begging God to enter my heart, and help me, yet still nothing happens, I dont feel anything, no matter what I have done.

So my dad was talking about confession earlier today and I asked him if he truly feels better once he confesses his sins and does his penance, he said, Of course I do, he also tells me he gets ‘filled up’ every sunday at mass.

So this got me thinking about attempting to ask God to enter my life and heart again, but this time, I want to go to confession (as I have not been since my teen years but did not take it seriously back then), complete my penance, then attend mass, receive the body and blood of Christ and see how I feel afterwards…Im pretty sure someone who has not been to confession for such a long time and has not been regularly receiving the body and blood, and then do all these things, would feel COMPLETELY different, Im assuming their joy would almost be uncontainable!!!

What does everyone think about this? Do I stand a chance of feeling ‘filled up’ after this attempt and having God enter my heart?

However, on the other hand, what should I feel or do if I complete all this and I feel absolutely the same and nothing changes? I was always told by my teachers, family members, priests, etc that ANYONE asking God to enter their life and heart will NOT be turned away and God WILL come into their life, but if someone continues to ask and ask time after time with no results…what does this say about me?
 
I think going to confession is a wonderful idea.
To give you a bit of background, I can somewhat relate to your situation in terms of my parents used to take me to church all the time as a kid and upon entering my adolescence I found it very mundane and stopped going for years. I never stopped believing in God but I didn’t pray regularly or even frequently and I definitely was not practicing my faith. As a Catholic I think we always come back and I did just a few years ago because I needed stability and I just felt like something was missing. I had it all but I did not have peace in my soul, so I took baby steps by just stepping into the Church to light a candle, say a quick prayer, then leave about once a month. Then I decided to go to confession and I wrote this lengthy list of all things, some which weren’t even sins (Father chuckled as he told me so) but I wanted to make sure I covered everything. After that I felt so good! Like walking on the moon, good. Then I attending mass Sunday, once a month, which eventually turned into every week. And now I love it!
So don’t exactly understand how you are expecting to ‘feel’ once you do this, or if your expectations are even realistic. Please let me explain, and obviously everyone differs in the way they interact with God. To me the ‘filled’ feeling isn’t exactly an overjoyed I-want-to-proclaim-from-the-mountaintops overwhelming feeling, but more of a quiet confidence and even calming feeling. I feel at peace. Like when you’re in nature and just breath in the fresh air. But that’s my reaction and feeling. Of course, some Sundays I am tired at Mass or had a particularly stressful trip or week so I will be a little drained. But I will tell suggest this: just talk to God like he’s your friend. He’ll always be there for you even if it’s not in the obvious way you would expect, so please take solace in that.
Just don’t give up! People may give up on God but he never gives up on us! 👍
 
Comparing what I get out of Mass now and what I got out of Mass 15-20 years ago is different.

It used to be go to church etc. but now it feels more like I am visiting a dear friend and I am very sad when I have to miss Mass.
 
crystal_waters said:
Read these links…i think they would be very helpfull to you 🙂

catholicnewsagency.com/news/archbishop-chaput-tells-youth-intimacy-with-christ-not-based-solely-on-feelings/

thecatholicthing.org/columns/2014/faith-and-emotion.html
Click to expand...
I understand what those 2 articles are trying to say and found this to be helpful…

**The saints, many of whom endured painful spiritual aridity for decades, teach us that the absence of religious feelings is God’s way of purifying our faith, which rests ultimately not on emotion, but on our trust in the authority of God’s word.
**

While it is nice to know I am not the only one who is like this, it is still a bit frustrating, especially when you see so many other christians that truly get filled up each time they are at mass or pray to God. One has to wonder why God would treat some like this and some he chooses to fill up in real recognizable ways.

I have no doubts about God and what/ who he is…I will always believe in God and he is the creator of everything, and that he died for our sins, so my lack of recognizable results has not swayed this part of my faith, but I will admit, many times, I do wonder why God deals with different people in different ways.

I cannot begin to describe how rough it is to constantly get no results from praying, going to mass, not hearing any ‘replies’ from God in ANYTHING I ask of him…it is not a lack of trying, or trying to ‘keep my eyes open’ to watch for answers to my questions, but after years and years of nothing…it does take an extreme amount of faith and acceptance to not just turn away completely and live a 100% secular lifestyle.
 
Faith is not the same as good feelings. They have nothing to do with each other. I urge you to return to the sacraments, but without expecting any specific feeling. You may be disappointed.
The good thing is, God does not rely on our emotions to bless us and show us mercy. He will do that anyway.
I will pray for you!
 
Sometimes this darkness which you are experiencing is based on sin and not necessarily feelings. If a person is not in the state of grace then they are in the state of sin which is the state of darkness. And if this has been going on for a while, then God is not going to answer their prayer when a person has not answered God’s prayer for them to come home.

First principle is, state of grace…always. That is the first condition above and beyond every other.

State of grace means God with us and in us. If God sees a son in the state of disobedience, he first wants of them to come back to him and promise obedience to his will. The the state of light occurs in the soul because now the Trinity dwells there. This light then helps us to see the value of what we do and are as sons/daughters of God…and what we do, the Mass. The blind man said to Jesus “Lord that I might see.”

Confession is what Jesus left to us to restore his light and grace to our soul so that we might live and see again. That is why he left it for us, to help the spiritually blind see again.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
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