My modesty issue? Or just part of growing up?

[Just_wondering]

I substitute taught for a high school class today - I’ve been teaching five years, but this is only the second or third time I’ve taught high school students. The students were writing in their books, and I was wandering around the classroom checking their work. One boy, who had been participating actively earlier, suddenly ducked down over his book as I was walking by, and asked me not to read his answer. “Why not?” I asked. “Because I feel shy right now,” he said. “Come back in a minute or two.”

I laughed and told him that I wouldn’t make fun of any mistakes in his answer, and he shouldn’t be afraid to show it to me. He muttered, “just a second,” blushed bright red, grabbed his coat from the seat next to him, and put it over his lap. Then he was willing to straighten up and show me his book.


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I kind of think I know what the problem was, now. So, umm… does this indicate that my outfit wasn’t modest enough? Or is this just what happens to teenaged boys sometimes?

My first thought was “gosh, I hope none of the other students just noticed that!” (they didn’t, thank God, the boy didn’t need to be any more embarrassed.)

My second thought was “WHAT? I’m almost old enough to be his mother!” (although in retrospect I’m not - I’m 28, he’s probably 16 - I’d have had to have been an awfully early bloomer!)

My next thought was “Am I dressed immodestly?” I don’t think I was - I wasn’t planning on teaching today, so I was wearing comfortable (neither baggy nor tight) jeans, a turtleneck, and a loose-fitting V-neck sweater over the turtleneck. I suppose I would have been more modest in slacks, but I’ve never thought these jeans were immodest.

Umm… do any guys want to weigh in on this? Should I adjust my standards of dress when I’m teaching high school boys? Or can I dismiss this as something that just happens to boys sometimes, and I needn’t flatter myself by wondering if I caused it?

 

[BeeSweet]

This sort of thing just happens to boys, there may or may not be a “visual” reason for it at any given time. It’s truly a cross for young men to bear. I doubt you need to take any personal burden for it at all.

 

[graceandglory]

Should I adjust my standards of dress when I’m teaching high school boys? Or can I dismiss this as something that just happens to boys sometimes, and I needn’t flatter myself by wondering if I caused it?

You are your brother’s keeper. I’m a substitute teacher AND a parent of two teenage boys. I don’t know what you look like.
If you have the “unfortunate” burden of being “hot” then you can be loving to your brothers in Christ, and ask yourself if what you are wearing is appropriate or might it cause the “little ones” to stumble. Many beautiful and holy Saints have been thus “burdened” with good looks. They took drastic measures. I’m not suggesting you take drastic measures.

Some younger teachers are guilty of dressing to impress teenagers. I’ve seen it time and again. They talk about it in the teachers’ lunch room and chat rooms on the internet. Somehow, they get positive strokes from it and it makes them feel good about themselves when they cause that reaction in teenage boys.

 

[LukeFive]

I am a couple years younger than you and just starting out as a high school shop teacher. One thing that has amazed me is the immodesty of the high school girls. I teach mostly boys in the shop classes, but I have a rule that if more neckline is exposed than would be with a button-down collared shirt, or if the midriff is exposed, you have to put on a shop coat. I enforce this for boys and girls (if a guy has a super baggy shirt that sags at the neck or something) saying that it is for safety reasons. In reality, it is because I do not want the immodesty in my classroom/shop.

I think BeeSweet hit the nail on the head. In my experience there were probably high school girls that would have been much more likely to be the issue than you. To me, it does not sound like you were dressed immodestly at all unless the jeans were more form fitting than you indicated. But speaking to the age thing, for a high school aged boy, age does not really matter visually if the woman is decent looking. It does not take much to get an adolescent boy going, sometimes nothing at all.

 

[brianmichael]

JustWondering,

you’re all the way in S.Korea?
never thought US fashion reched that far…

{sorry to crash the topic}

 

[Just_wondering]

Thanks for the replies. There were only two girls in the class, and they were bundled up against the cold weather - the classroom was a bit chilly, even though we were indoors. I have to say that the girls in Korea usually dress more modestly than girls in America. I very rarely see cleavage, or even bare shoulders.

I wouldn’t say I’m “burdened” with being “hot”, but I’m not bad-looking, I suppose. I’m in pretty good shape. I was definitely not showing any skin other than my hands and face, so if it wasn’t the jeans, I don’t think it was me (or at least anything I could control). I think I’m going to avoid wearing jeans if I’m substituting for high school classes in the future just to be on the safe side. Dressing more formally might make the students think of me more as a teacher than an object of attraction, if it’s an issue at all.

