My Mother is now making me leave the Church

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Would your mother be open to a compromise? Perhaps if you suggest to her that you will freely attend your Grandmother’s Church without complaint on Sunday if she permits you to attend Mass Saturday night. You could always pray the rosary in your mind during the service (though I wouldn’t recommend pulling out an actual rosary - that might not go over too well in some non-denom churches). I’m not suggesting to give up on the faith, or to compromise on morals, only on Church attendance.

I understand you are upset, but it seems to me, from how you described it, that your mother is afraid of losing you, and not too sure what to do, so she just outright banned it. Perhaps if you have a conversation with her, without calling her and her mother heretics, you may be able to work out a deal to remain attending Mass, yet keep family peace.
 
maryjk said:
No it would not be better.

Until such time that the OP is 18, she must follow her mother’s rules. If the rules are that the OP doesn’t attend Mass, but instead goes to a protestant service, then that is what she does.

Missing Mass would not be, at that time, a mortal sin. (Remember the 3 conditions of a mortal sin.)

Once the OP is an adult and able to support herself, she will then be required to go to Mass.

And, OP, in the meantime, I would suggest that you don’t pick fights with your mother by calling her or your grandmother, heretics. It would be better to quietly attend the services required by your mother, and keep Catholicism in your heart. When you are able, go back to worshiping as you wish.
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I agree with this. Catholicism is not a cult that seeks to lure children from their parents.

Go to the Protestant service if your mother insists. You can pray the rosary silently during the service, using your fingers to keep track (no need to make a fuss or spectacle of yourself). Pray for your mother to have a change of heart. Your mother and grandmother can’t be very committed Protestants if they wouldn’t object to your being a Muslim.

Talk to a priest if you can and explain your situation to him.
 
JD27076 said:
A venial lie is better than missing Mass and going to a protestant service, which would be mortal.
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No it would not, automatically.

It would help if you would read what the Church officially has to say about the matter.

This is a 16 year old child by the information we have. The biggest issue is going to be one of obedience to their parents. We can get into all sorts of permutations about not obeying an immoral command; before we do that we need to pause and think what the consequences might be should this matter escalate.

The best advice is for the child to seek out their pastor and have a heart-to-heart talk with them. Advice on the internet is too often too freely given where the advisor has no consequences. We know only what the OP has given us; almost nothing of the dynamics of what is going on in the home, and we bear no responsibility (at least, it would appear) should things in the home go radically wrong.
 
mab23 said:
This

I would be grounded any day that be forced to do things I clearly don not believe in

look to the martyrs
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I agree. I would not lie and say that I attended a Protestant service when I didn’t. I would rather be grounded than to do be forced to do something I do not believe in. One thing to remember… being grounded is actually not so bad. Think of all the things you could do while being grounded. A lot of prayer, contemplation of life and where you are headed in life, writing, reading, etc.

I was grounded once in my life when I was 14 for something utterly ridiculous… and my parents realized that after the fact when we discussed it. The grounding, itself, actually didn’t bother me, but the reason for being grounded was. I remember realizing how being grounded had no affect or no power over me, especially for something I didn’t think was wrong and something I was never told I was not permitted doing. I approached my parents afterwards and told them exactly what I thought. I was very calm. I did not raise my voice. I was not petulant or childlike. I was not cheeky or a smart a–. I spoke to them directly, matter-of-factly and as an adult.

Remember, if you truly believe you are in the right and if your faith is that important to you, your parents have no ability to take away your right to being a thinking individual. Find enjoyment and contentment in your thoughts, your prayers, your imagination. These are things that cannot be taken away, nor can any person have power over and from which to ground you. They can take away the tangibles, but never the intangibles. You don’t have to tell them any of this, but as you sit there, dealing with your punishment, remember all of this and try to find contentment, even joy in what you have been dealt by your parents.

