My SIL may be having emotional affair with a priest?

[Onthepath13]

My brother is worried his wife is having an emotional affair with a priest. She is involved in every event, pilgrimage, campaign, etc. that this priest is involved in. It’s gotten to the point where she’s neglecting their 4 kids to be involved in the priest’s affairs. My brother has caught her in some lies about where she’s been and who she’s with and she’s always been caught with this priest. I even had a friend come to me in concern saying she thought their relationship was a little strange and her friend saw the two out to dinner one night at 11:00 PM. I know their marriage isn’t great and I’m sure she’s confided in this priest the problems with her marriage. I pray that it’s nothing more than an emotional affair and I feel the priest should realize the inappropriateness and put an end to it. My brother isn’t the type to confront the priest either, but he has confronted his wife. She just says she enjoys being part of something and feeling important.

This priest is at a Church with a school associated with it as well. And their kids go to that school and Church. People are already gossiping about it and our family doesn’t know what to do? Any suggestions on how to handle this situation?

Please pray for them!!!

 

[Ignatius]

My brother is worried his wife is having an emotional affair with a priest. She is involved in every event, pilgrimage, campaign, etc. that this priest is involved in. It’s gotten to the point where she’s neglecting their 4 kids to be involved in the priest’s affairs. My brother has caught her in some lies about where she’s been and who she’s with and she’s always been caught with this priest. I even had a friend come to me in concern saying she thought their relationship was a little strange and her friend saw the two out to dinner one night at 11:00 PM. I know their marriage isn’t great and I’m sure she’s confided in this priest the problems with her marriage. I pray that it’s nothing more than an emotional affair and I feel the priest should realize the inappropriateness and put an end to it. My brother isn’t the type to confront the priest either, but he has confronted his wife. She just says she enjoys being part of something and feeling important.

This priest is at a Church with a school associated with it as well. And their kids go to that school and Church. People are already gossiping about it and our family doesn’t know what to do? Any suggestions on how to handle this situation?

Please pray for them!!!

Time to write the pastor or, if he’s the pastor, the Bishop. This is for the good of your SIL, here children, the priest, the parish and The Church. Don’t delay

 

[Curundu]

I agree 100% with Ignatius. Call in the proper authority and promptly.

 

[houston1]

My brother is worried his wife is having an emotional affair with a priest. She is involved in every event, pilgrimage, campaign, etc. that this priest is involved in. It’s gotten to the point where she’s neglecting their 4 kids to be involved in the priest’s affairs. My brother has caught her in some lies about where she’s been and who she’s with and she’s always been caught with this priest. I even had a friend come to me in concern saying she thought their relationship was a little strange and her friend saw the two out to dinner one night at 11:00 PM. I know their marriage isn’t great and I’m sure she’s confided in this priest the problems with her marriage. I pray that it’s nothing more than an emotional affair and I feel the priest should realize the inappropriateness and put an end to it. My brother isn’t the type to confront the priest either, but he has confronted his wife. She just says she enjoys being part of something and feeling important.

This priest is at a Church with a school associated with it as well. And their kids go to that school and Church. People are already gossiping about it and our family doesn’t know what to do? Any suggestions on how to handle this situation?

Please pray for them!!!

I would recommend that before going to the priest, first try putting an end to this on the wife’s side . . . the fewer third parties involved, the better. So, I would strongly encourage your brother to have a serious discussion with his wife and inform her about what he is hearing around the parish and school.

Or, better yet, your brother might also consider insisting that he come along with his wife on some or all of these activities. Bring the four kids along as well, if needed, or have someone else watch them. Another thing might be is to have your brother “befriend” or otherwise establish some kind of relationship with the priest. So, the priest can become visually aware that his wife is a married woman. Also, have your brother consider inviting the priest over for dinner with the family. This could protect the parish and school from scandal. The hope is that the gossipers would eventually think, “oh, this priest is real close friends with the entire family. . . .”

All of these things would certainly be worth the effort to avoid a scandal. Your brother’s presence and involvement may speak more than words and prevent embarrassment from all sides.

Your whole family are in my prayers.

houston1

 

[houston1]

Time to write the pastor or, if he’s the pastor, the Bishop. This is for the good of your SIL, here children, the priest, the parish and The Church. Don’t delay

This may become necessary at some point . . . However, it seems that the brother hasn’t yet done enough on his end with his wife to warrant this yet. If she were to find out later that her husband sent a letter to the pastor/bishop without discussing it with her first, their relationship would suffer greatly . . . . The brother really needs to have a heart to heart discussion with his wife. This situation is not only about preventing scandal in the parish and school but also about bringing both husband and wife closer together.

houston1

 

[Isca]

Yes, the first step is surely for a husband to actually voice his fears to his wife, but then, if their marriage has problems and he’s already tried this, it might be better for someone else (another close friend, perhaps) to do it.

Writing immediate letters to authorities suggests that there is definitely something improper going on - and nothing they are doing is illegal, of course, even if there is an emotional connection between them. Surely the priest should have the chance to explain things from his point of view before he’s accused to his superiors? He may simply be a little naive.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Why doesn’t the husband go to the priest and point out that her involvement with him is damaging a family. Sometimes a priest can be ignorant of such boundaries.

 

[SecretGarden]

It could also be done innocently because the sister in law is very active inside the parish. Before you do anything, I suggest that her husband ask if he can help her with the church activities because it seems as if her church commitments are taking all of her time. He could also ask a friend (who she doesn’t know) to check out some of the places where she is supposed to be and see if they can participate in the activities she attends. Discretion is the key. If he comes up with some solid proof, then he can deal with it first discretionally and later if it doesn’t work, then he can go through the proper channels.

Remember she is innocent until proven guilty and so far all you have is circumstantial evidence.

 

[mjs2001]

The fact that your brother’s wife has lied to him about spending time with the priest is a serious concern. I think that he has already voiced his concerns to her. She is obviously aware of his concerns, otherwise she wouldn’t lie to him. The priest has inserted himself into this marriage, perhaps innocently, but he must be confronted for his sake and for the sake of the marriage. I would not presume that the priest is an innocent victim though. I suggest that your brother write a very detailed email to the priest and, when he sends it to the priest, he should copy the bishop and the wife on the email. That way, the concerns are in writing and are in the open, the bishop is made aware, he’s hiding nothing from his wife, and it forces others to address the matter one way or another. Before he sends the email, he might want you to look at it. But the email should not exaggerate anything; neither should it sugarcoat anything. It should be strictly factual. Your brother has suffered enough through this.

 

[Sunbreak]

I would be careful with this. It could be mostly innocent. If the parish has few volunteers, a priest will rely even more on the few that are willing to work. So, if the woman is involved in planning events at the parish, it’s natural that she would be present at the events. The late night dinner seems inappropriate, though, and if she is lying about her whereabouts, well, that may be a red flag too.
On the other hand, it is easy for things to be misinterpreted, especially when people at a parish start talking.