My parents are done being parents

[holymother00112]

Yes the OP must do her homework.

Yes I have done my homework and have looked into Caritas quite a bit online. I understand what is said about them and how they are not a group in the church. It is sad, but the “leaders” of the community my parents moved to follow Charlie Johnson along with Caritas. Johnson is known for “The Storm” I believe it is called. Anyway, it bothers me A LOT that these people [my parents and sister included] follow people who say they have divine revelation about the future but are not well versed in Catholicism.

Also, I spoke to my parents on different occasions during the past year or so and told them about my worries with Caritas. I told my parents I felt deceived as a teenager because I felt like Terry’s writings were held up to the level of papal infallibility. From the best of my knowledge, they haven’t questioned him, his way of life or Caritas. They just believe him. And on top of that, when I point out actual sentences from his writings and say how it is in contradiction to church teaching, they just say, “Oh well he didn’t really mean to say it like that…he is Catholic and loves the church. It just sounds bad on paper.” Needless to say, coming to grips that Terry’s writings and his community vision has been hard for me. Sometimes I think…Am I missing something? How could God break apart our family because my parents say they are following God?

I appreciate everyone’s help here because I think everyone is saying my parent’s behavior isn’t normal.

I just don’t know what to do if in 5 or 7 years they lose all their money, hurt themselves from all the intensive farm labor and are stuck at their farm in the middle of no where. It is like…if you basically spend/lost all your money and are hours away from family- how would I be able to reach out and help them if they finally realize they made a mistake??

 

[holymother00112]

I agree she should take it seriously, but probably only to serious prayer, as sadly, there doesn’t seem to be anything concrete for her to do.

As far as “getting the necessary help” not sure what that is exactly. She can’t call the police unless she has proof of illegal activity, she can’t even call the local diocese as evidently this group is still in good standing with the diocese there as far as I can tell.

The original poster’s problem with her parents and emotional distance, sound like they began years before anyway. The Serenity prayer would be a good one here, being able to recognize that from several states away she has no control or ability to change this situation.

I maintain that her main spiritual responsibility lies in keeping herself healthy so she can be a good Catholic wife and mother, her primary vocation. Although you are correct she should take this seriously and should she suspect anything illegal she should call the police but beyond that she probably has to let them go, very sad. It is frustrating but they are adults and have free will.

I agree with that. They have free will and before they left, me and my sister told them not to go. My sister’s husband met with my dad to try to lessen the financial spending that was about to happen. But in the end, they are adults with free will and they left. They packed up, rushed out, and left. So honestly, besides prayer, I feel like little is in my control.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes I have done my homework and have looked into Caritas quite a bit online. I understand what is said about them and how they are not a group in the church. It is sad, but the “leaders” of the community my parents moved to follow Charlie Johnson along with Caritas. Johnson is known for “The Storm” I believe it is called. Anyway, it bothers me A LOT that these people [my parents and sister included] follow people who say they have divine revelation about the future but are not well versed in Catholicism.

Also, I spoke to my parents on different occasions during the past year or so and told them about my worries with Caritas. I told my parents I felt deceived as a teenager because I felt like Terry’s writings were held up to the level of papal infallibility. From the best of my knowledge, they haven’t questioned him, his way of life or Caritas. They just believe him. And on top of that, when I point out actual sentences from his writings and say how it is in contradiction to church teaching, they just say, “Oh well he didn’t really mean to say it like that…he is Catholic and loves the church. It just sounds bad on paper.” Needless to say, coming to grips that Terry’s writings and his community vision has been hard for me. Sometimes I think…Am I missing something? How could God break apart our family because my parents say they are following God?

I appreciate everyone’s help here because I think everyone is saying my parent’s behavior isn’t normal.

I just don’t know what to do if in 5 or 7 years they lose all their money, hurt themselves from all the intensive farm labor and are stuck at their farm in the middle of no where. It is like…if you basically spend/lost all your money and are hours away from family- how would I be able to reach out and help them if they finally realize they made a mistake??

I’d be most concerned about them not speaking up and falling deeper and deeper into hardship and being too embarrassed/too proud to ask for help.

So maybe just try to maintain the relationship on a basic level? Even if it isn’t the relationship you always dreamed of? And make sure either one of your siblings goes and visits at least once a year to make sure that you notice the start of a downward spiral.

