my roommate

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lucky4075

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I figured this would be a good place to post this.

My roommate and I have been friends for about 2 years, and we live together in a two bedroom apartment very close to our college. A few of our other friends live in the same apartment complex so it works out great.

Well, my roommate is having quite a few issues, I guess thats the way to describe it. I let him know that I wasn’t going to put up with certain things. I am the only Catholic/ religious person of my close group of friends here at school, and he knows this. Our friends and I really believe he has some serious problems.
He is drunk seemingly almost every night of the week, he even goes to work still somewhat drunk/buzzed/hung over, he drinks in class, he drives when he is probably still buzzed, he just drinks all the time. None of us are 21, and I dont drink/plan on until Im 21 in a couple months. I refuse to be around him much when he drinks alot because he becomes ridiculous. He dips tobacco, which is extremely unhealthy and quite frankly pretty disgusting. We all keep reminding him of what it does to him, but he doesn’t listen.

Another thing that really disturbed me was that he became a ‘minister’ in some online church that makes you a minister or whatever. He did this because he thinks it is cool that he has the the ‘power’ to go around and marry people if he wants to. Its really disturbing because he used to be a Baptist of some kinds but no longer practices or anything and quite frankly insults my faith sometimes.

He cheats on his ‘girlfriend’ all the time, and she puts up with it for some reason. To him girls are just ‘sl*ts’ and just a way to ‘get laid’. These are his definitions. When his girlfriend sleeps over, a lot of times they have sex even when Im there. I’ve confronted him about it and asked him not to do that while I’m home multiple times and it just seems to go in one ear and out the other.

I really not sure what to do, my friends and I all agree he has trouble with abusing alcohol/tobacco and even other people (girls). Every time we try to confront him/ talk to him about what he does he gets very defensive and and angry. He says that its not out business to judge him and tell him what to do. I just feel like he’s become self destructive. He just says he’s living ‘young and wild and free’.

I pray for him, I feel like that the only thing I can really do.
 
I would say there isn’t a thing you can do for your friend other than pray for him. I would consider your current living arrangement intolerable. Is there any way you can move out?
 
Unfortunately I cant move out since Im on the lease until the end of May. I might end up living with him again next year but in an actual house with other friends, so hopefully it will get better. It’s just frustrating to live where I’m at, he just seems to be getting worse.
 
that is a very difficult situation you’re in right now it really seems praying for him is the only thing you can do, and after reminding him lots of times and he still won’t listen i think it’s time not think about all his annoying habits too much because it kinda gets you down too. (almost impossible considering you’re roommates but you can always try:D). hope he realizes his mistakes soon, with God’s help everything is possible. 🙂
 
You’re living with an alcoholic. If you can tough it out till May, do so, but if his behavior and lifestyle is going to cause problems in your own life, then you may want to talk to your parents and see if they can get you out of your lease early, or talk with your apartment manager and explain the situation. Someone at your school may be able to help you as well. I would not include this guy in your living arrangements for next year. Pray for him, be a friend to him, but don’t live with the guy, because honestly, his behavior is likely to get worse before it gets better.
 
Time to move in May.

Do not get into the house with him next year either no matter how many others are sharing the house.

He’s an acquaintance of 2 years and a roommate at that. You are not responsible for his behavior, but based on his behavior you should not even consider sharing a house with him next year.

And yes, if he is to get better, he’s going to have to hit rock bottom first and he’s not there yet.

You can pray for him from your new living arrangement – pray that he sees bottom before he hits it.
 
You don’t always have to hit rock-bottom (otherwise God would have let Mary be born in sin and hit rock bottom before sanctifying her), but the writer is pretty much right, that is USUALLY the case with drunkards. He doesn’t sound like an alcoholic (partly a real illness), but rather like a hard-partying drunkard who just wants to “get laid.”
I’ve been there. Though not as bad as this (promiscuous yes, but drop dead drunk most of the time, no).
Pray for him like crazy, but since he’s doing this IN THE HOUSE YOU LIVE IN,
he is bringing spiritual dangers and temptations right into your presence, and demon spirits that prey on and promote lust RIGHT INTO YOUR HOME, and that is
not spiritually healthy for you.
If you can move out in May, by all means do so. for your sake.

