My Mother's Suicide

  • Thread starter Thread starter PeglegDeb
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

PeglegDeb

Guest
Hi
I sincerely hope this is the proper place to post this- I have looked through all the forums and this one seemed correct.

My Mother- a loving, wonderful, life-long practicing Catholic put a gun to her head Sun night and ended her life. I am devastated, heartbroken and afriad I will never get the image of finding her like that out of my head. We were very close- especially since the death of my Father and younger sister 2 yrs. ago. This was so completely unexpected- well I can just not explain how shocking it has been.

More importantly, however, I am so afraid for the welfare of Mother’s soul and her relationship w/ God. I have spent hours trying to discover the Churche’s present idea on suicide, hell, purgatory etc. They seem to have changed slightly over time. Please don’t think this flip but if she is in purgatory can I pray her out? She was a good person-loved her church and attended MORE than regularly (ie, Sun of course but also Mon, Wed and most Fri before work). She was a lector (?) often read the passages at Church on Sun.

I know I can have Masses said for her- is this a particular type of mass I should ask for? And what else can I do- It breaks my heart to think of her soul in turmoil after she led such a good life and in a moment of desperation I suppose she put that all on the line.

I apologize if I have chosen the wrong forum to post in and if it is the correct forum I would so appreciate any help you can give me.
Thank you so much
Deborah******
 
I am so very sorry for this terrible event. While I lost my father to natural causes a year-and-half ago, that cannot compare to what you must be experiencing. You have my sincere prayers. :gopray:

As for the state of your mother’s soul, I would encourage you to continue to pray for her, I will join you in prayer for her soul. :gopray2:
 
PeglegDeb said:
Hi
I sincerely hope this is the proper place to post this- I have looked through all the forums and this one seemed correct.

My Mother- a loving, wonderful, life-long practicing Catholic put a gun to her head Sun night and ended her life. I am devastated, heartbroken and afriad I will never get the image of finding her like that out of my head. We were very close- especially since the death of my Father and younger sister 2 yrs. ago. This was so completely unexpected- well I can just not explain how shocking it has been.

More importantly, however, I am so afraid for the welfare of Mother’s soul and her relationship w/ God. I have spent hours trying to discover the Churche’s present idea on suicide, hell, purgatory etc. They seem to have changed slightly over time. Please don’t think this flip but if she is in purgatory can I pray her out? She was a good person-loved her church and attended MORE than regularly (ie, Sun of course but also Mon, Wed and most Fri before work). She was a lector (?) often read the passages at Church on Sun.***

I know I can have Masses said for her- is this a particular type of mass I should ask for? And what else can I do- It breaks my heart to think of her soul in turmoil after she led such a good life and in a moment of desperation I suppose she put that all on the line.****

I apologize if I have chosen the wrong forum to post in and if it is the correct forum I would so appreciate any help you can give me.****
Thank you so much*
Deborah
Click to expand...
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I lost a friend to suicide, and my own mother has died through natural causes. I can only imagine the grief you bear right now.

Please pray for your mother’s soul. I pray for my own mother who died several years ago under far less traggic circumstances. I pray for my friend too. “Praying them out” of purgatory may not be the correct theological term, but we can pray for them. God determines who is in purgatory and anyone in purgatory will eventually see Him in heaven once He has “washed them clean” or purified them from all their sin and all their attachment to sin.

I sense that at this moment you share in your mother’s suffering–offer your suffereing to God too. God does not waste prayers or suffering. If someone we pray for who is deceased does not need or will not benefit from our prayers and sacrifices, God will justly and mercifully apply them to others.

:signofcross:Eternal rest grant unto her oh Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul and all the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen. And Lord please look mercifully at Your daughter Deborah and comfort her at this time of her mother’s death. Amen.
 
I am very sorry for your loss. Your Mom was not thinking clearly at the time and you can be sure a merciful God will take that into account. Call your rectory and ask to have a Mass said for your Mom. You will be asked for a small stipend, and hopefully it can be celebrated within a few days. You can also pray the rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy for her.
 
***Oh no, Deb…I’m so sorry. 😦 I’m not sure my words alone can offer comfort, but here goes. I have had suicide in my own family…and the grief process that one goes through is similiar to losing a loved one in ‘natural’ ways, but there is a few more levels, that I’d like to share with you. For one, you are in shock, that is so often the first level…then, sadness…then, shock again…then numbness…then, anger…a betrayal of sorts that the person ‘chose’ to do this. Why did they leave ME behind? Didn’t they love me, didn’t they care enough to stay? When you feel these things, know it’s very normal.

