My Protestant Wife

[tonyg]

My wife of twenty six years is Protestant. Her mother and father left the Catholic Church many years ago; the explanation of why they left; the Priest at my mother-in-laws church did not help her while she was recovering from an illness. A Protestant minister visited her, helped her, and the rest is history.
We are the parents of two fine young adults that have been raised in the Catholic Church and have attended Catholic Schools. My wife is a wonderful mother; she has supported raising the children in the Catholic Faith. She attends Mass on holidays and when an occasion prompts her to do so. She works at a local hospital and attends services there on Sundays when she is working. She has not belonged to any Protestant Church since we’ve been together, but has told me that she did attend with her parents when she was young. I have never tried to push the Catholic religion on her; instead I have tied to live the faith as best I can.
She often asks the question, what does the Catholic Church have that other churches do not? My answer, the Eucharist and Reconciliation; her answer, the Eucharist is only a symbol and Reconciliation is not needed, we need only to tell God that we are sorry, and we receive His forgiveness; my wife was taught well by my in-laws. One day she shall know the truth and the truth will set her free. But until that day comes all I can do is continue to pray for her and all others that are missing out on two of the greatest graces that we can experience in this lifetime, to receive Christ’s body and blood, and receive His mercy and the forgiveness of our sins in Confession.

 

[Dempsey1919]

Do you want your wife to accept the Catholic faith?

If so, we can assist you in the task of helping your wife see that the Catholic faith is the true religion of Christ.

 

[Tambra]

I can hear the frustration in your voice. I am a convert to the Catholic faith (almost 12 years ago) and my parents do not practice any faith (we attended the Methodist Church in my childhood). I love them, so I wish the fullness of the Catholic faith for them… or, at the least, to choose what they want to be (Methodist again, or whatever) and be that well.

I’m not sure if you experience this with your wife, but I am raising teenagers and just last week, my mother told my son that he doesn’t have to be Catholic when he grows up! He should just choose what he wants to be. These kinds of comments happen frequently and I am almost to the point of greatly limiting her time around them as her comments and the messages she sends it is so contradictory to my beliefs that I try hard to instill in my children.

She also finally admitted to me earlier this week that when I had first become Catholic she had entertained the idea of doing the same until the last few years I seem to have been “brainwashed” by the Church!

Are there others out there with advice on dealing with this undermining of our Catholic faith by grandparents/parents/spouses, etc. ?

 

[Cluny]

the Priest at my mother-in-laws church did not help her while she was recovering from an illness.

Did she ask for the priest to help her, or did she expect the priest to know without being told?

I’ve noticed the latter happening rather frequently, and people getting mad because their priest is not a mind-reader.

 

[twopekinguys]

I can hear the frustration in your voice. I am a convert to the Catholic faith (almost 12 years ago) and my parents do not practice any faith (we attended the Methodist Church in my childhood). I love them, so I wish the fullness of the Catholic faith for them… or, at the least, to choose what they want to be (Methodist again, or whatever) and be that well.

I’m not sure if you experience this with your wife, but I am raising teenagers and just last week, my mother told my son that he doesn’t have to be Catholic when he grows up! He should just choose what he wants to be. These kinds of comments happen frequently and I am almost to the point of greatly limiting her time around them as her comments and the messages she sends it is so contradictory to my beliefs that I try hard to instill in my children.

She also finally admitted to me earlier this week that when I had first become Catholic she had entertained the idea of doing the same until the last few years I seem to have been “brainwashed” by the Church!

Are there others out there with advice on dealing with this undermining of our Catholic faith by grandparents/parents/spouses, etc. ?

Before you limit the time the grandparents spend with your children, I would suggest talking to them away from the children.

I would simply and with all Christ-like compassion request that they keep those comments to themselves, and explain why. I would even go so far as to tell them, that if this same situation happened whien you were a child, they would not have like the interference from their parents.

