My mom just called me a fanatic

  • Thread starter Thread starter redbetta
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

redbetta

Guest
I am 17 and my mom and I were in the basement, trying to figure out what is wrong with the DVD player and we sat down on the couch in defeat and started to talk. My mom hates the fact that I wear a scapular and a medal around my neck, saying that it looks terrible. She has said that before several times, but now she told me that I look like a fanatic and says that she thinks that I have a problem. I am not going to lie, I do have some social problems, but mom says that all I do is read books on religion and hang strings on my neck. Okay, I do much more than that, she knows that I cycle, listen to music, and watch online shows like any other teenage would. And I am not even that religious, I am a novice, a wannabe, and trying to learn. I maybe read for an hour or two a day, but I keep what I learn to myself, mostly because I know that my mom does not think theology/philosophy is practical and I cannot explain it well since she does not know English very well.

My mom just thinks I am lazy, but I am thinking most of the time. I wish I could for just a moment let her inside my head, to let her know that I am sincerely thinking about the nature of the world and my life and I have some things to work out. For those who wear scapulars and medal, do people criticize you on it or call you a fanatic? That is such a minor offence, I do not even talk to people about my faith life and yet mom thinks that it is messing with my head. Okay, but lets say a practicing Catholic has OCD or agoraphobia, it does not necessarily follow that his/her religion caused or aggravated it. And, she calls my stuff junk. Well, I braided a rope for my medal in my favorite color scheme: black and yellow, and I think it an extension of my personality that is kind of cute, not just a reminder of my faith. I mean, plenty of people have favorite accessories that they wear often with everything even though it might not always match, but it is okay. I guess mom does not get that, she never wears the same thing twice. Besides, we have very different styles. Mom loves shopping and brand names and metallic and I hate shopping, love things casual and small, like bandannas, and I love the look of Catholic sacramental and wooden icons, not just because of what they are or what they depict, but also because they look old school in a cool way and I hate modernism.

Sorry for typos, I have to go and this is a sort of rant. Should I take off one sacramental or make them less visible or is it none of my mom’s business? I am 17 and almost an adult and it is not like I am breaking the law. But, to think mom associates my religion with mental illness is offensive. By the way, my parents are both Polish immigrant Catholics, but I do not know how serious they are. Sorry, again kind of a rant, but I need advce and encouragement or whatever may help. Thanks.
 
I think you might find for your reading that the Rule of St. Benedict might be quite practical. This is a chapter you might consider for this situation:

*If it happens
that difficult or impossible tasks are laid on a sister,
let her nevertheless receive the order of the one in authority
with all meekness and obedience.
But if she sees that the weight of the burden
altogether exceeds the limit of her strength,
let her submit the reasons for her inability
to the one who is over her
in a quiet way and at an opportune time,
without pride, resistance, or contradiction.
And if after these representations
the Superior still persists in her decision and command,
let the subject know that this is for her good,
and let her obey out of love,
trusting in the help of God. *

Sometimes, it is a good spiritual practice to put aside whatever is our preference in favor of someone else’s preference, especially the preference of our superior.

This is from the Imitation of Christ:
*It is a very great thing to obey, to live under a superior and not to be one’s own master, for it is much safer to be subject than it is to command. Many live in obedience more from necessity than from love. Such become discontented and dejected on the slightest pretext; they will never gain peace of mind unless they subject themselves wholeheartedly for the love of God.

Go where you may, you will find no rest except in humble obedience to the rule of authority. Dreams of happiness expected from change and different places have deceived many.

Everyone, it is true, wishes to do as he pleases and is attracted to those who agree with him. But if God be among us, we must at times give up our opinions for the blessings of peace.

Furthermore, who is so wise that he can have full knowledge of everything? Do not trust too much in your own opinions, but be willing to listen to those of others. If, though your own be good, you accept another’s opinion for love of God, you will gain much more merit; for I have often heard that it is safer to listen to advice and take it than to give it. It may happen, too, that while one’s own opinion may be good, refusal to agree with others when reason and occasion demand it, is a sign of pride and obstinacy.*

This is also from Imitation, on bearing the faults of others:
*Until God ordains otherwise, a man ought to bear patiently whatever he cannot correct in himself and in others. Consider it better thus – perhaps to try your patience and to test you, for without such patience and trial your merits are of little account. Nevertheless, under such difficulties you should pray that God will consent to help you bear them calmly.

