My Recognized Catholic Wedding?

[TVMSJN23]

Hello,

I am new to the Board. My fiancé and I are getting married in 4 months from now. I was raised Catholic pre-k through College all Catholic schools. I do not attended Mass regularly really only on holidays. My fiancé was baptized catholic but dropped out of CDD and did not received confirmation. By choice she chose to not be confirmed and leave the church. In fact half have her family is now converted Lutherans.

This has been a problem for us over the past year or so finding a church to accept us and do the ceremony. Honestly we gave up all hope. Not only were many of the priests unwelcoming, the date for which we booked the reception did not work at any of the parishes. We had to book the reception location far advance just because of the area. To be honest we should have also been proactive and done the church earlier as well. The reception location was actually booked further in advance and pushed back due to becoming unemployed last year. (We postponed the wedding a year).

Up until a couple of months ago I had given up all hope. We booked the chapel at my College campus for the ceremony. It is a non-denominational chapel. It was taken over by the College some years ago (used to be an old Episcopalian church). The College uses it for Campus ministry events and Catholic Mass every Sunday.

Through a friend of mine I was able to find a retired priest in our area. He is over 80 years of age but is still very lively, and we thought would be perfect for the ceremony. He is still registered to a Diocese in the Midwest and currently lives on the east coast. He continues to write and do research for the church and performs several ceremonies in the area. He is very liberal in his view and interpretation of church /canon law. He is willing to perform a Catholic Ceremony for us at the chapel on my college campus. He has made pre-cana optional for us and has no issue with my fiancé have chosen to leave the church and not being confirmed.

I wanted to get everyone’s opinion on my situation. Based on everything I have read and discussed with the priest and the fact that my Catholic college holds mass at this chapel every Sunday our marriage will be recognized by the church (which is important to me).

He will however also allow us to play non-secular music if we chose.

Although the priest is retired, and may be liberally interpreting many of the rules he is still registered to a parish (which I have confirmed) and will be performing the full catholic rite of marriage ceremony for us.

I thank you all for reading about my situation and appreciate any feedback, questions, or view you all pose.

Thanks Again!

 

[Moscati]

I have to ask . . . why is having a Catholic wedding so important to you if you’re not really interested in being a faithful Catholic? It seems like you want to get the benefit of the Sacrament while doing everything you can to circumvent the process. Marriage is about more than the music and the reception venue.

 

[uxordepp]

Wow…

This is not the way I’d suggest anyone go about a marriage. If a Church wedding is so important to you, why did you dig up a priest whom you seem certain will bend the rules?

And if he’s allowing secular (non-religious) music, he is breaking a liturgical rule.

If you’ve had this much trouble finding a parish in which to hold your wedding, my gut tells me there are problems…like your non attendance at Mass.

At the very least, you and your fiancee should get to confession before the big day…and tell the priest all about this.

That I said, I will pray that God’s will be done for you.

 

[kage_ar]

Your pastor will have to get you a dispensation from the Bishop to do this. Get that appt set up ASAP.

 

[TVMSJN23]

Thank you again everyone for the replies. Here is some follow-up

My local parish has been booked for the day we picked for 2 years. This is the parish that I grew up in. All of the priests I grew up knowing have moved onto other postions and are now pastors of much large parishes. I wouldnt even ask them based on thier new responsibilties running parishes and schools.

I am very serious about recieving the sacrament. I was hoping Marriage and last Rights were the last two I would recieve as priesthood was not in my cards.

My college is a Christian Brothers school and no priests live on campus. For a ceremony at my college you are required to bring your own priest. This is the issue. My own parish and several others may supply a priest to show up. They were very relucntant and still required an offering to thier parish upwards of $1,000 to show up.

That was not the breaking point but did rub me the wrong way being that I have given hundreds of thousands dollars to catholic education institutions throughout the years (well my parents).

So for the cost of a car service and a small donation to charity and current local parish the priest we will be using, this is the route we have decided to go.

Also regarding the music. He said he didnt have a problem with it but we will be playing mostly traditional catholic and irish wedding songs.

My fiance have both recieved confession on Sunday and will be starting to attend regularly.

 

[dans0622]

Hi TVMSJN23,

If I understand your scenario, the issue you need to be concerned about is the ability of this retired priest to validly “witness” your marriage. If he can, then it seems you will have a valid marriage, fulfilling at least the minimum requirements of the law.

If this retired priest is as “liberal” as you say, he may not care about having the delegation necessary for witnessing a marriage. But, you can still make sure he has it.

Dan

 

[puzzleannie]

Hello,
Through a friend of mine I was able to find a retired priest in our area. He is over 80 years of age but is still very lively, and we thought would be perfect for the ceremony. He is still registered to a Diocese in the Midwest and currently lives on the east coast. He continues to write and do research for the church and performs several ceremonies in the area. He is very liberal in his view and interpretation of church /canon law. He is willing to perform a Catholic Ceremony for us at the chapel on my college campus. He has made pre-cana optional for us and has no issue with my fiancé have chosen to leave the church and not being confirmed.

I wanted to get everyone’s opinion on my situation. Based on everything I have read and discussed with the priest and the fact that my Catholic college holds mass at this chapel every Sunday our marriage will be recognized by the church (which is important to me).

He will however also allow us to play non-secular music if we chose.

Although the priest is retired, and may be liberally interpreting many of the rules he is still registered to a parish (which I have confirmed) and will be performing the full catholic rite of marriage ceremony for us.

I thank you all for reading about my situation and appreciate any feedback, questions, or view you all pose.

Thanks Again!

as usual there is not enough information to answer
does the priest have faculties from the bishop in your diocese
will he make sure you, the Catholic party, receive the necessary permission from the bishop to marry a non-Catholic, and in a non-Catholic venue (you are unclear on location)
what is her status–he must determine it before the marriage and it is fuzzy to say the least

the biggest problem is you say he is making pre-Cana optional. He cannot do that without the bishop’s permission either, as it may affect validity of your marriage if he does not assure you are both free to marry, there are no impediments, you are both properly disposed and prepared to give valid consent, and you both understand the gravity of this step.

What is lacking in this discussion is any evidence that you have given any thought at all to the actual marriage, as opposed to the wedding. Your concern about location and cost of the reception and music during the ceremony are equal to your concern about contracting a valid marriage in the Church–the latter is commendable but you seem quite ready to compromise on that as well.

why are you so intent on bypassing the requirements of marrying in your own parish? My guess is that there is a lot more to this story–not that we need to read it here–and that you are already aware there will be huge problems in a marriage where both parties are in disagreement on the most fundamental aspect of personal identity and family life–religion. It also suggests you are not in agreement or have not even discussed the all important aspect of being totally open to life in your marriage.

My suggestion: go with pre-Cana or whatever the prescribed formal marriage preparation is in your diocese. you have a long way to go before you are ready for marriage.

My fiance have both recieved confession on Sunday and will be starting to attend regularly.

this is the best part of the whole story and gives great hope, but you are still cheating yourselves out of a great gift if you bypass formal pre-marriage instruction

 

[srlucado]

My suggestion: go with pre-Cana or whatever the prescribed formal marriage preparation is in your diocese. you have a long way to go before you are ready for marriage.
…you are still cheating yourselves out of a great gift if you bypass formal pre-marriage instruction

Amen. Pre-Cana is not an onerous duty; it is a great blessing. Go, and pay attention.