My name is Jackie, and I don't like going to mass

[kovacs725]

Dear Jackie!

I think I ve always been someone who likes being in church. I want to give you a little bit of relief though. I am aware that the Church have to be respected, but I dont look at it as a household chore but as the celebration of your relationship with Christ. This prespective makes it more valuable for me. Deepen this bond beetwen you and Him. Believing to me is trusting Jesus in all ways. My relationship with Him means that I want to be close to him. I like going to church when there are less people than usually. Maybe on saturday. So I can only focus on this. It must be hard for you to focus with so many things around you. Your family might make it hard for you with not wanting to go there. Try to engage them into catholic life. Never stop learning about faith. Your church time has to be quality so that you can grow. I hope I could give something to think about. My church attendance was sole before I had gotten closer to God.

 

[JackieMom]

Thank you all so much for your support and suggestions! They reinforced what I guess I knew to be true - that I have to just get my buns in the seat whether I have to drag myself to Mass or not, and work on making it a more tasteful experience in what ways I can. You all have given me quite a bit to think about.

For a while, I wondered if our “loosey goosey” parish was part of the problem. It doesn’t seem to have a lot of Catholic identity, and a lot of the more traditional aspects of the Mass I remember even from 10 years ago have gone by the wayside. We have no kneelers, so there is no kneeling at Mass. There is no confietor, ever. No incense. Confessions are only once a month and the priest seems not to mind that the entire (massive) congregation accepts communion while only a handful of people show up for reconciliation. We’ve never heard a homily on morals - never once in 20 years heard the word “abortion” mentioned, never once heard premarital sex or cohabitation denounced. There are rarely vague mentions of “building a culture of life” but that’s about as far as it goes. We’ve got altar girls in hideous brown albs with wet ponytails and sneakers. There is no tabernacle in the church (it’s in a separate chapel down the hall, which you’d have no idea that’s what it was if you saw it.) On and on…

I considered traveling out of town to an EF Mass, but then I thought that if I had to drive 25 minutes each way, it would be even harder to go with the kids. Still - the tradition appeals to me and I adore the old school Catholic culture. Maybe that would be a better fit?

Someone mentioned trying an Eastern rite church. Oh, how I would love it if one were available (nearest is about 100 miles.) I once visited a friend who was a Maronite, and I LOVE how that church focused more on the spiritual lives of the parisioners and the joy of the liturgy rather than what sometimes seems to me the depressing way us Latin rite Catholics view our faith (SIN! SIN! jesus. GOING TO HELL! OBLIGATIONS! mercy. RULES! LAWS! love. SINNERS!!!) I love how those people really do not stress about “where they are going” when they die, but rather just focus on a deep relationship with the Trinity, develop a love for Jesus and celebrate His sacrifice on Calvary for all of our benefit. Going to liturgy is primarily about being close to Heaven and rejoicing in the Messiah, rather than being “reminded of our sins” “asking forgiveness” and hoping we don’t go to Hell despite our best efforts. At least that’s the way it seemed to me - less legalistic, dogmatic and depressing.

I’ve always struggled with the idea that a good person, who loves Jesus, attends Mass and treats others lovingly could commit one mortal sin (say - skipping Mass out of sheer laziness, masturbating, etc.) and end up in Hell after an overall good and holy life. It is so hard for me to believe that our Lord is this way - I would LOVE to find a church that is less obsessed with sin. But that is not to be any time soon.

I know I just need to keep praying, keep working, keep asking Him for help and keep making myself fulfill my obligations until it becomes natural. I thank you all for taking the time to read and offer your advice!

