My Promise to God

[hockeyluke234]

Hey all, this is my first post on this forum, so hopefully I’ve done things properly.
If you could please read my post and comment what you think I should do, it would mean a lot.

So here’s my situation:
For a while I’ve been trying to gain a solid relationship with God, and one thing I would do to try and do that, is make promises to him. This way, it meant I had to commit to him, and I thought it could be a pretty good idea on how to set out a relationship, because not only would God be happy with me for keeping promises, I was benefiting from things as the promises were there to improve my lifestyle and further my relationship with God himself.

However, I made a mistake and a while ago, I made a promise and said, “If I break the promise, take my life”. I thought this was smart as it would give me a serious incentive to keep the promise.

But, as time has passed by, I’ve been feeling like I want to do what I promised not to, more and more! The thing I promised not to do is a sinful thing to do, and it would be good for me to hold off, not only to keep the promise, but to not sin. Yet, I don’t know if I want to keep the promise anymore, I sure can, it’s just a matter of me wanting to put in the effort to be mature and hold off.

I have still stuck to the promise relatively well, it’s been close for me to crack a couple times, and maybe I crossed the line slightly, but I haven’t broken it yet to a point where I’m worried or nervous about consequences. But I wanted to ask this forum for opinions on this, because I’m sure everyone here has a better understanding of God than I do.

If I be honest to God and ask for forgiveness, can he free me from my promise and not punish me?

Am I obliged to keep the promise, because I don’t need to be freed from it?

Since my relationship with God still isn’t good currently, will he ignore things like my honesty and plead for forgiveness, and still punish me?

I appreciate you taking the time to help me if you have any advice.

Thank you, Blessings!

+Luke

 

[otjm]

Your issue runs much deeper than most people in these forums are equipped to deal with. I would suggest you speak with your parish priest. Part of the issue is that you appear to be young; you need guidance we cannot give.

 

[hockeyluke234]

Yeah I sent an email, since I normally don’t like face to face talks. I think they forgot to respond, and I worry I could come off a bit annoying if I persist in asking them.
I don’t know the people on the forum as well as you do, so you’re probably right about what you said, but I’ll hold on to hope for a bit.
I am young too, 15.
Thanks for the response

 

[otjm]

You may not like face to face talks, but your pastor should be the person you speak with - not by email; but face to face. Not in the confessional, but in an appointment.

I am not a psychologist, but you sound a bit like you may have a problem with scrupulosity; if so, you most definitely need to see your pastor. We are not equipped.

 

[hockeyluke234]

I’ve got Aspergers, so that’s that where the whole face to face struggle comes from.
But the whole scrupulosity thing seems right, after I read the definition.

You’re right though, I should talk face to face with a real pastor etc.
It will be hard, but I suppose it’s the only real option unless I want to keep stressing.

 

[Zynxensar]

Making promises to God without consulting your spiritual director is unwise and could be detrimental if made without reflection, especially if it’s something to the extent of “take my life if I break this promise”. I second @otjm ‘s idea; a Priest would be well equipped to help you with this, since it does seem like you have scrupulosity or at least scrupulosity tendencies