God be with you,
Jaypeeto4
 
:eek:
Pray the rosary, alot, and pray for him and um… Avoid him.
Good luck and God bless you
 
lucky4075 said:
I figured this would be a good place to post this.

My roommate and I have been friends for about 2 years, and we live together in a two bedroom apartment very close to our college. A few of our other friends live in the same apartment complex so it works out great.

Well, my roommate is having quite a few issues, I guess thats the way to describe it. I let him know that I wasn’t going to put up with certain things. I am the only Catholic/ religious person of my close group of friends here at school, and he knows this. Our friends and I really believe he has some serious problems.

He is drunk seemingly almost every night of the week, he even goes to work still somewhat drunk/buzzed/hung over, he drinks in class, he drives when he is probably still buzzed, he just drinks all the time. None of us are 21, and I dont drink/plan on until Im 21 in a couple months. I refuse to be around him much when he drinks alot because he becomes ridiculous. He dips tobacco, which is extremely unhealthy and quite frankly pretty disgusting. We all keep reminding him of what it does to him, but he doesn’t listen.

Another thing that really disturbed me was that he became a ‘minister’ in some online church that makes you a minister or whatever. He did this because he thinks it is cool that he has the the ‘power’ to go around and marry people if he wants to. Its really disturbing because he used to be a Baptist of some kinds but no longer practices or anything and quite frankly insults my faith sometimes.

He cheats on his ‘girlfriend’ all the time, and she puts up with it for some reason. To him girls are just ‘sl*ts’ and just a way to ‘get laid’. These are his definitions. When his girlfriend sleeps over, a lot of times they have sex even when Im there. I’ve confronted him about it and asked him not to do that while I’m home multiple times and it just seems to go in one ear and out the other.

I really not sure what to do, my friends and I all agree he has trouble with abusing alcohol/tobacco and even other people (girls). Every time we try to confront him/ talk to him about what he does he gets very defensive and and angry. He says that its not out business to judge him and tell him what to do. I just feel like he’s become self destructive. He just says he’s living ‘young and wild and free’.

I pray for him, I feel like that the only thing I can really do.
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Here’s my advice.

I think it’s time to take him at his word. If he’ll insist on being an idiot, you’re not obligated to stop him. No amount of talking in the world will make wiser someone who’s not prepared to hear it. Sometimes people need to feel the consequences of their actions to learn from them.

You should consider getting in touch with his parents, if it’s possible, and relaying your concerns with them – but let them handle it.

Pray for him, but stay out of his way–and perhaps out of the flat–as much as possible. Don’t even consider living with him next year unless you want to relive these problems again.
 
I agree with the others who have advised against living in the same house with him next year. You will have all the same problems you do now. More people in the house will not change his behavior.

Roommate situations can definitely get ugly. Praying for him is all you can do for now. Then move out in May and keep him out of your living space.
 
bearkatjen said:
You’re living with an alcoholic. If you can tough it out till May, do so, but if his behavior and lifestyle is going to cause problems in your own life, then you may want to talk to your parents and see if they can get you out of your lease early, or talk with your apartment manager and explain the situation. Someone at your school may be able to help you as well. I would not include this guy in your living arrangements for next year. Pray for him, be a friend to him, but don’t live with the guy, because honestly, his behavior is likely to get worse before it gets better.
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http://forums.catholic-questions.org/images/icons/icon14.gif good advice…
 
lucky4075 try to move out ASAP and make all your efforts not to stay with him next year, and until you move out, print this Bible verse on A3 paper size with largest font possible and hung it in your apartment so that everyone can read it.

(1 Corinthians 6:9-10):
“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality”
 
Well,

my roommate was incredibly drunk last night, and myself and our friends confronted him about his life in general. He got extremely beligerent and started screaming at all of us. We kept telling him we were trying to help him out and make sure he doesnt ruin his life, at which point he got to the point that I would call rage and slammed one of our friends fingers in a room door- couldnt tell if it was by accident since he was very drunk or what was going on. We locked him out and he kept banging on the door and windows to let get back in. We almost called the police. He kept sending me texts saying that he’s done being friends with me and that I cant use certain things in the apartment etc etc. I kept telling him to calm down and try to let this go. He doesnt talk to me anymore/doesnt consider me a friend, deleted me off facebook and all that nonsense.