One thing, though. There is such a thing as being diplomatic and respectful in how you speak to your parents. Yes, protestantism may be heretical to you, but there are ways to discuss this with your parents logically and respectfully without completely insulting them and your grandmother, for that matter. Remind yourself how you felt when your mother was saying that you were being a radical fanatic. Those are very insulting words even if she believes she is right and that it’s true (to her). Using “heretical” can also be insulting words. You get no where in getting the other side to understand or at least listen to you when you talk like this to each other. These are still your elders, your parents and grandmother and even if you don’t agree, they still deserve respect.
 
Heliotropium said:
I say brave being grounded and use the mortification as an offering to convert the Mother! Haha enemies think they can use fear towards us but what they don’t understand is the more they persecute us, the more ammo we get to give to God for their conversion!
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^^^This.

You must stand firm in what you believe.
 
How is it that you are Catholic and your mother is not? At some point, she must have been all right with your being Catholic, no?

So why is she *now *unhappy with your being Catholic? Is it because you are displaying a more loving and accepting attitude towards her, or might it be because you are calling her and her relatives heretics?

I would suggest that you consider these questions, not to answer here but maybe to see things a little more from your mother’s point of view.

OTOH, it may be that she will ground you for 2 years, and you will suffer a tiny amount for your Faith, for Christ Who died for you. If you absolutely cannot make it to Mass, that would be hard, but when it is impossible to get to Mass, the obligation does not bind. Offer up your suffering for her.
 
BVMFatima said:
Hello,

Sadly today I had a discussion with her where she is trying to get me to go to my GrandMothers Church and go to youth group. Now I told her that I don’t want to because its not Catholic and she said " its only about Jesus, not Religion!" (This is a non denom Church). I told her that I would never give up the faith for such heretics that I would die for the faith, she said I am taking it too far and that I became a radical extremist fundimentalist. Now she is having me leave the Church. 😦 I don’t know what to do anymore. She said I have no right to share my religious beliefs with others and convert them to the Church. She is now having me leave Catholicism. I’m just so depressed now.😦

Thank you everyone for all your help in giving me advice for how to increase my faith. May God Bless you all.

BVMFatima
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I’m confused. Does your mother not attend this church? It really seems hypocritical to send a child to a church she is not attending herself.

Since you are still a minor, you are subject to her authority. But she cannot really force you to be any less Catholic. You could simply pray the Rosary (EDIT: count of your fingers, if necessary) when there to make amends for her bad behavior and whenever in a Bible study you could take the opportunity to instruct them more accurately in the Faith.

(BTW - don’t eat the crackers and juice ;))
 
In this situation, I would do what the others are posting. I would go to listen only to a Protestant Service but will not participate in the breaking of the bread. (the last person who posted called this the crackers and juice offered afterwards) This would be a great opportunity if they object to proclaim about the Eucharist in the Catholic Church. If you are able to go alone though, I would go and visit the Blessed Sacrament for an hour. Taking Catholic prayer books or missals would make them think that you are going to their Wednesday Services. Don’t worry, God knows that it isn’t right and completely injust in making you go to these Protestant Services. Pray to God, pray the Rosary and ask for the intercession of Mary and the Saints to help you out. Prayer is powerful!

If you know that it’s something completely against Church Teaching, I would rather be grounded than commit any mortal sin. I think it’s in Matthew 5 that talks about being ‘blessed’ when you are insulted or persecuted for the proclamation of the Gospel and following Catholic Church teachings.
 
Hail Mary, full of Grace. Stand beside this young girl as she is caught in the middle of a conflict and needs direction. Jesus, let your name never leave her lips.
Amen
 
BVMFatima said:
If I don’t I will be grounded. I may have to convert to Protestantism or Islam to please my mother because she loves these religions.
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DO NOT—UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES—agree to convert to Islam. If you say you have converted, there are people who will hold you to it, to the point of physically harassing you if you try to leave it. It happens, even in this country.

