My parents disapprove of my partner

[Miss_Felicity]

Sonas, it sounds like you have thought this through and are comfortable with your decision. Best of luck to you and you have my prayers that your family will come around.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I can’t ever see myself in a relationship will anyone more than a decade older. I’ve tried it. I can see your parents concern but at 33 you’re old enough to know your own mind. You just have to decide which is more important to you…your parents blessing or you relationship with this guy. They may never accept him and feel he’s sort of a pervert regardless of how nice or stable he really is. What works for some doesn’t work for others and maybe they had bad experiences with age gaps in marriage. I once saw a play where the parents of the girl did everything to disuade her from marrage even though they were happily married because they were convinced it was too much of a gamble and they had seen too many disasterous marriages. The girl in the play does end up getting married to her beau but only after much arguing and reasoning with her parents who in the end were only doing what they thought best for her.

 

[robwar]

At your age you are well within your rights to decide whom you want to marry. It’s not like your 20 and he’s 40. You have some life experience under your belt. His children are adults with their own lives so I don’t see a problem there either. Do not make such an important life choice based on others opinions -even that of your own parents. Nothing you have stated here seems to show any red flags. Your parents embarrassment is not a legitimate concern. They made their choices in life, and now its your turn to make yours. They will get over it.

I basically agree with what you have said. I am wondering though and this may be key, what his older children feel about her and what kind of relationship they all would have. Yes, they are adults and what seems like on their own which is good but if Op is nearer their ages, the adult children will be around more and longer than Op’s parents. Sometimes adult children can resent a parent marrying someone younger and there could be fears that the new spouse will interfer with inheritance especially if they go on and have children. Likewise if there are momentos around from the first spouse which might disappear when the new spouse comes in. Op didn’t touch on his older children and where they are with this and it would be the older children which could be more problematic than Op’s overly concerned parents. Likewise, Op’s parents shouldn’t be threatening their daughter over this, even if they don’t like him, they need to realize that she is 33 years old, on her own and she is the one who has to live with him, not them.

 

[davetv]

Hi Sonas,

First off relationships with a large age gap can work. My uncle married a woman about 20 years older than himself and they had a very happy marriage, and he was crushed when he lost her and never dated/married again. She truly was the love of his life.

Second, if you want any chance of this working you must never ever ever tell your partner about your parents objection. You have to be a peace maker and peace making isn’t done by telling either side about how the other side doesn’t like them.

Thirdly, You said that your parents refuse to meet your partner again, this is the root of your problems. Abraham Lincoln once said, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” You need to force your parents to see you and your partner. This means that when you get invited over or to a party with your family, he MUST be welcome too or you don’t go. Very simply when they see you, he must be right next to you. Don’t let their imagination run wild with how you are living your life, let them witness it. Only then will they “see how happy you are.”

I hope that helps. With prayers. David