My name is Jackie, and I don't like going to mass

[nordskoven]

Dearest Jackie, I cannot imagine NOT going to Mass to conjoin my prayers with others for myself and loved ones. I’m baffled. I suggest going in a nice jogging suit with your hair in a turban and dark Jackie O glasses instead of fussing with the girly rig. And get your heart in it. Pray for me if you have no concerns for yourself or your family. Egad. Have you considered the possibility that you have one of those social interaction syndromes? I love you, Jackie, and hope you love ME enough to go to Mass and pray for me. Thanks, sweetheart, and I’ll pray for you and your lovely family. Blessings!

 

[midori]

I have a 3.5 yo and a 1 yo, so I haven’t been able to really be focused in my head in the last… 3.5 years, myself. That’s something I really miss, especially since we live in a small, rural parish with no cry room, and our only Mass choice is 8 a.m. unless we want to drive, drive, drive, drive.

If your kids are older, you might consider sitting up front, where they can see what’s happening, and where they know the celebrants can see them, too.

It helps if they have “church clothes” vs “regular clothes”. My mom explained it to me by telling me how the bar on their old AFB used to require a tie for entry… because just by putting on a tie, it cut down on bar fights. The same thing’s true here… clothes can have an effect on behavior.

I tell my kids that we need to go to Jesus’ House to say, “I love you, Jesus,” because that’s our important work. So they know (a) where we’re going; (b) what we’re going to do; and (c) why we’re doing it. Give them context so they know they’re not just sitting on a hard bench for an hour for no reason.

[edited]

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Um…That Holy Mass website, looks to be private revelation and as such, it is not recommended nor allowed on this forum…

 

[BettyBoop416]

I have to echo what some of the others have said – what exactly is a Catholic / Agnostic?

I cannot presume to speak for the OP, but a “Catholic/Agnostic” is probably someone very much like myself. Someone who was born and raised in a Catholic family, received all the sacraments, attends mass, but has never fully embraced the teachings of the Church or is even convinced that God exists.

 

[Cranch]

Help. Please help! I have never enjoyed Mass. As a kid, a teen and now an adult with kids of my own. It is the LAST thing I want to do on Sundays and if I can find any excuse not to go, I will. Slight headache, fussy baby, bad night of sleep, a pimple, a stomach ache… With all the kids it ends up being 2.5 hours cut out of our ONE family rest day and it’s hard when we’re exhausted and desperate for a lazy, quiet day at home.

“Time given to Christ is never time lost, but is rather time gained, so that our relationships and indeed our whole life may become more profoundly human.”—Blessed Pope John Paul II, Dies Domini

As someone who did not attend Mass for many years, I will pray for you and your family, that you may gain a fuller understanding and appreciation for the Mass and the Holy Eucharist. You have received wonderful suggestions here about how to try to improve things. What has not yet been said is the following, taken from the Catechism. However it is important, and you should be made aware of this reality if you are not already:

2181 The Sunday Eucharist is the foundation and confirmation of all Christian practice. For this reason the faithful are obliged to participate in the Eucharist on days of obligation, unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants) or dispensed by their own pastor. Those who deliberately fail in this obligation commit a grave sin.

This is a reference to mortal sin which requires confession and absolution through the sacrament of reconciliation before one may again properly receive Holy Communion. Please speak with your priest about this to learn if or how it may apply in your case.

 

[JackieMom]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I don’t have much time, and will respond more later - but I want to explain what I mean by Catholic/Agnoatic since so many asked. I was raised Catholc and love Catholic culture. I was married in the Church and my kids are baptized and attend Catholic school. I desperately want to believe every last thing the Church teaches and to have unfailing belief in the story of our Messiah as the Church believes it. However, there is still a part of me that “can’t know for sure” and has doubts. There are things that I struggle to accept about our faith and things that seem, frankly, unbelievable. I am worki g hard to have perfect faith, but as of now I do not. I doubt and question and scrutinize. That’s all I mean - a life-long struggling Catholic who is really finding it difficult to completely buy in. I so wish I could simply believe in it, but as a skeptic by nature it’s a work in progress. More later - Merry Christmas!
And no, I don’t have a social anxiety disorder! It has nothing to do with not wanting to interact with others

 

[Jimdandy]

Jackie, when we attend Mass we gather as God’s people to give Him thanks, to ask for forgiveness of our daily sins, and to petition Him for the things we need in our lives.Then we listen to His Word-God speaks to us through His Gospel and we are required to respond.
Then we are allowed to offer to God the Father, in communion with Jesus - His same sacrifice of Calvary in the power of the Holy Spirit, and immeasurable Grace is poured out over us, our Church, and over the whole world! Then we consume our Lord so that we may become one with Him and more like Him-so we may eventually be with Him forever.