Even if she physically compels you to stay at home or go to another church, do not ever recite the formula for converting to Islam. It would be the biggest mistake of your life.

Get in touch with your priest, and get him to help you with this situation.
 
BVMFatima said:
Hello,

Sadly today I had a discussion with her where she is trying to get me to go to my GrandMothers Church and go to youth group. Now I told her that I don’t want to because its not Catholic and she said " its only about Jesus, not Religion!" (This is a non denom Church). I told her that I would never give up the faith for such heretics that I would die for the faith, she said I am taking it too far and that I became a radical extremist fundimentalist. Now she is having me leave the Church. 😦 I don’t know what to do anymore. She said I have no right to share my religious beliefs with others and convert them to the Church. She is now having me leave Catholicism. I’m just so depressed now.😦
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Why is she saying you are acting like a radical extremist fundamentalist? Why is she not instead saying you are acting like a Catholic? The two are different. Is it possible you are sending her the wrong messages (such as calling Protestants “heretics”) in your behavior? If your behavior is offensive to her, she will not compromise with you.

You’re going to have to obey your mother as long as you live in her home. That doesn’t make you any less Catholic. Her house, her rules. Just like any other command that a parent hands down to a child. You’re obligated to obey her. You best go to the services she tells you to. She may let you go to Mass if you are coopertive with her. If you are coopertive with her and she sees you are making an effort instead of “taking it too far”, she may compromise with you. Just remember that if you’re Baptised, you’ll always be Catholic. And you may have to just wait to attend Mass regularly and live as a Catholic when you move out on your own. In the meantime, buck up and do as she says or she can make your life miserable. The problem is, your mother is NOT Catholic and you not only live in her home, but are under her guardianship. NOt much you can do until you grow up and move out.
 
JD27076 said:
A venial lie is better than missing Mass and going to a protestant service, which would be mortal.
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You are a bit confused here. It would not be a mortal sin for her to miss Mass at all if she is not allowed to go. She’s only 16. But lying is a sin.
 
Can you get EWTN.com on your computer or EWTN television? I sometimes don’t get to go to Mass (not by my choice) and I can watch it on tv. It’s not preferable but it’s better than nothing and it helps me be close to Jesus.
Also EWTN.com has lots of speakers and streaming video that can help you be closer to the church. You will not go to hell if you miss Mass and it’s not your choice. Jesus understands where you are in your life right now.
 
BVMFatima said:
Hello,

Sadly today I had a discussion with her where she is trying to get me to go to my GrandMothers Church and go to youth group. Now I told her that I don’t want to because its not Catholic and she said " its only about Jesus, not Religion!" (This is a non denom Church). I told her that I would never give up the faith for such heretics that I would die for the faith, she said I am taking it too far and that I became a radical extremist fundimentalist. Now she is having me leave the Church. 😦 I don’t know what to do anymore. She said I have no right to share my religious beliefs with others and convert them to the Church. She is now having me leave Catholicism. I’m just so depressed now.😦

Thank you everyone for all your help in giving me advice for how to increase my faith. May God Bless you all.

BVMFatima
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If I were in your situation, I would tell her that she can’t make you leave the Church. She can try, but she can’t force you out of the Church. You decided to enter the Church while your family is against it. This takes real courage. You did something that I could never do in my life. You chose the Church, and now it’s time to defend that choice. If you can drive, I would go to Mass anyway. Also, I’m 16, too.

God bless,
Schatzl
 
It states in the Catechism that missing Mass on Sunday is a sin. Make sure she understands that you accept Protestants as our brothers and sisters in Christ and that you will go to her Protestant services if she takes you to Mass at a Catholic Church on Sunday. If you can drive and go on your own then go to a service on Wednesday and a Mass on Sunday. 🙂 Always say you’re going to church though if she asks. (Don’t have to specify if she doesn’t ask) If you’re not able to go to church watching the Mass on ewtn is good too. I like to watch it live but can watch it later on in the day as well. You can make a spiritual communion and this is pleasing to God. Stay strong and offer this up to Christ crucified. Afterwards, strengthen your brethern. 🙂
 
I also believe BVMFatima should attend Mass at risk of being grounded and make an effort to move out of the house as soon as possible. Attending a Protestant service is okay but no one can make you take communion.