If, after being admonished once or twice, a person does not amend, do not argue with him but commit the whole matter to God that His will and honor may be furthered in all His servants, for God knows well how to turn evil to good. Try to bear patiently with the defects and infirmities of others, whatever they may be, because you also have many a fault which others must endure.

If you cannot make yourself what you would wish to be, how can you bend others to your will? We want them to be perfect, yet we do not correct our own faults. We wish them to be severely corrected, yet we will not correct ourselves. Their great liberty displeases us, yet we would not be denied what we ask. We would have them bound by laws, yet we will allow ourselves to be restrained in nothing. Hence, it is clear how seldom we think of others as we do of ourselves.

If all were perfect, what should we have to suffer from others for God’s sake? But God has so ordained, that we may learn to bear with one another’s burdens, for there is no man without fault, no man without burden, no man sufficient to himself nor wise enough. Hence we must support one another, console one another, mutually help, counsel, and advise, for the measure of every man’s virtue is best revealed in time of adversity – adversity that does not weaken a man but rather shows what he is.*
 
redbetta said:
I am 17 and my mom and I were in the basement, .
Click to expand...
Hi, I just loved your post,…I am a P. Christian, and you remind me of a Catholic man I met who explained Catholic ways to me,…and who really made a difference in my life.
I liked what Easter Joy said about the writer Kempis, and what he provided on the subject.

It’s important to obey our parents as Jesus did, however, Loving God and honouring Him comes first in your heart. Your Mom and Dad love you very much and want the best for you, so their advice is motivated from a good heart toward you, with some motives that are not from God, sometimes.

For ie. if you became more social with others who do not take you away from your faith, this is a good thing, however, with others that will corrupt you, this is not good.

Your mom wants you to live a balanced life and she feels concerned you may be too much introspective. You may not be. She thinks so, so talks about it. It doesn’t mean you are. If you look at her heart of love toward you you can see her motivation.
At the same time, caution is needed about who to spend time with because bad company corrupts good character, and it is not easy to find good character in this world.

Imp. to know she loves you and probably just wants you to be healthy and happy. She may not have the degree of spirituality that you are gaining, so doesn’t understand it.

I understand about what you are saying about ‘thinking about things’ with your time, because I do too.
However, balanced living is important and pleasing to God too.
God set you with your mom and dad to be raised by them and gave them authority over you to protect and nurture you.

You could make your items less visible for you mom’s sake, and take a suggestion from her and act on it, but in a way that guards and protects your life with God which is number one.

From the bible something that relates is in the book of Esther or Hadassah. She was a young person like you, and she kept items of her faith and belief under wraps, when her uncle asked her to. She obeyed her uncle who had authority over her. This had nothing to do with her loyalty to God, which she kept up, regardless of the fact that her outer things were put out of the public eye.
Read about it, in the book of Esther. She was a real young person, like yourself. The bible is true.
 
We spend the most time with our family, and they are often the ones who will take notice of a habit of ours and comment. Wearing a scapular helps me to stay focused on doing God’s will. It reminds me to seek God in all my decisions and please Him. I like to say, to each his own. Praying that your mom will appreciate your individuality. May God bless you.
 
Don’t take your scapular or your medals off! 👍
Remember: *Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justice’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. * God bless! I’ll be praying for you.
 
Being that you are 17 I would just keep trying to tell your Mother this who I am, this my Faith. It doesn’t sound like she is getting angry and actually it is pretty cool that you two had a talk. So I would say just keep practicing your Faith and keep open those lines of communication. If it does get to a point of serious contention then you might consider making the practice of your Faith less noticeable while you are still living there. God Bless!
 
I think I’d try, “Mom, is there anything that I need to be doing for you that I’m not doing?”

There are two likely results.
  1. Mom says, “Yeah, blah blah, blah,” and then you go do whatever she asked you to do.
  2. Mom wrinkles up her head and says, “I can’t think of anything.” Then you say, “Great! I was worried that I was neglecting my share of the household chores in some way.”
 
Scapulars, I believe are to be worn under the shirt. At least the Brown Scapular is. As for your medal, I believe it’s better to be worn outside the shirt, as you are. I would ignore your mom when she complains so, if she refuses to listen to reason. Your devotions are pleasing to God and that matters more than what she thinks.
 
Xantippe said:
I think I’d try, “Mom, is there anything that I need to be doing for you that I’m not doing?”

