My RCIA sponor dislikes me-what should I do?

  • Thread starter Thread starter maryharket
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

maryharket

Guest
Hello:(
Code: 
 I am a cradle catholic who is ready to confirm. I was inspired to finally make the step by my dear friend who is coming into the catholic church. Her love for the church finally made me see how valuable confirmation will be for me-so I started RCIA when she did. She has a sponsor who is close friend. I did not have a sponsor and so I was assigned one. Well, I met her for a few hours and could tell that she was disappointed that I wasn't relatible to her. We are from very different backgrounds and are different ethnicities and different personalities. Sister took what she could get and actually begged the week before for anybody who would be willing to be a sponsor so I guess this was on the fly. I feel badly that we did not hit it off. We have nothing in common and I fear that now this lady feels obligated to go through with the rest of the program but might be having buyers remorse. I wish I could let her off the hook but if I did I would be left without a sponsor. Has anybody had a similar situation? If so how did you resolve it? Is there anything I can do or say that will bridge the gap between us so that we both get something meaningful out of the experience. Our parish requires that sponsors attend classes with us. I dread the thought of this lady coming to class but not having her heart in it. I don't want to confront her and make her feel bad. I'm torn. I know I could just leave the program and come back later or even find another parish but I have waited too long as it is to make my commitment formal. I don't want to put this off any longer. 

 I wish RCIA would require that sponsors only volunteer if they have a calling to do so and not just 'take' anyone that steps up. I as a cradle catholic had to be vetted as it were before I could enter into RCIA. Why is that same scrutiny not being applied to sponsors as well? And what does it say when the sister has to beg people to become a sponsor? What's the point of RCIA when no one seems to really be invested? I'm sure glad I'm not a catechumen, I think I would have run away screaming from the catholic church and never looked back.
Sigh!
 
maryharket said:
Hello:(
Code: 
 I am a cradle catholic who is ready to confirm. I was inspired to finally make the step by my dear friend who is coming into the catholic church. Her love for the church finally made me see how valuable confirmation will be for me-so I started RCIA when she did. She has a sponsor who is close friend. I did not have a sponsor and so I was assigned one. Well, I met her for a few hours and could tell that she was disappointed that I wasn't relatible to her. We are from very different backgrounds and are different ethnicities and different personalities. Sister took what she could get and actually begged the week before for anybody who would be willing to be a sponsor so I guess this was on the fly. I feel badly that we did not hit it off. We have nothing in common and I fear that now this lady feels obligated to go through with the rest of the program but might be having buyers remorse. I wish I could let her off the hook but if I did I would be left without a sponsor. Has anybody had a similar situation? If so how did you resolve it? Is there anything I can do or say that will bridge the gap between us so that we both get something meaningful out of the experience. Our parish requires that sponsors attend classes with us. I dread the thought of this lady coming to class but not having her heart in it. I don't want to confront her and make her feel bad. I'm torn. I know I could just leave the program and come back later or even find another parish but I have waited too long as it is to make my commitment formal. I don't want to put this off any longer. 

 I wish RCIA would require that sponsors only volunteer if they have a calling to do so and not just 'take' anyone that steps up. I as a cradle catholic had to be vetted as it were before I could enter into RCIA. Why is that same scrutiny not being applied to sponsors as well? And what does it say when the sister has to beg people to become a sponsor? What's the point of RCIA when no one seems to really be invested? I'm sure glad I'm not a catechumen, I think I would have run away screaming from the catholic church and never looked back.
Sigh!
Click to expand...
Why don’t you quietly talk to the priest responsible for RCIA, or the person who is running it in that parish, and ask for a different sponsor? Just tell them you’re not comfortable with this person, and that you’re sure she is a good person, etc., but you would just prefer someone more personable to whom you can relate.
 
I agree with Scoobyshme. This is a time of joyous celebration for you. You shouldn’t have to put up with a RCIA sponsor who doesn’t comprehend the point of being a sponsor.
 
Scooby gives some good advice as to one route to take.

So you have only met her once so far? You may also consider giving it a bit more time to see how you both adjust to the experience.

I can kind of relate to what you’re going through. 10+ years ago, I also volunteered to be an RCIA sponsor and I was assigned to a guy who came from a different country altogether. He was a bit older than me, too, and studying a field completely different from what I was studying, which added to the gap. It definitely wasn’t an easy connection to make. I admit, I did feel disappointed at first because many of my friends were assigned to people who were much more similar and with whom they were able to develop an immediate rapport.

But, nonetheless, I really felt called to be a sponsor and I took it as God’s providence that we were placed together. I prayed for him fervently, as any good sponsor should do. We met for coffee once a week outside of class, and things did improve. With all of our differences, there is one thing that brought us together: the Catholic faith. That is quite a significant and personal similarity to share. Do not understimate that.

