Cat makes a good point, that it is very important not to base your decisions on your feelings. Sometimes feelings can point us to what is true, and other times they can be result of all of those factors she mentioned in her post. Try to not let yourself be guided by feelings - look objectively for the truth instead.
As I read the original post, it struck me that your description of your experiences are all about asking permission to do certain things, much like a child would ask a parent for permission. Formal spiritual direction is more useful for some people than for others, but if you’re not a priest or religious, you don’t NEED to find someone to be obedient to to direct you. Why do you need to ask a spiritual director for permission to attend an EF Mass, or to receive communion the way you prefer? Lots of people do those things and never ask for permission. Maybe my understanding of spiritual direction is not accurate, but it would seem to me that it shouldn’t be about asking for permission to do things, but about the SD helping you to understand, clarify, and think more critically about the issues that are facing you. Yes or no permissions, seems very parent-child, and doesn’t seem to respect your own authority as an adult.
That said, I could see a scenario where a SD would counsel someone not to go to the EF, or not to receive kneeling. For example, if the person being directed was struggling with pride about being holier than his fellow Catholics, or if the person was starting to deny the validity of the OF, it might make sense to guide a person to swallow their pride and receive like the others do, or to go to the OF to protect against going to the extreme. Sometimes what is fully allowed in the Church is not a good idea for an individual person, and a good spiritual director might see that and try to help you see that as well.
Now the words you used to describe the way your SD told you not to do those things make it seem as though they are coming from his own baggage, and not a sincere openness to helping your faith grow. If that is the case, then he’s not a very good SD, and I would also be disappointed to hear my emotional response to a negative situation turn into a homily.
If you’ve had a longstanding relationship with your SD and if he has helped you grow in your faith, and if he has helped you sort out the difference between feelings and truth, and if you have always trusted his opinions and approaches before, then give him another chance. Sit down and talk about your concerns, adult to adult. It could be that he is seeing a need in you that you aren’t seeing, and he’s not communicating it well. It could be that the way you are explaining things to him, you are giving him the wrong impression of what you experiencing and what you are asking. No way to know without clarifying.
Of course if you haven’t had a long, fruitful relationship with him, and if he hasn’t been particularly useful in helping you grow in your faith, and if you don’t trust his opinions, then maybe it would be better just to stop seeking direction from him.
