V
Vic_Taltrees_UK
Guest
This month I have read:
For Herman, first establish safety (that includes not blaming the fellow victims). (My addition to her scheme: for Christians, we must pray to be led into safety in safe ways and not into unsafe safety by some tic that represents a buried “oblique” reaction.) Next, our journey is gradually to become confident in our memories and serene about our memories. (There are outside authorities who tell us to “move on” and also insiders who become carbon copies of that against their fellow victims. I’ve lived through all this myself!)
The third layer can then begin to go on, namely “getting a life”, “having life more abundantly”, “bridge to normal living”.
For Wean, among barely surviving victims of trauma there are “fighters” (in the bad sense) who seize control and turn into carbon copies of the prior aggressor, “freezers” who are too frightened to react or express (name removed by moderator)ut, and “fleers” who just drop completely out (not to be sneered at incidentally, maybe that’s God’s gift of safety for them). Then there are facers. When they face, they are still in pain, they are all the more in pain.
Once we have admitted we need such a narrative, in groups who have been through something together and who agree to not use it against each other, each can identify a personal quirk (in the book, a woman who bolts her food) that comes on a bit stronger every time when the church situation flares “yet again”. Then we can see whether knowing that helps. It might not - it’s just guesswork and probably laughter. (This bit depends of course on a close enough attitude of friendship.)
Authorities love to wield the “unforgiveness” and “God’s will” gambits to stifle our healthful processing and relating. This has been used over and over and over, huge big time. The whole “Reformation” scenario for example is colossally vivid for me.
- Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman, 2015 edition.
- Healing Traumatised Churches by Ronald H. Wean, 2012.
For Herman, first establish safety (that includes not blaming the fellow victims). (My addition to her scheme: for Christians, we must pray to be led into safety in safe ways and not into unsafe safety by some tic that represents a buried “oblique” reaction.) Next, our journey is gradually to become confident in our memories and serene about our memories. (There are outside authorities who tell us to “move on” and also insiders who become carbon copies of that against their fellow victims. I’ve lived through all this myself!)
The third layer can then begin to go on, namely “getting a life”, “having life more abundantly”, “bridge to normal living”.
For Wean, among barely surviving victims of trauma there are “fighters” (in the bad sense) who seize control and turn into carbon copies of the prior aggressor, “freezers” who are too frightened to react or express (name removed by moderator)ut, and “fleers” who just drop completely out (not to be sneered at incidentally, maybe that’s God’s gift of safety for them). Then there are facers. When they face, they are still in pain, they are all the more in pain.
Once we have admitted we need such a narrative, in groups who have been through something together and who agree to not use it against each other, each can identify a personal quirk (in the book, a woman who bolts her food) that comes on a bit stronger every time when the church situation flares “yet again”. Then we can see whether knowing that helps. It might not - it’s just guesswork and probably laughter. (This bit depends of course on a close enough attitude of friendship.)
Authorities love to wield the “unforgiveness” and “God’s will” gambits to stifle our healthful processing and relating. This has been used over and over and over, huge big time. The whole “Reformation” scenario for example is colossally vivid for me.