So I would encourage you not to write her off immediately simply because of an off first impression. Give her time to come around. In the end, though, if it still makes you uncomfortable, you’ll want to talk with the priest. I am sure it wouldn’t be the first time he has had to handle such a situation and he should be able to do so as delicately as possible.

God bless you on your journey!
 
Part of the point of having assigned sponsors is that what is most important in the sponsor/sponsee (I just made up that word) relationship is what you DO have in common, by virtue of the fact that you are seeking the sacrament of the Church and the sponsor rejoices in a new member of the community. Common interests of national background, age, profession, movies, restaurants, whatever, those things make for entertaining conversation at parties, but when you put God first in your life (for instance by making the effort to be confirmed) you will find that you share important interests with your brothers and sisters in Christ, even though you may not have any earthly interests in common.

Try talking to your sponsor about why you want to be confirmed, and seek out why your sponsor wanted confirmation.
 
Thank you everyone
Code: 
 I am working on rectifying this situation. But most importantly I think I will try to hang in there for the sake of not wanting to hurt the sponsor. She is a convert who has been 3 years confirmed, I am her first candidate. I don't want her to feel badly about a process that she seemed to have had a good experience with. That would not be fair to her. Maybe its just me.
I also just wanted to say hello and goodbye. I have decided to cancel my membership to the forum. The attitudes I have received in other threads are just horrible. People lurk around looking for someone to humiliate and to correct-not in matters of faith- and it is getting me down. I can’t function in an environment where I am afraid to read a thread because someone will have made a reply that slams me for no good reason. It is one thing to be corrected because of an issue of faith but its another to be chastised because someone decides they do not like me for whatever reason. I will not abandon my faith in the Church but I think it would be best if I did not rely on the internet to help me in my faith journey. If you could pass along the value of civility between catholic brothers and sisters that would be great.

Thank you for your kindness too bad not every thread is like this one. Its a shame

Take Care Mary M.
 
Hello Mary. I am sorry that you’ve had a hard time on this forum. I must say that I enjoy the forum because of the verbal jousts that sometimes will accompany a thread. That’s me, though. I grew up in a home where we argued about all kinds of issues over the dinner table. It made for lively conversation, and in a funny way, drew us closer. I certainly hope you will reconsider and stay on as a member! We Catholics like to laugh, we enjoy celebrating life and love! Whatever you decide, I welcome you to our faith, and I trust that you will enjoy being Catholic!

Heavenly Father, thank You for favoring Mary, and helping her in all matters. Amen.
 
=maryharket;7362647]Hello:(
Click to expand...
Code: 
 I am a cradle catholic who is ready to confirm. I was inspired to finally make the step by my dear friend who is coming into the catholic church. Her love for the church finally made me see how valuable confirmation will be for me-so I started RCIA when she did. She has a sponsor who is close friend. I did not have a sponsor and so I was assigned one. Well, I met her for a few hours and could tell that she was disappointed that I wasn't relatible to her. We are from very different backgrounds and are different ethnicities and different personalities. Sister took what she could get and actually begged the week before for anybody who would be willing to be a sponsor so I guess this was on the fly. I feel badly that we did not hit it off. We have nothing in common and I fear that now this lady feels obligated to go through with the rest of the program but might be having buyers remorse. I wish I could let her off the hook but if I did I would be left without a sponsor. Has anybody had a similar situation? If so how did you resolve it? Is there anything I can do or say that will bridge the gap between us so that we both get something meaningful out of the experience. Our parish requires that sponsors attend classes with us. I dread the thought of this lady coming to class but not having her heart in it. I don't want to confront her and make her feel bad. I'm torn. I know I could just leave the program and come back later or even find another parish but I have waited too long as it is to make my commitment formal. I don't want to put this off any longer.
Click to expand...
Code: 
 I wish RCIA would require that sponsors only volunteer if they have a calling to do so and not just 'take' anyone that steps up. I as a cradle catholic had to be vetted as it were before I could enter into RCIA. Why is that same scrutiny not being applied to sponsors as well? And what does it say when the sister has to beg people to become a sponsor? What's the point of RCIA when no one seems to really be invested? I'm sure glad I'm not a catechumen, I think I would have run away screaming from the catholic church and never looked back.
Click to expand...
Sigh!
Click to expand...
This IS a serious ISSUE! In that one’s Sponcer assumes [willingly] the GRAVE Moral obligaton to insure that you both continue in your Catholic Faith and CONTINUE to learn about what we believe and WHY we can belive it.

