My marriage

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yjenkins

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I have never been so scared in my life, my heart has only raced like this once. My marriage almost came to an end yesterday. My husband and I sat down and talked about our expectations and we agreed to meet each other half way. I’m crying as I am writing this. To be honest, I feel empty inside. I know we are not going to recover overnight, I know this is a long process. I have to learn to be patient. Even though we decided to save our marriage I still feel empty. I feel like I lost my soul mate. I feel like I lost everything. My heart has been racing all night and has continued to. All I can say is I am scared.
 
HUGS

The great thing about this is that your husband wants to meet you halfway!! That’s half the battle. Think about all of the people who post here saying that their spouse will not do that.

Hang in there!!
 
It took a lot of talking and talking and talking and talking. To be honest, I’m not sure if he is 100% there which really hurts me. I feel lost in despair.
 
I feel lonely in my marriage. My husband and I are both hurt. He is not very talkative, he is distant and I know that this healing process will take time. It hurts me so much to be in the same room as him. The best way I can only handle this is by distancing myself from him until he is ready to be more open and close to me.
 
I think you are setting yourselves the most difficult possible course by trying to do this without guidance.
 
I’m not sure what to do. We both have decided to go to counseling.
 
I am so sorry to hear about your current situation. However do not fear, it is God’s will that you do not get divorced. Therefore pray each and every day that His will be done. This will help you immensely. Moreover, remember that it takes 3 in a marriage to make it work: You, your husband and God. I know it is easier said than done. I will remember you everyday in my prayers. I promise.

Furthermore, pray the Rosary and ask our Blessed Mother for help; she is more eager to help us than we are to be helped. Try also meditate on our Lord’s passion, this will give you the strength to rise above your own sufferings. That I can guarantee.

Hang in there! 🙂

Here’s a quote from St. Faustina’s diary, “Suffering is a great grace; through suffering the soul becomes like the Savior; in suffering love becomes crystallized; the greater the suffering, the purer the love”

Do not lose heart. God is with you 🙂 <3
 
{{{HUGS}}}
So sorry you’re going through this. I’ll pray very hard for you two to find the help you need and recover from this. Marriage is NOT easy. I think people forget that they made a choice to be with someone. Deep love is important, of course, but it does take work and effort to make a marriage successful. Hang in there, sweetie. St. Therese, The Little Flower, is a great intercessor. I love her and she’s gotten me through dozens of situations. The Rosary novena is fantastic as well! My prayers are with you!!
 
Thank you for the wonderful advice. Please keep me in your prayers. I have never felt so hopeless in my life.I feel as if the world has abandoned me.Like I said before, I feel scared, lonely, hopeless, depressed and in despair. I have been praying more than ever and asking God for a sign. I need a sign. I am desperate for a sign. I’m yelling and screaming asking for a sign. All I want to know is if there is hope in my marriage. I am begging our Blessed Mother for a sign of hope. I need to know. I’m barely holding up…
 
yjenkins said:
I’m not sure what to do. We both have decided to go to counseling.
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Excellent. I think if this is a competent person they will be able to help you see some goals and so forth so you feel less like you are just floundering around in a sea of pain and fear.
 
There is hope! With God there’s always hope!

Remember the first promise our Lady made to us for those pray the Rosary:
  1. Whoever shall faithfully serve me by the recitation of the Rosary, shall receive signal graces.
Signal Graces are signs sent by God to help us make the right decisions in life. Moses saw a burning bush as a sign from God, and other people received signs from God daily. Signal graces usually come about as subtle hints to help keep us moving in the right direction - these signs are truly gifts from God.

Remember - there is no such thing as a coincidence, everything happens for a reason! By praying the rosary you will be more conscious of the way that God tries to help you and speak to you every day.
 
The situation I am in is a very frustrating one. I know this will take time however it’s going to be a very challenging time for me.
 
yjenkins said:
Thank you for the wonderful advice. Please keep me in your prayers. I have never felt so hopeless in my life.I feel as if the world has abandoned me.Like I said before, I feel scared, lonely, hopeless, depressed and in despair. I have been praying more than ever and asking God for a sign. I need a sign. I am desperate for a sign. I’m yelling and screaming asking for a sign. All I want to know is if there is hope in my marriage. I am begging our Blessed Mother for a sign of hope. I need to know. I’m barely holding up…
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The signs of hope from Our Lady are right here at CAF in the responses to your posting! Please try not to despair. As long as both of you keep Our Lord and His Blessed Mother in your hearts and prayers, they will not let you down. They’re always there for all of us, no matter what. Remember the artist’s rendering of the footprints walking along the ocean’s shore where the footprints turned from two sets to one and the distraught person thought God abandoned her? That’s where Our Lord was carrying his beloved child in His loving arms through the difficulties…just like He’s carrying you right now! Keep the Faith and the Hope alive in your hearts, and all else will follow. So many of us have been through this also, and so many marriages have come out even better in the long run - after counseling, prayers, the Sacraments, and Our Lord’s loving guidance.
May God bless you always. You will be in my prayers, too.
 
