My living hell right now - work

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Coreopisis

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There are 2 people at work who since I started about 8 months ago have been nit-picking everything I do. Their biggest gripe with me, I am told, is that they don’t “see” me being organized and that they dissaggree wth my communication style. Truth be told I have met all my deliverables, my business customers are happy and I’ve done a great job. This is not the feedback I get from these two who sit next to me.

Yesterday morning another co-worker pulled me aside concerned about me because when she arrived at work these others were essentially gossiping about me and saying some bad things. Basically these others had taken some things that I said and drawn some pretty crazy conclusions about it without asking me and then got upset about it. They never asked me. In the end I went to my manager because I couldn’t take it anymore. I am an emotional wreck and it is really wearing me down.

Today I have to go into work and sit down with two other people in a meeting room with our leaders present and discuss this issue to get everything out on the table. I have no idea what they could come up with about me but we will see. Of course I am a nervous wreck.

I’ve been praying, I said the rosary this morning. I’ve been asking Jesus to walk with me today but the truth is I’d rather have Jesus go to the meeting for me and I could stay home. Somehow I don’t think Jesus would manifest himself and do this for my little problem. But it feels huge and it hurts. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Sarah
 
Well, you’ve already done the first thing correctly - you’ve prayed, but rather than pray that Jesus attend the meeting for you, pray for the whole situation, for your employer, for those who will be at the meeting, and for your co-workers.

Second, when you go to the meeting, try to stay calm. Remember, Jesus is with you even though you can’t see Him.

Third, try not to even mention you co-workers names so it doesn’t appear to be a petty squabble or a cat fight. Instead, say something such as, “It has come to my attention that there are some co-workers who are saying [this] and [that] about me. I’m not sure how these misconceptions arose since the truth of [this] is __________, and about [that], here is what really happened: __________.” (Never launch an out and out attack against an aggressor - you never know who someone is related to!)

Then, you should follow this with something your superiors will really understand, spoken in the language they will understand: the language of money. Here’s where you would say something such as, “The truth is, I have met all my deliverables, my business customers are happy and I feel as though I’ve done a great job. Further, I’ve had no negative comments from my manager [if this is true]. Of course, I am always open to any suggestions on how I can be more valuable to the company.”

By speaking like this, you will show (1) more maturity than your co-workers, (2) that you are not stooping to their level, by calling their lies “misconceptions” as though they were simply mistaken instead of lieing and gossiping about you, (3) wisdom in (a)understanding that the company’s main concern is to make money and you have helped them do that and (b) by keeping customers happy, and (4) that you have the company’s best interests at heart by being willing to hear any suggestions on improving your job performance.

Good luck. My prayers are with you.
*“Dear God, do You know the greatest grief one of Your creatures can bear? It is the thought that she can never love You enough. ” *- St. Gemma Galgani
 
i was in a similar situation a while back, where my co-workers made my life a living hell for almost two years. all my customers were very happy with my work, but because i did things differently than my co-workers, my co-workers hated me. they would go well out of their way to make life difficult for me, and it eventually led to my boss transferring me to a different department. the only advice i can give is to never get involved with their petty squabble. it will cause you to bite your tongue more times than you can count, but you will have to put up a very professional, almost cold, exterior towards your co-workers. take solace in the good job you are doing, and that your customers are happy with you. don’t forget to occasionally let your manager know that you are fulfilling all your requirements and your customers are very happy.
 
Coreopisis said:
I’ve been asking Jesus to walk with me today but the truth is I’d rather have Jesus go to the meeting for me and I could stay home. Somehow I don’t think Jesus would manifest himself and do this for my little problem. But it feels huge and it hurts. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Sarah
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Oh Sarah, you poor soul! :hug1: I can hear the hurt, the confusion and the frustration in your words. I think you did the right thing, in asking Our dear Lord to walk with you. And I am absolutely 100% certain… that He did just that. Even though you couldn’t see Him… He was with you. 🙂

I wish I had an answer for you… as to why these things happen. But I don’t. 😦 I do know that life is full of these type of difficulties. There probably isn’t anyone here… who can’t relate… on some level. This may be difficult for you, right now… but maybe later, when things have calmed down a bit for you… pray for these two people who have caused you such anxiety.

In one of my favorite passages of “The Diary of St. Faustina”… she complained to Jesus that there were people in her life, that she just couldn’t love, and it upset her. Here is the passage number (1628)…

“During Holy Mass, I saw Jesus stretched out on the Cross, and He said to me, ‘My pupil, have great love for those who cause you suffering. Do good to those who hate you.’ I answered, ‘O my Master, You see very well that I feel no love for them, and that troubles me.’ Jesus answered, ‘It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if, after having experience annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well’.”

