my marriage

[KimL]

Question.
I converted to Islam 6 years ago and got married 3 years ago. This past year I came back to the church.
My priest says our marriage is “invalid” how ever since I was not catholic why would it be invalid? Cant they just bless my marriage and be done with it? I am tired of “jumping” threw hoops for these people!
What is the problem? Should I just talk to a different priest. (ie. more experienced?)

More info: When I confessed my sin of going to Islam I was forgive and got absolution; so why did the priest “change his mind”? I feel this is a issue between me and God and I feel I can move on. I am tempted to just move on and not make my marriage “valid” as I feel in my heart God has forgiven me for Islam.

If i would have confessed this to Jesus he would have just sad “go sin no more”.
So why is this hard for my church to except?

 

[BeeSweet]

Since you were already a Baptized Catholic, you were bound by the church laws of marriage. I was in the same boat for a while. I was an apostate for many years, and when I married my husband we had a justice of the peace ceremony. I had no idea how complicated it was going to be to come back, but at the time I had no intention of coming back.

Like you, I went to confession and was absolved prior to having my marriage convalidated, but the priest had no idea about my marriage situation at the time he gave me absolution. As it was explained to me, the absolution just wouldn’t take so to speak, because I was not in a state of grace. It was as if there was a wall between me and the gift of the sacrament.

Marriage is a sacrament of the church just as Baptism, Holy Eucharist and Reconcilliation are. The “hoops” are not there to make you feel like a circus clown, they’re there for your benefit. Believe me, if you have patience and are obedient to the church you have nothing but good to gain from it. It was an extremely difficult situation for me since my husband is not religious and in many ways felt (and still feels) threatened by my faith. We had some very heated arguments in the year and a half it took to have our marriage convalidated (it didn’t really take that long, it took him that long to go along with the idea). But now our marriage is so different, because God is the head of our household, not my husband or me.

Marriage is a very special sacrament in that it is the only sacrament that is not performed by a priest. The man and woman perform the sacrament, the priest is just a witness. You must keep in mind that since your marriage was not witnessed in the church, the church basically doesn’t know it exists. I really encourage you to take this very seriously and please follow through and have your marriage blessed in the church. Your marriage will be blessed by doing so! Mine has been!

 

[puzzleannie]

quote=KimL;2956505]Question.
I converted to Islam 6 years ago and got married 3 years ago. This past year I came back to the church.
My priest says our marriage is “invalid” how ever since I was not catholic why would it be invalid? Cant they just bless my marriage and be done with it? I am tired of “jumping” threw hoops for these people!

what is the “these people” you talked to one priest.
I have no idea why your marriage is invalid and I would not even speculate, because it is impossible to know your individual circumstances. that is what you should reveal in detail to the priest who is preparing you to return to the CAtholic Church.
there is no “these people” there is only us. If as I assume from OP you were baptized CAtholic, you are “these people” to and if as I assume from OP you desire to return to full communion with the Catholic Church, you also desire to embrace her teachings, laws and practice. The question seems to be, how does that law pertain to your situation. For that, see your priest. There is not a matter of “jumping through hoops” there is a matter of reconciliation, of obedience and of loving submission to the authority given by Christ to the Church.

 

[Malcolm_McLean]

Question.
I converted to Islam 6 years ago and got married 3 years ago. This past year I came back to the church.
My priest says our marriage is “invalid” how ever since I was not catholic why would it be invalid? Cant they just bless my marriage and be done with it?

Let’s say the situation was different. Instead of being happily married, you had fallen out with your husband and wanted to move in with someone else. You’d then apply for an anullment, which the Church would easily grant.

Arguably that is an abuse. If the Church now simply recognises your happy marriage then there is no question about it. The system has lost all pretence of being anything other than a rubber-stamping of human desires.

Personally I’d say that, though annullment has rather fallen into disrepute, marriages to Muslims are very difficult, and there is much stronger case for granting annullments in this case than for “emotional immaturity” and the like.

Which means that you’ve got to take some time out and think very hard. Did you really mean your vows? Do you really think this marriage is something that was a real marriage? Because once it is convalidated, there is no going back. However I am not telling you that the answer should be “yes” or “no”.

 

[KimL]

Let’s say the situation was different. Instead of being happily married, you had fallen out with your husband and wanted to move in with someone else. You’d then apply for an anullment, which the Church would easily grant.

".

I would never do that! I was raise to respect marriage as my husband. We have very strong morals. Your “theory” is something I would expect a teenage would do.

As for my “vows” of course I ment them. It would take a idiot to marry and the vows mean nothing. As for abuse of an “annulment”, I have read a few books where the church granted annulments to husbands so they could remarry.
I feel the abuse goes both ways. Money talks.

 

[wifeandmomoftwo]

Do you “really” understand what marriage is in the Church?

It is a SCARAMENT.

 

[KimL]

Do you “really” understand what marriage is in the Church?

It is a SCARAMENT.

Where did Jesus say that?

 

[wifeandmomoftwo]

Where did Jesus say that?

Do you have any idea what the Catholic Church says about marriage?