 

[livingwordunity]

Help. Please help! I have never enjoyed Mass. As a kid, a teen and now an adult with kids of my own. It is the LAST thing I want to do on Sundays and if I can find any excuse not to go, I will. Slight headache, fussy baby, bad night of sleep, a pimple, a stomach ache… It wouldn’t be that bad, but taking all the little kids turns into a circus of hair, brushing, tights-finding, teeth brushing, baby nursing, kids whining (they don’t want to go either), grumbling and rushing. I do what I can the night before, but it seems like Mass - and I know this sounds awful - ruins the whole day. Cuts into everything and makes me have to do more laundry. On top of that, my toddler is a total scene at Mass, trying to get away, wiggling and crying when we say “no.” I know this sounds bad. I know. Making time for Mass should not be viewed as a hassle, and it’s the least I owe Jesus. But I am coming to you in all honesty because I hate that I hate going to church. With all the kids it ends up being 2.5 hours cut out of our ONE family rest day and it’s hard when we’re exhausted and desperate for a lazy, quiet day at home. The last thing I feel like doing on Sunday morning is showering, styling my hair, doing my makeup and getting dressed up so that I can wrangle babies for an hour on a hard bench. Believe me, I get that this is a bad way to view Mass - but can you help? I want to look at Mass as a joyous event, not a burden and a drag. I have to admit that by the time the baskets are passed I am staring at my watch counting down the minutes of torture. I know skipping Mass out of laziness is a sin. I want to change but it’s hard when my husband is perfectly fine not going and the kids don’t want to go either. If anyone is going to demand that we attend, it will be me and I am really not good at following through on that. Please help! I can’t be the only adult who thinks Mass is boring (and yes, I know the parts of theass and I do listen.)

Jackie

I recommend getting and watching a movie called Padre Pio Miracle Man and a movie called The 13th Day. These movies are very well made, and I think it might inspire you.

 

[pwlj_christ87]

hey growing up as a kid i didnt like it and would often find any excuse not to go, i would rather play video games etc.

after searching for god and havin a real conversion, i am truly convincied that the mass is the greatest thing we can do for ourselves, it is better than any party you can go to, its better than any long nap or dinner get together…

what happens in the mass is the eucharist becomes the lord… this is what we catholics believe… and you partake in his eternal nature… you are being joined to him , he is the head, we are his members… we are all in communion with one another,

more so you recieve the word of god in short bursts at a time, and often get a great sermon one that often touches the heart and sometimes you feel as if the sermon was made for just you that particular day

the churchs obligations may seem burdensome to many at first, almost as if they are Rules, while they resemble so, the attendance at mass goes with the commandment to keep the lords day holy… when you stay at home your not giving god your all…the lord said himself, take this eat of it , do this in memory of me… that is what happens at mass…dont shut the lord out of your life because of nuisances etc.

i tell you in all honesty, the mass is beautiful and you will come to love it, you just have to go and put in a bit of efford sounds like

 

[louise23marie]

Jackie
I think most mums can identify with this when the kids are young. I know when I was younger getting to mass on my own was the only peaceful, restful moment in my week. Eventually I looked forward to it and even started going midweek. For me I think it was trying to be the perfect mum that made it so stressful, everybody turned out in Sunday best and on show to everybody in the community. Going by myself turned that round and I was able to concentrate on what it was all about …just me and God for a while. (and the parish community) . This was my time for telling Jesus all the stresses and strains of the week offering it to Him and asking him to give a hand with that! …with kids its sometimes hard to know that Christ is REALLY PRESENT THERE
I don’t know if that helps but seeing you look forward to it makes the kids see mass and prayer in a positive way

This Sunday’s Gospel is where Jesus gave his parents Mary aand Joseph a hard time at the temple,by going missing for 3 days! Even the Holy family know the stresses of family life!

 

[BeeSweet]

If you are the main force behind your entire family attending Mass, then you have an awesome responsibility and should be congratulated for doing your best when you can! I’m a single mom with two boys and I’m the only reason those two boys will have any exposure to faith and the love of Jesus in their lives. This is a responsibility I take very seriously, so it can’t matter whether or not I enjoy going to Mass, I simply don’t have an option about it. Leaving my children to the wolves is not going to happen as long as I draw breath.

If you really hate Mass, then try to pray a form of liturgical prayer such as the Divine Office. You can find it in three different versions to accommodate your busiest schedule: Shorter Christian Prayer, Christian Prayer, and the four volume Liturgy of the Hours. If there is a time in the day when you think you can consistently pray, then try using one of the times from the Divine Office such as morning, evening, or night prayer.