Without a big pot of money, I don’t know what else there is to do.

 

[zamyrabyrd]

I’d be most concerned about them not speaking up and falling deeper and deeper into hardship and being too embarrassed/too proud to ask for help.

So maybe just try to maintain the relationship on a basic level? Even if it isn’t the relationship you always dreamed of? And make sure either one of your siblings goes and visits at least once a year to make sure that you notice the start of a downward spiral.

Without a big pot of money, I don’t know what else there is to do.

That is usually the plight of those trapped in a cult. Those outside have to keep their feelings to themselves to the point of about to burst.

 

[EasterJoy]

That is usually the plight of those trapped in a cult. Those outside have to keep their feelings to themselves to the point of about to burst.

This is a very good reason to cultivate a relationship with your children that respects the degree to which they have the autonomy to make their own decisions, rather than insisting they always go along with your discernment of their best decision. You want them to trust you to listen to them, offer your (name removed by moderator)ut, disagree, allow them to make their own decisions–and, therefore, their own mistakes, too–and then never to say “I told you so” but rather, “you did you best to look at the evidence and make a decision, sometimes you’ll learn later you ought to have done differently, but all you can do is learn a lesson and try to do better next time. We all make mistakes, but that doesn’t mean that making your own decisions is a mistake.”

If your children believe you have that attitude, then a) they can come to you for advice in the trust that they won’t give up their autonomy to make their own decisions by doing it and b) you will be on firm ground to do the same thing when all of you are adults and perhaps you are the one in decline and a little less aware of all the ramifications of the decisions you are still making for yourself.

Always raise your children with the same attitudes you want them to have towards you when they are the guardians, the “sensible adults,” and* you *are the one trying to have some semblance of independence in your decision-making.

That won’t keep everyone out of cults, but the more an adult feels he or she knows how to seek out counsel without fearing loss of autonomy, condemnation for bad choices already made, or Monday-morning quarterbacking over unfortunate decisions, the better.

 

[zamyrabyrd]

This is a very good reason to cultivate a relationship with your children that respects the degree to which they have the autonomy to make their own decisions, rather than insisting they always go along with your discernment of their best decision. You want them to trust you to listen to them, offer your (name removed by moderator)ut, disagree, allow them to make their own decisions–and, therefore, their own mistakes, too–and then never to say “I told you so” but rather, “you did you best to look at the evidence and make a decision, sometimes you’ll learn later you ought to have done differently, but all you can do is learn a lesson and try to do better next time. We all make mistakes, but that doesn’t mean that making your own decisions is a mistake.”

If your children believe you have that attitude, then a) they can come to you for advice in the trust that they won’t give up their autonomy to make their own decisions by doing it and b) you will be on firm ground to do the same thing when all of you are adults and perhaps you are the one in decline and a little less aware of all the ramifications of the decisions you are still making for yourself.

Always raise your children with the same attitudes you want them to have towards you when they are the guardians, the “sensible adults,” and* you *are the one trying to have some semblance of independence in your decision-making.

That won’t keep everyone out of cults, but the more an adult feels he or she knows how to seek out counsel without fearing loss of autonomy, condemnation for bad choices already made, or Monday-morning quarterbacking over unfortunate decisions, the better.

It’s really tough, man!

 

[HollyDolly]

Don’t know anything about Cartias,so I really hope your parentsaren’t in some sort of cult. Yes I can understand wanting to have a new chapter in their lives. Some parents like traveling.My brother in law whose jewish, still has contact with his parents,even though they like to take cruises, golf and do other things. If he needs help theywill do what they can for him and my sister.
Just because your parents might move and create some sort of new life for themselves doesn’t mean they can’t have contact with you and any siblings of yours.
I took care of my mother (had a stroke) and my dad who had COPD. I recall our dad buying us three kids Valentine’s Day and Easter candy even though we were grown adults. He could be a crotchety old man at times,but he was always there for us if we needed him.
Whatever his faults, he never ran away from being a parent. Maybe since they got invovled with Cartias maybe it has changed them in some way. Maybe you could visist them and see how they are doing. I do hope they keep in contact with your children and remember to send cards and gifts or just call to say hello to them. Pray to St.Anne and to St.Joseph and OPur Lady that they will see the light and realize that you both need each other.