And Brianmichael, I’m not exactly sure what you mean by US fashion - if you mean the latest trends, well, Korea tends to follow Japan more than the US for fashion trends. I don’t see baggy jeans hanging off the boys’ rear ends, and that was the fashion at home when I was there. If you mean US-style clothing in general, everybody here wears western clothing. Fashion is a little more dressy and more modest than in America, and I can definitely tell the difference between clothes bought in America and clothes bought here, but people wear the same sorts of things. Jeans, T-shirts, sweaters or sweatshirts… that kind of thing. Girls wear skirts and dresses more often for daily wear. One of the boys in class yesterday was wearing a suit-jacket rather than a casual jacket over his sweatshirt. Students do NOT let their midriffs hang out, and if someone catches a peak of yours, they might pull you aside and mention it on the assumption that you’d be horrified and would take steps to fix it.

 

[Lujack]

I have to weigh in here, because I’m just coming out of my teenage years. I can testify that this is something that very often just happens, regardless of surroundings. Teenage boys have to fight a wide variety of raging hormones, and I remember many discussions between me and my friends on which kinds of pants were the best kind, not out of any fashion sense, but out of avoiding humiliation.

My conclusion, I guess, is that we don’t have a picture of you in class, so it certainly is possible, but this incident isn’t proof by any means, or even evidence.

 

[JimG]

Could have been caused by nearly anything. A guy I know told me once “I pretty much went through high school with…”[in a state of arousal.] Sorry, he was more explicit so I have to substitute a phrase. Of course he was in the U.S. and in a school where it wasn’t unusual to find the girls dressed somewhat provocatively.

He said it sometimes occurred just by sitting in the next desk to a girl wearing a particular–or possibly no particular–perfume. Or it could have been from random thoughts going through his head.

It was for this reason that he once declined to stand up and answer a question or come to the board. The teacher was truly perplexed; because he was usually such a good student. Later she asked him why he hadn’t complied with her request, but of course he did not say.

Come to think of it, your student’s response, “I’m feeling a little shy right now,” whould have been just right.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Hi,It had nothing to do with you. It’s a teenage boy thing…not even anything they can control really, it just happens. Don’t worry.

 

[RobHom]

Hi,It had nothing to do with you. It’s a teenage boy thing…not even anything they can control really, it just happens. Don’t worry.

What she said!! Its exactly the case.

I was a “teenager” back in the 60’s, and there was no such thing as “provocative dress”…I talking about before the “mini-skirt”…and it is a “hormonal thing”… Personally… I think that a teenage boy can just even imagine that a “female exists”…and that’s all it takes.
In fact…it just happens all by it’s self…and when it does…

I speak from “experience”…

 

[SoulRebel777]

I find this a strange post to put up on a catholic website…

 

[TLM08]

I substitute taught for a high school class today - I’ve been teaching five years, but this is only the second or third time I’ve taught high school students. The students were writing in their books, and I was wandering around the classroom checking their work. One boy, who had been participating actively earlier, suddenly ducked down over his book as I was walking by, and asked me not to read his answer. “Why not?” I asked. “Because I feel shy right now,” he said. “Come back in a minute or two.”

I laughed and told him that I wouldn’t make fun of any mistakes in his answer, and he shouldn’t be afraid to show it to me. He muttered, “just a second,” blushed bright red, grabbed his coat from the seat next to him, and put it over his lap. Then he was willing to straighten up and show me his book.


…

…

…

I kind of think I know what the problem was, now. So, umm… does this indicate that my outfit wasn’t modest enough? Or is this just what happens to teenaged boys sometimes?

My first thought was “gosh, I hope none of the other students just noticed that!” (they didn’t, thank God, the boy didn’t need to be any more embarrassed.)

My second thought was “WHAT? I’m almost old enough to be his mother!” (although in retrospect I’m not - I’m 28, he’s probably 16 - I’d have had to have been an awfully early bloomer!)

My next thought was “Am I dressed immodestly?” I don’t think I was - I wasn’t planning on teaching today, so I was wearing comfortable (neither baggy nor tight) jeans, a turtleneck, and a loose-fitting V-neck sweater over the turtleneck. I suppose I would have been more modest in slacks, but I’ve never thought these jeans were immodest.

Umm… do any guys want to weigh in on this? Should I adjust my standards of dress when I’m teaching high school boys? Or can I dismiss this as something that just happens to boys sometimes, and I needn’t flatter myself by wondering if I caused it?