You will experience various levels of grief, and just follow all of them through. Don’t stop any of the levels of grief, because they ALL have to be experienced, for you to move forward with life. I know you are concerned about your mom’s soul. But, know this, God is all merciful…and I have to believe that for those who commit suicide, they are so sad, so lost, so full of despair, they just don’t know what to do…I can’t say for sure where anyone is once they pass on, but I have to believe that God knows your mother’s heart, and that He would show her mercy. He is mercy. He is love. He is everything. Give your grief, your fears, your anger, your everything to God, and allow Him to walk you through this difficult time.

I lost both of my parents before by the time I turned 10…I know more than I care to say about grief. It hurts. It is hard. It has been many years since I’ve seen my parents, and I still grieve. But the grief spurts are shorter, and I’m no longer angry with God. (oh, you might go through that, too, just know) Actually, I have a better relationship since healing from all of that WITH God.

I’m so sorry–please feel free to pm me…I am more than happy to help you through this, if you wish me to help. ***
 
Never underestimate the infinite Mercy of God. He loves everyone of us, even if we have failings, whatever they may be.

I recently read that suicide due to mental illness is viewed differently in the 21th century Catholic Church and is not a condemnation. I apologize for not remembering where I read it, and it may have even been a link someone provided on this forum.

Continue to pray for your Mom, and for Mother Mary’s intercession to help you manage through this tough time. Mary is an amazing comforter and consoler.

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord,
and let Your perpetual Light shine upon her.
May the souls of the faithful departed,
through the Mercy of God, rest in peace, Amen.
 
***Oh, I will add you to my rosary, please know you have a lot of people here who will be praying for you, Deb. ***
 
Hi,

I don’t know if there is anything I can do or say to help you with the grief you feel. The most important thing to do is not to blame yourself for your mother’s actions. I have known people with a parent who committed suicide, one thing they told me was that at first they blamed themselves.

Here is something to ponder. Your mom may have been experiencing clinical depression triggered by the loss of your father and sister. This causes a chemical imbalance in the brain that can cause a person’s perspective of the world to become negative and warped. Sometimes they end up having repetitive unhappy thoughts, and don’t know how to deal with them. It has nothing to do with what you did or did not do.

We have had several suicide burials in our church over the last two years. Our priest says that only God will really know the extant their judgement was impaired, but as Christians, we have to believe that God will be merciful.

He told us not only should we pray for suicide victims, it was our duty to pray for these souls because often they have only one person or nobody at all to pray for them.

I will remember your mother at mass tomorrow and also during Eucharistic Adoration.

You might pray to St. Dymphna to intercede on behalf of your mother’s soul.

The Lord appeared to St. Gertrude the Great and told her that every time the following prayer was said 1000 souls would be released from purgatory. Although it is not for a specific soul, maybe you could ask those newly released souls to pray for your mother.

**Eternal Father, I offer Thee the most Precious Blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus, in union with the masses said throughout the world today, for all the holy souls in purgatory, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the Universal Church, those in my own home, and within my family. Amen. **
 
I will pray for the repose of your mother’s soul.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :signofcross: :gopray2:

Here is what the Catechism has to say about suicide:
Catechism of the Catholic Church:
**Suicide **

2280 Everyone is responsible for his life before God who has given it to him. It is God who remains the sovereign Master of life. We are obliged to accept life gratefully and preserve it for his honor and the salvation of our souls. We are stewards, not owners, of the life God has entrusted to us. It is not ours to dispose of.

2281 Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life. It is gravely contrary to the just love of self. It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations. Suicide is contrary to love for the living God.

2282 If suicide is committed with the intention of setting an example, especially to the young, it also takes on the gravity of scandal. Voluntary co-operation in suicide is contrary to the moral law.

Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.

2283 We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.
Click to expand...
 
One of the hardest parts of suicide is that it lays an undeserved guilt on the survivors.

With my prayers for her and for you - Joe.
 
Holly3278 said:
I will pray for the repose of your mother’s soul.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :signofcross: :gopray2:

Here is what the Catechism has to say about suicide:
Click to expand...
I hope that I have not added to the sad feelings of the OP by posting what I did. It certainly was not my intention. OP, if I have hurt your feelings or anything, I sincerely apologize.
 