I was under the impression that a minor wasn’t obligated to obey their parents if the order was to commit a sin. But this scenario seems to me to be a good reason why minors shouldn’t be allowed to convert, in my opinion, if they don’t have Catholic parents.

:tsktsk:
 
Listen carefully: You Do Not Have to leave the Church. Don’t leave! If you can drive, continue going to Mass on your own. Do it secretly if you have to. Many martyrs and those persecuted for the faith did the same. Talk with the pastor of your church and have him talk with you and her together. This might help your mom understand some things about the Catholic Church.

I’m not asking you to accept or believe everything of what they do or say because there are differences in what Catholics believe and Protestants believe. However, there is some Truth there and just tell her that Protestants are brothers and sisters in Christ because of the sacrament of Baptism. The difference is how Catholic Christians practice the Faith over Christians of other denominations. Try to talk with her and come to some compromise or even ground with her.
 
BRING IT ON!

There are two issues with your Mom and parents in general:

1.) Following the Fourth Commandment, “Honor your parents”. If they asked you to rob a bank or murder, you would honor them but dishonor their illegal or immoral command. You could pursue this morally.

2.) Following the law, What state do you live in? (you don’t need to reveal it here) Do the laws protect a 16 year old? allow a 16 year old to marry? Yet they don’t allow a 16 year old to worship as she chooses? Do the laws allow a mother to force a 16 year old to worship in a religion that the mother does not even worship?

Some young people have sought emancipation from parents at age 14, or waited until they were 18, or after a college education. Or they stop opposing and they become just like their family. They give up. Some kids sue for religious freedom. You could pursue this legally.

But all laws aside, this is an opportunity for you.. You could say, “Yes, I will explore many other faiths; just allow me a sunday or Saturday evening mass and I will go to every church, temple, mosque, denomination and learn.” You quietly do your own research. Keep a notebook. Read good Catholic books on Comparative religion. Read “The Encyclopedia of Cults”. Do your school book and history reports on these topics. BE UNAFRAID. You don’t have to give up your mind, soul, heart, as you do this work. No one can tell you how to worship or love.

If she does not let you attend mass, don’t stop quietly praying, reading, singing. St Maximilian Kolbe prayed and sang while in a Nazi concentration camp. Your situation is not that bad. Offer it up.

This can make you a better and stronger Catholic. Thank your Mom. Say to yourself: “Bring it on; I am ready.”

Use this as a chance for your salvation. Do the difficult stuff and offer it up for your mom’s conversion and salvation. Find ways to convert the others you meet, or learn about their faith so you can teach rebuttals to their arguments later on. My sister joined the Buddhists when I was in my teens and somehow she always got me to go with her to a Buddhist meeting. They were always trying to make me chant but I told them I loved Jesus too much. They told me I could love Jesus and chant and I smiled and said, “No.” It made me a stronger Christian and I learned a lot about the different types of Buddhism and Buddhists. God made us all so you can pray for everyone you meet while you go through this ordeal or opportunity. Shift your attitude around. Say “Bring It On!” Feed your soul but do the “penance.” And turn your poison into medicine. (Keep holy water and holy salt near you)
 
Thank you all for your support. Now she is saying I can go to Mass but I can no longer share my Catholic faith with anyone because she said she does not want to see me dead for a " man made religion". As a young male teenage convert this hurts me, and plus she said that it is horrible how I said I would die for my religion, which is " extremist and fundimentalist". She said religion divides people too much, only Jesus matters and that’s it, no matter what denomination she claims. How do I respond?
 
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