My Mormon girlfriend

[reff]

My girlfriend is Mormon and she’s pretty devout, her parents weren’t happy at all that she was dating a “non-member”. She’s been pretty accepting of me joining the Catholic faith, but lately she has made little remarks here and there that are insensitive to my faith. She always talks as if Mormons have higher standards than Catholics do, one time she came to Mass with me and we weren’t there for more than 15 minutes and she wanted to leave because she felt so uncomfortable, and said she felt guilty for going like we’re some kind of satanic cult. But than she asked me to go to church with her, which I thought was ridiculous since she didn’t give Mass a chance. Of course I told her no, and she started going on about me dissing on Mormons when she makes insensitive comments about Catholics all the time.

Why do Mormons think that its ok for them to bash on our faith, but evil for us to bash on theirs? What can I do about this? She’s a sweet girl but her insensitivity towards Catholics is too much for me? I can’t make one comment about Mormons to her without her accusing me of being ignorant and closed minded. Should I just dump her? What should I say?

 

[cathopologist]

Well, if all else fails in your effort to educate her about Catholicism, what good can come out of it? Unless you do not mind her abusing Catholics and our faith constantly. You can pray for her and ask the Holy Spirit guide her to the Truth, but you cannot convince her if her mind is already set. She is not the only mermaid in the seas you know.

 

[cyberjacques]

You have my sympathy. It can be very difficult when someone you care about behaves toward you in such a manner. And while I applaud your apparent desire to stick it out and perhaps even help this girl, I think you should know that things will get much worse, and chances are less than stellar that it will get any better.

However, if you are determined to try, I would suggest the following approach. Ask her what she has been taught regarding the Catholic Church. Be prepared for some truly wacky stuff. Or better yet, do some research online about the various things that Mormons teach about us. That way you can research the answers and some source material in advance, and be ready for whatever she has to say. Then attempt to explain to her, gently, how the things she has been taught are not true. Don’t venture directly into Mormon beliefs just yet, simply defend your own. Make sure you are crystal clear on what Catholicism teaches, and what Mormonism teaches about Catholics. If, by the grace of God, you manage to convince her that all the horrible things she thinks she knows are false, then you may just have a chance.

I wish you luck, and pray that God might help you to turn her around. But be prepared for the distinct possibility that it won’t work. And even if it does, chances are that her parents will hate you for it and you might end up losing her anyway. Whatever the outcome, the journey is not going to be pleasant. You will be in my prayers.

 

[reff]

Well I used to be Mormon for my entire life, so I know what they teach about us. They call us the “Great and Abominable Church” and I’ve heard some Mormon teachers in my life that have gone as far as calling us the Whore of Babylon, I’ve been told in Mormon sunday school classes that Catholics require you to pay when you confess sins. It’s ridiculous the lies they say about Catholicism, I think that’s what made me leave and than I was lead to Catholicism by Our Mother and the Holy Spirit. You can imagine the rhetoric I hear from Mormons when I tell them I used to be Mormon, but am in the process of joining Catholicism

 

[rmcmullan]

I doubt if you’ll appreciate my reply but I think her parents are just being honest with you. If religion is going to be a problem, you’re better off marrying someone of your own faith, that’s just a universal rule. You need to decide how much religion means to you.

I’m a former Catholic, now Mormon and I agree with the comment that Mormons hold a higher standard. I think of the Catholic church as high school and the Mormon church as university. Just in terms of committment and sacrifice, the Mormon church is way more demanding. But if being Catholic is important to you and being Mormon is important to her, it’s always going to be somwhere where you’ll have a conflict.

 

[why_me]

Why do Mormons think that its ok for them to bash on our faith, but evil for us to bash on theirs? What can I do about this? She’s a sweet girl but her insensitivity towards Catholics is too much for me? I can’t make one comment about Mormons to her without her accusing me of being ignorant and closed minded. Should I just dump her? What should I say?

Your comment was too general. Mormons do not think that it is usually ok to bash someone elses faith but it may be a problem with your girlfriend who has done it.