I want you all to know how deeply appreciative I am for your condolances, kind words and prayers. They trruly mean more than you;ll ever know.

I am honestly tortured by the thought of my wonderful beautiful Mother walking over to my Father’s side of the bed, putting a gun to her head. and pulling the trigger. The dutter espair she must have been feeling at that moment is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever experienced
I ]
The fact that you are praying for my Mother gives me the most comfort I have felt this week. Tomorrow morning is the service and I will take your prayers and blessings with me,

Thank you so very much
Deborah
 
People who commit suicide are depressed and I think that God completely understands how they feel and where they are coming from, even more-so than the person who has commited the act. How can a person be blamed for something that they did when they weren’t themselves. God understands everything far better than you can imagine. So, keep praying, as always, but know that God loves you and your mom. I think she’s in heaven.
 
My prayers for all concerned. I cannot even begin to fathom the amount of pain you must be in - what a horrifying thing to have happen to you.

Be assured that God is in charge, and nothing can have happened to your mother that was not the best possible outcome for her in God’s merciful and all-seeing love - she is now where ever she needs most to be. Prayers for the repose of her soul, including Masses, are a very good idea - don’t forget also to offer up Masses for yourself and for other members of your family, on account of the grief and horror that you and they are also experiencing at this time.
 
That is my most fervent hope- that she is in heavce, What an uplifting thing for you to say! Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
Deborah
 
I’m so sorry and send my prayers. You must believe that Jesus understood exactly what was going through your mother’s mind and what state of mind she actually was in.

Please don’t start worrying overly in Hell. The most prominent Catholic theologian of the last century Hans urs Von Balthasar, who was and is the favourite theologian of our current pope, argued vigorously in his book: Dare We Hope That All Men are Saved that Revelation in the Bible does not give the certainty that in the end of ends ANY are condemned and All may be ultimately be saved in God’s love. Now is no time to argue about theological finepoints but perhaps this thought of an all-saving God is what you immediately need, to find some modicum of peace.

I thought out I would just put that out there right away as right now you must trust that your mom’s soul and destination is in the loving Lord’s hand. As the pope’s favourite theologian argued, perhaps at this moment let us hope with some reassurance that your mom is safe in God’s hands. Loving Christ knew what state she was in. As Jesus said in the Beatitudes: Blessed are the Poor in Spirit. I believe your mom must have been one of these. Mental illness and crisis are no less hard than physical pain.

Masses for her soul would surely not go unheard or uanswered.

May your mom find eternal repose in Christ’s loving hands, in the name of Jesus. And please know that we are praying for your well-being and strength as well because you must now definitely take care of yourself. Amen.
Our prayers are all with you dear.
 
Hi,
I wanted you to know that I remembered you and your mother at mass today. Did you know that you could do a plenary indulgence for your mother’s soul? If she is in purgatory, it will release her soul into heaven. There are different types of prayers and actions that can earn a plenary indulgence i.e. reading the bible for a certain period of time, saying the rosary after mass in church, and many prayers have indulgences attached to them.

To receive the indulgence, the person asking for the indulgence must go to confession, go to mass and receive holy communion and say an Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be for the Pope. The person must not be attached to a habitual sin. Then they should read the bible for a half an hour, or go to Eucharistic Adoration for at least a half an hour, or pray the rosary in church or devoutly pray the stations of the cross. These are the ones I can think of at the moment. There are others.

I hope this brings some consolation to both of you.
 
I would say the Church’s view on suicide has dramatically changed in the last few decades. Before someone who commited suicide could not be buried in a Catholic cemetery. Now the Church recognizes that many folks who commit suicide are not thinking clearly, and probably not in control of their circumstances.

I’ve gone through a similar experience, where sleep deprivation, stress etc, drove met to an attempt on ending it all. Thankfully I was not successful, as I am still here to tell about it. I don’t think God would have held that against me. There may have been other conditions that may have doomed me (I was a long lapsed Catholic at the time.) but the attempt itself I feel was not in my control. People who kill themselves very obviously are not in control of their own thinking processes.

I’m sure the Lord takes into account your mothers whole life, as a loving person and good mother. You and your mother are in my prayers.
 
Just wanted to say that I will remember your mother and you in my prayers. God’s blessings to you.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top