Then, if they have a problem with that request, you can work on limiting their time spent together.

 

[Tambra]

Before you limit the time the grandparents spend with your children, I would suggest talking to them away from the children.

I would simply and with all Christ-like compassion request that they keep those comments to themselves, and explain why. I would even go so far as to tell them, that if this same situation happened whien you were a child, they would not have like the interference from their parents.

Then, if they have a problem with that request, you can work on limiting their time spent together.

Thank you for your advice. This is only my mom doing this - my dad is very respectful and just happy that I am living my faith - he does not feel threatened like my mom does. I have tried nicely to tell her my feelings about her making these remarks to my 15 yr. old son (who is already at a such a questioning age in his faith), but I think there is an underlying control and respect issue. She wants to control and she doesn’t respect my right to our own (independent of her) Catholic faith. I think I have to be firmer… which is difficult for me as I really stood up for myself earlier this week and she and my dad were on the road home, from their weeklong visit with us, within one hour! Thank you for helping me think this through as I am a bit stuck in all the emotions surrounding this…

 

[tonyg]

the Priest at my mother-in-laws church did not help her while she was recovering from an illness.

Did she ask for the priest to help her, or did she expect the priest to know without being told?

I’ve noticed the latter happening rather frequently, and people getting mad because their priest is not a mind-reader.

Many years ago I asked that same logical question, but of course, when people feel as though they have been let down by another, it is always the other persons fault. I know of no priest who would not help out another person in need, especially when they are sick.

 

[tonyg]

Do you want your wife to accept the Catholic faith?

If so, we can assist you in the task of helping your wife see that the Catholic faith is the true religion of Christ.

The situation with my wife is complicated, she under no circumstances would ever do anything to upset her mother and father, both in their middle eighties. She has lost two sibblings and would not bring anymore pain to her parents. I believe in my heart that by the grace of God that one day she will seek out the Catholic faith that is rooted in her DNA and is embraced by her husband and children.

 

[tonyg]

I can hear the frustration in your voice. I am a convert to the Catholic faith (almost 12 years ago) and my parents do not practice any faith (we attended the Methodist Church in my childhood). I love them, so I wish the fullness of the Catholic faith for them… or, at the least, to choose what they want to be (Methodist again, or whatever) and be that well.

I’m not sure if you experience this with your wife, but I am raising teenagers and just last week, my mother told my son that he doesn’t have to be Catholic when he grows up! He should just choose what he wants to be. These kinds of comments happen frequently and I am almost to the point of greatly limiting her time around them as her comments and the messages she sends it is so contradictory to my beliefs that I try hard to instill in my children.

She also finally admitted to me earlier this week that when I had first become Catholic she had entertained the idea of doing the same until the last few years I seem to have been “brainwashed” by the Church!

Are there others out there with advice on dealing with this undermining of our Catholic faith by grandparents/parents/spouses, etc. ?

Tambra
As you are aware, to be married in the Catholic Church, the non catholic spouse must agree that the children will be brought up in the Catholic Church. My wife agreed to do so and has been faithful to her commitment. But through the years I have had comments made to myself and to my children concerning their faith. As long as one lives out their catholic faith with sincerity and is not a hypocrit by being a non practicing catholic themselves, then the people making the comments don’t have a leg to stand on. I say this not with pride but as someone who has put the time in raising my children in the faith, taking them to church every week from the time they were babies by myself. Now they are both in college and are fine young adults. They no longer need dad to take them to church, they go every week while away at college, and in todays world that is saying something. Keep the faith even when it gets difficult hearing the negativity because it is never goin to stop. Jesus is with you and will bless you for enduring these trials. He has truly blessed me. God bless you and your family

 

[pjk123]

Hatred is unchristian.but I may tell you- whatever they says in Jesus’s name.most of the “others”-Protestents/Pentecostals Hate Catholics religiously.May God Give Her enough power to shackle away from Protestant belief.