CCC 1601 “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.”

 

[KimL]

Well I am more worried about what Jesus has to say about my marriage.
I am now seriously considering going elsewhere ; where I am not judged by man but God.

Do you have any idea what the Catholic Church says about marriage?

CCC 1601 “The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.”

 

[wifeandmomoftwo]

Well I am more worried about what Jesus has to say about my marriage.
I am now seriously considering going elsewhere ; where I am not judged by man but God.

You asked me where marriage is a sacrament…I showed you.
Who is judging? I asked a simple question as I gathered from your posts you did not understand what a marriage was in the eyes of the Church/God.

 

[ThereseMarie]

Well I am more worried about what Jesus has to say about my marriage.
I am now seriously considering going elsewhere ; where I am not judged by man but God.

What are the things you are now required to do in order to have your marriage blessed by the Church? I kinda had a similar situation to what BeeSweet had, but I didn’t have to go through too much to get married in the Church. Now, after reading this thread, I am a little nervous…

Anyway, I will tell you that the blessings will abound if you receive this Sacrament. Here’s how I explain to people about what happened to us: We always had a good marriage, but it was like the lights were “on” but the lights were not as bright as they could have been. After we received the Sacrament, it was as though Someone came and turned the light dimmer all the way up and suddenly we could really see. Does that make sense?

Blessings to you, Kim. Don’t give up! you are on the right path!!

 

[KimL]

Me and DH are going to make an APT with another priest (one whom I know and older) and if it cant get this resolved I will decide whether to leave .

 

[wifeandmomoftwo]

Me and DH are going to make an APT with another priest (one whom I know and older) and if it cant get this resolved I will decide whether to leave .

By all means Kim meet with an older priest.
But dont threaten to “leave” just becuase something perhaps is not to your liking (attempt to understand it first)…I ask once again do you understand what the sacrament of marriage is?

 

[Cathryn]

I am tempted to just move on and not make my marriage “valid” as I feel in my heart God has forgiven me for Islam.

It sounds like your priest is trying to help you. I hope you try to see that your priest is trying to help both you and your spouse enter into the Sacrament of Matrimony. If you don’t want to for what ever reason, you need to realize that although legally married, you are not married in the eyes of the Catholic Church. You can not receive the Sacraments, and you must not receive Holy Communion. Your priest is trying to help you, and tell you what you need to do to come into full communion with the Church.

 

[KimL]

By all means Kim meet with an older priest.
But dont threaten to “leave” just becuase something perhaps is not to your liking (attempt to understand it first)…I ask once again do you understand what the sacrament of marriage is?

Kind of.
Their is a LOT of things about the church I just dont understand.
I feel like I think about it too much; but religion is always on my mind! I have been cursed with this for 15 years.

 

[LilyM]

Well I am more worried about what Jesus has to say about my marriage.
I am now seriously considering going elsewhere ; where I am not judged by man but God.

“who hears you hears me, who rejects you rejects me”

“whatsoever you bind on earth is bound in heaven, whatsoever you loose on earth is loosed in heaven”

GOD (in the person of Jesus) made it very clear that He speaks through the Church (founded upon the very Apostles to whom He spoke those words) - about marriage and many other things.

 

[wifeandmomoftwo]

Kind of.
Their is a LOT of things about the church I just dont understand.
I feel like I think about it too much; but religion is always on my mind! I have been cursed with this for 15 years.

Kim…

Meet with this new priest…tell him everything and let him know that you “kinda” understand about the sacrament of marriage and what it is.

Have you done any of the sacraments of the church other than baptism?

 

[ThereseMarie]

Me and DH are going to make an APT with another priest (one whom I know and older) and if it cant get this resolved I will decide whether to leave .

Please Kim, pray hard about this before you take such a hard line with the Church. I promise you, receiving the Sacrament will make such a difference in your life and your marriage. You are back here (Catholicism) for a reason. Christ is calling you home. You must believe that. YOu have the free will to do what you want, but believe me, you don’t want to waste time like I did - (20years!!!) away from the Church. I still cry about the wasted years and hear St Augustine ringing in my ears,

***Late have I loved Thee, O Lord; and behold,
Thou wast within and I without, and there I sought Thee.
Thou was with me when I was not with Thee.
Thou didst call, and cry, and burst my deafness.
Thou didst gleam, and glow, and dispell my blindness.
Thou didst touch me, and I burned for Thy peace.
For Thyself Thou hast made us,

And restless our hearts until in Thee they find their ease.
Late have I loved Thee, Thou Beauty ever old and ever new.
Thou hast burst my bonds asunder;

Unto Thee will I offer up an offering of praise. ***

 

[KimL]

Kim…

Meet with this new priest…tell him everything and let him know that you “kinda” understand about the sacrament of marriage and what it is.

Have you done any of the sacraments of the church other than baptism?

I have had my baptism, confession and communion.

 

[wifeandmomoftwo]

I have had my baptism, confession and communion.

Speak to your Priest Kim…explain it all to him.
Let me know that you are not understanding things that the Church teaches etc. and let him guide you.