I hope this is some small comfort. You’re in my prayers. Please let us know how it went.
 
We just never know what’s just around the corner in life. Your prayers can be answered in ways we never imagine.

You can get an even BETTER job offer with fantastic environment.

Don’t fear.
 
Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. While I was at work today I did sneak and read this thread a couple times to help me.

I didn’t sleep well last night and felt sick to my stomach. You know that icky feeling you feel inside you when something really bad is happening and you’re scared? It feels like the bottom of your heart has fallen off and your stomach is fluttery and sick. I hate that feeling and I felt it all night but when I got to work I prayed again and I was actually, literally filled with a feeling of peace.

I went to the meeting wiht the two co-workers and the two managers and it went well. I was was not emotional and very fair. I think I did very well. I felt very at peace the whole time. One of my co-workers didn’t have such a time and was pretty angry.

They shared that they don’t like that I call my business partners as much as I do but my boss did an excellent job asking them questions to get to the heart of the matter. They said that they didn’t like me talking to them because that has burned them in the past. But my boss shared that I have had only good experiances with my business partners so far and that it is only fair to allow me to do my job in a way that works for me and she asked them what they suggest and they couldn’t come up with anything. In the end they just don’t like what I do. But I am glad we had this conversation so that our bosses could see what is going on.

It really bothers me that they don’t like me or don’t like the way I do things. As long as the job gets done why should it matter?..
…but an interesting thing happened at the very end of the day.

I had a phone meeting with one of my business partners in NY. (She is also a business partner for one of the co-workers I am having trouble with.) At the end of our meeting she told me “You know Sarah I’ve worked with a few other BA’s and… I have to tell you that you’re very good at this.” Can you believe it? I think this tells me that I am doing well for sure and that perhaps it is jealousy from my co-workers??

I hate that work can make my life so miserable. I am a prisoner to it because I have to work. It helps me to remember that even Jesus had people who hated him, at least I have that consolation.
 
I have a friend who has similar problems at her job. I gave her the following text to meditate upon.

Settle it therefore in your heart, not to meditate beforehand what you shall say: For I will give you the words and wisdom, which all your adversaries shall not be able to resist or refute. - Luke 21:14,15.

People like this are at everybody’s job. Let them tell their story and then you tell your’s. If they are doing it to you they have probably done it to someone else in the past. Hopefully the manager already knows that they are only trouble-makers.
 
Ki_Ki said:
I have a friend who has similar problems at her job. I gave her the following text to meditate upon.

Settle it therefore in your heart, not to meditate beforehand what you shall say: For I will give you the words and wisdom, which all your adversaries shall not be able to resist or refute. - Luke 21:14,15.

People like this are at everybody’s job. Let them tell their story and then you tell your’s. If they are doing it to you they have probably done it to someone else in the past. Hopefully the manager already knows that they are only trouble-makers.
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Those are great words thank you and I will use them today to help me get through this.

You’re right about them doing it to someone else. They went to the vice president yesterday to complain about our new manager. I actually like our new manager although he does do things very different than our last manager but I see nothing wrong with it, it is just different. Anyway they are upset with him. Our VP is actually very good I am sure he will handle it well. It did comfort me a bit too because management has to notice this pattern of behavior don’t you think? sigh,…it’s just really hard.

All I want to do is go to work and do my job and get along with everyone. Is that so much to ask?
 
Coreopisis said:
At the end of our meeting she told me “You know Sarah I’ve worked with a few other BA’s and… I have to tell you that you’re very good at this.” Can you believe it? I think this tells me that I am doing well for sure and that perhaps it is jealousy from my co-workers??

I hate that work can make my life so miserable. I am a prisoner to it because I have to work. It helps me to remember that even Jesus had people who hated him, at least I have that consolation.
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Hi again Sarah. Thanks for updating us. I’m glad to hear that the meeting went well. I think you hit the nail on the head… sadly, it sounds like a case of these two associates being a bit jealous of your capabilities. So, now is the most excellent time for you to show that you are a disciple of Jesus Christ.

This can be done by simply being kind and courteous in your dealings with them. And by praying for them. For example, before you start your work for the day… you could sit at your desk and offer two, quiet “Hail Marys” for your co-workers.

I’m glad that it helps you to remember Our dear Lord’s sufferings, too. It’s always a good thing for us to keep Our suffering Lord close in our hearts. Because He suffered for us. By joining our daily sufferings with His, we can share in His work of redemption.

God bless you. 🙂
 
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