Really cannot see anything boring in that…

 

[horselvr]

Been there done that!! LOL. There was a lot of stuff about Catholicism I just didn’t get. So, instead of researching my own faith I kept it at arms length—for a long time. Wasted time.

I decided to join in on an RCIA class to hear/see what was being told to people from other religions that wanted to convert to Catholicism and what I learned about my own religion was astounding. All I kept saying was , “I never knew that. So, that’s why we do thus and so. That actually happens on the alter? God actually did that/said that?”

Realizing that “I never knew that.” opened so many doors and I thnk God it has. By the way, I stayed in RCIA classes for about 5 yrs. They could not get rid of me. I found and still find Catholicism so fascinating.

I love being Catholic and only wish I hadn;t wasted so much time.

 

[Jeanne_S]

Been there done that!! LOL. There was a lot of stuff about Catholicism I just didn’t get. So, instead of researching my own faith I kept it at arms length—for a long time. Wasted time.

I decided to join in on an RCIA class to hear/see what was being told to people from other religions that wanted to convert to Catholicism and what I learned about my own religion was astounding. All I kept saying was , “I never knew that. So, that’s why we do thus and so. That actually happens on the alter? God actually did that/said that?”

Realizing that “I never knew that.” opened so many doors and I thnk God it has. By the way, I stayed in RCIA classes for about 5 yrs. They could not get rid of me. I found and still find Catholicism so fascinating.

I love being Catholic and only wish I hadn;t wasted so much time.

I hear ya!

 

[fred_conty]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I don’t have much time, and will respond more later - but I want to explain what I mean by Catholic/Agnoatic since so many asked. I was raised Catholc and love Catholic culture. I was married in the Church and my kids are baptized and attend Catholic school. I desperately want to believe every last thing the Church teaches and to have unfailing belief in the story of our Messiah as the Church believes it. However, there is still a part of me that “can’t know for sure” and has doubts. There are things that I struggle to accept about our faith and things that seem, frankly, unbelievable. I am worki g hard to have perfect faith, but as of now I do not. I doubt and question and scrutinize. That’s all I mean - a life-long struggling Catholic who is really finding it difficult to completely buy in. I so wish I could simply believe in it, but as a skeptic by nature it’s a work in progress. More later - Merry Christmas!
And no, I don’t have a social anxiety disorder! It has nothing to do with not wanting to interact with others

How can anyone believe in something they don’t understand or know enough?

I knew of a catholic who did’t know who Jesus Christ was.

You have to know your faith better.

I would recommend starting off with the four gospels and read at your own pace.

Then I would recommend reading and asking question on this forum.

There is another catholic website that is interesting and easy to understand to help
you in your catachesis. Try this one.

davidmacd.com/catholic/mary_in_the_bible.htm

Also get a miraculous medal, have it blessed, and wear it always.
It is Mary’s medal, she gave it to all of us as a gift from her to help us.
She promised Great and Abundant graces for those who wore it with trust in her.
It was her own wish that you have her gift to wear, and her promise to help you.
Take her up on it and she will help you.

 

[Edward_H]

Remember that Jesus’s sacrifice to the Father is ever present to the Father. It’s not limited like your or my actions…it’s not bound by space or time.

He’s still dying on Calvary…but you find that boring. Give Jesus a break and be His Simon of Cyrene, and carry your little cross well and cheerfully for 60 minutes. OFFER that up to the Father. You won’t be able to call that boring.

See this for some other tips.

wdmr.org/some-concrete-ways-to-get-more-out-of-the-holy-mass/

Good luck!

 

[Kontrak]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I don’t have much time, and will respond more later - but I want to explain what I mean by Catholic/Agnoatic since so many asked. I was raised Catholc and love Catholic culture. I was married in the Church and my kids are baptized and attend Catholic school. I desperately want to believe every last thing the Church teaches and to have unfailing belief in the story of our Messiah as the Church believes it. However, there is still a part of me that “can’t know for sure” and has doubts. There are things that I struggle to accept about our faith and things that seem, frankly, unbelievable. I am worki g hard to have perfect faith, but as of now I do not. I doubt and question and scrutinize. That’s all I mean - a life-long struggling Catholic who is really finding it difficult to completely buy in. I so wish I could simply believe in it, but as a skeptic by nature it’s a work in progress. More later - Merry Christmas!
And no, I don’t have a social anxiety disorder! It has nothing to do with not wanting to interact with others

Aah. Like someone else implied that’s the root of the problem. I used to hate going to Mass too. I didn’t pay much attention and thought it was boring and bemoaned it as such a burden. That nasty disposition isn’t all gone but I believe the thing that helped me out of that slump the most is realizing that Jesus is present there. Really physically present at Mass.

There are a lot of really amazing things going on at Mass that we sometimes don’t realize or forget :

jesuseucharist.com/2012/09/the-holy-mass-explained-by-jesus-and-mary/

But it does require some faith. Try praying for the faith to believe in the real presence and for your heart to be opened to His unfathomable goodness. The rest will come together. I recommend praying for the Blessed mother, St. Peter and St. Michael the archangel to intercede for you and your faith. Faith is a gift God is more then happy to give to a sincere heart like yours.

 

[Aggies08]

Are you lucky enough to have family nearby that can watch younger children while you attend mass?

We don’t; we’ve resigned ourselves to switching off each mass. Our youngest usually makes it to the homily now, then we are out with them. Mine never sat still, they have to be quiet, look at books/use aquadoodle,and can “roam” between mom and dad. Quietly. Once she’s older, she can be outside, sitting on the wall when she is too loud/disruptive (make being “bad” more boring/less fun than being allowed to be IN the church with the family).

For yourself, have you read the Lamb’s Supper? It might give you a different perspective on mass.

Sometimes I don’t like. I also tell myself it’s about being faithful to what God has asked of us- in the good and bad. When I was younger, I actually could told you what we read and sang! Now I"m lucky to catch the gospel, much less the homily. I know that this will pass though. The kids will grow, they will improve, eventually they move away. I will be able to more actively participate- pay attention even- another day. For this time in my life, I console myself with knowing that God knows I am doing what I can to be there for him,

 

[Aggies08]

Oh, and make sure the kids understand you LIKE, and LOOK FOREWARD to going to mass. Their attitude will pick up on yours. Even if it feels hallow now, try doing it for a month, and see if it helps them.

If the kids are old enough/you have babysitters, try taking older ones, or just yourself/DH to a more solemn Mass with incense and all, or a vespers service, or something ‘different’ that you don’t usually do.

 

[JRKH]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I don’t have much time, and will respond more later -

Thanks for stopping back…With Christmas and the kiddies etc. No doubt you have little time right now…Hope things are going well in your world…

but I want to explain what I mean by Catholic/Agnostic since so many asked. I was raised Catholc and love Catholic culture. I was married in the Church and my kids are baptized and attend Catholic school. I desperately want to believe every last thing the Church teaches and to have unfailing belief in the story of our Messiah as the Church believes it. However, there is still a part of me that “can’t know for sure” and has doubts.

RE - Bolded…Welcome to the club…that is why it’s called Faith…

There are things that I struggle to accept about our faith and things that seem, frankly, unbelievable. I am working hard to have perfect faith, but as of now I do not. I doubt and question and scrutinize. That’s all I mean - a life-long struggling Catholic who is really finding it difficult to completely buy in. I so wish I could simply believe in it, but as a skeptic by nature it’s a work in progress.

As I just said…welcome to the club.
One of the toughest things to do for many of us is to get our ego’s out of the way so that the great truth and glory of God shine in. We get so caught up in our own “reasoning” and all the details of this that and the other teaching or writing etc…and it certainly can become more and more frustrating.
My solution has bee to set aside much of this and go straight for the “jugular” - The absolute criticality of Love in our faith walk. Jesus sums up all the Law in two commands…Love God and Love neighbor (Mt 22:36-40)…Paul tells us that Love is the critical underpinning of everything we do and believe and that Love is greater than Faith or hope(1 Cor 13:1-13)…John tells us that God IS Love (1 John 4:7-8)

So - if I may suggest - for your own sanity and that of your family - so that you will be able to better and more easily come to Live the Faith in your vocation as wife and mother - focus on Love - unselfish love - (Agape in the Greek)

More later - Merry Christmas!

And Merry Christmas to you

Peace
James

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I don’t have much time, and will respond more later - but I want to explain what I mean by Catholic/Agnoatic since so many asked. I was raised Catholc and love Catholic culture. I was married in the Church and my kids are baptized and attend Catholic school. I desperately want to believe every last thing the Church teaches and to have unfailing belief in the story of our Messiah as the Church believes it. However, there is still a part of me that “can’t know for sure” and has doubts. There are things that I struggle to accept about our faith and things that seem, frankly, unbelievable. I am worki g hard to have perfect faith, but as of now I do not. I doubt and question and scrutinize. That’s all I mean - a life-long struggling Catholic who is really finding it difficult to completely buy in. I so wish I could simply believe in it, but as a skeptic by nature it’s a work in progress. More later - Merry Christmas!
And no, I don’t have a social anxiety disorder! It has nothing to do with not wanting to interact with others

Go to an Adoration chapel. Just sit there in front of Jesus. Say nothing, do nothing. You and your husband can trade off with the kids. It’s particularly moving in the middle of the night, but probably tough to pull off at this stage of your life. Jesus will speak directly to your heart over time. Not necessarily any “burning bush” experiences, but you will come to know Him in a deeper way than you ever have. Just show up, and tell Him, “I want to know you, Lord, open my eyes and heart to your Love.” That’s it.

 

[blueshells]

1. I can guarantee you that somewhere in the Mass is a young woman who would love to help you take care of your kids. There are a number of families in my church with multiple small children, and they’ll often grab a student to sit with them and help them keep the kids quiet. Otherwise, switching off with your husband is a good idea as well.
2. Adoration. Just go and sit for a while, and don’t be afraid of the fact that you have questions and doubts. I flat out told my spiritual director last week that I was afraid to believe in God because a friend, who was an atheist, had committed suicide and I didn’t want to even consider the possibility that he could be in Hell. The sooner you acknowledge the questions, the sooner you’ll get the answers. It’s okay. Figuring out why you believe what you believe is much better for you and your family than just blind faith.
3. Ask every single question you can think of, especially about the traditions in the Mass. From my experience, the more I understood about what each prayer meant and why the priest did that and what the heck are those bells for the more beautiful the liturgy became to me.
4. Don’t wear a watch to Mass. Seriously. I had the same thing where I would sit and watch the minutes go by, and it would go. so. slowly. So don’t give yourself that option. You’ll be forced to pay attention, and you might just find something interesting.
5. One of the priests at my parish told the congregation once to listen to the homily every week and find one thing–one sentence, one phrase, one idea–that really touched their heart or piqued their interest, and if they got bored they should think about it and pray about it for the rest of Mass. That might also be something to try to build up your relationship with God.

 

[SHoJ]

I don’t know about having kids and taking them to Mass, but I do know that the little kids who go to the Mass I go to sit close to the front. I’ve sat behind them a few times and the father tells them that if he has to take the littlest one out for whatever reason, I’ll be watching them (which is fine with me since they are cute little girls).

I do know about dragging myself out of bed after staying up too late watching movies, reading, or hanging out with friends. Some mornings, it’s all I can do to throw on a nice pair of jeans and blouse, splash some water on my face, brush my teeth and put my hair up in a bun because I get up 45 minutes before Mass starts. I would agree with those who suggested finding another Mass time (Saturday vigil or the latest Mass on Sunday so you can sleep in). Then again, if I don’t force myself to go to the early Mass, I will be too lazy to go at all. I tell God before Mass that I’m tired and would rather be in bed, but I’m there because I love Him, and I’m giving Him as much as I can give that day.

One thing that helps me when I find myself distracted at Mass or being bored is to follow along in the missalette. I read along with the readings. I make singing the hymns part of my prayer. I read the prayers during the liturgy of the Eucharist and focus on what the priest is actually saying. As a reward for making it through Mass on those mornings that I really don’t want to go, I treat myself to a special breakfast at IHOP or enjoy a cinnamon dolce latte (hot or iced, depending on the weather) and something sweet from Starbucks.

 

[Lance_O]

Jackie, my prayers are with you and your family.

As a parent of four kids with the oldest being 8 and the youngest is 1, I have some suggestions that we do as a family. I hope that your husband is there with you to assist with the kids.

1- Sit AS CLOSE to the front as you can get with the youngest to the close to the edge of the pew. We have done this since our first child was five days old. I only take our kids out of the church as a last resort. If I have to get up with the baby, I go and stand off the side by the candles so the baby has a change of scenery, but can still see what is happening up front. In the past we have taken Cheerios for the kids to help them out, but once the child gets older than 3, they don’t get to eat anymore. We also take a few books (about Jesus) for them to page through. Our kids also know that if they misbehave (no matter where in public), there will be serious consequences for their actions. This works. Our kids sit great and we get lots of compliments from grandma’s for how good the kids act. We also try to go to brunch or a parish breakfast once a month too. I never take the kids to the back or a cry room if there is another kid back there since usually the kid is playing/running around and the parent is chit-chatting with another parent.

As a convert to the Catholic Church from being atheist/agnostic:

2- When no one know what is happening and why, it makes sense that everyone will think its boring. I recommend that both you and your husband read a book together so you can learn together what is happening. Scott Hahn’s “Rome Sweet Home” is a good start and is very easy to read. Scott Hahn’s “The Lambs Supper” is all about the Mass in relation to the OT covenants and the Book of Revelation. David B Curies “Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic” is another to learn basics of the faith. If you belong to a good parish, they should have a library that you can check these books out for “free”. Some of these are also available for download at *Lighthouse Catholic Media *and can be listened to while driving.

3- Get or borrow a missal. Go to a Catholic Bookstore and page through a missal. I use the DAILY ROMAN MISSAL that has every single reading for every single Mass for the entire year (cycles A/B/C), along with lots of prayers. Before every Sunday reading, there is a short paragraph about the readings from the Catechism of Catholic Church. In addition, the DAILY ROMAN MISSAL (DRM) has the **Rubrics’**s (red letters) for what actions are supposed to be done during Mass along with what is supposed to be **said **(black letters). The DRM also provides good information that explains all the ritual’s the happen and why before the major events like Palm Sunday/Good Friday (almost 3 pgs)/Easter Vigil/ Easter/Pentecost/Christmas/etc. The DRM also has something for the 'Saint of the Day".

 

[ProdigalSon1211]

Help. Please help! I have never enjoyed Mass. As a kid, a teen and now an adult with kids of my own. It is the LAST thing I want to do on Sundays and if I can find any excuse not to go, I will. Slight headache, fussy baby, bad night of sleep, a pimple, a stomach ache… It wouldn’t be that bad, but taking all the little kids turns into a circus of hair, brushing, tights-finding, teeth brushing, baby nursing, kids whining (they don’t want to go either), grumbling and rushing. I do what I can the night before, but it seems like Mass - and I know this sounds awful - ruins the whole day. Cuts into everything and makes me have to do more laundry. On top of that, my toddler is a total scene at Mass, trying to get away, wiggling and crying when we say “no.” I know this sounds bad. I know. Making time for Mass should not be viewed as a hassle, and it’s the least I owe Jesus. But I am coming to you in all honesty because I hate that I hate going to church. With all the kids it ends up being 2.5 hours cut out of our ONE family rest day and it’s hard when we’re exhausted and desperate for a lazy, quiet day at home. The last thing I feel like doing on Sunday morning is showering, styling my hair, doing my makeup and getting dressed up so that I can wrangle babies for an hour on a hard bench. Believe me, I get that this is a bad way to view Mass - but can you help? I want to look at Mass as a joyous event, not a burden and a drag. I have to admit that by the time the baskets are passed I am staring at my watch counting down the minutes of torture. I know skipping Mass out of laziness is a sin. I want to change but it’s hard when my husband is perfectly fine not going and the kids don’t want to go either. If anyone is going to demand that we attend, it will be me and I am really not good at following through on that. Please help! I can’t be the only adult who thinks Mass is boring (and yes, I know the parts of theass and I do listen.)

Jackie

Hi Jackie, maybe I can recommend some things to you.

1. Try a Charismatic Catholic Church. Do you find Homilies boring at times? A Charismatic Catholic Church may give you a good spiritual boot! Often people find Homilies are boring and dull and can offer nothing to their own personal lives.
2. Pray a Rosary and ask for the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary that you may come to adore the Holy Mass.
3. If you are in Mortal Sin go to confession ASAP!! Mortal sin destroys the the presence of God in your life and soul.
4. Try going to an Eastern Catholic Church.
5. Maybe talk to a Priest to see if he can help you out.

Here are some good Charismatic Catholic homilies that I find very refreshing. I love it when a Priest can give a Homily that I can apply to my own personal life.

youtube.com/watch?v=0LaembL-KGg

youtube.com/watch?v=OnQig14NDzY

youtube.com/watch?v=SKuuzOYSrCg

youtube.com/watch?v=E8EfU3LqfmI