The OP is seriously upset about the way her spiritual director has spoken to her about communion on the tongue and attending a Latin Mass, so I think telling her to relax about the way she has been treated is discounting her feelings. She is not enjoying what is around her (her SD), which is why she posted. Also, criticizing the EF in a homily is in poor taste and does a diservice to not only the OP, but the Church as well. Not cool.
And can there really be “too much spiritual intensity?” I am sure many saints would disagree.
We have to be careful to discern between spiritual intensity and emotional intensity.
Sometimes people have an inappropriate or “over-the-top” emotional reaction to something relatively small in the grand scheme of things. This is not the same as a deep spiritual intensity that yearns to see change that will advance the Kingdom of God.
Here’s an example of an inappropriate emotional reaction.
If an adult came to church topless, I think it would be appropriate to be very upset and disgusted, look away, move to another pew, possibly speak up and ask the adult to please go put on a top, make an appointment with the priest to talk the issue over, write the bishop if the priest was not interested in requiring parishioners to wear shirts, etc.
But if an adult comes to church wearing a Chicago Bears sweat-shirt, the above reaction would be, IMO, over-the-top. The more appropriate reaction would be an internal (therefore invisible) shrug and the unvoiced thought, “Nice of them to come to church dressed up to meet the Lord of the Universe.” And then perhaps the next thought should be, “Who am I to judge them? Perhaps it’s the only shirt they own, and perhaps they got it out of a dumpster. I’m sorry, Lord, for judging my fellow Christian.”
Make sense?
I’m thinking that perhaps the OP has some issues and doubts, and the Spiritual Director is not doing a good job of dealing with her, but instead, is choosing to deal with her by using flippant comments that he means as light-hearted humor. This approach might work well for some people, but it obviously isn’t working for the OP and seems to actually be making her doubts worse. I think she needs to find another SD who will know how to answer her questions and deal with her insecurities.