There are two likely results.
  1. Mom says, “Yeah, blah blah, blah,” and then you go do whatever she asked you to do.
  2. Mom wrinkles up her head and says, “I can’t think of anything.” Then you say, “Great! I was worried that I was neglecting my share of the household chores in some way.”
Click to expand...
Or, better than ignoring her, you could take Xantippe’s advice.
 
ChibiViolet said:
Scapulars, I believe are to be worn under the shirt. At least the Brown Scapular is. As for your medal, I believe it’s better to be worn outside the shirt, as you are. I would ignore your mom when she complains so, if she refuses to listen to reason. Your devotions are pleasing to God and that matters more than what she thinks.
Click to expand...
I wear both under the shirt, but the strings show and that bugs her. Depending on what I wear or where I go, I sometimes put both in my bra. But it bugs her even if I don’t go anywhere.
 
Redbetta,

The Brown Scapular of Our Lady of Mount Carmel is a powerful sacramental for many, as it reminds them of prayer, and to have confidence in Our Lady’s protection. And it is worn under your clothing.

It is irksome when someone close to you says such things to you. However, you can make sacrifices by, as another poster wisely said, asking your Mom if there is something she would like you to do for her.

Or, don’t even ask, just do it for Jesus and Mary. I know from experience just how hard it is to be calm and peaceful when you are being hurt by the words of others, but through prayer you make your best effort to focus on the Lord and His Mother, you will gradually be able to handle what she says in a calm and loving way. Love is the most powerful force in the world, and if we cannot feel it with our emotions that is okay, just will it and ask the Lord to love through you. To desire the good of another is real love.

And, keep the balance…even cloistered nuns have recreation time every day, to laugh and socialize, in the Lord’s good grace of course.

And, if I’ve said anything here that does not apply to you, just ignore it. 🙂

Peace,

Dorothy
 
redbetta said:
I wear both under the shirt, but the strings show and that bugs her. Depending on what I wear or where I go, I sometimes put both in my bra. But it bugs her even if I don’t go anywhere.
Click to expand...
I’d follow that up with my script. That way you are politely indicating to her that while you are thrilled to help out as much as necessary at home, she needs to mind her own business about whether or not you are wearing a scapular or religious medal.
 
sometimes others just don’t understand our devotions.

keep wearing them unless it’s going to cause major problems. if that happens, perhaps go speak to a priest about what you should do

I understand how you feel to a certain extent. my aunt just called me a “church freak” recently to my dad behind my back
 
I actually wonder what your mom’s concerns really are. There are underlying concerns here, of course - and, honestly, we’re all “novices” when it comes to the faith. Seriously - unless and until we are lucky enough to enter Heaven, we will be novices. Even the Pope, in God’s eyes, is a novice in the faith (he can’t err on teaching faith and morals, but really, it’s the Holy Spirit talking through him that prevents this - not anything intrinsic in the Pope). St. Thomas Aquinas, the great theologian, and author of many books on the Catholic faith, suddenly stopped writing one day and never wrote another book. When asked why, he mentioned that he had had a vision of Heaven, and that “everything he had written was straw”.

But seriously, I’d have a good talk with your mom about what her concerns are. It’s probably not that you’re into religion; she might be worried that you don’t have enough friends, or that you’ll have a hard time making friends in college/university. She might be worried that you’ll end up being a religious sister, and she was expecting grandchildren from you. On the other hand, she might be worried that you could become scrupulous. As she’s your mother, she knows if you tend to obsess over things.

You mentioned OCD and agoraphobia - if you have these conditions, it could be the source of your mother’s worry. People with OCD tend toward scrupulosity (it’s a form of OCD), which pretty much makes them think that any little thing they do is a mortal sin. And if you have agoraphobia, maybe she thinks that you’re using your religious studies to avoid going outside the house. Regardless, what I would suggest is a heart to heart, mother to daughter conversation. She loves you, I’m sure of it - and she wants the best for you. But what she thinks is the best for you and what God has planned for you may be completely different things.
 
powerofk said:
I actually wonder what your mom’s concerns really are. There are underlying concerns here, of course - and, honestly, we’re all “novices” when it comes to the faith. Seriously - unless and until we are lucky enough to enter Heaven, we will be novices. Even the Pope, in God’s eyes, is a novice in the faith (he can’t err on teaching faith and morals, but really, it’s the Holy Spirit talking through him that prevents this - not anything intrinsic in the Pope). St. Thomas Aquinas, the great theologian, and author of many books on the Catholic faith, suddenly stopped writing one day and never wrote another book. When asked why, he mentioned that he had had a vision of Heaven, and that “everything he had written was straw”.