Likewise, some catholics on this section of the forum spend most of their internet time as bashers of mormons and so it can work both ways. But in my opinion most catholics do not bash mormons.

 

[puzzleannie]

two persons, Mormon and Catholic, who are completely committed to their own faith are unlikely to ever be able to sustain a satisfactory marriage and family life, as their views in so many areas are diametrically opposed. This would hold true for also, say, a Jew and a Catholic. For there to be a semblance of harmony one is going to have to compromise in areas essential to the practice of their faith, and that will lead to a psychological and spiritual disconnect that itself is unhealthy for the individual, and for the marriage.

 

[1ke]

Reff…

A mixed religions relationship/marriage is a bad idea-- ALWAYS. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Catholic and a Mormon, a Muslim and a Hindu, or what.

These religions are mutually exclusive. You believe in the Trinity, she does not.

You have to think of future children. There is no way to raise a child as “both.” Catholics have an absolute obligation to raise their children in the Catholic faith. And, you have to think-- who do children spend the most time with? Who typically forms the children in the faith? The mother. Do you want a Mormon wife teaching your children the Mormon religion? No. Just as a Mormon would not want a Catholic spouse teaching their child the Catholic religion-- which they believe to be false.

Move on.

Find a woman who shares your religion, your vision for a family, and your values.

 

[MelanieAnne]

Reff…

A mixed religions relationship/marriage is a bad idea-- ALWAYS. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Catholic and a Mormon, a Muslim and a Hindu, or what.

These religions are mutually exclusive. You believe in the Trinity, she does not.

You have to think of future children. There is no way to raise a child as “both.” Catholics have an absolute obligation to raise their children in the Catholic faith. And, you have to think-- who do children spend the most time with? Who typically forms the children in the faith? The mother. Do you want a Mormon wife teaching your children the Mormon religion? No. Just as a Mormon would not want a Catholic spouse teaching their child the Catholic religion-- which they believe to be false.

Move on.

Find a woman who shares your religion, your vision for a family, and your values.

There is nothing but trouble in store for you if you stay in this relationship. Move on.

 

[RebeccaJ]

My girlfriend is Mormon and she’s pretty devout, her parents weren’t happy at all that she was dating a “non-member”. She’s been pretty accepting of me joining the Catholic faith, but lately she has made little remarks here and there that are insensitive to my faith. She always talks as if Mormons have higher standards than Catholics do, one time she came to Mass with me and we weren’t there for more than 15 minutes and she wanted to leave because she felt so uncomfortable, and said she felt guilty for going like we’re some kind of satanic cult. But than she asked me to go to church with her, which I thought was ridiculous since she didn’t give Mass a chance. Of course I told her no, and she started going on about me dissing on Mormons when she makes insensitive comments about Catholics all the time.

Why do Mormons think that its ok for them to bash on our faith, but evil for us to bash on theirs? What can I do about this? She’s a sweet girl but her insensitivity towards Catholics is too much for me? I can’t make one comment about Mormons to her without her accusing me of being ignorant and closed minded. Should I just dump her? What should I say?

reff, I have a friend who is a cradle Catholic and has been married to a Mormon woman for many years. The conflict you are describing, does not end. They are devoted to each other and love each other very much, but they both struggle. He does not push her to become Catholic. She seldom goes to Mass with him, but she never stops trying to convert him to Mormonism.

You know the drill, your gf is praying for your conversion and it isn’t happening. So, pack your bags you’re going on an extended guilt trip.

You also know that she is looking for a mormon guy to enable her entry in the celestial kingdom. Are you planning on converting back to Mormonism?

It is your relationship. Do you love each other enough to deal with this conflict for a lifetime? Both faiths teach that marriage is a serious commitment. Both faiths teach that your future children should be raised exclusively in that religion.

These are things you should be discussing with your gf, if your relationship is that serious. If it isn’t this serious, I’d say that your gf is giving you an easy “out”.

 

[VARC]

I’m a former Catholic, now Mormon and I agree with the comment that Mormons hold a higher standard. I think of the Catholic church as high school and the Mormon church as university. Just in terms of committment and sacrifice, the Mormon church is way more demanding. .

