L
lovedance4ever
Guest
This has been an ongoing problem, but yesterday, it reached its peak and right now, I have absolutely no idea how to handle it.
For those of you who did not see my previous posts, I babysit for a family of three children. The oldest is 16, and is not really in need of a babysitter, so we have ended up forming a little sister/big sister relationship over the years. I’m 20, and even though she is a young adult, I still feel responsible for her safety when she is with me, as she is a minor, and her health and wellbeing are important to me.
Rewind to January, she was spending the night at my home, and asked if we could Skype with one of her 18 year old guy friends. I didn’t see any harm in it, so I agreed. I disliked him right from the beginning; he said several off-color, and very sexual things to the both of us, and at the end of the conversation, I expressed my concerns to (let’s call her Beth) Beth. She thought I was a wet blanket (I do have that reputation…I am always concerned with doing what is right, and so I guess I come across as a party pooper a lot of the time).
After writing on here about it, and discussing it with my sister who has a daughter Beth’s age, I was encouraged to confront her parents with it. At this point, Beth expressed to me that she and (we’ll refer to the boy as Adam) Adam were going to begin a relationship, since she had feelings for him, and he recently said that he was infatuated with her. I was alarmed, and ended up deciding that the best choice was to tell her parents so that nothing would go any further.
I told them, they thanked me, but did not seem overtly concerned, which I thought was odd, since they are very devout, traditionalist Catholics who are super conservative and strict in many ways.
It was not long after this that Beth’s parents informed me that Adam was a marvelous boy. “Not EVERYONE has to be as mature as you, Christa,” they said. Her parents starting treating me like I was some paranoid freak, and Beth’s siblings with whom I previously had a close relationship, began to pull away from me and act like I was the enemy and Adam was the good guy. A beautiful relationship that had been formed over eight years was rapidly deteriorating before my eyes.
I then decided that I would shut my mouth and give the boy a second chance. I wanted Beth to feel comfortable confiding things in me, and I knew that acting like a wet blanket would have the opposite effect; if she were to be harmed in any way, I’d be the first to know, and for her safety, I decided to suck it up and try to like him.
Fast forward to yesterday. Beth invited me to Adam’s music concert, because she wanted me to finally meet him in person. I consented, we went, and after the show, Adam asked if we wanted to hang out. He hadn’t rubbed me in the wrong way at this point, so I offered to be the driver (there was no way in hell I was going to let him cart me around). Well, five minutes into the ride, he was saying sexual things to me. He played some sexual song on the radio, and kept asking me if I knew what various terms meant.
We got to the mall, and he started trying to put his hands on me. He hugged me, brushed his knee up against mine, squeezed my arm, and tried to massage my shoulders. I told him several times to keep his hands to himself. Beth thought the whole thing was hilarious. To give you an idea of his “humor,” we passed by a t-shirt that said something about Wednesday being hump day. Well, he got up close to me, his nose brushing against my cheek (ew) and he whispered, “I used to think it really meant humping.”
Finally, he asked to speak to me in private. Beth stepped away, and that’s when Adam confessed to me that he liked Beth a lot, was attracted to her, but had no intention of making her his girlfriend, because she was too “proper” for him. Also, he said she was too young…which she is! Without getting into anymore detail than I already have, it turns out he likes ME…which I truly do not believe. I think something is fishy, though, I have not put my finger on exactly what he is trying to do.
He also said that he and Beth shared a kiss not too long ago. A couple weeks ago, Beth came right out (without me even asking) and said, “don’t worry, we haven’t kissed.” So now, I do not know what to believe. She tells me everything, and now it makes me worry that she is hiding other behaviors from me. It doesn’t matter though, because even if I did try to do something about it, her parents wouldn’t believe me anyway. Remember, I am the bad guy here.
He’s also smoked pot numerous times before, and after he had expressed that to me, Beth yelled at him saying, “you weren’t supposed to tell her that.”
When we got back in the car, he called me babe. Beth even looked surprised, and asked (jokingly) if he was trying to make her jealous. He just laughed it off, and it was quickly forgotten, though, she did say something along the lines of “he likes you better than he likes me.”
I am at my wit’s end. Yesterday was an absolute mess. I feel I handled the situation poorly. Perhaps I let more happen than I should have…maybe I didn’t say the right things. But I was lost and scared about losing Beth’s friendship over something so stupid. I figured that I just needed to make it through the outing and then I’d never have to see him again.
