My prayer life seems lacking

[TBolt1000T]

Let me start by saying that I have Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder, and I worry a lot. I feel that ever since I backed out of RCIA just before I was to be confirmed in April 2009, my prayer life has been lacking, I feel like I’ve been getting further and further away from God, and my faith has been suffering. I went to a Protestant church for a while, but it got to the point where I felt that I wasn’t being spiritually fed there, so I left. I started going to Mass regularly again this past Fall, but my prayer life isn’t what it used to be. I’m supposed to be coming into the Church this Easter, but if things keep going the way they’re going, I don’t know if I’ll be ready. I have some sort of mental block against the Rosary, I guess because it began to feel like a chore to me just before I backed out of RCIA, and I don’t know why. I do pray every day, but I still feel further away from God than I used to. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can improve my prayer life, and my relationship with God?

 

[Trishie]

I ask the Lord to give you the courage and trust you need to go forward in the faith.
And pray as you can, not as you can’t. God knows you, and how you can best pray. God understands you better than anyone, including yourself.
Loved as it is, the rosary is difficult for some, and with your Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder which would keep your mind wandering from the rosary, this may be so for you.

Your feelings are actually no great indication whether God is near or not, we just think that if we feel close, then we are, and if we don’t feel close to God then God isn’t close. Not true.
Faith isn’t always about feelings. Your perseverance is all the more valuable before God when it’s hard, when you don’t feel the warm feelings.

You sound like you’re doing okay to me. Talk to God whenever you feel like it, in an honest ‘you’ way. Be personal with God in your own individual way in the natural things of your day. You don’t just need to be formal. Have a personal relationship. Say what you think or feel about anything at all to God. It doesn’t mean you expect Him to answer back, but it does mean you’re letting God into your normal every day…as well as worshipping God in the Eucharist when you go to Mass.

You’re doing fine really. Take good care of yourself as you’re very precious to God, just as you are each day.
God bless you,

Trishie

 

[TBolt1000T]

I ask the Lord to give you the courage and trust you need to go forward in the faith.
And pray as you can, not as you can’t. God knows you, and how you can best pray. God understands you better than anyone, including yourself.
Loved as it is, the rosary is difficult for some, and with your Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder which would keep your mind wandering from the rosary, this may be so for you.

Your feelings are actually no great indication whether God is near or not, we just think that if we feel close, then we are, and if we don’t feel close to God then God isn’t close. Not true.
Faith isn’t always about feelings. Your perseverance is all the more valuable before God when it’s hard, when you don’t feel the warm feelings.

You sound like you’re doing okay to me. Talk to God whenever you feel like it, in an honest ‘you’ way. Be personal with God in your own individual way in the natural things of your day. You don’t just need to be formal. Have a personal relationship. Say what you think or feel about anything at all to God. It doesn’t mean you expect Him to answer back, but it does mean you’re letting God into your normal every day…as well as worshipping God in the Eucharist when you go to Mass.

You’re doing fine really. Take good care of yourself as you’re very precious to God, just as you are each day.
God bless you,

Trishie

Thanks Trishie! I needed to hear that!

It’s not that I feel that God has left me, I feel like I’ve driven myself further away from him. It could be the OCD that’s causing me to feel this way.

One thing that I just remembered, that I did back in 2008-2009, which I haven’t been doing lately, is going to Eucharistic Adoration. I haven’t been setting aside time for it on Sundays like I used to, and I probably need to start doing it again. I guess I’ve been afraid that I’ll get in too deep into everything like I did last time, and blow it again. That same fear may also be blocking me from the Rosary. I don’t want to get spiritually hurt again. With my OCD, I have a tendancy to get in too deep into things, and when I do that, it can cause stress, which leads to doubts and questions.

 

[Bluegoat]

I agree about the feelings. But you know it is really common to have feelings like this - in a way it can be a sign of maturing faith. It is an opportunity to begin praying just for the sake of God alone, because you owe it to him, rather than because it makes you feel good.

It could be that the rosary just isn’t for you. There are good reasons to stick with particular forms of prayer, but sometimes it can take a bit of time to find the right fit for yourself. There are other types of prayer that you could try instead. I’m Anglican and I try to say the Daily offices. I believe there are similar Catholic offices you might look into. Or maybe you have come to a place with the Rosary that you are ready to add more to it, or go deeper, and you need some instruction.

Ideally you should be able to discuss your prayer life with your priest in some detail. I know a lot of Catholic parishes are very large and that isn’t easy. Maybe you could find someone who is knowledgeable about prayer to help you find a model that works well for you.