I’m a man approaching 50 years old. Take my word for it… Women who wear jeans or pants and are in reasonably good physical shape, even up to mid life are going to be a major distraction for a us male creatures especially teenage boys. The fact that the jeans weren’t tight doesn’t matter. If you are reasonably attractive, the distraction can be brutal!


PS. Have you considered wearing a “burka” ???

 

[rpp]

I’m a man approaching 50 years old. Take my word for it… Women who wear jeans or pants and are in reasonably good physical shape, even up to mid life are going to be a major distraction for a us male creatures especially teenage boys. The fact that the jeans weren’t tight doesn’t matter. If you are reasonably attractive, the distraction can be brutal!


PS. Have you considered wearing a “burka” ???

Yup. That is the truth. Teenage boys can often have involuntary, umm… reactions. As men get older, they occur less and less often, however, they do not completely stop until the man dies or suffers from physiological problem. It does not sound like the attire of the OP was even remotely immodest.

 

[Spots]

My husband said this would happen to him in HS (and still does today). “Sometimes for no reason at all- he says sometimes things have a mind of their own!”

If you were reasonably dressed for the job you were doing, I wouldn’t worry about it.

 

[fbl9]

as a former oggler…i will tell you if your body shape can be made out that’s good enough for me…wearing a cardboard box would leave me wondering what’s under that)it’s a guy thing…slacks can look just as good as jeans on the right figure…
who knows he could have been thinking of someone he knows…

 

[TLM08]

as a former oggler…i will tell you if your body shape can be made out that’s good enough for me…wearing a cardboard box would leave me wondering what’s under that)it’s a guy thing…slacks can look just as good as jeans on the right figure…
who knows he could have been thinking of someone he knows…

Brilliantly stated and you are absolutely right! If the female form can be made out…the clothing is only an inconvenient distraction for the determined ogler. By the way, there are no “former” oglers… there are only “recovering” oglers.

Also, this boy’s “situation” may not have had anything to do with lust at all. This can happen to us guys for non-sexual reasons, at any time of the day.

Unless the original poster felt that there were other reasons for his “reaction” (like obvious ogling, etc.) she doesn’t have to assume that she did anything wrong to cause it.

But man… I’ll say right now to you young ladies who teach or work with young men… or even us old men, modest dress is key to keeping us guys from having impure thoughts… about YOU! I’m not trying to creep anybody out… I am simply being honest ladies. You need to know this. We desparately need your cooperation. Lust is probably our biggest roadblock toward a pure thought life and holy living!

 

[NTOT]

Teenage boys have to fight a wide variety of raging hormones, and I remember many discussions between me and my friends on which kinds of pants were the best kind, not out of any fashion sense, but out of avoiding humiliation.

Can any woman honestly question whether this is something that just happens and have never found themselves aroused for no apparent reason. I would suggest women be honest with themselves. Luckily we just don’t have to worry about the embarassment of being found out.

 

[Shannon9791]

As a former teenaged boy I can tell you that this is just a part of growing up. It happens to all guys and not always because one is having impure thoughts. “Hey, did you see the game last night?” There it is. “Hey, we’re going to have chicken for dinner tonight.” One more time. I think it’s all part of puberty and having the hormones that are rushing through the body at that time. It’s embarrassing, but it’s nothing that can’t be gotten over. Don’t worry yourself about your modesty, as you said you were dressed in a fairly modest way to begin with, and as has been stated you could have been wearing a burlap sack and sometimes young boys’ minds just go there.

 

[Magicsilence]

Umm… do any guys want to weigh in on this? Should I adjust my standards of dress when I’m teaching high school boys? Or can I dismiss this as something that just happens to boys sometimes, and I needn’t flatter myself by wondering if I caused it?

Well, I’d avoid anything deliberately revealing, as you would do anyway, I’m sure.

However, this can happen to any teenage boy at any time, so there is really nothing to worry about. Although, whenever I shared this poor boys problem (4-5 years ago), it tended not to be when the old male teachers were teaching us.

I remember once when one of our female teachers asked me to close the window blind, and I had to stand on a chair to do it, and yeah, I was a ‘little shy’ at that moment, so I reached up as quickly as I could, and missed the cord to pull and fell back down. Yup, EVERYONE turned round to watch me get on the chair again, but somehow I was able to hide it

Thankyou Jesus! :coolinoff: