My Not So Constant Struggle

[stmatthew]

Let me first say that this forum is a pleasure to read and beyond helpful. It’s been really encouraging reading all the threads and replies to all the struggles, problems, questions etc. I was raised by a protestant family, in an area where 99% of christians are not catholic. I personally have never been religious, i’ve never attended church regularly and I haven’t been baptised nor have I ever really had any desire or felt any closeness to the christian faith at all. Frankly, I have been and still am very critical of religion because I can’t quite get my head around the possibility of it being true. The first time I became curious with the catholic faith is when Pope John Paul II was in his last days. I watched the coverage for hours on MSNBC and was fascinated by the grandure of it all. A lcouple years after, I took a comparitive religion class and for the first time in my life believe it or not, via guest speaker, I saw a catholic priest. Shortly after, I found myself attracted to the catholic faith. Protestant churches have never appealed to me at all, in fact, they often turned me off. I did a lot of reserach on sites like this one and really determined through hours of reading that if there is in fact truth behind Jesus and his story, the catholic church is the way he intended it to be. I bought a bible, began praying daily, I even made a visit to St. William Catholic Church (the only one in the town I live in) and talked to a nun. I felt somewhat inspired and really felt comfotable there, much more than any other church i’ve ever been in. Months later, I’ve completely fallen off the wagon and abandoned any progress I had made. Recently, I found myself drawn to the church yet again. I still feel the connection to the catholic church, I truly do…i’m at my most earnest when I say this, I am fascinated with the church, its structure, its vast tradition, jesus, peter, mary, etc. But, my mind will not allow me to accept what my brain classifies as mythology & old jewish stories. I find myself saying all the time that I wish God would show me an obvious sign, a clear signal that tells me yes, i’m real. Unfortunatley without this, I don’t think that i’d ever be able to fully accept christianity. I see the devotion that many catholics have and while it is inspiring to me, it doesn’t do the job. I don’t know how I will get there but, I WANT to get there, and I want to get there via the catholic church. I apologize in advance for the length of this, I feel like i’ve only scratched the surface of what I want to express. All help is greatly appreciated.

 

[MarcoPolo]

There’s no one single answer that will convince every person. It depends on what strikes you personally. Perhaps you should start with the comparison of Christianity vs. other religions like Islam or Buddhism. Those religions are based on the “personal” revelation of one person. Christianity has hundreds of witnesses attesting to this man Jesus saying He was the Son of God and would rise from the dead…then they saw Him die…and then they saw Him alive 3 days later.

Or perhaps study the miracles in the lives of the saints. Study the scientific scrutiny of some of the miracles like Padre Pio’s stigmata. Or stories of medical healing.

I do not understand what you mean about proof that you are “real”. How are you not real?

But anyway, welcome to the forums and God bless you in your studies! Don’t worry about falling away from being interested. We fall and get up our entire lives.

 

[stmatthew]

There’s no one single answer that will convince every person. It depends on what strikes you personally. Perhaps you should start with the comparison of Christianity vs. other religions like Islam or Buddhism. Those religions are based on the “personal” revelation of one person. Christianity has hundreds of witnesses attesting to this man Jesus saying He was the Son of God and would rise from the dead…then they saw Him die…and then they saw Him alive 3 days later.

Or perhaps study the miracles in the lives of the saints. Study the scientific scrutiny of some of the miracles like Padre Pio’s stigmata. Or stories of medical healing.

I do not understand what you mean about proof that you are “real”. How are you not real?

But anyway, welcome to the forums and God bless you in your studies! Don’t worry about falling away from being interested. We fall and get up our entire lives.

Thanks for the suggestions, proof that “i’m real.” as in God telling me he is real.

 

[MarcoPolo]

Thanks for the suggestions, proof that “i’m real.” as in God telling me he is real.

Ah…on that one I would start with the principle of “First Cause” and go from there. Also, check out Job chapters 38 or so through 40 when God describes the ways you can see His grandeur.

Others can hopefully give you other ways to see this. It’s late here and I’m not thinking my best right this second.

 

[stmatthew]

Actually you’re hitting the nail on the head. I think exploring evidence that proves the phenomena of things like stigmata & demonology would really get me on the right track.

 

[Ravenhawk]

You can always attend RCIA classes (or perhaps get private instructions at St. William’s) and see what you think about the church then. You aren’t obligated to go through with the sacraments if you decide the Church isn’t for you, and you will be able to receive them if you decide that you are so inclined, assuming there are no impediments…