Talk to Sister and be candid [and chairitable] about your concerns. While a bit unusual I have known cases where ONE Sponcer is for MORE than One Candidate. The Church permits this, so long as your Pastor aproves of it. Compatability is very important.

Get on this at once.

May God guide Bless and guuide your actions,

Love and prayers,
Pat
 
Mary,

I applaud you for being charitable and mature enough to continue with the sponsor even though you think she dislikes you. You mentioned that this is her first time sponsoring someone. Could it be that she is just nervous and unsure?

If after a few more meetings, you still feel uncomfortable, perhaps you could ask Sister to be your sponsor? Or, I don’t know, can your friend’s sponsor be yours as well?

As for leaving the forum, may I suggest that you pick your threads carefully? I know when I started out, I was very careful to avoid threads that were contentious; some topics are just emotional by nature. Remember also that you do not have to respond to anybody-- if somebody is being rude you can just ignore them.
 
Dear Mary, rather than dislike you, is it possible your sponsor may feel awkward with you just as you do with her?

Sometimes it takes longer to build relationship, and both need to make that effort. She may also think that you dislike her and so feel nervous of you. She too may have picked up vibes that she interprets as, you’re not happy with her.

I hope you both find common ground. If she’s not too shy, perhaps you could ask her about herself and you could tell her about yourself…hopefully the awkwardness you both may feel hasn’t become too deep to easily get past…but wishing you both peace. Sometimes different personalities etc., do have something special to share and contribute, if enough mutual trust can be established.

God’s kindest blessings to you both. 🙂
 
Dear Mary I checked through all your posts and they seemed good, and I could only see one person who disagreed with you on some points where the whole situation hadn’t been made clear to you and the post reflected that. Did I overlook anything?

It happens to all of us at some time that someone has a quite different view and lets one know! Has to me a few times but usually the other person makes some point that gives me a little rethink or has me consider if I saw all the possibilities…which of course I don’t sometimes. In general I find people here very kind, and I’ve been around for a lot of posts! That means lots of potential risks! And yet I’ve met with much kindness…and possibly tolerance but so far people have been too kind to admit to ‘tolerance’! 🙂

That’s the good thing about the forums…others do stretch our thoughts and understanding sometimes and help us to develop understanding further
and also to adjust the language I might have used in a particular post that could have been gentler or more understanding or clearer.
And if I disagree, I give further explanation or do some research to expand the understanding.

I do think you have a valuable contribution to make here, but whatever God wishes for your best outcomes;
and your peace is of paramount importance.

Remembering you kindly in prayer,

Warm wishes, Trishie
 
Mary, I hope you are still online with this site. How are things going with your sponsor?

Lord, thank You for hearing our prayers. Amen.
 
NiceMimi said:
Mary, I hope you are still online with this site. How are things going with your sponsor?
Click to expand...
From her profile, she hasn’t been here (and logged in) since Dec. 19th. Of course, she could read the forum without logging in.
 
Thanks GraceSofia!

Heavenly Father, thank You for helping Mary during this very important period in her life. Amen.
 
PLEASE excuse my ignrence.

BUT if you are a cradle catholic, why do you need to do RCIA in the first place…you are already catholic…

? Just confused
 
She was not catechized and confirmed, just baptized. (From what I gather.)
 
My best friend went through that. She was baptized, and then her family quit church. She was never catechized or confirmed.

As an adult, she and her five children went through RCIA/RCIC together. I sponsored one of the kids. They were all baptized and confirmed together–how awesome!!! (Of course, my bestie wasn’t re-baptized, because that isn’t something Catholics believe in.)
 
FYI
MikaAkim said:
PLEASE excuse my ignrence.

BUT if you are a cradle catholic, why do you need to do RCIA in the first place…you are already catholic…

? Just confused
Click to expand...
RCIA is often used as a catch all for missed sacraments (Baptism, Reconciliation, First communion, Confirmation)
kentuckyliz said:
She was not catechized and confirmed, just baptized. (From what I gather.)
Click to expand...
Well she could be catechized, she says she was not confirmed which would be also be required to marry in the church, and/or receive the sacrament of marriage
 
Scoobyshme said:
Why don’t you quietly talk to the priest responsible for RCIA, or the person who is running it in that parish, and ask for a different sponsor? Just tell them you’re not comfortable with this person, and that you’re sure she is a good person, etc., but you would just prefer someone more personable to whom you can relate.
Click to expand...
I agree with that advice.

I think most parishes wouldn’t accept someone as an RCIA sponsor if they didn’t think they were a good for that. On the other hand, the parish might have made a mistake (we are all human).

Please don’t let this discourage you. It is great that you are growing in your spiritual journey.
  • Glenn
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top