I do not know what else I can do. I’m not sure how to be under these circumstances. I’m not sure if I should still cater to his needs such as making him dinner, etc. He does have conversations with me however he is not nor am I affectionate and lovey dovey. We are both hurt and I know it will take time for both of us to heal.
 
He doesn’t know what he wants. He is not willing to meet with a Catholic counselor. He will only meet with a regular counselor. How does he expect me to go about our day like nothing? How am I supposed to function? What am I supposed to do? He still wants us to go about our day with our family and do things together? He doesn’t want to talk about our problems without having a third party who is not Catholic. I am so lost and confused. I do not see any hope for us. When I see him, he doesn’t seem to be in tuned with working our marriage out.
 
yjenkins said:
He doesn’t know what he wants. He is not willing to meet with a Catholic counselor. He will only meet with a regular counselor. How does he expect me to go about our day like nothing? How am I supposed to function? What am I supposed to do? He still wants us to go about our day with our family and do things together? He doesn’t want to talk about our problems without having a third party who is not Catholic. I am so lost and confused. I do not see any hope for us. When I see him, he doesn’t seem to be in tuned with working our marriage out.
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I’m feeling so sad for you because I’ve been through a similar experience of major difficulty in my marriage. The first few days and even weeks seem to be the most difficult until things can gradually get worked out. Is there a reason he is so opposed to seeing a Catholic counselor with you? Is he Catholic? I’m thinking it might help you until counseling of any kind begins to read the book, “Boundaries in Marriage” by Cloud and Townsend (from library or Amazon, very reasonable paperback). It definitely helped me.

Peace and God’s love to you.
 
Unfortunately he is not Catholic and refuses to see anyone of faith. This is eating me up inside. What am I supposed to do? Not talk to him? And if I do, talk to him about regular day to day things? I’m so frustrated!!!
 
I married a non-believer. I feel as if the Devil has entered my marriage and is wanting to destroy it.
 
yjenkins said:
Unfortunately he is not Catholic and refuses to see anyone of faith. This is eating me up inside. What am I supposed to do? Not talk to him? And if I do, talk to him about regular day to day things? I’m so frustrated!!!
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I guess what I would do is go to the best counselor you can find that your husband WILL agree to and take it one step at a time. Who knows? You may end up with a counselor who actually IS Catholic (but not on any official “Catholic Counselor Lists,” per say) and does realize what you’re going through. Hint: For example, you could aim for Irish or Polish last names if you can (or any other name that might sound in any way Catholic! Even if they’re Christian, they may be able to relate to what you’re feeling. Either way, my personal thought is that almost any counselor is better than no counselor to start off. In addition, you could also seek out a Catholic counselor to go to yourself (without your husband) if necessary, which might at least help you in particular. (Catholic Charities offers this service, usually without charge for the first few visits from what I’ve experienced.)

Not knowing the specific problems you’re experiencing, I can only tell you what helped our marriage. My husband would not go to ANY counselor at all…period. So I found one for me to go to, and it helped tremendously. And I think it also made him realize that I was serious about the problem and the dangers it was doing to our marriage. As I was waiting for my first appointment with the counselor (and after), I did speak with him fairly cordially regarding day-to-day necessities in the household, but I let it be known that I was extremely upset and could not go on the way things had been. I also slept in another room in the house since I could not bear to be that close to him in our bed. And as I’ve said in my previous post, the book, “Boundaries in Marriage” helped me understand my own feelings (and some of his as well), and I found numerous other books to read that helped, too.
Just some thoughts which might help. Please take care.
 
Thank you for your advice. Today is our first session with a counselor. He told me he is only able to express himself if we had a third party. I have a tendency of not responding too well when I do not hear what I would like to hear which is why he prefers to say what he has to say with a counselor. Today will be the day I will hopefully be able to hear what is thoughts are and his feelings. I’m taking my rosary with me, holding it in my hands and listen to what he has to say. I hope I can at least get clarity and hope we can move forward. These past few days have been he!!. When we went out yesterday after my children and I got home from church he was talking about things he wanted to do with me and our family. I’m so confused. I’m frustrated, depressed, everything. I will be meeting with my priest this week by myself and hopefully it will help me. Please keep me in your prayers.
 
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