You can try praying it online at: divineoffice.org/ They offer an app you can download to your mobile devices too.

By praying a form of liturgical prayer, you will feel more connected to the Mass. Getting the gang ready and out the door won’t feel like a sore spot in the week, it will become the pinnacle of your prayer life.

Also, try very hard to read the Sunday readings before you attend Sunday Mass, so if your dear loving family feels they need more attention during the celebration, you won’t be missing as much!

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. Don’t feel daunted by them, that’s not my intention. You deserve a pat on the back for forcing yourself to do what you know is right!

 

[TarkanAttila]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I don’t have much time, and will respond more later - but I want to explain what I mean by Catholic/Agnoatic since so many asked. I was raised Catholc and love Catholic culture. I was married in the Church and my kids are baptized and attend Catholic school. I desperately want to believe every last thing the Church teaches and to have unfailing belief in the story of our Messiah as the Church believes it. However, there is still a part of me that “can’t know for sure” and has doubts. There are things that I struggle to accept about our faith and things that seem, frankly, unbelievable. I am worki g hard to have perfect faith, but as of now I do not. I doubt and question and scrutinize. That’s all I mean - a life-long struggling Catholic who is really finding it difficult to completely buy in. I so wish I could simply believe in it, but as a skeptic by nature it’s a work in progress. More later - Merry Christmas!
And no, I don’t have a social anxiety disorder! It has nothing to do with not wanting to interact with others

Wow. JackieMom, you are, like, the most honest, frank Catholic I know. That takes… spunk.

I love spunk. And I admire that, although you really don’t like it, you do want to get closer to Our Lord. That really is… amazing. I have to admit that I often feel in the same boat, too. I go to Mass daily, and sometimes I just wish to God I knew why I did. Doesn’t seem to profit me any.

But, looking back, I see that getting even just a bit involved in the Church outside of Sunday Mass helps. Daily Mass, by yourself if you like or can, might bring you closer to God, even if you do go to that seemingly liberal parish and not to a traditionalist one. You know why?

The Eucharist. Jesus really is present there in that golden dish and golden chalice. You may not feel it when you get it. Maybe you will. But when you do receive Him in the Eucharist, He will affect your life in such a way. His Body and Blood are tinder and kerosene. And the Holy Ghost is a lit match… that will set your soul on fire.

May I make another suggestion? Eucharistic Adoration. Go to Church. Kneel in front of the Body in the monstrance, or the Tabernacle if it’s not on display. Or even just sit in front of it. Take a nap in front of him, if you go at a time when you can’t stay awake. He will not mind. He wants to be with you. And to give you rest. If you feel your mind wander, read some devotional literature, and ask Him what He thinks of it. Talk to Him there. Talk to Him… wherever you go. Tell Him how you feel. Tell Him how your day is going. Tell Him what you want. Tell Him what you don’t. Treat Him as a good friend, for He is a friend.

Be honest with Him. And he’ll definitely respond to your honesty. You can do it with us. You can surely tell Him everything you’ve told us.

It’s worked for me. Try it. It might help.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Thank you all so much for your support and suggestions! They reinforced what I guess I knew to be true - that I have to just get my buns in the seat whether I have to drag myself to Mass or not, and work on making it a more tasteful experience in what ways I can. You all have given me quite a bit to think about.

For a while, I wondered if our “loosey goosey” parish was part of the problem. It doesn’t seem to have a lot of Catholic identity, and a lot of the more traditional aspects of the Mass I remember even from 10 years ago have gone by the wayside. We have no kneelers, so there is no kneeling at Mass. There is no confietor, ever. No incense. Confessions are only once a month and the priest seems not to mind that the entire (massive) congregation accepts communion while only a handful of people show up for reconciliation. We’ve never heard a homily on morals - never once in 20 years heard the word “abortion” mentioned, never once heard premarital sex or cohabitation denounced. There are rarely vague mentions of “building a culture of life” but that’s about as far as it goes. We’ve got altar girls in hideous brown albs with wet ponytails and sneakers. There is no tabernacle in the church (it’s in a separate chapel down the hall, which you’d have no idea that’s what it was if you saw it.) On and on…

I considered traveling out of town to an EF Mass, but then I thought that if I had to drive 25 minutes each way, it would be even harder to go with the kids. Still - the tradition appeals to me and I adore the old school Catholic culture. Maybe that would be a better fit?