I’m just curious. Why do you say that mormonism is more demanding than catholicism?

 

[Eucharisted]

My girlfriend is Mormon and she’s pretty devout, her parents weren’t happy at all that she was dating a “non-member”. She’s been pretty accepting of me joining the Catholic faith, but lately she has made little remarks here and there that are insensitive to my faith. She always talks as if Mormons have higher standards than Catholics do, one time she came to Mass with me and we weren’t there for more than 15 minutes and she wanted to leave because she felt so uncomfortable, and said she felt guilty for going like we’re some kind of satanic cult. But than she asked me to go to church with her, which I thought was ridiculous since she didn’t give Mass a chance. Of course I told her no, and she started going on about me dissing on Mormons when she makes insensitive comments about Catholics all the time.

Why do Mormons think that its ok for them to bash on our faith, but evil for us to bash on theirs? What can I do about this? She’s a sweet girl but her insensitivity towards Catholics is too much for me? I can’t make one comment about Mormons to her without her accusing me of being ignorant and closed minded. Should I just dump her? What should I say?

Pray for her. You don’t have to talk about Mormonism. Better yet, you can have an interreligious discuss about each other’s faiths. Tell her that her insenstiive toward your faith is not only uncharitable but also a danger to your relationship. Love dose not tolerate hatred; hatred destroys relationships.

 

[ChristianKnight]

My girlfriend is Mormon and she’s pretty devout, her parents weren’t happy at all that she was dating a “non-member”. She’s been pretty accepting of me joining the Catholic faith, but lately she has made little remarks here and there that are insensitive to my faith. She always talks as if Mormons have higher standards than Catholics do, one time she came to Mass with me and we weren’t there for more than 15 minutes and she wanted to leave because she felt so uncomfortable, and said she felt guilty for going like we’re some kind of satanic cult. But than she asked me to go to church with her, which I thought was ridiculous since she didn’t give Mass a chance. Of course I told her no, and she started going on about me dissing on Mormons when she makes insensitive comments about Catholics all the time.

Why do Mormons think that its ok for them to bash on our faith, but evil for us to bash on theirs? What can I do about this? She’s a sweet girl but her insensitivity towards Catholics is too much for me? I can’t make one comment about Mormons to her without her accusing me of being ignorant and closed minded. Should I just dump her? What should I say?

Well, Catholics bash Protestants, Protestants Bash Catholics, Mormons bash Catholics, Catholics bash Mormons.

Honestly, if the girl is like that, I’d leave her. I don’t put up with dis-respect from anyone, I will tolerate some un-respect, but if she is dissing your faith for no paticular reason, tell her to shut up, if she don’t like it, give her a bag and tell her to leave.

If you really love her, sit down, tlak to her, if nothing happens in a couple weeks, tell her thats it.

 

[rmcmullan]

I’m just curious. Why do you say that mormonism is more demanding than catholicism?

Wow, in almost every way I think. Mormons have very active church program–activities, seminary, scouting, missionaries and it’s all run with a lay clergy. That’s a lot of work for each of the individual members and so each has some sort of “calling”. During high school years, each of the surly LDS teenagers attend an hour of seminary, usually in the sleepytime hours before regular school. There’s a two year mission that’s expected of most of the young men. There’s the temples to keep going and that requires a huge amount of money and manpower.

I went to a Catholic grade school and so in high school I knew who all the Catholics were and if they had been Mormon, half of them would have been in some kind of trangression serious enough to affect their standing. Some of it was just booze and girls but that’s forbidden in the LDS church. Whew, I could go on.

But part of the reason I think of the LDS church as university and RC as high school is more along the doctrinal lines. Many of the uniquely LDS teachings ( which are frequently contested here at CAF) I believe and accept as a thing of beauty. That I don’t expect you to buy in to. But I think it’s well established that the church requires much more of its members.

 

[yellowbird]

RUN from this relationship.

Marriage is VERY difficult, even when husband & wife share the same faith. Different faiths + kids + inlaws who don’t like you because you are Catholic = Lifetime of misery or divorce. And if you divorce, how will you feel when YOUR children are raised Mormon?