But seriously, I’d have a good talk with your mom about what her concerns are. It’s probably not that you’re into religion; she might be worried that you don’t have enough friends, or that you’ll have a hard time making friends in college/university. She might be worried that you’ll end up being a religious sister, and she was expecting grandchildren from you. On the other hand, she might be worried that you could become scrupulous. As she’s your mother, she knows if you tend to obsess over things.

You mentioned OCD and agoraphobia - if you have these conditions, it could be the source of your mother’s worry. People with OCD tend toward scrupulosity (it’s a form of OCD), which pretty much makes them think that any little thing they do is a mortal sin. And if you have agoraphobia, maybe she thinks that you’re using your religious studies to avoid going outside the house. Regardless, what I would suggest is a heart to heart, mother to daughter conversation. She loves you, I’m sure of it - and she wants the best for you. But what she thinks is the best for you and what God has planned for you may be completely different things.
Click to expand...
I was using OCD and agoraphobia as hypotheticals, I was never diagnosed with either. I actually hate staying in the house and prefer being outdoors. I guess I could be a perfectionist, but I am also disorganized, so I do not have OCD. My mom worries that I do not have any friends, but I honestly find a lot of my peers boring. Nonetheless, I am hanging out with a classmate tomorrow. And I do not spend the whole day on religious studies, so why would that bother her? Better than watching tv for that hour or two.
 
redbetta said:
I was using OCD and agoraphobia as hypotheticals, I was never diagnosed with either. I actually hate staying in the house and prefer being outdoors. I guess I could be a perfectionist, but I am also disorganized, so I do not have OCD. My mom worries that I do not have any friends, but I honestly find a lot of my peers boring. Nonetheless, I am hanging out with a classmate tomorrow. And I do not spend the whole day on religious studies, so why would that bother her? Better than watching tv for that hour or two.
Click to expand...
Okay. But still talk with her honestly about this. You’re about to become a “legal adult”, anyway.
 
You are not a fanatic for wearing religious jewelry or medals. Reading about our Faith, Jesus and God does not make you a fanatic. I suggest, that as long as you are wearing tasteful pieces of jewelry you should not stop this practice.

It is hard to know what to suggest concerning your mother’s objections and your family dynamics since we don’t know you personally. Do remember that when you are 18 you may live on your own if you wish. You will have to work hard to make it, but it is possible.

I would like to suggest, based on your description of yourself, that you visit some Religious Communities. You may have a vocation to a traditional, cloistered order. It can’t hurt to look into it or to discuss this with your pastor. In the meantime continue your school work and do as well as you can. Be respectful of your parents.

The next time you mother fusses about your wearing of religious jewelry you might POLITELY ask her the following: Mom, why does this simple object of my faith in God scare you so much? She very well could be afraid that you are being called by God to a life that is different than the one she wants for you.
 
I’m a teen girl like you, and I’ve experienced similar situations. Just the other day, my dad became concerned when I broke down after realizing our family wasn’t physically able to get to church. Not concerned for me, but concerned that I was “loving church too much” and that “I was a little too into it.”

Pray that your mom accepts your devotion and individuality and know that we are called to drop everything for God. Don’t worry about what the world thinks, even if that includes your mom. I don’t see that wearing a scapular is harmful or disrespectful to your parents, so I say POWER TO YOU!!
 
redbetta said:
I was using OCD and agoraphobia as hypotheticals, I was never diagnosed with either. I actually hate staying in the house and prefer being outdoors. I guess I could be a perfectionist, but I am also disorganized, so I do not have OCD. My mom worries that I do not have any friends, but I honestly find a lot of my peers boring. Nonetheless, I am hanging out with a classmate tomorrow. And I do not spend the whole day on religious studies, so why would that bother her? Better than watching tv for that hour or two.
Click to expand...
Being disorganized does not preclude having OCD.

Some hoarders are thought to have a form of OCD, and a lot of OCD people (but not most) engage in hoarding.

psychcentral.com/lib/10-things-you-should-know-about-compulsive-hoarding/0006787
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top