Someone mentioned trying an Eastern rite church. Oh, how I would love it if one were available (nearest is about 100 miles.) I once visited a friend who was a Maronite, and I LOVE how that church focused more on the spiritual lives of the parisioners and the joy of the liturgy rather than what sometimes seems to me the depressing way us Latin rite Catholics view our faith (SIN! SIN! jesus. GOING TO HELL! OBLIGATIONS! mercy. RULES! LAWS! love. SINNERS!!!) I love how those people really do not stress about “where they are going” when they die, but rather just focus on a deep relationship with the Trinity, develop a love for Jesus and celebrate His sacrifice on Calvary for all of our benefit. Going to liturgy is primarily about being close to Heaven and rejoicing in the Messiah, rather than being “reminded of our sins” “asking forgiveness” and hoping we don’t go to Hell despite our best efforts. At least that’s the way it seemed to me - less legalistic, dogmatic and depressing.

I’ve always struggled with the idea that a good person, who loves Jesus, attends Mass and treats others lovingly could commit one mortal sin (say - skipping Mass out of sheer laziness, masturbating, etc.) and end up in Hell after an overall good and holy life. It is so hard for me to believe that our Lord is this way - I would LOVE to find a church that is less obsessed with sin. But that is not to be any time soon.

I know I just need to keep praying, keep working, keep asking Him for help and keep making myself fulfill my obligations until it becomes natural. I thank you all for taking the time to read and offer your advice!

I think you are confused about what you want and what your real needs are. You praise the Eastern Catholics for their focus on love of God rather than sin, but also complain that your priest hasn’t talked about sin (abortion) in his homilies.

I don’t think you are actually looking for fire and brimestone preaching, but for the traditional practices you remember from your childhood - weekly/monthly confession, the pomp and reverence of traditional Masses (I don’t say EF, because I do not think you are old enough to have experienced Mass before 1969).

Absolutely we are attracted by beauty and ritual and the sensory (name removed by moderator)uts of “smells and bells”, but the real miracle of the Mass still occurs even if the altar children haven’t dried their hair or the homilies are lackluster.

Have you experimented with other Mass times, or other parishes nearby? Not necessarily the EF Mass that is 25 minutes away, but possibly a closer parish?

A couple of things we did when we went through a rough patch. One was to try out different parishes. Not really church shopping, but to make a bit of adventure out of going to Mass. We’d then go out exploring in that neighborhood after Mass - lunch etc.

My husband was also under quite a bit of stress during that time. If he was wiped out, I’d take the kids to Mass and he would go separately at whatever time/place worked best for him. He did occasionally miss Mass because he was also sick during that time. He did bring it to our priest to be sure he wasn’t sinning.

Hope these suggestions help. It is good that you are concerned about this and working through ways to make Mass a priority and a natural part of your family routine.

 

[Franklin33]

My suggestion is to fall in love with Jesus Christ. When you do that your eyes will be opened to allthe beauty and joy of the sacraments and the Mass. You"ll want to spend as much time as possible with Him. And to be away from Him and His presence in the Eucharist will cause you pain because you are away from your “Beloved”.

Just wanted to say, this comment listed above is so perfect!

 

[holyghost]

Lots of good suggestions, I haven’t read every reply so not sure if I’m repeating what has been suggested, but:
Try Saturday vigil mass…maybe one of you can take half the kids on Saturday vigil, and the other parent can take the other kids to a Sunday morning or evening mass. Perhaps splitting it up would be an option. Or just going to a Sunday evening mass instead of morning, to take away the rushed feeling. I think there’s lots of options actually, lots of different ways to go about it…maybe you could switch it up every weekend to give you some variety. I don’t have kids but I can definitely relate to only having one day off a week to rest…so what I’ve decided to do is do the Saturday vigil mass to then have the entire Sunday off.