For those of you who did not see my previous posts, I babysit for a family of three children. The oldest is 16, and is not really in need of a babysitter, so we have ended up forming a little sister/big sister relationship over the years. I’m 20, and even though she is a young adult, I still feel responsible for her safety when she is with me, as she is a minor, and her health and wellbeing are important to me.
Rewind to January, she was spending the night at my home, and asked if we could Skype with one of her 18 year old guy friends. I didn’t see any harm in it, so I agreed. I disliked him right from the beginning; he said several off-color, and very sexual things to the both of us, and at the end of the conversation, I expressed my concerns to (let’s call her Beth) Beth. She thought I was a wet blanket (I do have that reputation…I am always concerned with doing what is right, and so I guess I come across as a party pooper a lot of the time).
After writing on here about it, and discussing it with my sister who has a daughter Beth’s age, I was encouraged to confront her parents with it. At this point, Beth expressed to me that she and (we’ll refer to the boy as Adam) Adam were going to begin a relationship, since she had feelings for him, and he recently said that he was infatuated with her. I was alarmed, and ended up deciding that the best choice was to tell her parents so that nothing would go any further.
I told them, they thanked me, but did not seem overtly concerned, which I thought was odd, since they are very devout, traditionalist Catholics who are super conservative and strict in many ways.
It was not long after this that Beth’s parents informed me that Adam was a marvelous boy. “Not EVERYONE has to be as mature as you, Christa,” they said. Her parents starting treating me like I was some paranoid freak, and Beth’s siblings with whom I previously had a close relationship, began to pull away from me and act like I was the enemy and Adam was the good guy. A beautiful relationship that had been formed over eight years was rapidly deteriorating before my eyes.
I then decided that I would shut my mouth and give the boy a second chance. I wanted Beth to feel comfortable confiding things in me, and I knew that acting like a wet blanket would have the opposite effect; if she were to be harmed in any way, I’d be the first to know, and for her safety, I decided to suck it up and try to like him.
Fast forward to yesterday. Beth invited me to Adam’s music concert, because she wanted me to finally meet him in person. I consented, we went, and after the show, Adam asked if we wanted to hang out. He hadn’t rubbed me in the wrong way at this point, so I offered to be the driver (there was no way in hell I was going to let him cart me around). Well, five minutes into the ride, he was saying sexual things to me. He played some sexual song on the radio, and kept asking me if I knew what various terms meant.
We got to the mall, and he started trying to put his hands on me. He hugged me, brushed his knee up against mine, squeezed my arm, and tried to massage my shoulders. I told him several times to keep his hands to himself. Beth thought the whole thing was hilarious. To give you an idea of his “humor,” we passed by a t-shirt that said something about Wednesday being hump day. Well, he got up close to me, his nose brushing against my cheek (ew) and he whispered, “I used to think it really meant humping.”
Finally, he asked to speak to me in private. Beth stepped away, and that’s when Adam confessed to me that he liked Beth a lot, was attracted to her, but had no intention of making her his girlfriend, because she was too “proper” for him. Also, he said she was too young…which she is! Without getting into anymore detail than I already have, it turns out he likes ME…which I truly do not believe. I think something is fishy, though, I have not put my finger on exactly what he is trying to do.
He also said that he and Beth shared a kiss not too long ago. A couple weeks ago, Beth came right out (without me even asking) and said, “don’t worry, we haven’t kissed.” So now, I do not know what to believe. She tells me everything, and now it makes me worry that she is hiding other behaviors from me. It doesn’t matter though, because even if I did try to do something about it, her parents wouldn’t believe me anyway. Remember, I am the bad guy here.
He’s also smoked pot numerous times before, and after he had expressed that to me, Beth yelled at him saying, “you weren’t supposed to tell her that.”
When we got back in the car, he called me babe. Beth even looked surprised, and asked (jokingly) if he was trying to make her jealous. He just laughed it off, and it was quickly forgotten, though, she did say something along the lines of “he likes you better than he likes me.”
I am at my wit’s end. Yesterday was an absolute mess. I feel I handled the situation poorly. Perhaps I let more happen than I should have…maybe I didn’t say the right things. But I was lost and scared about losing Beth’s friendship over something so stupid. I figured that I just needed to make it through the outing and then I’d never have to see him again.
But I have to say, I agree with Irishmom2–it might not be practical or possible to remain close friends with Beth.