Not really sure what to do, I’ve never had to deal with somebody so childish and immature in my whole life. I’m living with an emotional abusive drunk that needs to grow up. He’s the complete opposite of the person he was a year ago.
 
lucky4075 said:
Well,

my roommate was incredibly drunk last night, and myself and our friends confronted him about his life in general. He got extremely beligerent and started screaming at all of us. We kept telling him we were trying to help him out and make sure he doesnt ruin his life, at which point he got to the point that I would call rage and slammed one of our friends fingers in a room door- couldnt tell if it was by accident since he was very drunk or what was going on. We locked him out and he kept banging on the door and windows to let get back in. We almost called the police. He kept sending me texts saying that he’s done being friends with me and that I cant use certain things in the apartment etc etc. I kept telling him to calm down and try to let this go. He doesnt talk to me anymore/doesnt consider me a friend, deleted me off facebook and all that nonsense.

Not really sure what to do, I’ve never had to deal with somebody so childish and immature in my whole life. I’m living with an emotional abusive drunk that needs to grow up. He’s the complete opposite of the person he was a year ago.
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Ask the apartment complex if you can change to another roommate. Is it connected with the college or not? I hope it is, and you can report him for his conduct. Yes you are dealing with an alcoholic, he might have reached blackout stage and won’t remember any of what he did. You guys have to stop confronting him like this. It’s not doing anyone any good. If he drives while drunk, report him to the police. If he is violent in any way, call the police. I would move out if I were you, to heck with the lease. Life isn’t “Intervention,” you have to detach from alcoholics and let them hit their bottom, unfortunately sometimes they don’t make it. This guy is definitely an alcoholic if he’s drunk in class. Get your parents involved. You need to get out of there.
 
Jaypeeto4 said:
You don’t always have to hit rock-bottom (otherwise God would have let Mary be born in sin and hit rock bottom before sanctifying her), but the writer is pretty much right, that is USUALLY the case with drunkards. He doesn’t sound like an alcoholic (partly a real illness), but rather like a hard-partying drunkard who just wants to “get laid.”
I’ve been there. Though not as bad as this (promiscuous yes, but drop dead drunk most of the time, no).
Pray for him like crazy, but since he’s doing this IN THE HOUSE YOU LIVE IN,
he is bringing spiritual dangers and temptations right into your presence, and demon spirits that prey on and promote lust RIGHT INTO YOUR HOME, and that is
not spiritually healthy for you.
If you can move out in May, by all means do so. for your sake.

God be with you,
Jaypeeto4
Click to expand...
I beg to differ with you - here is what the OP wrote:

*He is drunk seemingly almost every night of the week, he even goes to work still somewhat drunk/buzzed/hung over, he drinks in class, he drives when he is probably still buzzed, he just drinks all the time. None of us are 21, and I dont drink/plan on until Im 21 in a couple months. I refuse to be around him much when he drinks alot because he becomes ridiculous. He dips tobacco, which is extremely unhealthy and quite frankly pretty disgusting. We all keep reminding him of what it does to him, but he doesn’t listen.
*

I don’t see anything in there about parties, just that he drinks in all circumstances and settings. Looks a heck of a lot like an alcoholic to me.
 
lucky4075 said:
Well,

my roommate was incredibly drunk last night, and myself and our friends confronted him about his life in general. He got extremely beligerent and started screaming at all of us. We kept telling him we were trying to help him out and make sure he doesnt ruin his life, at which point he got to the point that I would call rage and slammed one of our friends fingers in a room door- couldnt tell if it was by accident since he was very drunk or what was going on. We locked him out and he kept banging on the door and windows to let get back in. We almost called the police. He kept sending me texts saying that he’s done being friends with me and that I cant use certain things in the apartment etc etc. I kept telling him to calm down and try to let this go. He doesnt talk to me anymore/doesnt consider me a friend, deleted me off facebook and all that nonsense.

Not really sure what to do, I’ve never had to deal with somebody so childish and immature in my whole life. I’m living with an emotional abusive drunk that needs to grow up. He’s the complete opposite of the person he was a year ago.
Click to expand...
Yes, you’re living with an alcoholic. I doubt you will get anywhere by confronting him. And you will most definitely get nowhere doing so while he is drunk.