It would be impossible to be raised both Mormon & Catholic… Jesus is God… Jesus is NOT God… Jesus is God… Not… IS! They will reject Him entirely - or grow up totally confused.

Run. Run fast & far.

 

[rmcmullan]

No, don’t RUN. It’s not like you’d be the first couple who ever disagreed on religion. But you have to keep your differences in mind and be respectful. And come to some kind of agreement on where you’ll give and where you won’t.

Ha, now ask yourself this question: does the reason why you like this girl have anything to do with her religion?

 

[thecourt]

Speaking for myself, no basis in disrespecting another’s spiritual journey or none at all.

I have attended a number of different religious environments and at the end of the day, respect.

People with different religious backgrounds are in hot water, so to speak, because (this has been alluded to) lack of understanding or a agenda, if you will, for some people with those intentions.

Love thy neighbor is a great commandment that liberates versus the shackling that can develop, so to speak.

 

[yellowbird]

No, don’t RUN. It’s not like you’d be the first couple who ever disagreed on religion. But you have to keep your differences in mind and be respectful. And come to some kind of agreement on where you’ll give and where you won’t.

Ha, now ask yourself this question: does the reason why you like this girl have anything to do with her religion?

I see that you are Mormon. Would you be willing to allow your children to be baptized Catholic? To attend mass weekly? To be taught that Jesus IS God - part of the Holy Trinity and that His Blessed Mother Mary was sinless? That the Catholic Church contains the fullness of truth? Would you allow them to make their first communion after confessing their sins to the Priest? Would you allow them to be confirmed into the Catholic faith? As a Catholic, those are non-negotiables.

As a Mormon, would you be willing to accept those non-negotiables? If I were Mormon, I sure wouldn’t - because I wouldn’t believe any of it to be true and I wouldn’t want my children to be taught falsehoods.

Come to an agreement? Like a compromise? How does that even work when the two faiths are so totally different, as ours are? The only way compromise would work is if both parents were lukewarm - then I suppose it doesn’t matter.

Husbands and wives can come to an agreement, but once children are thrown into the mix, all bets are off.

 

[RebeccaJ]

I see that you are Mormon. Would you be willing to allow your children to be baptized Catholic? To attend mass weekly? To be taught that Jesus IS God - part of the Holy Trinity and that His Blessed Mother Mary was sinless? That the Catholic Church contains the fullness of truth? Would you allow them to make their first communion after confessing their sins to the Priest? Would you allow them to be confirmed into the Catholic faith? As a Catholic, those are non-negotiables.

As a Mormon, would you be willing to accept those non-negotiables? If I were Mormon, I sure wouldn’t - because I wouldn’t believe any of it to be true and I wouldn’t want my children to be taught falsehoods.

Come to an agreement? Like a compromise? How does that even work when the two faiths are so totally different, as ours are? The only way compromise would work is if both parents were lukewarm - then I suppose it doesn’t matter.

Husbands and wives can come to an agreement, but once children are thrown into the mix, all bets are off.

The disagreement and compromise begins with marriage.

Where would the marriage take place and who is going to officiate? In a Mormon temple by a Mormon bishop? This would require reff to return to the Mormon Church.

In a Catholic Church by a Catholic priest? This would require reff’s gf to become Catholic.

Who is going to compromise here? And what would that compromise be? A secular ceremony?

 

[MelanieAnne]

The disagreement and compromise begins with marriage.

Where would the marriage take place and who is going to officiate? In a Mormon temple by a Mormon bishop? This would require reff to return to the Mormon Church.

In a Catholic Church by a Catholic priest? This would require reff’s gf to become Catholic.

Who is going to compromise here? And what would that compromise be? A secular ceremony?

Actually Reff could marry his girlfriend in front of a priest without her being Catholic, but she would need to agree that the children would be raised Catholic. How likely is that?

In the meantime she would be praying for his conversion/reversion. Possibly in secret. This is not the stuff of which a healthy relationship is made.

Which is why Reff should move on. There’s a nice Catholic girl out there who would be happy to be his girlfriend.