PS:I read in a community about a protestent priest asking a catholic about whether if a rat “eats” Eucharist ,will he go to heaven?
This kind of sick mentality(hatred) is running much much more in cults.please be aware of that.

 

[Tambra]

Tambra
As you are aware, to be married in the Catholic Church, the non catholic spouse must agree that the children will be brought up in the Catholic Church. My wife agreed to do so and has been faithful to her commitment. But through the years I have had comments made to myself and to my children concerning their faith. As long as one lives out their catholic faith with sincerity and is not a hypocrit by being a non practicing catholic themselves, then the people making the comments don’t have a leg to stand on. I say this not with pride but as someone who has put the time in raising my children in the faith, taking them to church every week from the time they were babies by myself. Now they are both in college and are fine young adults. They no longer need dad to take them to church, they go every week while away at college, and in todays world that is saying something. Keep the faith even when it gets difficult hearing the negativity because it is never goin to stop. Jesus is with you and will bless you for enduring these trials. He has truly blessed me. God bless you and your family

tonyg -
Thank you for your kind words. I know in my heart these things you say are true. The children and I live a devout Catholic life and, as you know, it is a full-time job to keep the Catholic faith before them in all things (many teaching moments daily!). I might add that I am the only practicing family Catholic influence - no one else attends Mass weekly with them, etc., except myself - you get the picture. I am an SFO (secular Franciscan) and during Mass yesterday (I was on retreat), the Holy Spirit seemed to be reminding me to serve God first and stop trying to please my mother (can only serve one master) and how we will never please the world. Christians have always been persecuted (as another poster mentioned). I have to be who I am and not hide my light under a bushel, so to speak, and have confidence in my spiritual motherhood. It just hurts so much when it is a parent criticizing that my strong faith = brainwashing by the Church!

 

[Wildkit]

She often asks the question, what does the Catholic Church have that other churches do not? My answer, the Eucharist and Reconciliation; her answer, the Eucharist is only a symbol and Reconciliation is not needed, we need only to tell God that we are sorry, and we receive His forgiveness; my wife was taught well by my in-laws. One day she shall know the truth and the truth will set her free. But until that day comes all I can do is continue to pray for her and all others that are missing out on two of the greatest graces that we can experience in this lifetime, to receive Christ’s body and blood, and receive His mercy and the forgiveness of our sins in Confession.

As I just returned home from teaching my seventh graders in our Parish’s Faith Formation class, your post struck me with a thought that well-intentioned people overlook time and again. Your wife’s question, “what does the Catholic Church have that other churches do not”, is one that I tried to answer to my class in this way.

I try in my own way, (I’m being sarcastic here) to explain how my interpretation of things is just better than anyone else’s because I am just smarter. (The kids seem to like that as they are 12-13 year olds). I formed my own church,….understanding of the Bible,…because I am a good speaker, people seem to like what I preach, I like the power/control, and I just like the Kit ____ Holy Roller Good Guy Group Church and the way it sounds. (Again, these youngsters like that!)

But then I change tenses and remark about one of these other Catholics in the class,……why do they have example after example of events, miracles, and matters since 33 AD that my church doesn’t have? After all, my church has been around for 2 years,…er no, 400 years, er well let’s just forget that! I go on with miracle examples and go into the nature of the miracle, facts, surroundings, historical precedent and the like. Eucharistic miracles at Lanciano,…. examples at Guadalupe, ……Fatima,……incorrupt bodies and the surroundings associated with that Saint, ……the Brown Scapular,……and I end up asking why doesn’t my church have these signs for me??

Sounds similar to the question you wife is asking.

Obviously your wife is not a seventh grader, but why doesn’t her church have these same type, number, or just signs that one is on a right path? My sense is that people are comfortable with people they like and espouse similar beliefs according to their “interpretation” of matters versus having to be compared with history and what he have learned and been exposed to. My two cents worth.