Call the police if he gets violent or if he drives drunk. Talk to your landlord about the situation and see if there is anything that you can do about it. Also look closely at the terms of your lease–see what the penalties are for getting out of it early. Some are easier to break early than others are, and it might be well worth it for you to get out early, even if you will have to pay some sort of fine.
 
lucky4075 said:
Not really sure what to do, I’ve never had to deal with somebody so childish and immature in my whole life. I’m living with an emotional abusive drunk that needs to grow up. He’s the complete opposite of the person he was a year ago.
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He’s a completely different person because he’s an addict. Other posters have suggested you try to get in touch with his parents or someone on your campus about his behavior. Beyond praying for him, that’s really about all you can do.

Two bits of advice:
  • Don’t try to reason with or confront an alcoholic about their life choices when they’re drunk. Someone who’s drunk is incapable of sound reasoning, that’s part of being intoxicated.
  • Do not hestitate to involve law enforcement if he becomes physically violent, intentionally or unintentionally. Maybe a night or two in the drunk tank will be what it takes for him to seek the help he needs for his addiction.
Luna
 
I’ll pray for you in your situation!

I’m a freshman in college, and my roommate isn’t the most morally sound person ever. He’s a really philosophical and intellectual person, but just doesn’t really apply himself. He smokes weed multiple times a week, drinks on the weekends more often than not, chews tobacco, and smokes cigarettes as well.

While that all is bad, I do realize that it could be a lot worse. He doesn’t bring back girls, he’s an extremely kind person, he’s absolutely hilarious, and he really does mean well. He’s just mixed up in stuff. Ever since I got on Campus, I’ve been praying for his turnaround.

I’ll be praying for all students who are in these kinds of situations. It’s not easy, it’s not always fun, but it’s okay. Be the light that your roommates need!

-CMC
 
lucky4075 said:
Unfortunately I cant move out since Im on the lease until the end of May. I might end up living with him again next year but in an actual house with other friends, so hopefully it will get better. It’s just frustrating to live where I’m at, he just seems to be getting worse.
Click to expand...
The only thing that will be different, is more friends around to experience his behavior. Just a different place.
lucky4075 said:
Well,

my roommate was incredibly drunk last night, and myself and our friends confronted him about his life in general. He got extremely beligerent and started screaming at all of us. We kept telling him we were trying to help him out and make sure he doesnt ruin his life, at which point he got to the point that I would call rage and slammed one of our friends fingers in a room door- couldnt tell if it was by accident since he was very drunk or what was going on. We locked him out and he kept banging on the door and windows to let get back in. We almost called the police. He kept sending me texts saying that he’s done being friends with me and that I cant use certain things in the apartment etc etc. I kept telling him to calm down and try to let this go. He doesnt talk to me anymore/doesnt consider me a friend, deleted me off facebook and all that nonsense.

Not really sure what to do, I’ve never had to deal with somebody so childish and immature in my whole life. I’m living with an emotional abusive drunk that needs to grow up. He’s the complete opposite of the person he was a year ago.
Click to expand...
Part of growing up is knowing when to quit, when to stop doing or living with things you cannot control. You actually should have all contacted the police last night. You cannot make him change, you can only be responsible for your own actions, not his. I am hoping that you will not betray your sensibilities when you become 21 soon.
TheRealJuliane said:
Ask the apartment complex if you can change to another roommate. Is it connected with the college or not? I hope it is, and you can report him for his conduct. Yes you are dealing with an alcoholic, he might have reached blackout stage and won’t remember any of what he did.**You guys have to stop confronting him like this. It’s not doing anyone any good. ** If he drives while drunk, report him to the police. If he is violent in any way, call the police. I would move out if I were you, to heck with the lease. Life isn’t “Intervention,” you have to detach from alcoholics and let them hit their bottom, unfortunately sometimes they don’t make it. This guy is definitely an alcoholic if he’s drunk in class. Get your parents involved. You need to get out of there.
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Yes, to everything TRJ wrote here. Bolded is my emphasis.

Let’s not forget one thing here also, if he is under 21, what he is doing is illegal. If he is caught, you, and everyone in your apartment, but especially you as his roommate, could get in trouble.

Get out of there now.
 
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