My Parents never married, How will this affect me?

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TomS333

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I’m considering Catholicism (mentioned in a previous post) but I found out that my parents were never married, I’d always thought they’d divorced when I was too young to remember it.
I’ve heard rumours saying that the Catholic Church rejects those born out of wedlock and such people are immediately condemned to Hell.
Equally, I’ve heard that Pope Francis Himself baptized a child born out of wedlock.

Will the state of my parents’ (lack of) marriage affect me and whether or not the Church accepts me?
 
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The state of your parent’s marriage has no effect on your ability to convert to the Catholic Church. God is far to merciful to reject any soul who wants to belong to Him.
 
I coordinate RCIA at my parish for people coming into the church, and this is a question that comes up surprisingly often.

The rumor you have heard about the Church condemning people born out of wedlock is completely false, as others in this thread have stated. I am not sure where it comes from, but it seems to be a fairly common belief. Sadly there are many falsehoods about the church floating around out there.

Your parents are responsible for what they did and did not do, and they should seek (and can receive) forgiveness for any sins they have committed. But you are not responsible for things you did not do! If you choose to come into the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church, you will be welcomed! The circumstances of your birth are no impediment at all!

God bless you, and best wishes in your faith journey.
 
You are not affected spiritually or existentially by the situation of your parents. You are a new creation, you are meant to be here because God does not create anything accidentally. The Church welcomes you with open arms, because the Church is the Mystical Body of Christ - and in the Church, you will find much comfort and consolation. God is pure and unlimited love.

The rumour you have heard is absolutely, damnably false. God does not, nor the Church condemn, any soul to hell based on exterior impracticalities. It is ourselves, in our sinfulness, who persist in our sinfulness, who do not seek God’s mercy: these are who suffer eternal damnation.

Have no fear. I always recommend a healthy dose of Psalm 139 when doubt sets in.

Psalm 139:13-16, ESV.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
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I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
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My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
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Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
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If you still have any doubt, we have a great saint of the Church, St Martin de Porres. His parents weren’t married, and he became a saint. You can be a saint as well.
 
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Brittany said:
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TomS333:
I’ve heard rumours saying that the Catholic Church rejects those born out of wedlock and such people are immediately condemned to Hell.
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These are silly rumors that are absolutely false. Everyone is called to the Catholic Church. Why would the Church reject someone especially on the basis of things that person didn’t choose? Your parents never being married will not stop you from entering the Church.
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IDK…The priest at my wife’s parish back when we got married (on top of not wanting to perform our marriage because I’m not Catholic) would refuse to baptize babies born to parents out of wedlock.
 
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Brittany said:
He was probably refusing for other reasons, such as possibly doubt that the child will be raised Catholic. The Church does not reject anybody who wants to be Catholic for any reason, including things we don’t choose. You probably missed important information.

If the priest was refusing to baptize babies solely because of their being born out of wedlock, it was likely either because of caution or because the priest was misinformed.
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Nope, not that anyone know of…It is/was common knowledge that he didn’t baptize babies born out of wedlock and to just go someplace else.
 
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Brittany said:
Then that priest was probably misinformed or just being cautious.

Anyhow, that’s off topic.

The Church does not refuse anyone who wants to be Catholic. If the OP wants to be Catholic, him being born out of wedlock will not prevent him at all from doing so. The Church welcomes all. Individual clergy and laypeople might sometimes not be so welcoming, but in situations such as these, these people are not reflecting what the Church teaches.

OP, you are welcome to the Church.
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He wasn’t being cautious, that’s the way he is/was.

People were wondering where such a rumor can come from…there’s one place.
 
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At one time, yes this was true.

My mother, who graduated from HS in 1965 had a friend who got pregnant. Not only would the Church not Baptize her baby, her Pastor told her not to come to Church with the “little b------”!
I have also heard this story, and similar ones, from many people of that age since I have been working with the Catholics Come Home group in my diocese.

So, now it is not really an issue, but to say it never was would be a lie.
 
Tom,
You asked if your parents not being married would get in the way of you joining the church.

The answer is, No, it won’t.

You bring up the situation of a child being born out of wedlock are condemned to hell. The answer to that is also no. You will find no doctrine that supports that rumor.

A priest may not baptism a child born out of wedlock if he has concerns that that child would not be raised in the faith. Baptism does come with the expectation that the child will be raised Catholic. If the priest thinks this may not be the case, they may choose not to.

You are not a baby. You are an adult. You are making the choice of joining the faith. The baby is dependent upon the adults in their life to raise them in the faith. BIG difference
 
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AngelaMarie said:
Tom,
You asked if your parents not being married would get in the way of you joining the church.

The answer is, No, it won’t.

You bring up the situation of a child being born out of wedlock are condemned to hell. The answer to that is also no. You will find no doctrine that supports that rumor.

A priest may not baptism a child born out of wedlock if he has concerns that that child would not be raised in the faith. Baptism does come with the expectation that the child will be raised Catholic. If the priest thinks this may not be the case, they may choose not to.

You are not a baby. You are an adult. You are making the choice of joining the faith. The baby is dependent upon the adults in their life to raise them in the faith. BIG difference
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Or, in some cases, a priest may decide not to baptize babies born of wedlock at all., but I do understand what you’re getting at. I think that’s just kinda how he rolled…and that’s how rumors perpetuate.
 
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Going back to YOUR original question, your parents not being married with get in YOUR way of becoming Catholic. The answer is No, it will not. You are not an infant.

Canon Law 868.1.2 addresses the question of infants born out of wedlock


“”"There may, however, be other circumstances that would warrant delaying a baptism. The church’s Code of Canon Law requires that, for an infant to be baptized, “there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion” (No. 868.1.2).

Priests vary somewhat as to just what evidence is needed for that assurance, but pastoral sensitivity is always critical; I personally am inclined to give the benefit of the doubt to the parents.

Nearly all parishes require parents to attend a class or two of baptismal preparation, which can help to bring them back to regular church attendance and sometimes, if the circumstances permit, to have a marriage blessed in the church. (And even if there is virtually no likelihood that the parents will bring the child to Mass regularly, sometimes a grandparent is willing to step into that role.)"""
 
TomS333 said:
Will the state of my parents’ (lack of) marriage affect me and whether or not the Church accepts me?
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No.

Only 4 Canons deal with the legitimacy of birth, Canons 1137-1140. You can read them here.

If you read them, you will discover that the canonical effect of the legitimacy of a person’s birth is precisely zero.
 
My Catholic parents were not married in the Catholic Church. The short version is it was during Depression times and my parents had not contributed financially to the Church and the priest in their parish refused to marry them unless they contributed a certain amount. So my parents chose to be married by a Disciples of Christ pastor. Years later in another state at the time they approached a parish about baptizing my sisters, a priest refused. But another in the same parish agreed to perform the baptisms.

Ironically as fate would have it, the priest who had agreed, was called out of town on an emergency that day and the priest who had refused the baptisms was the one who had to perform them.

Years later when I came around, in yet another parish, the priest there baptized me.
 
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It doesn’t mention any effects, and from everyone on thia post it seems the rumours are nonsense.
But why does the church define “Legitimate” and “Illegitimate” children and why does it mention “Legitimization” if they are all to be treated the same?
 
I think the priest was justified in that case. If I was a priest and the parents were in an invalid marriage but could marry in the Church I’d insist that they did before baptising their children.
 
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